RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS?

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 9/23/2014 12:27:25 AM

ivone57

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online bdsm, its just masturbating and self harm by words on a screen.....

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 9/23/2014 1:39:53 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marioneta

I can imagine this discussion is tired. I did flip around and use the search feature, however, and didn't find that there's been a discussion on this matter in the recent past. So I ask, Collar Space, do you think that online BDSM play and relationships are bogus? And why?

If you think online BDSM is bogus, is that because you haven't personally found it to be fulfilling? I'm new to BDSM, but not life and I know how it can be. You've done something a certain way for a long time and then these kids come along and muck it all up. But if I engage with someone (who has proven to my satisfaction to be who they say), and if I find it to be an intense experience of submission or service, why would old schoolers want to argue my experience?

Online engagement can be dangerous. Perhaps not for the same reasons as real time play but it can certainly attract users, fakers, and predators. But there are also genuine, kinky people out there desiring to meet and satisfy desires through authentic online interactions. The main reason I ask this question is because I have a little to say and a lot to ask about BDSM. And I value the opinions here (well, some of them). But I probably won't involve myself in as many discussions if my credit is denied. And so be it if that is the case. I will turn down my music and get off your lawn.

I don't much care what other people do. I care what I do. So I don't know the answer to "Is your relationship bogus?" because I don't ask myself such questions. For me, the most fulfilling aspects of a relationship are not sexual, and are not BDSM-related. They involve things like pillow talk, kissing her on her head, or having my neck massaged.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 9/23/2014 7:31:33 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marioneta

I can imagine this discussion is tired. I did flip around and use the search feature, however, and didn't find that there's been a discussion on this matter in the recent past. So I ask, Collar Space, do you think that online BDSM play and relationships are bogus? And why?

If you think online BDSM is bogus, is that because you haven't personally found it to be fulfilling? I'm new to BDSM, but not life and I know how it can be. You've done something a certain way for a long time and then these kids come along and muck it all up. But if I engage with someone (who has proven to my satisfaction to be who they say), and if I find it to be an intense experience of submission or service, why would old schoolers want to argue my experience?

Online engagement can be dangerous. Perhaps not for the same reasons as real time play but it can certainly attract users, fakers, and predators. But there are also genuine, kinky people out there desiring to meet and satisfy desires through authentic online interactions. The main reason I ask this question is because I have a little to say and a lot to ask about BDSM. And I value the opinions here (well, some of them). But I probably won't involve myself in as many discussions if my credit is denied. And so be it if that is the case. I will turn down my music and get off your lawn.

I've always said things don't, because, occasionally, if I thought otherwise, sometimes I, but, if I didn't, then, well.....I wasn't wanted to, chunked, can I do (if I chose to), who knows? Did I feel it was needed?

So, with that said....how can I?

I didn't want to but....chosen members asked me to.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 9/29/2014 5:54:10 PM

cloudboy

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Reading through this thread it occurred to me that with the right person I could have an intense (very intense) relationship via morse code. The absence of flesh and voice would activate everything else. In my mind my partner could be Goddess or GOD, King or Queen.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/2/2014 10:09:02 AM

longing2serveBBW

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I find it interesting that most people seem to be decrying online relationships when were all on a site that was set up to cater for them. I wouldn't imagine a very high percentage of people using CS ever actually meet because surely if you were in a steady long term fulfilling relationship you wouldn't still have an active profile or be spending so much time on here? I know I wouldn't.

CS is primarily nothing more than a social networking site for people who either live or fantasize about living in some kind of D/s relationship, hence the amount of Pro Domms profiles. In a way it's quite a sad place full of desperate people hankering after something they will never find. I don't say that out of any kind of derision, because I'm one of them. In truth the reality for most sub men is that If you aren't willing to pay for a Pro you're in for a very unfulfilled life. That's just the way it is.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/2/2014 10:36:01 AM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: longing2serveBBW

I find it interesting that most people seem to be decrying online relationships when were all on a site that was set up to cater for them. I wouldn't imagine a very high percentage of people using CS ever actually meet because surely if you were in a steady long term fulfilling relationship you wouldn't still have an active profile or be spending so much time on here? I know I wouldn't.

Several people who post here regularly are in long term, fulfilling relationships. They have profiles and everything. This site was not set up to cater to online relationships, it was set up as a BDSM matchmaking site. While I am sure there are more people that do not find someone, there are a decent percentage that do, and even more that we never know about. Online relationships are part of this site, but certainly not its focus.

quote:

CS is primarily nothing more than a social networking site for people who either live or fantasize about living in some kind of D/s relationship, hence the amount of Pro Domms profiles.

