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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 2:31:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I've had similar conversations about the fact that despite identifying as dominant I really do enjoy going down on a chick once in a blue.

Tal Crazyml,

I am thinking that this is a whole different subject matter as it is. The bottom line for me is that I too like to go down on the female once in the blue moon. To give pleasure but to also control her orgasm. Bring her to the tip and then hold her there and let her come down then bring her to the tip and hold her there, do this for an hour or so and then let her release. I am just a mean bastard. I think in my eyes this is vastly different to being pegged.

Just my two cents.

Frank Ar.

_____________________________

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Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 3:36:12 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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When I was first starting to switch on my way to being a Domme, my then Dom expressed an interest in receiving my strap-on. It turns out he liked it because it stimulated his prostate. It was fun for both of us and I never thought him any less Dominant. At that point, it was experimentation and there wasn't a lot of D/s to that exchange.

NBMG

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 4:52:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

When I was first starting to switch on my way to being a Domme, my then Dom expressed an interest in receiving my strap-on. It turns out he liked it because it stimulated his prostate. It was fun for both of us and I never thought him any less Dominant. At that point, it was experimentation and there wasn't a lot of D/s to that exchange.

NBMG

I think part of my issue with viewing acts as being dominant or submissive is twofold.

1) I can remember feeling very powerful when giving oral to a vanilla partner.
With [my] Master it feels completely different.

I think that He could have me do anything He wanted me to and I would still feel submissive to Him.

2) I have a basic understanding of anatomy and physiology and the concept of our perceiving nerve endings as bringing pleasure does not seem dominant or submissive; it seems human.

There will be no "bend over boyfriend" scenes in the relationship I have with [my] Master.
But I wouldn't view Him as being less than if He wanted to receive any type of ass play and I know I wouldn't feel less submissive.
He has my head and heart.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 11/30/2013 5:16:02 PM >

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 4:56:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I've had similar conversations about the fact that despite identifying as dominant I really do enjoy going down on a chick once in a blue.

Tal Crazyml,

I am thinking that this is a whole different subject matter as it is. The bottom line for me is that I too like to go down on the female once in the blue moon. To give pleasure but to also control her orgasm. Bring her to the tip and then hold her there and let her come down then bring her to the tip and hold her there, do this for an hour or so and then let her release. I am just a mean bastard. I think in my eyes this is vastly different to being pegged.

Just my two cents.

Frank Ar.

Good point, very well made.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 6:04:18 PM

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So if you go down on a woman to be mean and make her wait for an orgasm, you are being domly. But if you go down on a woman because she enjoys it and you like to please her, you have your dom status revoked? Men are sooooo weird!

and if this is so, then it follows that if you make a sub have anal sex with you, because you know that she will be humiliated, horrified and hate it, its a really dominant act, but if you have her do it because you really really like it, you are really a submissive bitch and should be beaten on a regular basis...............

did I mention that men are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo weird?

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 6:23:55 PM

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Well... you chicks have beem confusing the bejayzus out of us dudes for long enough ,-)

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 11/30/2013 7:00:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
The problems arise the next day when I relive what happened. I have never gotten into the "I forgive myself because I had no choice" or "I was forced" )thing. I would then act out because someone I trusted to take care of my mental and emotional needs decided to cross that line & damage me for his pleasure & that would completely change things.

Yes, I get pleasure from his pleasure but I cannot respect someone who gets pleasure from intentionally inflicting pain on me that he well knows will cause me to feel shame.... I know many sadists and many hedonists but, at that point, your are crossing over into the Saddam Hussein and sons level!!!

I figure if he wants me to do something that I know will make me end the relationship, then I might as well end it first and not have to do the something I will never forgive him for.

But I'd define this more as emotional sadism myself. Deliberately screwing around with someone's head. The problem with so doing is that you better be able to fix it after and too often, that's something that requires six months with a good therapist to fix.

