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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 6:36:51 AM

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You are right on the money. It's some whom when you post a topic for discussion jump down your throat because they feel you didn't spell right, or word a sentence correctly. They will jump down your throat because you didn't do something the way they think you should do it. Going to be hard to retain new posters with the pit bulls around.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 6:38:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi
Outside Introduce yourself, snark is permitted; personal attacks are not.

It'd be handy if the line parting "snark" from personal attacks was more defined, now you mention that one.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:23:16 AM

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Yes, and so I provided two links as well as a reference to the thread that inspired this one and the comment ""Forum super nanny" is snark, not a personal attack."

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RE: What can we do to [train] new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:27:58 AM

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FR:

I'd like to take the bar analogy a bit further, since I think the group dynamics are quite similar.

Let's say the regular posters are the regulars in the bar. They come in often, know and understand the unspoken social mores of the group, and to a certain extent *create* the social mores by the very act of having adopted the existing social mores by being in regular attendance. (More on this later, since people and thus groups are in the constant state of change.)
In this example, the mods are the bar owners, bouncers, and bartenders.

New people coming into the forum are the new visitors to the bar.

To address the issue of what to expect in this bar by appearance alone, let’s say it's in a red light district with strip joints flashing overt pictures, though the venue itself is non-sexual in terms of appearance.

Logic demands that, due to the location of the venue, a certain number of drunks will wander in, be oblivious to the social mores, and get tossed out on their ear. There is little difference between this example and what happens to people who wander in from the profile side and make assumption about what kind of place the forums are without taking a bit of a look around.

When people venture into a new place w/o taking a look around, they run the risk of not understanding the required social standards.

Let’s push the analogy just a bit further and say some new people wander in from a neighboring strip joint, and assume they can fondle or sexually harass the regular members. They get shown the door as well, but with perhaps more force. In this instance some of the regulars will join in, and even more will stop what they’re doing to watch. For a time at least it is a form of entertainment.

Expecting the regular patrons to ignore such behavior, especially when the bouncers, bartenders, etc are not addressing the issue, is not a realistic expectation in my mind.

If the ‘bartenders & bouncers’ want the social more of the venue to be that new patrons are to be shown the utmost respect no matter what their own behavior is, then they have to be the one enforcing that behavior, as they do in the intro section.
It’s my perspective that in the forums the mods leave much of the enforcement of the social mores to the regulars. This is how it would be at your neighborhood local.

If the regulars are seen to get out of hand, they are banned for a period of time and in severe cases forever. The mods, just like the bartenders in my local pub analogy, have to be careful about doing this. Because what happens when certain people leave is that you open the group up to change (and in some instances major change) to the social mores.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say ‘Mike’ (I am not referring to anyone in particular, okay?) is a regular at the bar, is well liked, often gets a game of darts going, and has the strength of will and personal charisma to be one of the people who sets the ‘tone’ of the place. But he has a tendency to drink too much at times and get a bit too out spoken. The bartender has the choice of having the bouncer toss him out, giving him a warning, etc. If ‘Mike’ is tossed out permanently, they run the risk of having no one else capable of filing ‘Mike’s’ shoes. His friends follow him to another venue, and no one starts dart games, a source of much camaraderie in the past. Within a few weeks the tone (social more) changes from ‘this is a friendly bar where you can get a game of darts going’ to ‘this is a bar where you keep yourself to yourself, or you might get bounced.’

Each new person entering or exiting the group has the potential to change the tone. Most will adhere to the current social more, only a few have the personality to alter the tone. But if you lose too many of them, you change the group forever.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:29:08 AM

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I think she stays for the same reason a lot of us stay, despite some of the behavior. It's the only game in town. Some of us have gone over to Fet to try to replace this forum, but the structure is so different, not really a discussion forum. I remember ResidentSadist mentioned once that he was thinking of starting a new site like this one; I wish he would.

My solution to the arrogant and nasty old timers is to put them on hide. Then I never see their posts, poof, they don't exist for me anymore. It might help people if that hide button was bigger and less tucked away; took me ages to discover it. Love that button.

I hope orgasmdenial doesn't go away. Great posts, highly intelligent.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:34:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha
You are right on the money. It's some whom when you post a topic for discussion jump down your throat because they feel you didn't spell right, or word a sentence correctly. They will jump down your throat because you didn't do something the way they think you should do it. Going to be hard to retain new posters with the pit bulls around.

I remember the thread you started. You got about 50% helpful or supportive replies, and about 50% comments criticizing how you were viewing your situation. Even if you think the criticisms were wrong, you got a lot of fully supportive comments. And -- here's the point -- you spent your time responding to the critics and not to the supporters. If you had ignored the people you disagreed with, and focused on building rapport with people you agreed with, there would have been much less drama.

