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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 7:19:43 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubSlutSlave11

<snip> When I read, "...no limits or safeword will be honored..." <snip>

May I restructure and finish your sentence?

"When I read 'no limits or safeword will be honored', I click the 'Next Profile' button."

That should about cover it.

edit for typo

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/20/2014 7:21:00 PM >

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Post #: 21

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 7:23:18 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Come on now, you REALLY think this applies to TPE? These people haven't even met yet.

Granted, I would never write it in that way, but you can bet that if I was looking for a new whatever I'd be stating clearly what I wanted and that'd need to include some discussion about safe words and limits and whatnot.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains
Even if it was TPE shouldn't a safeword, or some way of communicating unsafe activity be required? I know LW uses direct communication from what I read.

I just realized this is one of those threads where I've stumbled accidentally into the other side of the mirror. My bad.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubSlutSlave11
Are You (D/M) speaking of after ownership? Or during sessions or training??

For me this wouldn't be some hot kinky statement. It would equate to, "Hey, as long as you trust and respect me you should obey. If you stop trusting and respecting me then we probably ought to terminate the relationship too." It's not really rocket science nor is it all that extreme a statement IMO. Nothing in my world equates to either "training" or "sessions". I'd be talking about that as the structure of the relationship beginning the moment we "become an item".

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Post #: 22

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 7:34:02 PM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

"...no limits or safeword will be honored..."

Oh, it's ok, it gets lost in translation.

Just drop it into Google translate, select Fucktard => English.

Roughly, it comes out to this: "I have never been in a legitimate relationship involving BDSM, I have no idea what I'm doing, and because I refuse to take my partner's emotional and physical safety into consideration, I should probably be avoided at all costs."

LOL, pretty much this. Run!
Personally I have never used a safe word because my favorite kinks are usually discussed beforehand and I just never deal with subs who don't enjoy those.
I try to start with the familiar and GENTLY push the envelope in any variation of directions. If a sub insists on a safe word, I'd be more than happy to comply, but someone who brazenly says they are not going to follow any rules as a Dom before even getting to know you seems either unrealistic or unstable. I'm still shaking my head at the OP, LOL.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 7:40:12 PM

FieryOpal

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ROFLMAO, if this weren't such a serious issue.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Just drop it into Google translate, select Fucktard => English.

SubSlutSlave11, when you see verbiage to this effect disallowing safewording or anything having to do with No Limits, turn and run in the opposite direction. Do not Stop, do not pass Go. This is a dangerous Dominant poser, one who is dominant in her/his own mind, seeking her/his next submissive victim, not play partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

No, this is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

NO JOKE, OP. You are responsible for setting up your own Soft & Hard Limits, seeing if they mesh with your Dominant or whomever you permit to Top you in a BDSM scene. If you are not a masochist, then it probably isn't advisable to get involved with a sadist, unless you can unequivocally trust this person to respect your boundaries and not experiment upon you like a guinea pig.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 8:03:10 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
SubSlutSlave11, when you see verbiage to this effect disallowing safewording or anything having to do with No Limits, turn and run in the opposite direction. Do not Stop, do not pass Go. This is a dangerous Dominant poser, one who is dominant in her/his own mind, seeking her/his next submissive victim, not play partner.

LOL man alive. When the token vanilla guy thinks collarme is "vanilla as fuck" then you know something's all jacked up.

I need to get the admins to change my title to "Dangerous Dominant Poser". Someone really ought to warn Carol too.

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Post #: 25

RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 8:08:41 PM

sunshinemiss

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I'll warn her next time I'm on the phone with her. I'm obedient like that and stuff... mmhmm.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/20/2014 8:09:07 PM >

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 8:11:21 PM

Lynnxz

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Good god Jeff, you know this isn't what people are talking about. There's no sense in posturing about it.

This guy hasn't MET his sub, he hasn't even talked to them, because this shit is in the profile.

It's not TPE, he doesn't even want to discuss limits. There's no trust involved, because there hasn't been any time to build the trust.

You know that teacher you had in school when you were younger, the one that would yell at you when you asked a question, because they didn't know the answer themselves? Yeah. Same concept.

SURELY you aren't suggesting that sub/slaves just go along with the first dommy Dom Dom, that inboxes them, just because he says so... Right?

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 8:12:01 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
I'll warn her next time I'm on the phone with her. I'm obedient like that and stuff... mmhmm.

