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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

One of the most entertaining things about this thread is that one of the people complaining about people being mean is the same person that sent me an email to tell me that the forums are not my personal playground. So, apparently it's perfectly okay to say things along those lines if you do it where no one else can see you.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

One of the most entertaining things about this thread is that one of the people complaining about people being mean is the same person that sent me an email to tell me that the forums are not my personal playground. So, apparently it's perfectly okay to say things along those lines if you do it where no one else can see you.

Well, yeah. It is. The user had a beef with you and took it to the other side. Sounds like the right thing to do to me. Besides, if that's really all the email said, then it's a factual statement. The forums aren't your personal playground. Or mine, or anyone else's.

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ORIGINAL: wanderingjew

I'd be happy to check for you.

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ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Sadly I think that the writing is on the wall. Society in general is going more towards this whole "everyone is a speshul snowflake" PC vibe. And I'm not convinced that this is a good idea. I spend quite a bit of time people watching. And it seems like far too many people have this sense of entitlement...that the world somehow owes them exactly what they want and that it must be spoon fed to them in exactly the manner that they prescribe. So is it up to each of us to make our way...or is it up to everyone else to pander to us? All of us started here at ground zero. Every single one of us. Some of us (like me) have had pretty uneventful experiences so far. Some have gotten off to a rough start, but recovered beautifully. And some just like being a victim. And no matter how fluffy it's made here, you can't fight a victim mentality because it's compelling. How much of this is ultimately villainy on the part of others? And where does personal responsibility come into play?

Trust me, Mods. I think that it's awesome you guys are trying to figure out something that you hope will help. The reality is that some people just want to be told what they want to hear. And heaven forbid someone has a differing opinion or idea! If they don't get what they want, it's right on board the train to Butthurt they go. A case in point. We had a thread started here a bit ago about forced feminization. Naturally people are going to have differing opinions on the subject. But another poster got completely twisted out of shape because of this and went batshit insane over it. Nothing short of telling homie what he wanted to hear was going to prevent it. I even asked questions about it because I genuinely wanted to understand something I didn't know much about. I gave the guy a prime opportunity to come at it from an educator perspective, but that was roundly ignored because it was way more compelling to be a victim. How can anyone compete against that?

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ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

You are right on the money. It's some whom when you post a topic for discussion jump down your throat because they feel you didn't spell right, or word a sentence correctly. They will jump down your throat because you didn't do something the way they think you should do it. Going to be hard to retain new posters with the pit bulls around.

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ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

Some people complain that we coddle new posters too much and some people complain that regulars are too mean. Staff does enforce a welcoming and constructive attitude in the Introduce Yourself forum.

We don't want to chase new posters away but we don't want to coddle them either. Please share your thoughts.

Inspired by:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4603560

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ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

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ORIGINAL: LittleForDaddy31
My advice is to not be so rude to newbies. I get that there's a clique of like 30-35 of you who post here on a regular basis, but you do have trouble seeing beyond your tea cups here, and it should be called out.

Actually, my advice would be to tell the newbies to learn to read the fucking ToS, read the sticky posts, browse around and take note of how things are done BEFORE you waltz in and open your gob.
This applies to any forum, anywhere, not just on CM.

And what do we often see?
A newbie that comes flouncing into the forums, bold as brass, spouting as if they know the world and everyone on the forum that doesn't like what they gotta say is either a troll or something equally abusive or obnoxious.
WTF?? Where are their manners?
Where are those social norms that everyone wants to see?
Do they always behave like this in a strange bar or restaurant?? No, they don't.
But they think it's ok to do that on the net because... well, it's the net.

And then, we get those cotton-wool packers that think everyone needs to be wrapped up and coddled and treated with super-uber softly-softly kid gloves.
How dare someone else think they should be grown-up and know how to tow-the-line and fucking behave like an adult!!
Oh jeeez no.... we might offend the kiddies.

Sorry LFD, your attitude towards a lot of us on here is just... well, stupid and obtuse.
To use your analogy: if you don't drink tea, don't go to a tea party.

If your skin is too thin to take criticism because you've behaved outlandishly, ignored the site rules and ettiquette, then you shouldn't be on the net let alone an adult kink site.

