RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS?

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/20/2014 9:55:33 AM

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Why would I accept long distance phone and/or computer contact when I can meet someone in the flesh? However, I think mutual cyber masturbation is still a form of sex and it produces orgasms for them. I think a submissive that obeys on the phone or on a computer screen it is still a form obedience and submission. And I think the people who partake in it feel it's very real to them. . . . It's just not real enough for me though.

It seems for those that like carnal satisfaction, in the flesh, all that cyber stuff feels unrealistic or fake. They will ask, "how can you have a relationship if you've never met or even touched?" I look at it as parallel to being with a handicapped person. A blind or deaf person can still have a BDSM experience or relationship, they just aren't getting the benefit of all their senses.

No matter how hard I try to understand it or empathize with people that do it, it's just not my cup of tea and I can't fathom why it feels real to them.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/22/2014 6:31:30 PM

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Fast Reply:

Connections can occur from all sorts of venues, and for some that's online. Who am I to call your experience BS? There was a time in my life when online was my only perceived option, and the emotions I felt and things I learned were very real to me.

But we all change in life and now online-only would not fulfill me. But that does not make your experiences any less than what they are.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/26/2014 7:26:32 PM

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So I have a close friend who's roommates friend visited from Australia. My friend ended up talking to him a bunch on skype he came out to visit her a couple of times and long story short they were engaged within 6 months. They've been happily married living in Australia for years now. I wouldn't call that bogus.

That's said I think a lot of the time it very much can be.

< Message edited by GotSteel -- 6/26/2014 7:27:06 PM >

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/26/2014 7:55:09 PM

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To me, The whole Online thing just smacks of Mental Masturbation. I'm an old fashioned kind of gal... I want to smell the fear, lick the tears and I really do adore exploring the marks I leave. You know... The little things that make life sparkle.

What I find bogus is the delusion that typing commands on a keyboard is the same as having actual experience. Typing commands on a keyboard makes you a typist. If being typed to does it for you - then who cares what anyone thinks.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/26/2014 8:15:55 PM

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It seems that many here feel the same as I do...online is a very poor substitute once you've had the real thing. That being said, if you've never had a real life experience, and online is all you want, then that's just fine. I would warn you, however, that being "submissive" online is actually nothing like real life. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because you have "submitted" in the cyber world, that you have actual experience. If you ever do make the move to flesh and blood, be honest about your experience level. If you do not, you will at best be in for an eye-opening realization. At worst? You could find yourself WAAAY over your head. Just my opinion, of course.

For me? Cyber is the equivalent of looking at a picture of a yummy piece of chocolate cake, licking the paper, and expecting to taste the frosting.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/26/2014 8:40:25 PM

Hotch

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It's a tool to meet people, do research and exchange ideas. In that aspect it's perfectly fine but it's not a substitute for life and is easily misused.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 6/28/2014 9:31:52 AM

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Bogus.. no.

I'd not be that interested but online BDSM play strikes me as a free-form RPG with kink. I wonder if anyone has made a sock puppet for that named LarryLoungeLizard? (old porn video game from way back)

Not a lot different from trading erotic short fiction in my book. Whatever trips your trigger is fine by me as long as you don't force me to participate at gunpoint.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/1/2014 8:05:50 AM

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A lot of people that want online only are just bored with their lives and looking for an escape every now and then.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/1/2014 3:26:32 PM

Tryingtolosemysh

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I think it's hilarious and cute at the same time. I have nothing against it, but I prefer in person to person, more thrilling.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/2/2014 6:48:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marioneta

I can imagine this discussion is tired. I did flip around and use the search feature, however, and didn't find that there's been a discussion on this matter in the recent past. So I ask, Collar Space, do you think that online BDSM play and relationships are bogus? And why?

If you think online BDSM is bogus, is that because you haven't personally found it to be fulfilling? I'm new to BDSM, but not life and I know how it can be. You've done something a certain way for a long time and then these kids come along and muck it all up. But if I engage with someone (who has proven to my satisfaction to be who they say), and if I find it to be an intense experience of submission or service, why would old schoolers want to argue my experience?

Online engagement can be dangerous. Perhaps not for the same reasons as real time play but it can certainly attract users, fakers, and predators. But there are also genuine, kinky people out there desiring to meet and satisfy desires through authentic online interactions. The main reason I ask this question is because I have a little to say and a lot to ask about BDSM. And I value the opinions here (well, some of them). But I probably won't involve myself in as many discussions if my credit is denied. And so be it if that is the case. I will turn down my music and get off your lawn.

I somewhat consider it bogus... not due to it not being right for me, but it not being right for me because I find it somewhat bogus after experiences (both pleasant and negative).

I think it can be very real and satisfying to the right people.

It can be absolute nonsense as the people never meet or get real-time interaction so their entire interaction is as characters no matter how honest they try to be.

Depends on the people, the situation, the relationship style and expectations, etc.

If you've online you and wish to share as someone in a strictly online relationship, go ahead and do so. It's a free discussion website... as long as you're not trolling or such, share what you wanna share. Even in meat-life there are a very wide range of relationships that get folks talking from those angles here. Yours is just another voice coming from your own.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/2/2014 4:55:19 PM

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Yes.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2014 9:35:07 AM

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So..., a long time ago in a land far, far away....
I fell for a guy I'd talked to online. He was really just the other side of wonderful.
We had many of the same interests and pet peeves. We had many of the same belief systems in place. And best of all, he lived close to where I grew up and at the time, I was planning on moving back there.