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(in reply to Ladytisha)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:45:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
(Seriously though-if you dislike the place so much, why loiter? I don't hang out in spots where I'm uncomfortable.

That's exactly what I was told by Arpig's defenders, when I stated that he was being modded inappropriately. (At the time, I had no idea that a lot of his defenders were the same person.) So, I left. I'm back now because the moderation emphasis has changed. I think that orgasmdenial's post is off-base, but it isn't a mature argument to say, "Leave if you don't like it." That's a foolish position. People were telling me, "This is the way it is, and this is the way it's always going to be, if you don't like it, get out." I got out, and now here we are: I'm back, and I'm back because the people who were saying that kind of thing most stridently have been banned or disgraced.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Kana)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:48:03 AM

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I agree with a lot of what orgasmdenial12 has said and I think it took a brave person to speak out like that.

Whilst we are busy blaming new posters and even suggesting new posters get trained by the mods, there's a good few veterans here that could do with some training in good étiquette and there are others that could do with a permanent zip fitted to their very large gobs.

When I was part of Informed Consent, I always thought this site was for the more soft and fluffy brigade because of the shock value some threads had on people. This site certainly has a rep amongst the UK crowd as a Master/Mistress/slave dating site with very little kink. I do think its improved on the kink side but its still quite tame compared to other sites and it still amazes me how prudish some posters are

. Like ogasmdenial says, this is a kinky sex site and if the persistent adds don't offend us, then posts shouldn't either.

Another gripe I have and this is nothing to do with what orgasmdenial said is, those bloody grammar and spelling pedants. I mean really? are their lives that empty that they have to go around berating others, not for text speak but for not having O'level English? I would absolutely love Steve to come on here. He would have so much to add to the forums because he's a fantastic debater. I mean f-ck, the guys a physicist. He's so bright that I'm dwarfed behind his intelligence but he can't spell and his grammar is crap because he's crippled with dyslexia. He goes on other forums but he absolutely won't touch this site with a ten foot barge pole because of the knee jerk reaction so many posters on here have have with his grammar.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 12/22/2013 7:50:27 AM >

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:52:12 AM

VideoAdminGamma

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Please report any post you feel is a personal attack. Keep in mind that just because it may hurt someone's feelings does not qualify as a personal attack. It would need to be a direct insult that is more serious than calling someone a "weenie". Personal attacks are closer to what you will find a "flame" is if you were to look it up. We allow banter, which may sometimes include very light insults or prodding, many refer to as snark.

Thanks,
Gamma

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Then, their offensive posts are not removed by moderators, which compounds the bullying. The poster feels like they have walked into a snake pit, which they have. The only way to deal with people who routinely attack others is to delete their posts - take away their soapbox until they can learn that they are not going to be given an audience for their bile.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 7:59:24 AM

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ChatteParfaitt I really enjoyed your post. You are such a wise woman!

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 8:00:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
When I was part of Informed Consent, I always thought this site was for the more soft and fluffy brigade because of the shock value some threads had on people. This site certainly has a rep amongst the UK crowd as a Master/Mistress/slave dating site with very little kink. I do think its improved on the kink side but its still quite tame compared to other sites and it still amazes me how prudish some posters are .

This is absolutely true, and it's a tremendous weakness.

For example, I would *love* to see a thread that's a mature discussion of scat fetish. It's a great example of a fetish I don't "get" at all, and yet there are guys who will pay $500/hour or more for it. That's a serious level of interest. I would love to read different people's answers to questions like, "Is this something you've wanted your whole life, or since puberty, or do you think you learned to like it somewhere along the line?"

Even that ball-kicking thread -- and, let's face it, CBT is only one more tick removed from vanilla than spanking is -- had more "Oh hell no" comments than "Here's my advice for making it as good an experience as possible."

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 12/22/2013 8:01:49 AM >

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 8:02:00 AM

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TY. Hopefully it was not too pedantic, I was trying to not make it the full lecture in group dynamics.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 8:39:20 AM

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Perhaps we should start some topics like that Red! Veterans like us don't tend to make new edgy topics but why is that? I guess it because the response is fairly predictable. Would it though, be a little different if regulars posted such topics?

I think this site would attract a lot more people if it could get beyond the 'dominant/submissive' window it seems to be stuck in.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 8:52:42 AM

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The positive feedback I received was greatly appreciated. As I recall I did thank those who responded. But my point is if a newbie post something for discussion and I've seen this on other threads as well there is some folks that are down right nasty. As far as me and my post I have a thick skin and could care less. But to me if your feedback isn't going to help someone expand their knowledge why comment on the post?

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 9:23:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
Perhaps we should start some topics like that Red!

