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Gauge -> RE: Forced intoxication fetish while in recovery (8/23/2013 9:47:58 PM)
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First my background. I have been sober for 13 years and let me tell you something, no one will control my recovery but me, I don't give a fuck who they are to me. I was a raging alcoholic and towards the end of my drinking I was drinking about a half-gallon of vodka a day. I was hardcore and lucky to be alive today.
You have said a few things here that I want to address, but if you don't want some harsh words don't read the rest of this post. I am deadly serious when it comes to sobriety, but I assure you that I care deeply about your situation and I am doing what I do best which is help others to stay sober.
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My Mistress want's to try doing "forced intoxication" with me. I am a recovering alcoholic and I have not had a drink in over a year. She know's this.
She knows that you are a recovering alcoholic and wants to force you to drink? This tells you everything you need to know about her. I am not on the "she is an idiot" side of things... my words would get me thrown out of here in a fucking second. Suffice it to say that no one will take my choice from me against my will, kink, no kink, gun, no gun, it is my choice, my decision to make. If someone held a gun to my head and forced me to drink, I would eat a bullet. I will die sober, thank you very much.
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I don't want to relapse and risk going back to my old way's of drinking.
Then don't. Grow a pair and say no... and be damned if you feel like you are disobeying her. In fact, get right in her face and tell her fuck no that you would rather die than drink again... because for you to drink again would be death. I know it sure would be for me.
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I never mentioned this as a hard limit at first because the issue never came up. What should I do? I also don't want to disobey my Mistress. I should have brought this issue up when I was first owned but that was my mistake.
You did bring this up with her. You told her you were in recovery. You made no mistake. The person making the mistake is the person that wants to force you to drink again. If you go to a party and someone offers you a drink, do you drink it or turn them down? This is no different. Stop the kink shit and get serious about your recovery and stand up to her.
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She does not believe alcoholism is a disease.
I wrote an English paper for college and my argument was that alcoholism was not a disease. Here I am several years later and I am here to tell you that I was dead wrong. Alcoholism is a disease and the only single cure for it is to not drink again. Yes change the behavior and all the other happy horseshit, but if you starve the addiction it dies. What remains is the addictive personality and our reasons for drinking in the first place. You are one drink away from getting all of that shit back in your life and you don't know what to do? Please... stop the nonsense. You know what to do, so do it.
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She let's me go to my meeting's but she think's they are taking up too much of my time. Those meeting's are what helped me to stop drinking in the first place.
No, you stopped the drinking, no one did that for you... you did it. Own that strength of character. The meetings give you support, that is all they can do and they work directly proportionate to the amount of hard work you put into them. You are in control, not your addiction... never let anyone tell you otherwise.
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I do wish some meeting's would be more understanding of kink but I don't feel comfortable about mentioning this part of me. I have found being a slave in recovery can be difficult at time's.
Bullshit. Hear me out... I told you I don't play around and I meant it. Being in recovery can be very hard at times for everyone, not just slaves, not lawyers, garbage men, or professional fishermen... it is tough for people to work through their addictions. And frankly, your kink has little to nothing to do with your recovery. There is no need to share your kink with anyone that doesn't understand it unless it directly ties in to your sobriety, that is the only time it matters.
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I know I can't return to the way I use to drink. It's almost keeping too many secrets. I can't talking about my kink around people in meeting's unless I know they don't care.
Look, you need to own who you are and you need to identify your defects of personality, being a slave isn't a defect... is it? Of course it isn't, but it is a significant part of who you are and how you conduct yourself, but I said this before, unless it directly impacts your sobriety the two are completely different. I never once went to a meeting and talked about kink. I never cared to talk about it nor did I see how that would be relevant to helping someone else, or myself, stay sober. Don't be ashamed of who you are for sure, but you don't have to crow about it from the rooftops either.
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I can't really talk about my alcoholism around too many people as most could care less to hear it.
Again, don't be ashamed of who you are. You are in recovery and it is important to you. People talk about things that are important to them, I see nothing wrong about talking about recovery, but I also know that reaction that some people have... so you can talk about it with friends that know you, but in casual conversation? Best to talk about the weather. Talk recovery with others in recovery... then you will get somewhere.
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What is a recovering alcoholic in kink suppose to do?
The same thing that a circus clown in recovery should do, maintain your sobriety at all costs. Oops... I said it... "AT ALL COSTS" Yep, sell out to it and the minute that you lose that focus you are in trouble.
In my first few months of recovery I came down with pneumonia. I had been going to three meetings a day, and I knew I wasn't going to make all three, but I got my ass out of that bed and dragged myself to a meeting and I was fucking sick as a dog. Someone at the meeting came up to me and asked me if I was so sick, why the hell did I come to a meeting and shouldn't I be in bed? My answer was simple. I told them that I would have been drinking if I had pneumonia, so why the hell couldn't I make it to a meeting if I would be drinking? Nothing could keep me from drinking, and I wasn't going to let anything or anyone stop me from my recovery.
The bottom line here is a simple one. Stop the wishy-washy garbage and grow a spine. If your recovery is important to you, then you have got to fight for it because no one else will do it for you. If it costs you your relationship with your Mistress, so be it. There are other, more fucking sensible ones out there that wouldn't put you in this despicable position. Shame on her. She caused this problem, not you. You are no more subject to her whims regarding your recovery than you would be to my whims, your mailman's whims or anyone else you can think of. Fuck her title, fuck her reckless disregard to something important to you, fuck her in general. I don't pull punches or play games with this shit, and neither should you. I have had to stand up in the face of some things in my recovery that some people would have crumbled under and gone back to the bottle. You know what, the people that know me and know what I have been through in the last 13 years continually tell me that they are amazed that I didn't start drinking again. I could have started again and no one would have blamed me... except for one person... me. I would blame me. I know better. I know what I can and cannot do. If I could stand up under some really tough emotional stress and disastrous circumstances, you can sit there, look at your mistress and tell her respectfully, no... I am not going to drink. You tell her respectfully that you do not care what she thinks about your meetings, your disease or your recovery, you will not drink. You tell her that if it ends your relationship then that is OK with you because if you started drinking again, your relationship wouldn't matter anymore anyway. Of course you could take the direct approach and tell her to go play hide and go fuck herself.
You need someone to talk to? PM me on the other side. I don't sugar coat anything so beware, but I will also stand by you as long as you are doing the work you are supposed to be doing. I care. If I didn't care I would not have written this post. This is serious life and death shit and it is important that you get it right the first time.
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