But I'm not compatible with sadists of any form.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 12:37:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

So if you go down on a woman to be mean and make her wait for an orgasm, you are being domly.

Greetings,

I do this because I control her every action. Apart from the needing toilet break, her orgasms are mine to control, simple. She has nothing unless I give it to her. But then this is MY life and how I live it. If the female wants to live within my life she is told up front of how she will be treated and not 6 months later down the track.

Not everyone does my thing. People do the going down for the enjoyment and desire and the intimacy. That's what I think.

Frank Ar.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 9:40:22 AM

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All this talk of relationships ending is bloody tragic.

I'm a dominant woman but I love being penetrated. If I enjoyed being anally fucked then id be doing that too. As it happens I've tried it and found it uncomfortable and so don't do it. Did giving it a try make me less dominant?!? ffs when I tried it I was in a vanilla relationship! He wasn't submissive and didn't have an ounce of dominance in him either. We just liked experimenting and oh boy, did we have fun!

So lets change that round to a male. Forget the 'dominant' bit because at this stage it has no relevance. He's a vanilla man who sometimes takes anal sex from his vanilla partner because it stimulates his prostate, it doesn't feel uncomfortable, he doesn't feel humiliated (because they are in a chilled sexual relationship), it just feels amazing. What does that make him? It just makes him a sexually adventurous guy who enjoys a bit of anal stimulation now and again.

On a side note, my husband was in a previous relationship and they were engaged to be married. One night after watching some porn, she turned to him and asked him if he'd ever had a sexual encounter with another guy. He told her he had and at that point, her world ended. She was devastated, so much so that she asked him to leave the house for a while so she could get her head round this. When he didn't return she begged, pleaded and stalked him for over a year.....It works both ways.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 9:53:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I've seen some femdom writings talking about a vagina engulfing a penis, trying to make the act of devouring someone else's member a dominant act -- in contrast to what I think most people's kneejerk reaction is, that penetrating is dominant and being penetrated is sub. And there are certainly men who want an aggressive woman to sweep them away sexually. But I think that's the minority, and most vanilla women, as well as sub women, see penetration as a take-charge act.

I don't see penis / vaginal sex as submissive - I see it as vanilla and equal - and yes, sometimes dominant, if I'm on top and I'm in control (which is why I don't like being on top). But anal sex, for me, is always submissive. No matter how much I do it - it's overwhelming, it's a little bit ouchy at times, it feels invasive, it's not as easy as regular sex - nothing about it tells me that I am in charge here. With the proliferation of sub and switch men pretending to be Dom, if a partner asked me to do it, I would consider it not dominant, and I would decline future participation with them.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 10:05:12 AM

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Joined: 9/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I've had similar conversations about the fact that despite identifying as dominant I really do enjoy going down on a chick once in a blue.

Tal Crazyml,

I am thinking that this is a whole different subject matter as it is. The bottom line for me is that I too like to go down on the female once in the blue moon. To give pleasure but to also control her orgasm. Bring her to the tip and then hold her there and let her come down then bring her to the tip and hold her there, do this for an hour or so and then let her release. I am just a mean bastard. I think in my eyes this is vastly different to being pegged.

Just my two cents.

Frank Ar.

I personally perceive giving oral sex as a submissive act. I realise that a great many people disagree and, if that works for them, awesome. But for me, to receive oral sex feels so horribly like he is serving me, that the mere idea of it makes me completely frigid and unaroused. I cannot find it enjoyable, let alone get close to orgasm - it's hideous to the point that it's a hard limit for me. In order for it to work, both partners have to feel aroused by it and if I see it as him serving me, that's not going to happen. It's all very well a Dom seeing it as an act of Dominance, it isn't going to stop me lying there and grinding my teeth whilst an awkward, unsexual silence fills the room. I echo what someone else said about the difference between theory and reality. My reality is that it's submissive, to me, and thus a hard limit.

