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How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play?


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[Poll]

How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play?


Dominant female: It's a failure were he not to reach orgasm
  2% (3)
Dominant female: He is not allowed an orgasm (unless I say so).
  12% (15)
Dominant male: It's a failure were she not to reach orgasm
  23% (28)
Dominant male: She is not allowed an orgasm (unless I say so).
  14% (17)
Submissive female: It's a failure were I not to reach orgasm
  8% (10)
Submissive female: It's OK if I do not reach orgasmic delight.
  17% (21)
Submissive male: It's a failure were I not to reach orgasm
  3% (4)
Submissive male: It's OK if I do not reach orgasmic delight.
  16% (20)


Total Votes : 118
(last vote on : 9/7/2016 12:57:41 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s play? - 3/19/2013 4:51:02 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		Assuming the Top/Dom/Domme/Domina is "in charge", how important is the submissive partner's orgasm in your D/s play?

In another thread, someone asked whether the Domme typically grants the submissive male an orgasm, in a Domme-led play time.

I was astounded by some of the replies - and wrote that I'd consider myself an abject failure were the submissive female NOT to reach orgasmic delight under my control (hell, that's more than half the fun for me!).

Yet, clearly, there were Dommes who regard strict chastity as an integral part of the D/s game, and, according to that thread, they don't desire, expect, nor attempt to provide direct orgasmic stimuli for the submissive under their control.

Therefore, I must ask ...

Would YOU consider a D/s play session a failure if your partner did NOT achieve orgasm?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 4:57:10 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		The category doesn't really fit, so I didn't check it.

If I didn't not achieve orgasm, I'd be okay with that.....he would view it as a failure. He takes great pride in reducing me to a sweaty, blubbering, drooling mess.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 5:03:43 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		There seems to be more than one question posed here.

To answer your Thread question, as a sub, if He doesn't want me to orgasm during our play, that is His choice, and perfectly acceptable to me. I wouldn't view it as a failure at all.

To answer the question in your post, if my partner (my Dom) did not achieve orgasm where that was the goal, then yes, I would view it as a failure.

There wasn't really an option in the poll for me. I'm a submissive female, and I only view it as a failure when we don't achieve what we are aiming for.

As a personal aside, He is more aligned with you in that He seems to take great joy in giving me orgasms.

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 5:12:19 PM   
subinsilicon


Posts: 108
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline 		I can't imagine an hour with a Domina without me cumming but apparently most of the Dommes I am meeting certainly can!

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 5:21:37 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Our D/s play does not focus on sex so none of your answers apply to us. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 5:58:55 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My late dom delighted in reducing me to subspace - usually with a cane. And for me, any attempt to make me orgasm decreased the sensations. I didn't want sexual play with my S/m play.

ON the other hand, my sweetie tires me out regularly, without visiting subspace.

Its the difference in play between the two men. One focused on pain play for his sexual gratification, and my enjoyment. My sweetie is a whole lot of fun and we end up with orgasms, not subspace - which is ultimately more satisfying for the two of us.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 6:20:31 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		It's important, because she's important, but it doesn't have to be a ratio of 1:1. No one is going to keep score.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 6:46:29 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I only know in my experience, it is important for me to have orgasms and apparently it has been important for every Dom I have ever been intimate with for me to have orgasms.

For me, this is my sexuality.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:23:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Your question completely skips the fact that not all D/s play is sexual in nature.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:28:24 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Depends if that was the goal or not.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:38:02 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Your question completely skips the fact that not all D/s play is sexual in nature.




The thing is, he based his question on a particular "sub's" view that he should be able to get his dick wet (or at least cum) if he is going to submit.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:42:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yeah. I saw the thread the question was based on. Oddly enough a D and an s can have lots of interactions that don't include orgasms.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:46:54 PM   
Cilicia


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Oddly enough a D and an s can have lots of interactions that don't include orgasms.


