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can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 9:29:28 AM

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Hello to all.... I was just reading one of the threads about "Is love a big part of D/s" It got me thinking I agree that you have to have love for your Master or slave or sub....Love meaning caring and respect. My question is can you also mix vanilla date night into a D/s partnership?

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 9:45:14 AM

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Of course!! I don't think there are any "official" rules about how your D/S relationship should be like. Two people just have to meet each other needs mutually, and it will work out. I had vanilla date night every Saturday night with my x-dom.

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 9:45:50 AM

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Sure. We go out to dinner and the movies.

It depends if this is a relationship where you're friends or just meet for beat and fuck.

Many of us are in long term, loving relationships. We raise our families just like everyone else. Talk about when we need new tires on the car and so on.

He doesn't just tie me up, get off, and leave. If that's all that you're having, then you need to decide if it's enough or if you only want to give power over to someone who you have a loving relationship with.

Looking at us, you wouldn't know this was a power relationship, Unless you saw that peas and brussel sprouts are never on the dinner menu and knew that he hates them.

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 11:16:30 AM

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Sure, you can have whatever your heart desires in a D/s relationship with the right man, a Master who's right for you. IMHO, if he's only looking for a bedroom submissive or a part-time slave, then he isn't much of a master now, is he? Your bedroom Dom, but not your master.

For some Dominants, a bedroom submissive may be the totality of what they want, or all the responsibility that they can handle. I don't mean that in a disparaging way--to each his/her own. I can't do splintered or fractured relationships, so this isn't an option for me. My sub has to also be my partner in every aspect of life.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 11:21:39 AM

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Um, why not?

The questions you ask make me very curious as to what your dynamic is actually like. No offense meant but seriously your 'master' appears to be deeply lost in the master/slave fantasy. That's generally not a good thing and makes me worry for you.

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(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 11:51:22 AM

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Alas, if in four years you haven't had date nights, the likelihood of you ever getting them is slim to none.

My D/s relationship looks like a vanilla relationship from the outside - we go to dinner, movies, he brings me flower for Valentine's Day, etc. We split the holidays between his family and mine. I occasionally help out at his parent's, and he occasionally helps out at my mother's. He came with me to visit my brother in the hospital. Etc.

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 12:15:03 PM

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I agree with all the other posters.

If your "dom" is just a bedroom dom and nothing else, what else is there??
I think far too many people live in cloud-cuckoo-fantasy-land and think that anything kink, be it D/s or M/s or s/m or anything else, is going on all the time 24/7.
In most relationships, it's pretty much 90% vanilla and 10% kink (or even less).
Unless of course, you're only in it for scene play.

I often wonder why people have this unrealistic idea that kink is nothing more than a 24/7 orgy.
People have to live ordinary lives and get on with it.
I am truly amazed at how naive some people can be.

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 12:19:36 PM

MasterContinuum

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Yes tis perfectly fine - on the basis the relationship is not based on the other half being an errant object of no use - the point escapes me

The origins of that and the mythology one cannot have a vanilla date night, with cheap chardonnay and muffins, stem from nothing more than urban legend created, in the main, by married cheats with curious brains who have been exposed to bad porn looking to rub one out into a sock as their partner sleeps blissfully
.
Alas, this philosophy is adopted by most people I set eyes and ears upon online, as fact..and once they have establish this as a baseline, they go about slobbering nonsense to all, even the poor genuine curious souls, to embrace the non reality they have created as factual and the way of the scene and to say anything else is heresy; some are to be pitied others a more dangerous lot requiring a good smoting

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 12:22:15 PM

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How does my Master appear lost?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 12:23:53 PM

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Thank you all...Will take the advice

(in reply to MasterContinuum)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 12:32:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
The questions you ask make me very curious as to what your dynamic is actually like. No offense meant but seriously your 'master' appears to be deeply lost in the master/slave fantasy. That's generally not a good thing and makes me worry for you.

I haven't read her other posts, but this thread makes me think something different: that she has accepted, maybe even desired, being an object, a piece on the side, for years, and is just now saying, "Hey, maybe I want more." It's not clear to me how any of that is the guy's fault.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 3:13:02 PM

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My sweetie and I have a date night every Wednesday. We go out to eat, then back to his place , or mine for whatever might spring up.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 3:25:17 PM

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Ask yourself - if your master was a submissive female, would you be her friend?

If the answer is yes, then you have enough in common with him to be part of a loving/date night relationship.

But for quite a lot of people all they have in common is kink.

You can't build a loving/dating relationship just on kink. I know, I tried and failed.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 4:53:08 PM

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Red Magic what are you talking about? Believe me I am not or never will be a side piece so on that note do not assume ....

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 5:20:53 PM

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I apologize. In that case, could you please describe a typical week in your D/s relationship, so I won't make another mistake?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 5:26:34 PM

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Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
MasterContinuum
for

a more dangerous lot
requiring a good smoting

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4624791/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4625009

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MasterContinuum)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 5:30:44 PM

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Thank you for that...Our typical week is seeing each other few times a week. Sometimes if time allows we go to lunch dinner or the movies... I do enjoy that... BUT it always ends with playtime!!!!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 5:33:12 PM

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In that case, the next question that needs to be asked is what do you consider date night, if not dinner/movies?

(in reply to highhopes4us)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 5:42:06 PM

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The issue isn't what it is..... Its more of the timing of it.. Sometimes we just don't have the time..

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: can you have date nights - 1/23/2014 5:51:05 PM

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I don't understand your question.

(in reply to highhopes4us)

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