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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:02:15 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

I want a pony.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:05:39 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

This is a woman who is married and cheating on her husband. She is cheating because he doesn't know what she is doing. Her "dom" is also married and cheating on his wife. Neither of them have any integrity, honor or honesty, things you seem to hold dear.

Yes. But we don't force others here to embrace our personal codes nor do we decide for them what their code should be. Get it?

Maybe not everyone is as bright as you are and have presented a situation in which there can be harm to non-consenting persons, including minors. That, I have a problem with and if that makes me a prude or anything else... so be it. If you condone the possible destruction of the home-front of those minors... good on you... but others don't have to. We may speak our minds whether you like them or not, us or what we stand for. Just because we like things kinky and may not judge the kink, doesn't mean we lose all decency when it comes to innocents and if we don't consider them, what does that make us?

You may think it is okay to subject families to this type of threat... I don't. Do no harm. Consenting adults only. How are these families consenting?

< Message edited by Rawni -- 6/11/2013 2:09:16 PM >

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:06:19 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

This is a woman who is married and cheating on her husband. She is cheating because he doesn't know what she is doing. Her "dom" is also married and cheating on his wife. Neither of them have any integrity, honor or honesty, things you seem to hold dear.

Yes. But we don't force others here to embrace our personal codes nor do we decide for them what their code should be. Get it?

And we certainly don't have to pretend that we approve by not pointing out the obvious.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:11:37 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

I've seen this same routine so many times on the site. Newbie poses a question that people find objectionable in some way. Most who respond take a negative attitude towards the OP and make blind assumptions that they can in no way know for a fact. The responders say they aren't being rude, and perhaps they are not. But their responses surely cannot be considered positive advice.

We know for a fact she is married and her husband doesn't know what she is doing. She says so in her profile, and she admits it on this post. She also admits it is the same thing with her "dom." So yea, we know for a fact that is the way it is.

We also gave her very positive advice. Either tell your husband what you are doing or stop doing it.

You are right, we, at least I, was very blunt. I don't really think I have to be all nicey nice to someone who is dishonest with the one person they made a commitment to. I'm not sure why you think that the BDSM folks are not "judgmental" and believe "live and let live." We are just like all other people. And I really don't know anyone on these boards who thinks it is ok to go behind your spouse's back. Except Arturas, and well, he doesn't count because he is...well, the name for him is against the TOS.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:14:09 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
Just because we like things kinky and may not judge the kink, doesn't mean we lose all decency when it comes to innocents and if we don't consider them, what does that make us?

Exactly. I've never understood how some people think that just because we're kinky we toss morals out the window.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:15:50 PM

tazzygirl

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I touched upon the cheating part.... on his end... because, for me, thats a goal post I have set for any man in my life.... honesty and integrity. It may not be one for your life. I dont know. Really doesnt matter.

You dont owe anyone any answers... or responses. The thread will not be deleted unless the Admins decide its against TOS. The best way to end a thread it to let it die a slow, torturous, unresponded too death.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:45:31 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

It has nothing to do with her being a newbie and not wording things correct. It also has nothing to do with this "mob mentality" you seem so intent on.

Lol, I seem intent on? Think of me as calling the action out on the field. I'm not the one indulging in the action out on the field here. Or if you like, those of us who think actions speak louder than words, I'm the one with the words (eg mob) on this.

quote:

This is a woman who is married and cheating on her husband. She is cheating because he doesn't know what she is doing. Her "dom" is also married and cheating on his wife. Neither of them have any integrity, honor or honesty, things you seem to hold dear.

So we'll call it mob judgement moreso than mob rule, which makes it alright...? And you've even included me in that judgement - sweet.

quote:

Refusing to condone or coddle someone who is dishonest isn't mob mentality.

Now you can feel free to violate your personal code and be nice to the poor newbie, but don't expect everyone to do that.

I dunno, when there's a whole mob of regulars engaging in the same caustic statements to the one newbie, think I'll stick with "mob mentality".

Gutless mob mentality! Again, if it's my words that offend, reconsider your own actions.

Focus.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:56:54 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I think it's cowardly to be willing to do harm to someone else to have an orgasm. Especially, if they have children.

Seldom, in my experience, is "having an orgasm" the reason for cheating. I have read zillions and zillions of threads from cheaters and cheatees on the TalkAboutMarraige.com forum (Lol, they should've called it talk about cheating). While incompatible sexuality comes up there's pretty much always a HOST of other issues in the marriage.

Like you, I prefer someone who prioritizes honor over other factors. But to dismiss the entire thing as "to have an orgasm" flies in the face of too much actual knowledge. It's akin to saying homeless people are just lazy slackers who need to get a job.

But on here, the people 9.9 times will say it is because their spouse isn't interested in BDSM, which to them is kinky sex, so yea, they are putting it all on the line to get their rocks off, or that is the reason they give.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:58:57 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

I dunno, when there's a whole mob of regulars engaging in the same caustic statements to the one newbie, think I'll stick with "mob mentality".

