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RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 3:44:41 PM

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Agreed^^^

And Allison, that was stated perfectly. I thought her pics on her blog or whatever,was pretty but not the text of them. I can't say I experience those things. Well, of course hate mail, very rarely but I do click and move on. Some of it is entertaining though.

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 6/4/2013 3:45:04 PM >

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 3:50:50 PM

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quote:

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is.

Then why call it findomme at all? If it's really such a small piece, if money is not the core or motivation for the relationship why is it even noteworthy? Many dominants control the finances of their slaves or submissives but wouldn't dream of considering their relationship to be financial in nature.

Color me simple but it seems to me that if there's no green or gifts going to the dominant then it's a no-go. Everything else is negotiable, but that part is not.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 5:21:55 PM

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You are exactly right. I would never hide that aspect of it.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 5:52:27 PM

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I think that's a question....I'm almost sure of it.

There are no FinDomme problems.

They are a curse, mold, a pox on men, a vacancy of value, they exist to draw sustenance from the weakest, they are lazy, they take advantage of a cost effective opportunity to suck money out of men who, albeit responsible for their own actions....occasionally find a need for an alluring voice, you are Vampires who don't care where your next source comes from, and at some point you'll turn to dust....but, there is another way....

Educate yourself...become something better than your parents ever dreamt of for you....read....everything....even if you find it blowing in the wind on the street.

Find new data and gorge yourself on it....it doesn't matter what it is....absorb enough that you feel the need to stick your finger down your throat....

Then....at any age, you'll be a success.

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 5:57:41 PM

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Wow.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 7:39:32 PM

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I think there's always going to be a type of man who believes that a woman who uses her femininity to advantage against men is the equivalent of a man who uses his size and strength to advantage against women, K. It breaks the truce between the sexes. One shouldn't exploit the weakness of the opposite sex - it's not fair. Or, that's what I suspect is the feeling underneath, anyway.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/4/2013 8:35:34 PM

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But I don't do that. And I'm nothing what lookie just said.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 12:28:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

I apologize in advance for the double-post - I originally posted this in the wrong section ('Ask a Mistress'), and I can't figure out how to delete it.

I'm not sure if anybody cares about this sort of thing, but I made a new blog on Tumblr called 'Findom Problems' - basically, each photo depicts a problem that FinDommes (and Dommes in general) experience during the course of their normal D/s day. It's meant to be funny and relatable to Dommes everywhere, but it's also meant as a way for us be able to air our grievances, support one another, and offer advice. I would really love it if, for those of you who run Tumblr blogs as well, you would consider making some submissions to the page, so that I can represent a wider range of experiences; at this point, the only point of view being expressed is my own. Here's the link:

http://findomproblems.tumblr.com/

Thank you!

I'd change it to life of a findomme and mix in some positive stuff; nothing but complaints is tiresome.

I'd prefer to have the vinnettes fleshed out with details and real personality. They read like Chinese fortune cookies. If you're going to go that style, they need to be funnier or something. Too generic right now.

If you're trying to communicate how a findomme is different than a pro domme, you're not doing that for me. Your complaints seem like either (1) the general complaints everyone encounters online or (2) stuff that any pro domme would encounter as part of the cost of doing business.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 6/5/2013 12:29:07 AM >

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 1:24:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

The only real solution, I've found, is to learn to sort the wheat from the chaff efficiently. This can take a little while, though. But bogus 'findommes', bait-and-switchers . . . they're so easy for me to see, nowadays. Most often, I don't even have to look more closely than at their screen nicks. They're nearly always, well, just not very bright.

'Not very bright', so you've noticed that too

.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 2:54:43 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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FR

I've noticed that CollarMe is now listed as a femdomme problem. Which surprises me, because I assumed from the number of findommes advertising here they found it a useful tool. At least that's an easy problem for you to solve OP! All you need to do with that one is log out.

Just in addition to my earlier comments - one of your newer statements is 'having to let a good sub go for their own well-being' - now that sounds like a story which could be interesting, informative, thought-provoking and touching, if well told. You're missing an opportunity to make your blog compelling by showing the complicated human emotions. On it's own the statement doesn't have much impact, but it could. Why not write it up?

