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RE: Switch Hatred - 5/12/2014 1:06:59 PM

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I am attracted to raw strength.

If a person is that insecure that they cannot handle being out of control at times, they're weak and I have no interest in them.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 1:14:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

I am attracted to raw strength.

If a person is that insecure that they cannot handle being out of control at times, they're weak and I have no interest in them.

Um, it's kinda a lame thing about this, because all people have no problems handling being out of control, when they are not attached to a dominant in a relationship.
Is just that when they choose a dominant, they like to feel the dominant is what he is, and not just a role his pretending to be. Switches dominate and sub for sexual pleasure or anyway, do explain why do you need to be both? It's like someone who cannot decide whether they want to be a man or a woman. One day, he wants to be a man, and the next day, he wants to be woman. It's indecisive. Not very dominant.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 1:16:08 AM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 2:13:28 AM

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I am what I am, and he is what he is.

We are both powerful, and strong, and enduring. When he wants me, when he wants or needs to take control, he will do so. When he feels like being relaxed and not taking charge, he will. That is no role. It's just who he is. When I want or need to take control, when I want to sort things out, or do that I like, or make him enjoy himself at my hands, I will. When I want to relax and let go, I can. We own each other, and we are owned by each other.

It's not indecisive, it's our nature. It's not just for kink, it's part of us. It's not a role. We take what we want when we want, and we are who we are. Being able to admit that for myself has been difficult, and I think it's mature and decisive to admit that to myself.

I didn't say everyone needs to be both, but I could only go with someone like myself in that way. For others, they want something else. Good for them. I would never request to be with a dom or a sub as I know I would be incompatible.

But some switches change depending on who they're with. They don't switch with that partner, and they are the true dominant or submissive. They feel their character and desire and person with that other person is to submit, or to dominate, depending on the partner. People see switches as indecisive and incompatible. I think people should stop assuming they know what *type* of switch people are, or how 'true or fake' they are. You aren't them. And suggesting you know what is going on in someone else's head without knowing them seems prejudiced to me. That is all I have been saying in this thread.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 8:45:20 AM

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It seems like you are seeking switch acceptance somehow, but you have found a switch who can switch with you, so all is good.
It's only natural that most submissive will reject switches for their dominant. I can't accept being dominated by a submissive. I don't buy the "submissive before" so they make a better dom. If a man has submissive tendencies, he will naturally bring out my dominant personality towards him, I don't think he can control me.

But I think dominants are more receptive to accepting switches as their submissive.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 8:47:56 AM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 2:29:00 PM

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I'm would like to see people stop being prejudiced against switches.

I know that personally I am not compatible with doms or subs and so I haven't experienced this, but everyone assumes that every switch is like me, or indecisive, or some other negative connotation. Some are completely compatible and are dominant or submissive. I don't like people assuming they understand everyone from a one-word label, let alone one as vague as "switch".

Just because it doesn't affect me doesn't mean I shouldn't care.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 7:06:20 PM

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I don't understand why does a dominant have a submissive need. In my experience with switches I have interact with, after convincing me how dom they are, suddenly when scene negotiation comes into play, they start wanting to insert some scenes where they are in the bottom position, that usually turns me off them immediately.

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 7:41:57 PM

SacredDepravity

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I am a switch woman identifying as a slave here. I guess the fact that I am polyamorous is a kind of plus. If I ever desire to operate in both directions, I have the capacity to seek it from two different partners. I have only been able to switch within a relationship with one person who was also a switch. Honestly, I don't want one dynamic contaminating another. I normally only relate to any given person in one direction. I don't want, need, nor could I handle switching with someone to whom I naturally relate in the opposite direction.

I had a deep, intense M/s dynamic previously and there was no doubt who the slave was. I never attempted to top him. He never wanted to bottom to me. Our goal was total power exchange. A switch most definitely can be as intensely one dynamic as a person not dually oriented. I know because I have been there and done that. Everyone is different. That makes it a bit frustrating because, though I and others may be able to go to these depths and do not desire to switch within a relationship, that is not true of all. I understand not bothering with threshing out one from the other. I will say that there is always the possibility that the best things in life are where we are unwilling to look.

As for the dominant switch side, I like to do casual topping. I enjoy it when I do it, but I am not here actively seeking it out because I only "like" it. I have a rather take it or leave it attitude. I have lots of fun and I do have a mile wide sadistic streak when presented a nice opportunity, but that is as far as it goes. I am not looking for the emotional incumberanes either. I just want to meet and beat and both of us wind up sweaty, giggly, and with a smile on our faces. I don't want the person fawning over me and seeking me out to give them commands and make decisions. That is FAR too much for me in most cases. I wanted that with a person only once and never again since.

