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Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 8:09:26 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

I apologize in advance for the double-post - I originally posted this in the wrong section ('Ask a Mistress'), and I can't figure out how to delete it.

I'm not sure if anybody cares about this sort of thing, but I made a new blog on Tumblr called 'Findom Problems' - basically, each photo depicts a problem that FinDommes (and Dommes in general) experience during the course of their normal D/s day. It's meant to be funny and relatable to Dommes everywhere, but it's also meant as a way for us be able to air our grievances, support one another, and offer advice. I would really love it if, for those of you who run Tumblr blogs as well, you would consider making some submissions to the page, so that I can represent a wider range of experiences; at this point, the only point of view being expressed is my own. Here's the link:

http://findomproblems.tumblr.com/

Thank you!

< Message edited by Hollyucinogen -- 5/30/2013 8:10:26 PM >

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 8:34:54 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

You cant delete a post once its made. You can blank the entry using the edit.

Im really curious. Besides money, what do you get out of doming someone on line?

Honestly, I looked at your site, then at your profile, both which made me cringe, but not for the reasons you are probably thinking.

So, whats in this for you?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 8:39:58 PM

Posts: 1788
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I am alittle curious to that question too Tazzy. What exactly is it that a Fin-Domme gets out of it,besides the money,of course? If Fin-Domme is just another word for "Pro-Domme",then why not just call yourselves that? Just know,I ask these questions in a compassionate way because I am curious what keeps this fetish going,besides the money.

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 8:46:43 PM

Posts: 1788
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I will say this,I think your blog is a positive one.Thats the big difference between this "Fin-Domme" thread and the other million "Fin-Domme" threads here on Collarchat.

In some way,I can relate to how real Fin-Dommes feel discriminated against because of a few girls who call themselve's "Fin-Dommes" and ruin it for the real Fin-Dommes. The same logic can apply to male submissives too.Because there are guys on Collarme who call themselves "subs" and send Dommes off the wall photos all day. It really can ruin it for real submissive. So from that standpoint,I do understand. And the best way to deal with that is to dispel the stereotypes,which I think you are trying to do with your blog.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 5/30/2013 8:50:49 PM >

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to Charles6682)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:09:34 PM

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I will say this,I think your blog is a positive one.Thats the big difference between this "Fin-Domme" thread and the other million "Fin-Domme" threads here on Collarchat.

In some way,I can relate to how real Fin-Dommes feel discriminated against because of a few girls who call themselve's "Fin-Dommes" and ruin it for the real Fin-Dommes. The same logic can apply to male submissives too.Because there are guys on Collarme who call themselves "subs" and send Dommes off the wall photos all day. It really can ruin it for real submissive. So from that standpoint,I do understand. And the best way to deal with that is to dispel the stereotypes,which I think you are trying to do with your blog.

I think that for FD to really mature as a lifestyle, there needs to be an open, safe forum wherein both FinDoms and FinSubs can air their grievances, anonymously, without fear of reprisal.

For example, I know that a lot of FinDoms get jaded because of all the time wasters. After a while, FinDoms won't even budge or blink an eye after a FinSub has sent them a generous tribute; they just assume that he will cancel it, or that he will try to charge back the next day, or that he will disappear and never be seen again. This of course leads to a lot of resentment on both sides: "Tribute me again to prove you're serious." "I just tributed you X dollars." "So tribute me again to prove you're serious." Yadda yadda yadda.

In my opinion, a FinSub tributing a FinDom the first time must ALWAYS be an act of faith. Why? Because even if she's cam verified and has a blog and a twitter account and a fleshed-out profile and even if she's been around for months, even YEARS (which already limits the pool of FinDoms substantially, as few last beyond a month or two), there's still no telling what the CHEMISTRY will be like between you and her. I mean, you haven't really gotten to know her yet (because any FinDom worth her salt won't take the time to get to know a FinSub until after the first tribute, and I think that this approach IS justified because of all the time wasters out there). And yet, sometimes I have to wonder whether this "act of faith," so to speak, is lost on many FinDoms.