The main problem for newbies, as I see it, is transitioning from the other side of CollarMe into the message boards. Many stay on the other side for years before trying out the boards. Take a good look at the other side. It's a newbie fantasy island, at least for the guys, where the ads encourage them to run up to every kinky woman and grab their ass. Judging by the ads, they are ENTITLED to behave this way. I was here before CM had ads, back when I wasn't embarrassed to have my son walk into the room while I was opening letters and/or spending hours in the Lobby chatroom. I understand that CM needs ads now. Am not saying they need to be removed. But! I feel that this affects the tone of this site and makes it more difficult for new people to...not stick their foot in their mouth and embarrass themselves. Many new posters are not responding to US, but to their impression of the "kink world" they've just become a member of. I'm suggesting a transition, something to help new posters to save face.

I'll get specific in a moment, after I mention that...I fell to sleep while reading the TOS. Making someone read this legalblahblahblah is torture and they still won't learn the new rules of behavior when they enter the forums and/or go to their first munch or play party. Many are doomed to screw up and get humiliated.

My suggestion? When someone with less than five or ten posts tries to leave a comment, have a box jump up in their face reminding them that this area of CM is not for personal ads, give a bad example or two of what to avoid. Keep it brief. Roll out the welcome mat for new posters and have a link to click on if they are here to whine about fakes (that leads to that specific warning area in the mail room) and something similar for handling all the mail from wankers hollering "ON YOUR KNEES SLUT!", etc. Let them know that Support (give a link) is the best place to lodge a complaint.

Also, for a first post on this side, it would be nice to have their trying to post (or just entering this side) trigger a "walk through", a nice suggestion to read the sticky in each area before posting, a closeup of where it is, and a blinking cursor clicking on it to open it up before taking them back to where they wanted to leave a post. (Btw, the other side of CM kept me so busy that it took me about two years to find the boards, and another year to read the stickies.)

I don't know anything about computer programming and if this would be too difficult to do.

The thread that inspired this one was by a newbie living in an area with a sh*tload of munches and play parties in his area. Several a week! Holy cr*p! I try to make other people realize that many areas are not so blessed, that some of us NEED places like CM because we live in a BDSM event desert. I have to drive at least three hours to get to a munch. (Btw, that 67 miles CM says separates me from bo is actually 150 miles.) I would have to drive another hour and a half to two hours to get to our tri-state play party. Because of the distance, we rarely go. Until newbies can learn enough here to be aware that munches exist and can find out where to find them, this IS their BDSM community. Helping them to save face while their fantasy BDSM bubble bursts and they become better grounded in the real kink world will add to our local BDSM communities, and someday...I might not have to drive to Timbuckf*ck to enjoy groups of other kinksters.

Edited to add this:
I believe that most people find their way to the message boards through something interesting they saw in the scroll, and not through the message boards tab. It takes them immediately into a thread, bypassing their chance to see the stickies. This is another reason I try to have mercy on the newbies. Possibly, before being allowed to post in each area...they should be directed to the rules/sticky in each area of the boards and have to hit an "I agree" button before being allowed to post.

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ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

When I said compete...it's not about sporting competition where there is the person who wins and one who loses. The question was how do we retain new posters. But if the new poster is hell bent on being a victim, there is not one damned thing anyone can do to change that. You cannot compete with someone's compelling need to feel like they are a victim who no one understands.

Win/win is not always possible. If a person asks a question and accepts answers from others who may not agree, that's a good example of win/win. But if the generalized you only wants to hear what you want to hear and you get bent out of shape if you receive anything less than that, Im forced to decide between answering honestly and being true to myself or blowing smoke up your ass just to keep you feeling happy and un-picked on. Doesn't seem very win/win to me.

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

My suggestion? When someone with less than five or ten posts tries to leave a comment, have a box jump up in their face reminding them that this area of CM is not for personal ads, give a bad example or two of what to avoid.

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ORIGINAL: wanderingjew

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I believe that most people find their way to the message boards through something interesting they saw in the scroll

That's what brought me over.

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The only way to stop it is to enforce politeness rules with an iron fist, which only tends to drive away the old-timers

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You cannot compete with someone's compelling need to feel like they are a victim who no one understands.
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