The amount of professional profiles means nothing, in fact, if I was one, I would make a profile, and use the forums heavily to promote my business. Using that criteria to judge the worth of the site is a stretch.

quote:

In a way it's quite a sad place full of desperate people hankering after something they will never find.

Saying this is just silly. Not everyone here is desperate, some people actually seeking someone will know that it takes time. As far as being fated to never find someone, just because you are full of negativity doesn't mean that others have to wallow in it along with you. People can and do find people online. I found my slut online and we are together, in the real world, happy, fulfilled, and I spend time on the message boards.

quote:

I don't say that out of any kind of derision, because I'm one of them.

Good to know you didn't mean what you just said... but you did say it anyway. Again, just because you are a pessimist, doesn't mean that others have to be that way.

quote:

In truth the reality for most sub men is that If you aren't willing to pay for a Pro you're in for a very unfulfilled life. That's just the way it is.

Bullshit. A good many people that have come here and gotten involved in their local communities find others to either play with, or become romantically involved. I do not have percentages because there is no viable way to trace these things, and not everyone posts in the Success Story section either but some have come back and posted success stories to threads in other sections. Telling people that they will live an unfulfilled life unless they pay a professional is hogwash of the highest degree.

Look, your struggles are your own, not everyone shares them. Just because you are not having success doesn't make it the rule. That you are as negative as you are is certainly not an endearing feature of your personality and could be a reason for someone to reject you because of it. Perhaps getting more positive and trying to keep upbeat about your chances finding someone are in order.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/2/2014 8:01:18 PM

Greta75

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I guess if someone is into only control and touching themselves and does not want physical contact with another human being. Online BDSM will work very well for them.

But for me, I'm not interested unless I get him in real flesh and blood. I need body contact.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/2/2014 9:28:19 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Look, your struggles are your own, not everyone shares them. Just because you are not having success doesn't make it the rule. That you are as negative as you are is certainly not an endearing feature of your personality and could be a reason for someone to reject you because of it. Perhaps getting more positive and trying to keep upbeat about your chances finding someone are in order.

Bravo!

I started out online in the IRC chat groups about 18 years ago. I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship, or to "cyber" with anyone...and I never did "cyber" with anyone. It just does nothing for me. I was just looking to talk to some people and learn about these lifestyles and make some friends. A few years later on alt.com I started talking to someone local, we met, decided we liked each other, a relationship developed...although it was vanilla, and we lived together for 10 years.

4 1/2 years ago I decided to start exploring online for a r/l D/s relationship. Over these last 4 1/2 I have MET probably 20-25 different men, with a variety of different results. Some of them became play partners that I saw on a regular basis, some of the became platonic friends and we never got intimate, with some of them we decided we weren't a good match and we parted company. But I can honestly say that I have never had a truly "bad" experience. Even with the ones where we decided we had no chemistry and parted company, they have all been very nice guys. I guess I've been very lucky.

Like Gauge said....I think a big part of it is that I have always tried to be upbeat and positive about it. Plus I don't really go into it like it's the sole purpose of my being here. My main purpose of being here is to be social, learn about things that may be new to me, have some fun and make some friends. If I happen to get lucky enough to find someone to develop a LTR, then that's just icing on the cake.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/3/2014 10:22:22 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
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quote:

ORIGINAL: longing2serveBBW

I find it interesting that most people seem to be decrying online relationships when were all on a site that was set up to cater for them. I wouldn't imagine a very high percentage of people using CS ever actually meet because surely if you were in a steady long term fulfilling relationship you wouldn't still have an active profile or be spending so much time on here? I know I wouldn't.

CS is primarily nothing more than a social networking site for people who either live or fantasize about living in some kind of D/s relationship, hence the amount of Pro Domms profiles. In a way it's quite a sad place full of desperate people hankering after something they will never find. I don't say that out of any kind of derision, because I'm one of them. In truth the reality for most sub men is that If you aren't willing to pay for a Pro you're in for a very unfulfilled life. That's just the way it is.

I agree with everything Gauge wrote, but I wanted to say a couple things beyond that, too.

I log in maybe once a week, for 30 minutes or so, and I spend more time checking the boards than the profiles. I'm in a happy relationship (and I think it's likely to last a long time), but it's also a somewhat open relationship, within mutually agreed on bounds. So I'm not hungry, but I'm still kinda looking.

