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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:31:28 PM

kalikshama

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I always participate in "how to meet people from online safely" threads and share my own stupidity and what I do differently now.

That was not what this thread is about.

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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:35:46 PM

AmandaPeace

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Again - you seem to be wrapped in in some kind of bizarre obsession with naming names and black lists. That's not what I've suggested at any point and I think you all know that.

I'm pursuing plenty of avenues to help my friend and help others as well. No, that doesn't absolve this community of the need to think about issues like this and allow a space to talk about them instead of burying and attacking people who bring up uncomfortable topics.

I'm not interested in "presenting evidence" to attack any particular person and I'm under no illusions that this is a "court of law" (nor do I understand your impression that I think that).

But I do think this is an online forum with a series of threaded conversations organized in such a way as to be helpful to the community and I'm suggesting a reorganization that would be significantly more helpful in helping people to make good decisions.

There should be a place designated for people to talk about "negative experiences" right along-side the positive ones.

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Post #: 62

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:37:48 PM

Rawni

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OP, if you are getting the facts of what many of us say here in public which can be viewed by others, so very wrong... how can we know if your take of what happened to your friend is interpreted any better?

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Post #: 63

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:40:48 PM

Kana

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quote:

I get that the goal is to sell this experience to people and tell them that it's all awesome all the time, but that's not very responsible.

And what I'm saying is that it's irresponsible to create a prominent space for people to post *only* positive messages without creating a similarly prominent space for other experiences.

Simply put this encourages more positive reports than negative ones and makes the positive ones much, much easier to find than the negative ones.

1-Grow up. You're talking about what you "think." People are sharing experiences they've actually undergone. Not freaking theory.
2-People here are, theoretically at least, adults. They are responsible for themselves.Not the website. Not their parents. They are. (Well, apparently that's unless they suffer from affluenza). They don't need anyone to rescue them.They don't need anyone making decisions for them. They have the power of self determination. That means they get to make up their own minds about who and what is safe for them.
3-You have to remember too-one persons nightmare experience is anothers fantasy. What one person finds "safe" but be exactly what would never ever work for a second person. So the idea of negative experience-well,that's in the eye of the beholder (And occasionally a court of law and a jury of peers)
4-Yeah, there are some bad peeps here. There are also bad peeps at your work, at your supermarket,the local pub and living on the block. So what?
Why single this place out?
5-The reason that you're getting crushed is that your original premise is ludicrous and put forth w/o any prior investigation on your behalf.You've labeled an entire forum based on what you perceive as a lack of comments re negative experiences when five seconds research would have revealed an endless ocean of such things. So many in fact,that we have whine of the day type threads and certain subjects (Findommes,first meets,bad messages) that we have almost weekly threads on...to the point where many of the regulars are sick unto death of beating the same long dead horse into glue.
Had you done the research, had you read TOS (Which BTW you violate in your journals)-specifically the part re blacklists, you would have had your answers before even making the OP.

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Post #: 64

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:46:07 PM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace

I strongly suspect that meeting someone through a website with an immediate goal of putting one of them in bondage might lead to some crappy, even life-threatening situations.

So it's irresponsible on the border of criminal negligence to actively hide, delete, and deny these experiences, even attacking people for questioning forum "rules"

So yeah - I'd like to know what other people's experiences have genuinely been and I don't want to have that feedback heavily censored, particularly with an eye to omitting only the negative or even neutral experiences.

And yes - I think questioning the premise of a thread subject absolutely belongs under that subject and not elsewhere.

Bless your heart.

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Post #: 65

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:46:11 PM

AmandaPeace

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
OP, if you are getting the facts of what many of us say here in public which can be viewed by others, so very wrong... how can we know if your take of what happened to your friend is interpreted any better?

Okay - this is the kind of thing I'm talking about.

First - PLEASE give me an example of a "fact" I got wrong.

Second - If you're inferring that my friend somehow didn't get raped, that's neither especially exigent, nor reasonable, nor humane. If you're inferring otherwise, please clarify.

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Post #: 66

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:48:31 PM

FelineRanger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace

Again - you seem to be wrapped in in some kind of bizarre obsession with naming names and black lists. That's not what I've suggested at any point and I think you all know that.

I'm pursuing plenty of avenues to help my friend and help others as well. No, that doesn't absolve this community of the need to think about issues like this and allow a space to talk about them instead of burying and attacking people who bring up uncomfortable topics.

I'm not interested in "presenting evidence" to attack any particular person and I'm under no illusions that this is a "court of law" (nor do I understand your impression that I think that).

But I do think this is an online forum with a series of threaded conversations organized in such a way as to be helpful to the community and I'm suggesting a reorganization that would be significantly more helpful in helping people to make good decisions.

There should be a place designated for people to talk about "negative experiences" right along-side the positive ones.