For example, when I was still in the lifestyle, after I would make a first-time tribute to a FinDom (which was often substantial), I wasn't looking for a session. I was actually looking to get to know her, as a person, to figure out her personality, her perspective on D/s, etc. The truth is that often I had no idea who she really was. I think this is something a lot of FinDoms should seriously ponder: after you find a sub that isn't a time waster or a liar, what do you do?

(in reply to Charles6682)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:16:09 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Honestly, is business so bad, that now you are trying to drive people to your blog?

Really inappropriate around here.

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:18:54 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

For example, I know that a lot of FinDoms get jaded because of all the time wasters. After a while, FinDoms won't even budge or blink an eye after a FinSub has sent them a generous tribute; they just assume that he will cancel it, or that he will try to charge back the next day, or that he will disappear and never be seen again. This of course leads to a lot of resentment on both sides: "Tribute me again to prove you're serious." "I just tributed you X dollars." "So tribute me again to prove you're serious." Yadda yadda yadda.

No one else is jaded? But, I gotta tell you, if a man demanded I tribute him to prove I am serious... I do believe I would be laughing into the next month, or two. And I only see this from findommes. There is a certain amount of exploitation that goes with the territory.

Let me ask you this. What should a male sub do if he isnt satisfied with the performance of the domme he tributed too? No one seems to talk about that aspect. I have also seen women say on their profiles about tributing just to see them on cam. Really? That always makes me giggle.

I also hear stories of male subs getting ripped off as well. They tribute, and the domme never shows up again. At least not under the nic the tributing sub knows.

quote:

(because any FinDom worth her salt won't take the time to get to know a FinSub until after the first tribute, and I think that this approach IS justified because of all the time wasters out there)

Dont you think getting to know someone better would seed out just as many time wasters? if all a man is seeking is sexual relief.. and a findomme wants to talk about life in general to get to know the sub, how long is he gonna stick around?

quote:

For example, when I was still in the lifestyle, after I would make a first-time tribute to a FinDom (which was often substantial), I wasn't looking for a session. I was actually looking to get to know her, as a person, to figure out her personality, her perspective on D/s, etc. The truth is that often I had no idea who she really was. I think this is something a lot of FinDoms should seriously ponder: after you find a sub that isn't a time waster or a liar, what do you do?

And this is something I have huge issues with. So a male sub has to pay a female domme to spend time to get to know each other. Which tells me one of two things.... either its all about the sex and the male sub simply wants to get off and doesnt care who its with...or the it IS all about the money for the findomme and she could care less about the "relationship" aspect of domination.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SeverinVim)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:23:44 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

I very much enjoy the personal control that I have during a session. I also love knowing that being a woman is so powerful that I can make a man do anything that I want him to. It's difficult for me to explain - I'm not a female supremacist, but knowing that my femininity is a powerful asset is a really good feeling to me. I have a personal need to control my environment, and I also have a need for a safe space in which to feel vulnerable; so being a Domme, for me, is a way for me to be able to exert control in a safe and mutually beneficial forum. If that makes any sense to you.

I apologize if this answer is inadequate; I've never really tried to explain it to anybody before.

< Message edited by Hollyucinogen -- 5/30/2013 9:34:39 PM >

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:25:14 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

Thank you very much for the input! I really appreciate it. One of the things I like the most about the Findom community so far is that I haven't met a Domme yet who has refused to help me or give me advice when I asked her a question, and I've never found that in any other BDSM-related community. So I wanted to pay it forward a little bit, and also have a place where we can all go to support each other - especially considering how hated FinDommes are in this community.