(in reply to FrankAr)

RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 11:09:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chesterfield91

My submissive girlfriend has told me that she's curious about pegging me. I was just wondering whether there are any other Dominant men in here who enjoy this, and if so, how does it work for you?

I find it a little odd, and quite frankly, I couldn't help but feel I was taking up the passive role in doing so. But that might just be my close-minded, structuralist, patriarchal, bi-level, non-fluid, masculine meta narrative talking there.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 11:22:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
With the proliferation of sub and switch men pretending to be Dom, if a partner asked me to do it, I would consider it not dominant, and I would decline future participation with them.

This is why pro Dommes do such good business. I'm in no way saying that all dominant men are switch curious or want to try a bit of anal, but for those that do, they are bloody terrified of their submissive partners reaction and so some take other measures.

The fear of rejection stirs up a lot of deceit.

I have had male subs who have such high expectations of me as a dominant woman and those expectations include never showing a side they may deem as submissive because that would 'so disappoint them'. I find such relationships hard work and passive aggressive.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 11:50:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
This is why pro Dommes do such good business. I'm in no way saying that all dominant men are switch curious or want to try a bit of anal, but for those that do, they are bloody terrified of their submissive partners reaction and so some take other measures.

Otherwise known as 'cheating'. It would benefit everyone if they could be more honest about themselves and what they wanted, so that submissive women wouldn't have to risk being lied to or cheated on simply for wanting to be with a dominant man.

As regards the willingness of some Dommes and pro-Dommes to facilitate cheats and liars, that is an issue for their own conscience. Obviously, it's not a moral standpoint that I can advocate. But perhaps their desire for play partners and clients does not allow for too many principles.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 11:57:06 AM

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I daresay if you wanted there are ways to make it a more controlled and "dominant" experience (for example women ride men tied spread eagle after all, it's not impossible to do this anally either)

Ultimately it would be how you feel in the experience, personally it pushes a lot of my subby buttons regardless of the position

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 12:17:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I've had similar conversations about the fact that despite identifying as dominant I really do enjoy going down on a chick once in a blue.

Tal Crazyml,

I am thinking that this is a whole different subject matter as it is. The bottom line for me is that I too like to go down on the female once in the blue moon. To give pleasure but to also control her orgasm. Bring her to the tip and then hold her there and let her come down then bring her to the tip and hold her there, do this for an hour or so and then let her release. I am just a mean bastard. I think in my eyes this is vastly different to being pegged.

Just my two cents.

Frank Ar.

I personally perceive giving oral sex as a submissive act. I realise that a great many people disagree and, if that works for them, awesome. But for me, to receive oral sex feels so horribly like he is serving me, that the mere idea of it makes me completely frigid and unaroused. I cannot find it enjoyable, let alone get close to orgasm - it's hideous to the point that it's a hard limit for me. In order for it to work, both partners have to feel aroused by it and if I see it as him serving me, that's not going to happen. It's all very well a Dom seeing it as an act of Dominance, it isn't going to stop me lying there and grinding my teeth whilst an awkward, unsexual silence fills the room. I echo what someone else said about the difference between theory and reality. My reality is that it's submissive, to me, and thus a hard limit.

[My] Master loves to go down on me.
It is such exquisite torture that this is one of the times I will opt to safe word.
There is nothing at all submissive about Him, nor anything dominant about me, when I am the grateful recipient of His oral attentions.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 12:52:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
This is why pro Dommes do such good business. I'm in no way saying that all dominant men are switch curious or want to try a bit of anal, but for those that do, they are bloody terrified of their submissive partners reaction and so some take other measures.

Otherwise known as 'cheating'. It would benefit everyone if they could be more honest about themselves and what they wanted, so that submissive women wouldn't have to risk being lied to or cheated on simply for wanting to be with a dominant man.

People change and evolve. I like people who say, "Never say never" because people often change, especially sexually.