Gutless mob mentality! Again, if it's my words that offend, reconsider your own actions.

So, just so I get this straight. If people agree with you, then its ok. If they dont, then its a "mob mentality"? Ever thought this is just a circumstance of people feeling genuinely one way and, like you, are voicing their opinions? Would you feel its a "mob mentality" if its someone wanting to discuss something most of us disagree with.. like bestiality?

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 2:59:11 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

Jeff,
I suspect that BDSM people and vanilla people are simply judgmental about different things. I don't think one subset is much different from another.

Norms and standards are a natural outcome of any community, no argument there. The situation is absolutely exacerbated by the anonymity of the Internet. An unfortunate consequence that often puts up stumbling blocks to discussion.

How do I see it? We in this lifestyle are a community that flouts the so called norms of society at large. Does that not demand of us some responsibility for not doing the same to those who come on here and break our own norms? Especially if they do so unknowingly?

So in other words, we should be nice because they think that the BDSM community is ok with "large scale liars" as Oside put it? Nope.

Hey, I'm a monogamous person, and I will only be with a monogamous person. But we have people here who are married and have BDSM outside their marriage, but their partner knows about it and has consented. Huge difference.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 3:09:05 PM

Rawni

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Focus,

If it means being a part of a mob, saying something when you know that people are at risk... that's a mob I'd gladly join. I'd even make a few phone calls... hell, I would stand face to face with them and even show them pictures of the one's they could harm and brow beat them.

Just me... a mobster.

So defend the newbies.. that don't offer consent to their spouses and families they could subject to various harmful things. That isn't fairness or a lack of judgment or even being nice to newbies. Since when has lying to someone and saying it is okay to risk harm to people, an okay thing to do?

< Message edited by Rawni -- 6/11/2013 3:11:04 PM >

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 3:11:02 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Gutless mob mentality! Again, if it's my words that offend, reconsider your own actions.

Gutless? Perhaps for you. However, I would say the exact same things if I were standing right next to any person I comment to on this thread. It's called standing by your convictions.

I abhor people who cheat on their spouses, and no, I've never had it happen to me. I abhor people who think that because it is BDSM, we are devoid of morals and ethics and would condone such behavior.

She opened herself up to criticism by putting on both this thread and her profile that she and her "dom" are both married and their spouses don't know. Regardless of that, many people would have told her that she was just a piece to him and to move on anyway, which is equally painful to hear.

You want to coddle her and tell her it's ok, the big bad cliquey mob of regulars on Collarme are just being mean and it's ok to cheat on your spouse, have at it. But all I see you doing here is complaining about what others say.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 3:30:41 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

So, just so I get this straight. If people agree with you, then its ok. If they dont, then its a "mob mentality"?

This is you taking your best shot at getting it "straight"?

quote:

Ever thought this is just a circumstance of people feeling genuinely one way and, like you, are voicing their opinions? Would you feel its a "mob mentality" if its someone wanting to discuss something most of us disagree with.. like bestiality?

Attacking the author as opposed to attacking a particular topic? Two different animals for mine....

Focus.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 3:42:52 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

So defend the newbies.. that don't offer consent to their spouses and families they could subject to various harmful things. That isn't fairness or a lack of judgment or even being nice to newbies. Since when has lying to someone and saying it is okay to risk harm to people, an okay thing to do?

It's a bit more complex than that as this thread is pretty much over-spill from what went down in the "Need Advice ASAP" thread. Many of the usual suspects here, too - though not you, for memory?

And then there's that other thing. That women don't miss too many opportunities to stick it to their own gender - esp a stranger and a newbie. Like the other thread....

Focus.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 3:44:52 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

Hi I have a question for a Dom, I am new and have had my Dom for two months we both have other lives it makes complicated but is what is.

If the OP opens up their lives in an OP, then that part of their life is open to comment.

Now, also keep in mind that its the OP who brings the spouses and kids into the discussion... not only through this thread but also through her profile. So, yes, that is also open to discussion. Two people, both married, no clue how old the kids are, and she wants to question why he isnt contacting her. I think its valid to bring up the fact that HE may be busy with his wife and kids.

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 4:07:28 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Gutless? Perhaps for you. However, I would say the exact same things if I were standing right next to any person I comment to on this thread. It's called standing by your convictions.

I abhor people who cheat on their spouses, and no, I've never had it happen to me. I abhor people who think that because it is BDSM, we are devoid of morals and ethics and would condone such behavior.

For the record, on some other day in some other thread, you're not gonna be one of those just as indignantly declaring how you don't judge others?

quote:

She opened herself up to criticism by putting on both this thread and her profile that she and her "dom" are both married and their spouses don't know. Regardless of that, many people would have told her that she was just a piece to him and to move on anyway, which is equally painful to hear.

So how many does it take to say the same thing? I don't mean a simple "nods", or "I agree with...", I mean the creepy way you each feed off the other to escalate the rage.