I don't think I can, because the things that interest me the most are the things I know nothing about. Good on you for starting the Branding thread, though you would be running the gauntlet a bit more if you had both given and received brands and admitted that. I remember on some thread about limits or something, everyone was giving an example of amputation as the thing that crossed the line from BDSM to abuse or insanity. And then a longtime poster (who is gone now) said, "Well actually, I had part of my little finger cut off in a commitment ceremony to my Master." She was clearly terrified of admitting this to the group, despite being a well-respected individual.

So there's another for my Christmas list of thread wishes: amputation fetish. Yet another thing I don't understand at all.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 9:29:28 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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I agree with the idea of getting threads on some more unusual kinks, but I'm not overly optimistic they will be successful. The more unusual the kink, the fewer people to offer any insight, so threads will either die quickly or be filled with 'not safe' comments, thus making it less likely they'll get revived when someone who is interested comes along.

Though I can't entirely blame people for warning against certain kinks on safety reasons - I've done it myself - for fear that someone will take your advice and hurt themselves with it.

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 9:33:36 AM

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This was a great analogy. The only thing I would point out, that I believe is relevant to this thread topic, is that IMO the bartender mods here only boot the men whose posts cross the line. The women, particularly women who've been here for years/forever, get away with a much greater degree of nastiness than do the men. Hence the basis for what people have called the "cunt brigade" on the forums. And I am fairly sure that when people post about nastiness to newcomers, on this thread and in others, they are not speaking about men being nasty.

< Message edited by Spiritedsub2 -- 12/22/2013 10:04:48 AM >

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RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 10:12:53 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Take the topic on the other thread - the OP wanted to know about eating women's ass. Unless you're a) a woman who wants her ass eating or b) an expert on the subject who can help and advise - then why answer?! Just move along to a question where you can make a positive contribution. Answering by saying 'you need to adjust your attitude' is just an excuse to start an argument. If the OP's approach is really that bad then no-one will answer his question and he'll get the idea that he needs to change his approach.

Since I'm the one who said it, and I LIVE IN THE SAME CITY as the OP, I fall into your B category. I *am* an expert on the local kink community since I live here. So I am in the position to advise. If that advice is "adjust your attitude if you want to succeed" who the fuck is that girl, or you for that matter, to question that advice? I think I know quite a lot better than either of you what is going to go over well in my own town. You criticize the arrogance of that advice but you live on the other side of the world and know jack about the kink scene here. That's pretty damn arrogant, right there.

Pot, meet kettle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Let’s push the analogy just a bit further and say some new people wander in from a neighboring strip joint, and assume they can fondle or sexually harass the regular members. They get shown the door as well, but with perhaps more force. In this instance some of the regulars will join in, and even more will stop what they’re doing to watch. For a time at least it is a form of entertainment.

I like this analogy.

If I were a regular in a bar and some schmuck sexually harassed me, I would absolutely tell him to fuck right off and I would expect the other regulars to back me up until the bouncers arrived to show him the door. I would not expect people to stand around doing nothing while I am sexually assaulted. I'm not sure why anyone is surprised that happens here.

A lot of people fail to realize is that this is not simply a kinky sex site. The site owners bill it as "The Largest BDSM Community On The Planet" so it's clear to me that they don't intend for this to be a site solely dedicated to finding sex. If people want sexual hookups, go to Alt or Adult Friend Finder or Ashley Madison.

By the same token a lot of the regulars like to say "this is not a community" but that's just silly. It appears the site owners are trying to create a community, so is it any wonder people come here thinking that's what they will find? And why should it be a surprise when they do find a community of sorts with its own social rules which they must learn to follow if they want to be accepted?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

if the persistent adds don't offend us, then posts shouldn't either.

This is not a valid argument. Several people have stated here on the forums that they do not like the ads and several of us have ad blockers installed in our browsers so we don't have to see them.

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(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 10:23:28 AM

VideoAdminGamma

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I have new members that sometimes ask me how to handle people that they find rude or offensive. I tell them that if it really does make their experience here less enjoyable to use the "Hide" feature, located in the bottom left of a post from someone you do not like what they post.

This is actually the first step in moderating. It is a feature that forums have that allow you to more tailor your experience.

Thank you for being a part of CollarMe,
Gamma

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

The positive feedback I received was greatly appreciated. As I recall I did thank those who responded. But my point is if a newbie post something for discussion and I've seen this on other threads as well there is some folks that are down right nasty. As far as me and my post I have a thick skin and could care less. But to me if your feedback isn't going to help someone expand their knowledge why comment on the post?

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

(in reply to Ladytisha)

RE: What can we do to retain new posters? - 12/22/2013 10:25:28 AM

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In keeping with the original question in the OP, I would suggest making the hide button larger and/or more prominent.

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
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(in reply to VideoAdminGamma)

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