I've tried to respond rationally to your statements several times, but I can't. I really wish I could put a finger on why I think you're a cop trolling CM for a suspect but I can't. Unfortunately, I've also learned that I should really pay attention to such instincts.

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Post #: 67

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:48:39 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace
I'm not interested in "presenting evidence" to attack any particular person and I'm under no illusions that this is a "court of law" (nor do I understand your impression that I think that).

You do exactly that in your journal. I can't read your mind, so I don't know what you think. I only know what you do.

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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:50:06 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
OP, if you are getting the facts of what many of us say here in public which can be viewed by others, so very wrong... how can we know if your take of what happened to your friend is interpreted any better?

Okay - this is the kind of thing I'm talking about.

First - PLEASE give me an example of a "fact" I got wrong.

Second - If you're inferring that my friend somehow didn't get raped, that's neither especially exigent, nor reasonable, nor humane. If you're inferring otherwise, please clarify.

As mentioned in post 59:

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I was responding to people who said that my friend was stupid to get raped.

Again, you've mischaracterized.

You said:

quote:

I strongly suspect that meeting someone through a website with an immediate goal of putting one of them in bondage might lead to some crappy, even life-threatening situations.

The reply, post 15:

quote:

First, why would anyone let some stranger tie them up? That would be just plain stupid. Dating online here is like dating anywhere online. You have to be careful. You have to meet in safe places. You have to get to know each other and develop trust.

Was before you said:

quote:

A friend of mine was recently raped by a guy she met online.

In post 18.

And that's the last time the word "stupid" was mentioned until Rawni's post, and she did not say your friend was stupid to get raped either.

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Post #: 69

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:53:30 PM

Rawni

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Another poster pointed out a couple of things you took wrong. You state that everyone is going off on the no names thing, they aren't. We are not calling your friend or anyone that is raped stupid and very few posts here are attacking you. If they do, to some degree they will be removed.

What many of us are trying to do is to show you a couple of things you seem to be missing. It is not discrimination of any kind, nor is is irresponsible or an attempt to make the site look better, not to have equal parts of an equation you think is viable. I have been here for many years and we have spoken about actual rapes that were being handled with legal recourse.. it isn't something we don't discus or shy away from. When I first came here there were a lot of younger women, some or most doing stupid shit... but victims talking about experiences and all were addressed, creating very long threads. Hell, there was one where I got fifteen pages of beat down! ROFL

Now, I have read the thread already and am not going back to research it to pinpoint all the things I believe you got wrong when you can read it yourself. I am simply saying you did get a few things wrong, your focus is off (maybe understandably) and you might want to take a few deep breaths and re-evaluate.

*Just so I am not accused of changing content, my edit is because I left off a u on you. Damn it.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 12/15/2013 1:55:32 PM >

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Post #: 70

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:54:07 PM

JstAnotherSub

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::::::slight hijack::::::::::::

Would anyone else love to read responses if Kana and Angelika's brains mated and had a brain together?

:::::::end hijack::::::

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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 1:54:13 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace

Wow - I see everyone is editing their posts and revising things that I later responded to. Interesting.

I've been back through the thread and looked at all the edit times in the posts (which can't be changed by users). None of them were made more than two minutes and a few seconds after being originally posted. In only one case did you post between their post being made and their post being edited, and your post didn't address that poster. So people are not revising things you later responded to. Time-stamped edits are a useful feature for clearing up this type of ambiguity.

I actually agree with you that discussions about rape shouldn't be all about how the victim should've prevented it. I don't see how having an extra forum would achieve that, since you seem to be suggesting that it would help people be more aware and therefore they would be more likely to prevent it.

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Post #: 72

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 2:03:23 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

::::::slight hijack::::::::::::

Would anyone else love to read responses if Kana and Angelika's brains mated and had a brain together?

:::::::end hijack::::::

LOL I would be afraid to post! The reading would be good though.

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Post #: 73

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 2:15:52 PM

freedomdwarf1

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Ok....
Forgetting all the stuff in-between for a moment, let's rewind right back to post#1 before all the rest of the crap got posted....

Here's what you posted -

quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace
I appreciate reading these experiences, I really do. And I'm also glad that you all had some positive experience meeting someone from CM.

I've never met someone here and off-hand I don't really plan to.

But don't you think it's just a little crazy that you're *only* allowed to post if you had a good experience?

That's some kind of crazy product review feature, right?

"Rate our product 1-10 and we'll publish your review on our website... as long as it's a 10"

That's not very helpful.

I get that it would be awkward if people were attacking others by name on here. That's no fun. But even allowing members to talk about bad experiences in the abstract would be a whole lot more responsible than just pretending that no one has bad experiences in this lifestyle or particularly meeting someone online.

That makes me think that there might be ten terrible stories for every good one.

A rant/gripe about a thread and how these forums are organised.
And you posted this WHERE exactly????