So, we decided to meet.

And we did.

And we went to dinner - where our conversation appeared to pick right back up from where we left off.

Except.....

He crouched over his plate and shoveled his food into his mouth using that ever famous overhand grip we all knew and loved - when we were FOUR.
He talked with his mouth open - to the point that the food fell out of his mouth as he talked.

It fell onto his plate where he scooped it up with his next bite even before he was done with whatever he was chewing and or chasing off his lap, the table, etc

Then it began all over again.

I couldn't even look at him while we ate.

And it hit me like the proverbial light bulb.

Can online relationships work? Sure - all other things being equal.

But, what online relationships can NOT do is make you aware of the intangibles.

And in the end, what we grow to love about the other person is the idealized version of the person we are looking for.
Sometimes we get that - but most times, we don't.

In the end, the people we fall for online are..... OURSELVES - the things we want, fantasize about, hope for.
There is no way to see the person we are really talking to because what makes online work is that our imaginations fuel the fire.

And while sometimes, the person we end up meeting in person is pretty close to the person we imagined - most times they are not.

And that's not even talking about the whole "cybering" issue, which again is one of largely imagination and the ability to write well coupled with a willingness to do what someone in our imagination has told us to do (or hope that the person we are imagining will do what we say - depending on what side of the D/s fence you sit on)

So, yes. to me online BDSM is BS

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2014 9:57:07 AM

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No, I don't think it's BS. We would have the brat were it not for online.
I know many ppl who keep up relationships like that.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2014 11:01:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

In the end, the people we fall for online are..... OURSELVES - the things we want, fantasize about, hope for.
There is no way to see the person we are really talking to because what makes online work is that our imaginations fuel the fire.

And while sometimes, the person we end up meeting in person is pretty close to the person we imagined - most times they are not.

I guess I have been extremely lucky. Or, I have an ability to read people, and be realistic about my expectations.

I met my last Dominant online...and was with him, r/t, for almost 8 years. I have met my current (to be determined) online as well, and went to meet him last week. In both cases, I saw them for what they were prior to meeting them, because I was realistic about things. And, they were honest about things. Nothing extremely shocking when the "real time meet" came to fruition....

While I agree with you that there is an inherent danger that our hopes and fantasies may take over when meeting someone online, I have to beg to differ that "most times" people are disappointed. In my mind, it's equivalent to meeting someone just about anywhere. Until you figure out whether they can (or cannot) feed themselves like an adult...the disappointment factor is always a possibility...

IMO, the good part about meeting someone online is that there is an opportunity to truly get to *know* a person prior to the physical coming into play. Of course, that assumes that people are being honest in what they say...but again, that question comes up no matter where or how you meet someone.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2014 11:41:11 PM

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it all depends on if your planning on meeting up in real life... if its basically only online with no chance of meeting then I call bs, but if your in different states or countries but you are planning on meeting to see if you can mesh together and make it an ltr then its cool...

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2014 10:29:41 AM

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quote:

It goes without saying that honesty and open communication are everything in BDSM whether online or in real time. I am indeed in a long term relationship.

Let's assume honesty and open communication is everything in BDSM, as you say.

I am concerned that honesty and online are mutually exclusive terms. Are they not so? Who can say an online only relationship is honest and true with certainty? What makes you certain that person 21000 miles away is being honest? Ever? You cannot. So this must be bogus if judged as you value it, requiring full honesty and open communication. In other words, your view of online only relationships is bogus based on your stated values.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2014 10:48:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

It goes without saying that honesty and open communication are everything in BDSM whether online or in real time. I am indeed in a long term relationship.

Let's assume honesty and open communication is everything in BDSM, as you say.

I am concerned that honesty and online are mutually exclusive terms. Are they not so? Who can say an online only relationship is honest and true with certainty? What makes you certain that person 21000 miles away is being honest? Ever? You cannot. So this must be bogus if judged as you value it, requiring full honesty and open communication. In other words, your view of online only relationships is bogus based on your stated values.

You could say that about someone you're in a r/l relationship with. SHe could be in a loving online relationship with someone 21000 miles away while dating you.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2014 11:02:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

I am concerned that honesty and online are mutually exclusive terms. Are they not so? Who can say an online only relationship is honest and true with certainty? What makes you certain that person 21000 miles away is being honest? Ever? You cannot.

How do you know that anyone, regardless of how close they are geographically, is being honest? You don't. If someone is honest, they are going to be so regardless of the nature of the relationship. And, on the other side, if they are not? It doesn't matter if they live with their partner...liars and cheats always try to find a way.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2014 11:27:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

I am concerned that honesty and online are mutually exclusive terms. Are they not so? Who can say an online only relationship is honest and true with certainty? What makes you certain that person 21000 miles away is being honest? Ever? You cannot.

How do you know that anyone, regardless of how close they are geographically, is being honest? You don't. If someone is honest, they are going to be so regardless of the nature of the relationship. And, on the other side, if they are not? It doesn't matter if they live with their partner...liars and cheats always try to find a way.

How do I know? I know based on their actions. Actions which can only be seen close. Actions, as you know, speak louder than words uttered on a long distance phone call or online.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2014 11:29:12 AM

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I think you're missing the point.

Unless you watch them 24/7 you've no idea what their "actions" are when you're not looking.

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