I guess everyone is different, but, to me, D/s play is simply sex by a different name.
So, of course, it's not 1:1, nor is it absolute, but most of the time, both orgasm, or it's not D/s play anymore. (to me).
I don't know what it would be to me if both didn't get off, but, I guess I'm learning that, to some people, D/s play has nothing to do with sex.

To me, they're indistinguishable from each other. But, it seems that's just me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:50:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I live with My s-type. When I tell him to shovel snow, there's no orgasm in it for him. It's just snow.

Life doesn't revolve around sex.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Cilicia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 7:58:28 PM   
AddamsFamily


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/15/2012
Status: offline 		It's not just you that sees D/s as something akin to foreplay. As you noticed for some D/s is tied to sensuality and sex and to some it isn't. For me, when I play with casual partners, I don't even want to see their bits. If I have a close relationship with someone, I absolutely want them to experience a wide range of sensual pleasures and their orgasms are important to me. Then there is everything in between.

(in reply to Cilicia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 8:03:18 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know what it would be to me if both didn't get off


I don't get off from cleaning the bathroom or doing his laundry, but that is still D/s. I don't particularly get off really on spankings either (I'm a wuss), but they please him so over the knee I go.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to Cilicia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 8:08:29 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AddamsFamily
for some D/s is tied to sensuality and sex and to some it isn't.


I had never even thought of ANY fetish play as NOT being sexual. Not in a million years would it have popped into my mind. Wow.

Amazing, that I learn this, so late in the game.

Interesting. Very interesting.

(in reply to AddamsFamily)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 8:28:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Well, if the purpose of engaging in D/s is about cheating on your wife or some crap, I could get why the logical conclusion would be about orgasms. I'm more of the frame of the new poster with the screen name of AddamsFamily. I play casually all of the time and sex isn't the goal. It's about the enjoyment of the play for the sake of play, itself. The giving and receiving of sensations isn't necessarily a means to get to something else.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 8:37:52 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I could get why the logical conclusion would be about orgasms.


To me, the logical conclusion of any D/s activity isn't necessarily ABOUT orgasm, any more than sex is "about" orgasm; but, hell, if BOTH partners didn't cum just about the same number of times that they do with straight vanilla sex, I would have thought something is being done terribly wrongly.

My epiphany is that, only now, do I know better. I truthfully admit it is a total shocker to me that D/s endeavors are NOT a sexual activity for some people. Wow. Just wow. Words escape me with this new found revelation.

This will go a looooooooooooong way in explaining a LOT of things that had me confused, over the years. I'm still shaking my head with this realization of how some people treat kink.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How important is a submissive's orgasm in your D/s ... - 3/19/2013 8:53:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii
To me, the logical conclusion of any D/s activity isn't necessarily ABOUT orgasm, any more than sex is "about" orgasm; but, hell, if BOTH partners didn't cum just about the same number of times that they do with straight vanilla sex, I would have thought something is being done terribly wrongly.

My epiphany is that, only now, do I know better. I truthfully admit it is a total shocker to me that D/s endeavors are NOT a sexual activity for some people. Wow. Just wow. Words escape me with this new found revelation.

This will go a looooooooooooong way in explaining a LOT of things that had me confused, over the years. I'm still shaking my head with this realization of how some people treat kink.
I'm actually the pitiful one to try to explain this. I have to preface this statement with the admission that I'm not a big rope bondage person.

With that said, even *I* can understand what rope bondage is to some people. It's not necessarily sex. It's art. The precision of the work in creating this thing of beauty. Look at the magnificence of some bondage pics. Every detail is about creating this vision. The subject having every strand placed just so and in the making can allow themselves freedom in that bondage. Every meticulous detail to transform the rope and the bottom into one to replicate the vision in the mind.

No different than any other kind of art. That's not necessarily about getting hard or wet. The goal is completely different. It's about creating that finished product and achieving the mind space that goes with it.

Somebody who is better at rope bondage is going to come along and do a better job than I just did with that.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 20
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