On the ONE AND ONLY freekin thread that is specifically setup for POSITIVE EXPERIENCES!!

Of all the threads to post a rant on, you happen to pick that one!!
And you wonder why it got relocated to somewhere else by the mods??

All the rest of the stuff on this thread is just drift; and quite frankly, irrelevant.

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Post #: 74

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 2:31:20 PM

Arturas

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quote:

There should be a place designated for people to talk about "negative experiences" right along-side the positive ones.

TO AmandaPeace, the OP.

Hello. Yes, to balance the other. Balance. I understand this opinion but please consider that the positive experiences thread is not to sell CM but to be uplifting and give encouragement to those who need it. So, a negative experiences thread would not make people any smarter about how they go about meeting people from here because they are not children and know the risks already, but it would be the opposite of uplifting and there certainly is no good purpose in that goal. Consider this and stay awhile and continue to contribute and make this a better place with your welcome presence.

Happy holidays to you and yours,
Arturas and star

< Message edited by Arturas -- 12/15/2013 2:33:34 PM >

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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 2:37:55 PM

peppermint

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Let me make a suggestion. You don't know what alternate site your friend hooked up with the bad guy. However, there is one site where you CAN make your own forum about rape and bad guys on the site (as long as you don't name names of people who use the site). It's called Fetlife.com. You will be the moderator of the group. You can control what is written as long as you follow the guidelines. I mean, she could have met him fetlife, or bondage, or alt or any of the other alternative places on the web. There you will have the exposure you seek.

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Post #: 76

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 2:41:57 PM

Arturas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Let me make a suggestion. You don't know what alternate site your friend hooked up with the bad guy. However, there is one site where you CAN make your own forum about rape and bad guys on the site (as long as you don't name names of people who use the site). It's called Fetlife.com. You will be the moderator of the group. You can control what is written as long as you follow the guidelines. I mean, she could have met him fetlife, or bondage, or alt or any of the other alternative places on the web. There you will have the exposure you seek.

That's a wonderful suggestion. Nicely done. We do hope she stays here and contributes also even if she takes that wonderful suggestion.

Arturas and star

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Post #: 77

RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 2:43:29 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace

Adding a forum section for people to talk about negative experiences seems like a basic and reasonable step.

FFS, OP, what part of 'making negative posts that DON'T VIOLATE TOS' is acceptable most everywhere else on the boards except positive experiences, don't you understand?' How many sections do you need to tell your friend's story? You can do it in off-topic, health/safety, Ask A Master, Ask A Mistress, Random Snippets...the list goes on.

Btw, many folks here are rape/violence survivors (that includes me) and have walked a mile (or more!) in your friend's shoes. No one here is belittling or making light of her ordeal, and I'd bet my house all who've posted have sympathy for her ordeal.

Many emotions get their signals crossed during such a trying time. Your indignation is probably standing in for your caring at the moment. I know in my case, I heard some bizarre and unwarranted things from long-time friends who in a million years I never thought they'd say. It hurt in the moment, but when the fire was out, we had a chance to sift through the ashes and reclaim some items of value as well as sort out what we'd do differently in the future.

Sending thoughts of healing and peace for your friend.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 12/15/2013 2:53:14 PM >

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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 3:02:28 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AmandaPeace

Again, I didn't come here to talk about a particular case.

Just to suggest an exceedingly humble addition to the site that might help people make better decisions.

And that resulted in a flood of attacks and defensiveness that seems to have kind've exploded here.

I'm not wanting to attack this site or this community. I'm just humbly suggesting a minor and common sense change to the forum threads.

I stopped here.

Lets say MistressMoneyBags20009 (I hope thats not an actual account here) accuses boytoycrazydreamdate of rape after a meet.

I happen to believe rape is a horrible act.

I also happen to believe that the false allegation of rape is equally as horrible.

boytoycrazydreamdate comes along as claims he never even touched that woman.

Who do we believe?

None of this can be proven. Even if he is arrested, that doesnt equate to guilty.

Whose responsibility is it to discover the truth?

To allow what you are wanting to allow opens many up to situations that can damage reputations, ruin their businesses, even destroy their families.

All because some woman may have been upset with some man who didnt do what she wanted him to do.

I am in no way saying this is what happened to you or your friend.

I AM saying this is the kettle of worms that will be opened up.

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RE: Only Positive?! - 12/15/2013 3:12:01 PM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I'm perplexed that you think libel laws would apply to a privately owned website.

They absolutely would do, if someone was libeled. In the US, CM would probably be immune from liability, but it could lead to serious issues in other countries with more stringent libel laws.

(If anyone wants to know my credentials when it comes to talking about libel laws, they're welcome to send me a mail on the other side).

Not to mention that it's EXPENSIVE to defend against such a lawsuit (and probably more expensive to bring one) So why not put as many safe-guards in place to prevent such a thing?

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