I liked the suggestion of making it just about findomme life and including some positive rather than a huge laundry list of complaints - even more so since I know you are fairly new and with so many things getting you down so much you need a support blog, it makes me wonder why you are bothering.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 3:33:21 AM

MissImmortalPain

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*snort* Okay, I tried to be nice about this but now Collarme is a findom problem too? < That is funny. At best by saying that you have pointed out that some finsubs do actually read the forums and might not take to well to some fin "doms" bitching about how hard things are. I understand that you are new(ish) to this but complaining about websites isn't very "dominant" and such things might explain why a few others in the community might take issue with you.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 3:53:01 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Do you hate prodommes too, Nookie? Phone sex girls? People that sell adult toys? How about people that write romance novels? I ask because all of those things appeal to a sexual nature in people, and they all exchange that appeal for money. Admittedly the last two do hand you a object in exchange for your money, a toy you may use repeatedly or a book you may never read again, but the heart of each (and this issue) is always the same.....money and sex. Money and sex are both very odd things. People see them as forms of power and some people don't like their personal power being played with. So how many others in the adult industry would you call vampires?

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 4:25:00 AM

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I'm a dancer, would I be a vampire too? Lol
I'm hoping so, but not in the sense I think Lookie is using it. I hope so, bc vampires (not the sparkly ones) are awesome, and I'm kinda into that lifestyle.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 5:38:58 AM

MissImmortalPain

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I'm happy you said that, K, because the word vampire made me giggle. I love vampires though I don't care for the sparkly ones either and by using the word vampire I think Nookie missed something about what a vampire is (or he nailed it really hard) Vampires too are sexual creatures. Anyone that knows the old stories knows that vampires are about giving up and taking power. Most of the stories have to do with women giving into their sexual desire and becoming helpless to a man. Findomming is a great deal like that. A man giving into his desire and becoming helpless to a woman. Of course it only works if said man actually sees money as a form of power. Which by the way, though I deal with a few that do, I find sad. The thought that any man would so weight his worth by what is in his wallet really does equal pathetic in my mind. It is no better than a woman defining who she is by what is between her legs or the reflection she sees in a mirror.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 6:02:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Do you hate prodommes too, Nookie? Phone sex girls? People that sell adult toys? How about people that write romance novels? I ask because all of those things appeal to a sexual nature in people, and they all exchange that appeal for money. Admittedly the last two do hand you a object in exchange for your money, a toy you may use repeatedly or a book you may never read again, but the heart of each (and this issue) is always the same.....money and sex. Money and sex are both very odd things. People see them as forms of power and some people don't like their personal power being played with. So how many others in the adult industry would you call vampires?

To take this away from the 'adult' arena for a moment, to pursue Nookies' argument to it's logical conclusion. Are you saying that anyone who exchanges their time for money is a vampire, from a Wallmart employee to a phone sex worker, I am a semi professional musician, I spent time & effort learning to play my instruments, I derive great pleasure playing the music I love, but, when I play professionally, I expect to get paid for it, & I don't care where, or who pays me. It does not make me a vampire!
There are times when I play for free because I enjoy it, other times, I expect to get remunerated, & I suspect it's the same for pro & fin domes. I may not have expressed myself as well as I could, but I hope everyone gets the gist of my argument.

< Message edited by garyFLR -- 6/5/2013 6:05:14 AM >

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 6:07:03 AM

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quote:

Findomming is a great deal like that. A man giving into his desire and becoming helpless to a woman. Of course it only works if said man actually sees money as a form of power. Which by the way, though I deal with a few that do, I find sad. The thought that any man would so weight his worth by what is in his wallet really does equal pathetic in my mind.

Can't you just taste the irony......

The very trait that you find sad, is the trait it takes for you to be a findomme, and based on an earlier post of yours, it's how you get off on that "power dynamic".

Over the course of my career I've often provided services for those for whom I've had little or no respect.. that was my job.

Being dominant in a fiscal relationship, with those whom you find pathetic, sure sounds like a job to me.

I have no problem with phone sex workers, or any type of sex workers and so forth. Just don't sugar coat what they do to rationalize their choice of work to themselves or the public. They do it for the money. I see findomme the same way, except the FD's won't say "hell yeah I do it for the money".