Dominant males don't seem to get up in arms when their sub female gets a feisty switch side to her. They happily watch her dominate a third person.

I have known dominant/sub relationships that have gone on for years and years when suddenly the woman finds her dominant side or the man finds his submissive side. Some couples can handle it, others can't but do they throw away an entire relationship because one of them fancies a change occasionally? Is the entire relationship based on the man being dominant? I guess so! sorry but that is so far away from the world I live in, I can't even start to comprehend it.

quote:

As regards the willingness of some Dommes and pro-Dommes to facilitate cheats and liars, that is an issue for their own conscience. Obviously, it's not a moral standpoint that I can advocate. But perhaps their desire for play partners and clients does not allow for too many principles.

I very specifically said 'pro Dommes', so why you chose to add 'Dommes' to facilitating cheats and liars is puzzling?
Pro Dommes are just doing a job and if they turned away every man on moral grounds, they may as well throw away their whips and head to the nearest confession box! A pro Domme does not think of or desire the client to be a 'play partner'. He's a client and business is business.... Clients use pro Dommes because they are none judgemental.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 12:54:21 PM

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I know several dominants who are also sadomasochists. And when they are in masochist mode they are still 100% dominant and no one doubts it. I view pegging, and such in much the same light.

However, I also see how in some relationships it would be a no go and break the bond. Just as in my relationship if some things occurred without fighting back, bitching, whining, etc it would just change all the rules and destroy the heart of what and who we are.

This is an interesting discussion because I am having some desires to spend some time in a full on s mode, and it is so hard to figure out how to bring that into our relationship in a way that wouldn't break us.

All relationships have their own boundaries, some can be pushed without much thought, others require careful planning and intention, and others it'd just break the whole damn thing completely.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 1:59:57 PM

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Can someone's world really so insular? Can the choice of a sexual act (within BDSM) have a person falling out of love? Can a bit of anal really turn someone's world upside down?

I'm a dominant woman and I am married to a somewhat dominant man. He has a beautiful submissive female of his own. She's aware that sometimes I sexually dominate him. I tried a little switchery but it wasn't for me. By the time he discovered I wasn't going to continue switching, he was already in love with me. It didn't matter because we had already invested so much of ourselves into one another. Our lives had merged into something way beyond BDSM and D/s.

He's my leader (a leader doesn't need a submissive, just someone who ultimately trusts his decisions). He is confident, outspoken, hugely intelligent and frighteningly sharp!. I'm the domestic Goddess, happy to bake the cakes and cook the steaks, wash and iron his clothes and generally look after his every need, (except submit!). Whilst he has a need to dominate, his world isn't dominated by that need. The need to lead is. This means no matter what we do sexually, it makes little difference because nothing and nobody could take away those leadership qualities.

I obviously prefer leadership qualities to dominant ones and as a 'none submissive' I try, with difficulty, to understand why doing anal on a lover would be so destructive.

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RE: Dominant men recieving strap-on sex? - 12/1/2013 3:06:09 PM

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Actually if he's the leader of the relationship then I would see him as dominant over you. What I don't see is that you bottom to him. Because dominance and top are the usual pairing doesn't mean that all dominants top, nor that all submissives bottom.

Kinky sex is a sport in my pov. I will play golf but I hate, loathe and despise tennis. The fact that I like one sport and not another doesn't say anything about my personality. Demanding I play tennis when I have expressed my feelings about it would say that my partner didn't care about how I felt. So with certain kinky sex acts. It doesn't matter why I hate tennis or could not do him in the ass. What matters is that my limits are respected.

And if he plays tennis twice weekly and wanted me to be a doubles partner, I would feel lied to if he conveniently forgot to mention this until after I committed to him. If it's that important, say it upfront before manipulating the other person into a relationship where they will not be happy. I don't have to have a good reason not to like something, nor do I have to allow someone else to determine if my limits are acceptable or not.

I'm honest about them. The other person only has the right to decide if he's compatible or not.

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