(in reply to Charles6682)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:27:30 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

Do you see a donate button on that page? Do you see me begging people for money? No? Then why would you assume that the blog is anything other than what I say it is - a place for Dommes (and subs, too, if they want) to gather to support each other, and give one another advice? My information isn't even on that page. There is literally no way for a person who sees or submits stories to that page to find out who I am and tribute me.

You know what I think? I think you just saw the word "Findom" and immediately assumed that I was just some gold-digging faux-insta-Domme sugar baby with some new and clever ploy to get money out of people, and you're wrong. I will never, EVER see what is inappropriate about a Domme offering support and advice to another Domme who wants or needs it, and there's something wrong with YOU if you think there is.

< Message edited by Hollyucinogen -- 5/30/2013 9:36:18 PM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:32:32 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

Yes, I definitely get where you're coming from. On the one hand, while a lot of attention is paid to the fact that a lot of time-wasters will try to pull one over on a FinDomme whenever possible, I recognize that it also takes a lot of trust for a sub to send even a beginning tribute amount to a Domme, and I think that gets ignored a lot, too. Bringing up money immediately is tacky, but unfortunately, a lot of the time, it's also necessary. You should at least, in my opinion, get to know the sub a little bit first to make sure that your interests are even compatible. You can't ask someone who doesn't even know what you're into yet to tribute you just to talk to you. I don't think that's appropriate in any way. I understand how some FinDommes can get jaded to the point where they will charge you just to open a conversation with them, but that approach doesn't really make any sense to me. Does it weed out the time-wasters? Sure it does. But it also creates an environment where it's very likely that the sub you just got money from is not going to even be compatible with you, and that's the difference between a good Domme, and a woman who calls herself a Domme but just wants money.

I apologize for the multiple posts, I haven't figured out how to quote other responses yet in the same reply..

(in reply to SeverinVim)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:36:23 PM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

I very much enjoy the personal control that I have during a session. I also love knowing that being a woman is so powerful that I can make a man do anything that I want him to. It's difficult for me to explain - I'm not a female supremacist, but knowing that my femininity is a powerful asset is a really good feeling to me. I have a personal need to control my environment, and I also have a need for a safe space in which to feel vulnerable; so being a Domme, for me, is a way for me to be able to exert control in a safe and mutually beneficial forum. If that makes any sense to you.

I apologize if this answer is inadequate; I've never really tried to explain it to anybody before.

But you can get that feeling without the money. Why is that so pivotal for you?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:37:21 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

It's not pivotal, it's just a bonus. Like when you're dating somebody who you're in love with, and they also happen to be really hot. Not necessary, but it's a nice little perk. The reason that I primarily label myself as a FinDomme is because it's a way for people to be able to instantly identify me without any confusion. I don't want them reading my profile and then finding out, four hours into the conversation, that I'm a FinDomme, and now we've just ended up wasting a bunch of time on something that neither of us are interested in. You see what I'm saying?

< Message edited by Hollyucinogen -- 5/30/2013 9:38:12 PM >

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:37:57 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hollyucinogen

Do you see a donate button on that page? Do you see me begging people for money? No? Then why would you assume that the blog is anything other than what I say it is - a place for Dommes (and subs, too, if they want) to gather to support each other, and give one another advice? My information isn't even on that page. There is literally no way for a person who sees or submits stories to that page to find out who I am and tribute me.

You know what I think? I think you just saw the word "Findom" and immediately assumed that I was just some gold-digging faux-insta-Domme sugar baby with some new and clever ploy to get money out of people, and you're wrong. I will never, EVER see what is inappropriate about a Domme offering support and advice to another Domme who wants or needs it, and there's something wrong with YOU if you think there is.

Actually, it is about the fact that THIS site is not about someone advertising their website, blog, etc.

Also, "session" typically is a term that pros use. The rest "scene." Perhaps that might be part of many people's confusion.

Getting "jaded" isn't what is happening here. These women expected to be able to make easy money and then the poor guy had the audacity to want to talk, and maybe determine if the girl was WORTH sending money to. Asking for "tribute" before you even will talk to someone screams, "greedy bitch."