You said you got off on the power of a guy wanting you but not being able to buy you, and at the same time you find that "weakness" sad. Exactly how powerful are you to take advantage of weakness? How much respect can you have for someone whose very presence only exists because you find them pathetic?

Sex worker: rose by any other name
Findomme: quacks like a duck.

Not much difference between the above except the former owns it and the latter is in denial or sugarcoating it ... depending on whether the FD's are trying to convince themselves or others.

(and not to be confused with prodomme... that's fee for service. Shooting from the hip.)

< Message edited by evesgrden -- 6/5/2013 6:08:29 AM >

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 6:14:58 AM

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Nookie

I produce fetish videos am I vampire?
Granted, I love the idea of sucking someone dry and leaving them limp and motionless.

So calling me a vampire isn't an insult.

Frankly, if I am great.
I would rather be a "vampire" because I practice financial domination and produce fetish videos than be an emotional vampire or energy vampire.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 6/5/2013 6:42:24 AM >

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(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 6:39:30 AM

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evesgrden,

I can't speak for anyone but ME but I will say that I practice financial domination because it is that another form of domination. I do enjoy the power. I don't find my fin subs/slave weak or sad. In-fact quite the opposite. Giving up that control is hard as hell, even if they desire it. Even the fin subs/slaves that I have had that enjoy the humiliation aspect (pay piggies for a lack of a better label) aren't seen as pathetic or sad by me. Again, admitting to yourself and others that you crave that humiliation on top of the control is hard.

You state that YOU see findom/mes as doing it only for money. That is obviously YOUR truth and may be the truth of some who label themselves findom/mes. I can tell you it's not MY truth.

I am curious why you assume that findom/mes (myself included) are trying to convince anyone of anything. For ME, I get involved in these discussions to share my truth, my story, my reality, my percpective. If those things make someone take pause or change their views I can't control that anymore than discussing my journey of getting healthy could impact someone or change their views.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 6/5/2013 7:35:57 AM >

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 7:55:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden

quote:

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but money exchanging hands is such a small part of what FD really is.

Then why call it findomme at all? If it's really such a small piece, if money is not the core or motivation for the relationship why is it even noteworthy? Many dominants control the finances of their slaves or submissives but wouldn't dream of considering their relationship to be financial in nature.

Color me simple but it seems to me that if there's no green or gifts going to the dominant then it's a no-go. Everything else is negotiable, but that part is not.

I call it FD because if I called it anything else I would be lying. It's noteworthy because it's a part of the dynamic. There doesn't have to be an extreme amount of money at play for it to be a fulfilling experience.

As far as controlling the money in the household without considering it to be financial, I do that, too. I have been with j for just shy of 4 years. He is not a finsub and our relationship is not financial in nature (although I do control the money because I'm better at it).

They are two different dynamics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

You state that YOU see findom/mes as doing it only for money. That is obviously YOUR truth and may be the truth of some who label themselves findom/mes. I can tell you it's not MY truth.

I am curious why you assume that findom/mes (myself included) are trying to convince anyone of anything. For ME, I get involved in these discussions to share my truth, my story, my reality, my percpective. If those things make someone take pause or change their views I can't control that anymore than discussing my journey of getting healthy could impact someone or change their views.

And this! Great post.

< Message edited by AllisonWilder -- 6/5/2013 7:57:52 AM >

(in reply to evesgrden)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 8:11:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

There doesn't have to be an extreme amount of money at play for it to be a fulfilling experience.

Exactly!
For ME a fin sub/slave doesn't even have to give me money or gifts to be a financial sub/slave. I simply have to control their finances.

I had a young man, who was a college student approach me a few years back. Who was in credit card debit up to his eye balls. He identified himself as a fin slave. He was shocked that when I agreed to take him on my priority was to help him get his debt under control. He ached to give to me financially, so I told him he was ONLY allowed to purchase me 1 bottle of nail polish a month. That was it. Period. That allowed him to feel like he was in my financial service but it also still very much gave me the control.

For ME it's not about leaving a fin sub/slave in financial ruin.
For ME that isn't ME protecting what is mine.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 6/5/2013 8:17:51 AM >

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(in reply to AllisonWilder)

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