LOLOLOL.... Now there is some service. Someone better warn you though. Wait! I'll get Carol to warn you and all is resolved in some sort of cosmic symmetry.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 8:15:11 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

SubSlutSlave11, when you see verbiage to this effect disallowing safewording or anything having to do with No Limits, turn and run in the opposite direction. Do not Stop, do not pass Go. This is a dangerous Dominant poser, one who is dominant in her/his own mind, seeking her/his next submissive victim, not play partner.

LOL man alive. When the token vanilla guy thinks collarme is "vanilla as fuck" then you know something's all jacked up.

I need to get the admins to change my title to "Dangerous Dominant Poser". Someone really ought to warn Carol too.

You don't want to do that, do you?

Besides, Carol knows better. If I'm not mistaken, Kana and littlewonder have been together exclusively for about 8 years. Different rules and understandings apply in a committed, intimate D/s-M/s LTR.

In the context of somebody coming out of nowhere making such absurd stipulations as if this were a standard BDSM practice, you have to assume they're off their rocker, or just out to use others recklessly, lack integrity and don't follow SSC/RACK.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 8:52:59 PM

shiftyw

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Joined: 6/6/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Good god Jeff, you know this isn't what people are talking about. There's no sense in posturing about it.

This guy hasn't MET his sub, he hasn't even talked to them, because this shit is in the profile.

It's not TPE, he doesn't even want to discuss limits. There's no trust involved, because there hasn't been any time to build the trust.

You know that teacher you had in school when you were younger, the one that would yell at you when you asked a question, because they didn't know the answer themselves? Yeah. Same concept.

SURELY you aren't suggesting that sub/slaves just go along with the first dommy Dom Dom, that inboxes them, just because he says so... Right?

Ditto this.

You have to know that what you're referring to is a whole different bag of tricks than what the OP is talking about.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 9:03:25 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
In the context of somebody coming out of nowhere making such absurd stipulations as if this were a standard BDSM practice, you have to assume they're off their rocker, or just out to use others recklessly, lack integrity and don't follow SSC/RACK.

I don't get what the "absurd stipulation" is. I agree the exact wording was klutzy but if I was looking for another TPE relationship I'd kind of NEED to say something like that, no?

You are correct, thought that this is certainly not "standard BDSM practice". On the interwebs 99.99% of everyone wants or is M/s. In the real world M/s is pretty unusual which is exactly why MAsT exists.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 9:09:36 PM

JeffBC

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total rewrite per advice from Carol
OK, what's going on here is way too much hypothetical. For starters, the profile comments we are talking about are hypothetical and out of context.

Secondly, I would never do the things I'm espousing because as Carol correctly said, if she died I'd be looking to replace her but it wouldn't be by updating my profile on collarme. I'd just go find some nice [socially] submissive woman and let nature take it's course. There'd never be any discussion of boundaries, safe words, SSC, RACK or any BDSM relationship concept.

So I bow out of this conversation. With any luck though this wasn't a total tangent for the OP. If nothing else OP got to see how different people react to those words.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 3/20/2014 9:20:59 PM >

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 9:37:28 PM

dehumanize

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The idea of finding a no limits slave out of the box is absurd. Many slaves can and want to be pushed past their limits, but it takes time and trust to do so. I, personally, have rarely used safe words in my own TPE relationships. I am an extreme sadist and I prefer extreme masochists. This does not mean I only deal with extreme masochists, nor does it mean I would not honor any subs safe words or limits. If a slave wants a safe word, it can have one. I typically find slaves that do not want a safe word, as having the ability to stop the play interferes with the idea of total power exchange.

On the other end of that, I have had my entire adult life of experience. I am not new to this. I have never done any sort of play to another that has not been done to me at some point. I can read body language. I get to know my slaves and their limits and build up and push past certain levels. I have never caused permanent harm to anyone and I have never had anyone complain that I went too far.

It's not like he is surprising anyone with his wants. He is being very up front about them. It can hardly be called abuse when it is informed consent and agreement on the non use of a safe word.

Everyone has their own wants and tastes and this person who says outright that he doesn't want limits or safe words is merely thinning out the responders to those who may actually be interested in his style of Dominance. If you don't like it, that's fine, but to sit here and judge others for their lifestyle tastes is very unbecoming of anyone in the lifestyle.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 10:27:15 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dehumanize

The idea of finding a no limits slave out of the box is absurd. Many slaves can and want to be pushed past their limits, but it takes time and trust to do so. I, personally, have rarely used safe words in my own TPE relationships....

