Is Love part of the D/s life style?

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Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 3:02:47 AM

Blueswordsman

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Is love a necessary part of a long term D/s relationship or is the craving to dominate or be dominated enough to keep a couple a couple?

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 3:07:41 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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In my world, love is essential. I suspect most people need to love and be loved, though of course some people may get that need met through a different person. But I'm monogamous, and if there's no love, there's no relationship. And for me personally, loving him is a big part of why I submit and why the submission has meaning. Personally I couldn't do D/s without the love.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 3:11:19 AM

lilcracker

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for me yes....it is absolutely the best part of the relationship and without it D/s would NOT exist.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 3:13:44 AM

Blonderfluff

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Love is definitely a necessary component for me. I need a 24/7 relationship. Without love, that would be very unfulfilling.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 3:51:42 AM

TieMeInKnottss

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I will go out on a limb and say most answers will be yes. Love has many definitions though.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 5:07:29 AM

Runningkc

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I think in order for the D/s dynamic to work longterm (for many, won't say all) it requires so many components that are the stepping stones, and go hand in hand with love. Trust, utmost respect, devotion, ect. ect.

So I guess I will say, NO, it's not "necessary" for everyone. I'm sure some may be able to carry those feelings of being submissive to somebody, or being Dominant to somebody, without getting their heart invested in that way. But for many (including myself), it is unavoidable and will always be 100% linked.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 5:09:54 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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I know there are some who specifically don't want to be in love or even to love their D or s partner. I admit I don't get this.

For me the very best D/s relationships are those that include a deep abiding love.

For me, love is not finite in quantity. In other words, that I love one person doesn't mean I don't have enough to spare for another. Which means I can love my husband, who is my D, and my sub, who is my s.

I don't love them the same, but then I think that's true of all relationships since it's so dependent of those involved.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 5:17:37 AM

AnnaOfAramis

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I didn't need love to become owned and mastered by my Master. In fact, at the time I was in love with someone else- and also believed I needed to love someone before I could be mastered by them, lol. But this proved to me I was wrong. I just needed someone who could master me and chose to do so- and no I'm not saying that anyone could master me either, it takes the right person. But I do not believe I could stay long term in an M/s relationship without love. I have been mastered 24/7 now for nine years by the same man, and while I did not love him when he first took possession of me, I did fall in love with him in the year that followed. The thing is, I think that we all have needs as humans and I would not want to live out my life without love. I believe that to remain mastered, I need my needs met, or I would become unhappy and eventually unmastered. So to answer your question, for me, I don't believe it is necessary to start a D/s or M/s relationship, but if it is going to be a long term relationship, then I believe the love has to come eventually if love is something important to either party to have.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 5:20:46 AM

ResidentSadist

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Love is not necessary for all types of D/s. There are many dynamics in a D/s exchange that sustain and fulfill people's needs without romantic love. Someone that wants to be completely dehumanized and/or objectified usually doesn't want a love dynamic. And it is this dehumanization, being treated like an object, that frees them of the human romantic emotions and allows them a world of other dynamics both sexual and emotional. To feel useful and to be needed, as someone's toy or pet can be very binding, make them feel secure and connected. The stereotypical love dynamic would completely spoil that.

Not that a romantic relationship within a D/s framework doesn't thrive on love. It's just that love is not needed in all the many types of D/s or M/s etc.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 7:52:53 AM

KnightofMists

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I believe that affection to some degree is a necessary component to enduring and thriving intimate relationships. Most relationships require that the affection be to the degree of love. Frankly, I never seen or met anyone that had a power dynamic relationship that endured and thrived that wasn't love based. So if such a dynamic is going to be based without love as one of its fundamental corner stones I expect it will be an exceedly rare example.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 7:54:10 AM

sexyred1

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Yes, I think love is essential for a long term relationship.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 9:48:36 AM

DesFIP

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It's needed here. If he didn't love me, I wouldn't trust him to care about my best interests and not to act in a manner that got him what he wanted but left me in poor shape. Love came first here.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 10:07:57 AM

orgasmdenial12

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I don't have a craving to be dominated. Yes, love is an integral part of it for me. Not because I need it to be, but because I've never been any good at having wild amazing sex with the same person, repeatedly, and not loving them, at least a little bit.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 10:13:51 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Is love a necessary part of a long term D/s relationship or is the craving to dominate or be dominated enough to keep a couple a couple?

Why should this be any different than any other LTR? It would all depend on what your priorities are. Are you so swept up in Dom fever that your over-riding motivation is to find someone to dominate? You might be mixing up domination with BDSM Topping urges scheduled at your convenience on a regular basis. This wouldn't make you a Dominant, and it sure wouldn't make you a Master, except in your own mind and whoever else is colluding with you to reinforce such an illusion. Not a good foundational recipe for any kind of intimate long-term relationship without LOVE as the key ingredient. Without it, you have simply made an arrangement to use one another for your mutual gratification.

What I find highly unjust is a bonding imbalance. Unless you're a callous bastard, you will run the risk that one partner in the D/s couple dynamic will become more emotionally invested in the relationship than the other. And this person could very well be you. It would be a rare thing indeed to always keep feelings in a state of perfect equilibrium. There's (close to) nothing that feels worse than unrequited love. So no, I could not engage in an intimate activity with another person unless there was at the very minimum a mutual infatuation from the beginning and throughout our relationship, with the hopes of progressing toward achieving a solid loving, lifetime partnership.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 10:16:36 AM

myotherself

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D/s or M/s is not the reason I'm with Master. It's not the reason I'm in any kind of relationship.

I want a partner who I love, since I plan to be with him for a long, long time. I just happen to need a man who is dominant to satisfy the submissive side of me.

But without love, I wouldn't want the M/s or D/s side. They come as a pair, or not at all.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 10:38:18 AM

HntersToy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Is love a necessary part of a long term D/s relationship or is the craving to dominate or be dominated enough to keep a couple a couple?

Love is a requirement. How can a person give all w/o love. People can be in a "relationship" w/o love but that is an empty "let's go out to eat" Go to the movies...ect....blah blah blah ....I love my Master, that is why I did the things that I did and have no regrets. And will continue to do whatever He asks of me.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 11:12:21 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Is love a necessary part of a long term D/s relationship or is the craving to dominate or be dominated enough to keep a couple a couple?

It is for me.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 11:35:47 AM

kalikshama

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As the subject of this thread poses a different question that that in your OP, I will answer them separately:

quote:

Is Love part of the D/s life style?

It does not have to be.

quote:

Is love a necessary part of a long term D/s relationship or is the craving to dominate or be dominated enough to keep a couple a couple?

For success as a long term couple, I think that love is necessary. Hot sex is generally not enough to sustain a relationship.

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 12:49:50 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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~FR~

I hate to say this, because it usually conveys almost no information but:

DUH!

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RE: Is Love part of the D/s life style? - 1/23/2014 3:31:02 PM

StrongSpirit

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1) You don't need love for a long term sex relationship - hate and indifference work just as well.

2) But if you want more than just sex - whether it is vanilla or kinky, you need love.

3) Love is not always (and may never be) Hollywood style love. Nor will it be Bollywood style - which is a lot different from Hollywood. You love your parents right? If you own a dog, you can love it, right?

If you have love, you can build a kinky long term relationship a lot easier than without it. It won't look like a movie (Holly or Bolly style). But it will still be love.

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