I do take exception to those who actively hate switches. I do have a problem with people who seem to think we are confused or simply greedy. I guess someone is simply confused that happens to be bi or likes rock and country music too. I can explain myself until I am blue in the face and it is not going to change those who have decided to generalize. If it is too much to take the time to understand why I identify as switch and what impacts it would have if we were to get involved in a relationship, then we have a different understanding of communication and a great many other things. Not everyone is a match for everyone else and that is okay. I do have to admit that sometimes we switches carry around a chip on our shoulder perhaps that seems to make it exceptionally hard to accept that. While we rail about not being accepted for who we are, it seems we forget to extend the same courtesy we are demanding. I think a bit more communication and acceptance all the way around would go a long way.

SD

*edited for typos*

< Message edited by SacredDepravity -- 5/13/2014 7:47:02 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 7:52:09 PM

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quote:

I don't understand why does a dominant have a submissive need. In my experience with switches I have interact with, after convincing me how dom they are, suddenly when scene negotiation comes into play, they start wanting to insert some scenes where they are in the bottom position, that usually turns me off them immediately.

Why does a dominant have a dominant need? Why does a submissive have a submissive need? Everyone has their own reasons. You do too. Mine won't match yours.

If a switch is dominant with you, and want to put in scenes where they're the bottom, and you don't like that, then that's their fuck up.
If a switch is submissive with someone, and wants a dominant to bottom for them when the dom doesn't like that, then that's their fuck up.
A switch who wants to switch in a scene should find a switch and not try that someone who's not into that.

But there are many switches who could be dominant with one person, or submissive with another, and it just depends on who they're with. It's a little unfair to be prejudiced against these people because you expect them to be like me.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 5/13/2014 7:53:45 PM >

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 7:57:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains
Why does a dominant have a dominant need? Why does a submissive have a submissive need? Everyone has their own reasons. You do too. Mine won't match yours.

A dominant should have a dominant need or they won't be dominant. And a submissive do have to have a submissive need, or they would not be submissive.

But why does a dominant have submissive needs? That is completely mind boggling. Dominant with a submissive need feels like an oxymoron. And The whole concept of a dominant with submissive needs just don't make any sense to me, but it probably does to the switch, and both of us live in total different universe. No way to gel with each other except as friends.

That's why switches work better with switches, since they are both dominants with submissive needs and can switch with each other.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 7:58:27 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 8:37:42 PM

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A person with dominant needs is called a dominant.
A person with submissive needs is called a submissive.
A person with both is called a switch.

For those who don't have both, you probably cannot comprehend the concept of someone who has both. Doesn't mean we're in different worlds - it just means you don't understand something about someone. No one understands everything about someone else, anyway.

Just find someone you are compatible with. Why get caught up on labels like this?

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 9:47:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains
Just find someone you are compatible with. Why get caught up on labels like this?

Which is the point i am trying to make, that's why I don't do D/S with switches. And Switches can't expect submissive to allow them to dom over them. Because their orientation is different.

It's like asking a gay man to fuck a woman. Same thing as asking a submissive to submit to a switch.

Infact this like a straight man complaining why lesbians won't have sex with him.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 9:49:24 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:18:51 PM

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No, incorrect analogy.

It's like a bisexual man sleeping with a woman, and the woman certain he will also want to sleep with men as well. That's bullshit, I know bisexual friends who are in happily monogamous heterosexual relationships, and have no interest in sleeping with others - men or women.

Just because you have the *potential* to be attracted to a man, or a woman, doesn't mean you need both.
Just because you have the *potential* to be dominant or submissive depending on the person, doesn't mean they need both, or that they are neither.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 5/13/2014 10:20:03 PM >

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:23:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains
It's like a bisexual man sleeping with a woman, and the woman certain he will also want to sleep with men as well.

For that same reason, I cannot accept bisexual males either. Totally not comfortable with it. I am a self-confessed homophobe. While I can be friends with lesbians and gay people and bisexual people and have no problem with what they do with their sex life, and encourage them to go out and have fun but as long as they don't drag me into the whole thing.

I completely do not like any body contact with another woman. Not even a hug. One of the weird crazy things I get from males is that, just because I revel in sexual indulgence with men, seems to mean to them that I am bisexual and can be convinced to play with other females. Absolutely crazy.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 10:25:12 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:34:59 PM

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So it's fear and not understanding, plain and simple.

"How can someone be dominant and yet submissive at the same time? I don't get it. They must not be *truly* dominant. So they're not compatible."

Which is all in your head.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:41:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains
So it's fear and not understanding, plain and simple.

I don't think it's fear if you don't want a woman touching you. If a woman touches you and your skin crawls, it means, you don't feel sexually attracted to her, it's the same if a man unattractive to you touches you, my skin will crawl too. It doesn't give me nice feelings. It's called an orientation. And everybody is born with their own personal orientation.

quote:

"How can someone be dominant and yet submissive at the same time? I don't get it. They must not be *truly* dominant. So they're not compatible."