On the other end of that, I have had my entire adult life of experience. I am not new to this. I have never done any sort of play to another that has not been done to me at some point. I can read body language. I get to know my slaves and their limits and build up and push past certain levels. I have never caused permanent harm to anyone and I have never had anyone complain that I went too far.
<snip>

Dominance style is not being called out here. You are experienced and undoubtedly have a solid reputation to uphold. The other day DarkSteven, on a particular thread having to do with conduct or along those lines, pointed out that he is mindful of safeguarding his reputation within the BDSM community (and I'm sure elsewhere in other arenas of life). There is a saying to avoid giving the appearance of impropriety.

I'll try to make this short. OP is wet behind the ears when it comes to protocol. Classic newcomer/newbie sub, no offense intended. Now you might not ever dream of taking advantage of an s-type, but there are many CM profiles that pop up when logging in/out which show blatant disregard for subs. Every sub, male or female, is their insta-slut, sub-human or dehumanized, right there in your face. Men come on this site without expertise of any kind for the sole purpose of trawling for kinky women to give them bj's on demand. They presume this comes with the territory of calling themselves a Dom.

So we're really talking apples and oranges, in a sense.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/20/2014 11:12:37 PM

frunandsins

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Frankly, every time I have run into a slave who offers no-safe word play before we have played a few times for real, and I have been approached by a few of those, it has always been a giant red flag to me. If that's their kink, then power to them (or not), but I know that the type of subs I seek is not the type who'd offer full control, no-safe-word play, from the get-go.

On a personal aesthetics level, I also find the offer and demand of no-safe word to be both gauche and unrefined. As a Dom, demanding the sub to adhere to no-safe-word play just seems very clumsy, and makes me think of the Dom as rather unskilled (as others alluded to before). As a sub, offering no-safe-word play comes across as too desperate, and also too non-discriminating.

But to each their own kinks and may they suffer well for them.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/21/2014 3:10:41 AM

LadyPact

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Here's what I think, which means this is personal opinion only.

Most folks who stumble onto this site don't have a lot of real time BDSM experience. (There was a time that was different, but that's a whole different subject.) A good number come here because they have fantasies about BDSM or they have found an interest through porn. For those who don't agree with that, read up on some of the profiles from the other side and see how many folks just don't have a clue.

Sure. In a good, solid TPE relationship, some folks will get past the point of using safewords or find that they have the type of dynamic where limits are so close in compatibility together that they don't find the term necessary. These can be wonderful situations, but it's not what most people have out of the gate. It can be a goal and if people reach that, I find that to be fantastic.

Not being much of a gambler, Myself, I'd probably think somebody with that particular phrase in a profile is probably more likely to be a fantasist, rather than someone who has obtained that kind of level of TPE prior and wants to find it again. Call Me cynical if you'd like, but I'd rather play the odds.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/21/2014 3:31:06 AM

LadyConstanze

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LP, I couldn't agree more, the "no limits" fraction right off the bat really haven't thought it through.

I think anybody who wants to play with a complete stranger without limits or safewords, there are 2 explanations

A) Inexperienced porn victim
B) Dangerous lunatic

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/21/2014 3:48:50 AM

LadyPact

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I do know some folks who have pretty much done it right off of the bat. I hope people understand that I'm not saying it's impossible. I just happen to think it's more likely to be improbable.

Of course, as in most things, since My own style is different, it's not the first thought. I happen to like the concept of growing together, rather than instantaneous.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/21/2014 4:22:50 AM

LadyConstanze

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If I'd be a bottom, the idea that somebody disregards all my limits and would not honour a safeword, it would give me a pause and then it would make me RUN.

I love masochists, but a guy or girl telling me "I have no limits" - I wouldn't go near them, somebody who has such little regard for their own safety, I just wouldn't trust them enough (as in disclosing medical issues and all that) and I don't want to end up in court, defending myself and having my face plastered all over the tabloids. Just not one of my kinks.

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RE: NO Safeword...?? - 3/21/2014 4:26:52 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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'Everyone's a no limits slave until the blow torch comes out.' ~ Me

Yeah, I loath those subs who offer themselves up as a no limits slave as if it has some special value. If a person can't value him or her self, than why the hell should I?

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