And actually, I think I said as much in my first post ("a piece to him"), but without all the judgemental rhetoric. That or one of the other threads I'm currently cross-posting with... lol I'll check another time.

quote:

You want to coddle her and tell her it's ok, the big bad cliquey mob of regulars on Collarme are just being mean and it's ok to cheat on your spouse, have at it. But all I see you doing here is complaining about what others say.

I don't think I've "coddled" anyone. I've not condoned what she's doing, I merely gave an opinion to that *which she asked*.

Sick of seeing newbies getting pack attacked on these boards? Guilty!

And yeah, of course you see me as complaining blah blah. People do that and much worse when someone dares to put a mirror to their actions.

Focus.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 4:12:32 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

So defend the newbies.. that don't offer consent to their spouses and families they could subject to various harmful things. That isn't fairness or a lack of judgment or even being nice to newbies. Since when has lying to someone and saying it is okay to risk harm to people, an okay thing to do?

It's a bit more complex than that as this thread is pretty much over-spill from what went down in the "Need Advice ASAP" thread. Many of the usual suspects here, too - though not you, for memory?

And then there's that other thing. That women don't miss too many opportunities to stick it to their own gender - esp a stranger and a newbie. Like the other thread....

Focus.

Unfair, Bro.

The OP alluded to the fact that she was cheating in the original post. That makes it part of the topic. She, you, or anybody else may not like the fact that people zoned in on that part, but it's in there.

Also, cheating has never been a topic that has gone over well here. Frankly, I've always found it to be one of the areas where men are taken to task far quicker than women. These boards are filled with folks who believe in concepts such as consent and not causing harm. I would be highly surprised if folks *didn't* express their opinions about an area that obviously violates both.

~~~~~

Because of forum guidelines, I'm going to answer the OP.

I'm a Dominant female, rather than a Dominant male. What I believe you have here is a version of the famous "Master doesn't call anymore" type threads. When I say "doesn't call anymore" it means either no contact at all or any version of less contact before he got to hit it and quit it. From your original post, it seems you are getting less attention than you were getting before you actually got laid. He got what he wanted and basically, you're kind of on the back burner just in case he wants to revisit the strange again.

For some, that's all this game of WIITWD is about. A bit of kink on the side or a BDSM type of booty call. Some like the thrill of the case and once they have caught you, it's nowhere near as interesting. There are those that will be smart enough to maintain just enough contact to keep you ready for a quick lay if they can work it into their schedule. Others will just spend time on their next pursuit.

You've made yourself something of a prime target for this. Chicks cheating on their husbands are great for guys who are cheating on their wives. I think you roll the dice when you are dealing with an unethical person. You expected a person to be committed to you when he already showed you that he didn't honor the commitment to his wife. If you are going to play the game, you have to do so with the understanding that, sometimes, you are going to lose.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 4:20:38 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

It's a bit more complex than that as this thread is pretty much over-spill from what went down in the "Need Advice ASAP" thread. Many of the usual suspects here, too - though not you, for memory?

And then there's that other thing. That women don't miss too many opportunities to stick it to their own gender - esp a stranger and a newbie. Like the other thread....

Focus.

As you noted, I wasn't on the other thread and I know nothing about it. However, I do hope you aren't implying that I would stick it to someone because of their gender. I know some of the women on this current thread and those I know wouldn't base a stick it to someone on gender. Women factually may be harder on other women in some areas, but some women go beyond gender flaws in how they act and live.

You are avoiding the real topics here and making people posting on the thread the topic. You also have managed to evade the fact that I asked you a question or two. If you can continue to take this stand... rather than address some very real life issues and concerns... then you are not the Focus I remember. What about the innocent people in the lives of these cheaters? It seems you care more about commenting on the mob mentality and pointing a finger than you do the real reasons that we have commented on this thread. Care to address that?

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 4:21:03 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

Hi I have a question for a Dom, I am new and have had my Dom for two months we both have other lives it makes complicated but is what is.

If the OP opens up their lives in an OP, then that part of their life is open to comment.

Now, also keep in mind that its the OP who brings the spouses and kids into the discussion... not only through this thread but also through her profile. So, yes, that is also open to discussion. Two people, both married, no clue how old the kids are, and she wants to question why he isnt contacting her. I think its valid to bring up the fact that HE may be busy with his wife and kids.

How about we call that another of my personal idiosyncrasies - that it wasn't the OP who put her profile up for discussion on this board. That I don't see having a public profile is the same as having someone drag it onto an even more public discussion board for any and all to take cheap shots at.

But yeah - he's busy with his wife or kids etc - that's the most common and likely reason all these doms disappear for. That or that real life meet had a bit too much real life about it. You don't need to dissect anyone's personal profile to conclude that.

Focus.

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RE: Dom is different - 6/11/2013 4:43:23 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
But yeah - he's busy with his wife or kids etc - that's the most common and likely reason all these doms disappear for. [/font] [/size] [/color]

Agreed.

And, Cuteness, both Focus50 and I are men. Or, at least, we pretend to be men on the internet. You can never be 100% sure online. But our gender seems to matter to you, so I'm pointing it out.

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