And you know what? Not being desperate is an aphrodisiac to women. I swear. Even when I was single, I met so many women in real life here that I stopped posting about it, because people told me I was lying about the number. Now those were better days for the site, before FetLife existed, and when Fet was very small. So I doubt I could duplicate that here now. But if you're an interesting guy, and you want a kinky woman but don't need one, kinky women will try to impress you. There just aren't many men in the world who (a) have unusual sexual urges, but (b) aren't ruled by them.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/3/2014 8:05:52 PM

xKinkyDomina

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/24/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: longing2serveBBW

I find it interesting that most people seem to be decrying online relationships when were all on a site that was set up to cater for them. I wouldn't imagine a very high percentage of people using CS ever actually meet because surely if you were in a steady long term fulfilling relationship you wouldn't still have an active profile or be spending so much time on here? I know I wouldn't.

CS is primarily nothing more than a social networking site for people who either live or fantasize about living in some kind of D/s relationship, hence the amount of Pro Domms profiles. In a way it's quite a sad place full of desperate people hankering after something they will never find. I don't say that out of any kind of derision, because I'm one of them. In truth the reality for most sub men is that If you aren't willing to pay for a Pro you're in for a very unfulfilled life. That's just the way it is.

I find it equally interesting when people bash the platform which allows them to get closer to fantasies. I like to see the Internet as what "brings people together". It's easier to try and find a like-minded person online, then meet if you match. For some people, meeting is not an option, while the desire is still there. Here comes the wonderful chance of living out your fantasy online.
Surely, for bondage lovers online is not ideal, but not all fetishes involve physical contact. Who was it who said the largest sex organ is the brain?

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/6/2014 5:14:48 PM

CaptR

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Personally I liken online play to having one of those small after dinner mints as dessert when you crave something richer. It teases your sweet tooth instead of allowing you indulgence in the more satisfying decadence of a chocolate custard filled eclair. My tastes don't reflect that of others though so let them choose their own slice of pie if they're happy with it. Excuse me while I go forage.

< Message edited by CaptR -- 10/6/2014 5:16:40 PM >

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 10/6/2014 8:28:30 PM

ChrchofDrk

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Personally I don't find online relationships as very fulfilling in a purely physical sense. Online certainly doesn't take the place of real time. But online play can be enjoyable. Just like watching porn can be enjoyable. Online only though? No thanks. It becomes boring for me. I don't really care how I affect somebody far away. It certainly isn't control. However, that's me. Whatever someone else does is their business. I know some that swear by online relationships. That's their thing

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/9/2016 6:32:54 AM

Raf1

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Notwithstanding all the negatives listed here, I would still be open to an online situation with the right submissive. I think, like any relationship, it's what you make of it. With the right person, it could work well.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/9/2016 6:43:28 AM

bondageerone

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online roleplay works, for me, my job is 24/7, so if I meet someone, who has the same interests, we interact, react and enjoy.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2016 8:08:29 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
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From: Toronto, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marioneta

I can imagine this discussion is tired. I did flip around and use the search feature, however, and didn't find that there's been a discussion on this matter in the recent past. So I ask, Collar Space, do you think that online BDSM play and relationships are bogus? And why?

This may be a repetition of what others have said, but...

Domination and submission are as much an emotional/intellectual process, as they are physical, I would say that some may derive quite a bit from on-line BDSM, but they are not getting the full experience.

So I would say that it is not bullshit, but it is an incomplete experience... and one that interests me little.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2016 8:12:32 AM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ivone57

online bdsm, its just masturbating and self harm by words on a screen.....

Just masturbating? I think masturbating is highly under rated. Masturbation can be very rewarding, as evidenced by the fact that- often - people in satisfying sexual relationships with a partner still masturbate :)

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2016 8:26:20 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raf1
Notwithstanding all the negatives listed here, I would still be open to an online situation with the right submissive. I think, like any relationship, it's what you make of it. With the right person, it could work well.

So, you drug up a thread from two years ago to say so?

That's hilarious.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/10/2016 10:11:31 AM

DocStrange

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raf1

Notwithstanding all the negatives listed here, I would still be open to an online situation with the right submissive. I think, like any relationship, it's what you make of it. With the right person, it could work well.

2 year old thread. Neco, just don't do it

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2016 12:36:41 PM

Bhruic

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Missed the thread date again... wish they would automatically close them after a certain time, if its frowned on to comment on them.

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RE: Do you think that online BDSM is BS? - 7/11/2016 2:24:34 PM

Kaliko

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I think it's actually too bad that it's frowned upon to comment on them. I'm in other groups where it's okay to bring up threads from any point in time, and no one seems to have a problem with it. Just because something is old doesn't mean it's not still fun to talk about.

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