Which is all in your head.

I don't think it's fair to expect for example a straight or gay person to accept a bisexual as a sexual partner. While some may choose to do so, or be capable of feeling that attraction, that is fine, but if they do not, it's not prejudice, it's not hate, it's simply orientation, on how you can't feel sexual attraction to a certain person's make up.

I've always been very specific on my tastes in sexual partners. In one of the threads, something about is it racist not to want to have sex with people of a certain colour. And I have a certain thing as well, one shade coloured dick is important to me. I don't like multi-coloured dicks. Certain race has that issue. White inside, dark outside, that looks weird to me, and honestly, I don't know why, but it revolts me, I like dicks to be one colour. So if it's suppose to be dark caramel brown, then it should be dark caramel brown inside and out. There are people of the same race, but different colour shades, depending on their origins, that some can be single coloured and some can be multi-coloured, it's weird that there is this variation.

I never understood complains about people sexual preferences, whether for sub, dom, switches, gay, lesbians, bisexual, a specific colour or race. Physical attraction is important to many when it comes to feeling turn on for a physical relationship. If no sex was involved, none of those factors matters when it comes to choosing friends.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 10:48:34 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:44:38 PM

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You don't understand them. You judge them without understanding them. You then dismiss them on the basis of a label. That's prejudice.

And where the hell did I say that you should sleep with a woman? I was saying its fear of the unknown about a bisexual person, as it would be about a switch. You are completely putting words in my mouth.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 5/13/2014 10:47:28 PM >

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(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:45:14 PM

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I have to say, I'm really on fighting's side in this part of the discussion- although I do find his defensiveness earlier in the discussion a bit damaging to his point, this exchange between you two is valid, in my opinion.

As someone who is bi, I'm currently monogamous to a man only, if I were to go sleep with a chick that would be hugely devastating to our relationship.
I also switch with ladies (idk, male submissiveness just isn't something I'm into or something I find engaging...) but not with men. If I feel the need to indulge my "top side" (which is so rare...but still) I wouldn't ask him to bottom for me at all- I'd ask him if I could go find a girl to get with, and he doesn't have to be a part of it at all.

If my man wanted to switch, in my relationships, I'm open to poly- so he could get some lovely lady (or lad...) to top him, and I'd be left out of the whole thing.

Your (Greta) own misunderstandings and opinions, and situations are simply that- and admitting to being phobic about it- implies that you dislike them a bit irrationally in my opinion. It is possible for SOME subs to submit to a switch. You keep acting as if NONE can, or that it isn't "true" submissiveness. While that is valid for you, it isn't valid across the board.

However, I do think Fighting- you could stand to ease up on some of this stuff because its almost doing the same thing from the otherside.

Both your opinions are valid. Both your relationships are valid. Move on.

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:51:37 PM

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I'm stating that there are a lot of prejudiced people who judge what they don't understand, shifty. That is all.

If I put dom as my label and just didn't worry about my want for someone in control, and never pursued it, a sub wouldn't know the difference. The fact that people see "switch" and they automatically judge someone for it seems rather prejudiced.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 5/13/2014 10:52:34 PM >

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RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 10:54:20 PM

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quote:

You keep acting as if NONE can, or that it isn't "true" submissiveness. While that is valid for you, it isn't valid across the board.

A sub who can submit to a switch doesn't indicate to me that she isn't submissive at all. Infact, that probably indicates how submissive she is that she would even submit to a switch.
I said generally most submissives will not be open to having a switch as a dom, and I believe the frustration of this thread is proof of that, as he wouldn't be putting up this topic unless it's something his going through. Of course there will be submissives who can be open to it, and usually this is because they have connected beyond the areas of just switch and submissive.

A person is made out of much more than that, and if the good in that person exceeds his orientation, love is possible.

But through personal experiences so far, I have not met a switch that feels very dominant, the energy is different, the moment I know he has sub to another female before, I feel like I can push him around easily and I usually can, and because my vanilla personality is very very dominant to start with, it would bring out the submissive side in him naturally. Probably also why switches tend to think they can convince me to play out some things with them, with them being bottom, they start feeling submissive towards me. There is always a psychological explanation to what I have experienced.

For me D/S is all about intangible energy. I can always feel the intangible draw of a natural dominant, even if his vanilla. How he easily persuades people subtlely around him to bend to his will.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/13/2014 11:01:07 PM >

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: Switch Hatred - 5/13/2014 11:00:46 PM

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I'll repeat for emphasis:

If I put dom as my label and just didn't worry about my want for someone in control, and never pursued it, a sub wouldn't know the difference.

The fact that people see "switch" and they automatically judge someone for it seems rather prejudiced.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to Greta75)

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