Feel free to come back all argumentative with me, even though I didn't even imply that is something you personally do.

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 5/30/2013 9:42:45 PM >

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:38:55 PM

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Honestly, is business so bad, that now you are trying to drive people to your blog?

Really inappropriate around here.

When I wrote of an "open forum," I actually wasn't referring to anything that I have written or created. I was thinking more along the lines of a message board moderated by a group of Dommes and Subs that have been in the scene for a while.

But thank you for the shameless plug! I'm flattered...:-)

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:40:57 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

I literally have no idea how you got "I made a page where FinDommes can go to have a place to receive support and laugh at relatable problems" and turned it into "HUEHUEHUE CLEVER WAY TO UNDERHANDEDLY ADVERTISE MY SERVICES, COME PAY ME MONEY BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL AND I DESERVE IT". If you have a problem with it or with FinDommes in general, then just don't go.

Edit: Okay, labeling all FinDommes as greedy bitches who expect subs to tribute just to talk to them is like labeling all lifestyle Dommes as manipulative, man-hating Feminazis. Sure, some of them might be, but you can't apply a label to every single person in a group. I really, really don't understand how somebody who is already part of a very misunderstood social minority can then turn around and try to stereotype another social group.

< Message edited by Hollyucinogen -- 5/30/2013 9:49:13 PM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:45:02 PM

Posts: 1788
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I've been on Collarme for years and I just now figured out how to put other peoples "quotes" in that little box.Just hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner of the post.The "Quote" button should be between the "Fwd" button and the "Reply" button.

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:47:44 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682\

I've been on Collarme for years and I just now figured out how to put other peoples "quotes" in that little box.Just hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner of the post.The "Quote" button should be between the "Fwd" button and the "Reply" button.

AHHH, WHY DIDN'T I FIGURE THIS OUT BEFORE?! THE BUTTON IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm terrible with technology as well.

(in reply to Charles6682)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:47:50 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Yep, this is why you get bad responses. You behave like a child.

7.3.12. You will not use Your profile or any other portion of the Website or Our services to promote any other business enterprise, unless otherwise permitted by collarchat.com, nor will you attempt to use any of Our services to promote an escort service, prostitution, web-cams, or any other form of related enterprise;

So you see? Reading the TOS can be helpful.

(in reply to Hollyucinogen)

RE: Findom Problems - 5/30/2013 9:55:23 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/8/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Yep, this is why you get bad responses. You behave like a child.

7.3.12. You will not use Your profile or any other portion of the Website or Our services to promote any other business enterprise, unless otherwise permitted by collarchat.com, nor will you attempt to use any of Our services to promote an escort service, prostitution, web-cams, or any other form of related enterprise;

So you see? Reading the TOS can be helpful.

busi·ness
[biz-nis] Show IPA
noun
1. an occupation, profession, or trade: His business is poultry farming.
2. the purchase and sale of goods in an attempt to make a profit.
3. a person, partnership, or corporation engaged in commerce, manufacturing, or a service; profit-seeking enterprise or concern.

Reading and understanding the Terms of Service are two different things, apparently.

And really? Because the only person on here I see giving "a bad response" on here is you. Everybody else so far has asked or offered legitimate questions or advice, whereas you jumped in with the accusation that I'm trying to use my "Findom Problems" support blog as a way to surreptitiously advertise my services. There is nothing negative about informing other FinDommes that they have a place where they can go and read relatable posts and seek support from other FinDommes without fear of judgment, and I'm not going to apologize for doing something as simple as disagreeing with you, either. You are not my Domme, and you don't get to expect and demand unwavering obedience from me, period. Telling you that you're wrong =/= being childish. You know what IS childish, though? Straight up calling a total stranger a liar based on literally nothing whatsoever.

< Message edited by Hollyucinogen -- 5/30/2013 9:56:02 PM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

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