Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant?

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Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:30:09 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Since this question is asked of submissives so much I felt it was only proper to ask the same of dominants, were you abused in anyway in your lifetime? By abuse I mean bullied by your parents, chronically neglected (think latch key kids), physically abused, verbally abused, or sexually abused? If you were abused has this made you want to control people to regain some sense of loss control over your childhood.

I am not really asking this question because I think it has anything to do with why dominants are the way they are.. it just seems as valid to ask some of the dominants that seem to assume things about the submissives they dominate when they are not willing to look at their own backyard.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Post #: 1

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:42:05 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

nope....watching shy boys smile up at me and then do as i please was what did it for me.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 2

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:45:26 PM

enigmabrat

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I happen to know many Doms that were abused growing up in in fact I have spoken to many Doms that have been same amount as subs

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a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 3

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:48:59 PM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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You do realize that you just asked a bunch of people to come in and reveal themselves as serial abusers, don't you?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:52:05 PM

enigmabrat

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Joined: 8/1/2004
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How did the question ask that cartakr??

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 5

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:57:43 PM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

How did the question ask that cartakr??

think harder.

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 6

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/12/2006 11:59:15 PM

jezabelKH

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Joined: 5/21/2006
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no

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 12:05:30 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Well I think it's a fair question. Who called you a "serial abuser"?
Everyone here, as far as I know, is here because they consensually enjoy bdsm, or are interested in it.

That is not quite the same as being a "serial abuser"- is it? In true "abuse" there is no consensuality involved whatsoever.

Even if that were true, is it any worse than a female submissive admitting she was abused in some way? Not really (to me anyway). Admitting it would not ruin any
Dominant/Master "mystique" - to me (maybe for someone else it would), but really, why should it? They obviously did not choose to be abused, if they were abused.

My personal guess is the answer to this question is "yes" about as often as for female submissives. But who knows?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/13/2006 1:01:28 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Caretakr)

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RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 12:08:09 AM

enigmabrat

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Joined: 8/1/2004
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Nope sorry Sir cant understand your point I guess its lack of sleep or the simple fact Im stupid so please explain

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 9

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 12:15:34 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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i am pretty sure he read it wrong eni...you are not stupid ....and if you say that again i may have to pounce you....*grin*

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 10

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 12:21:48 AM

mistresszarah

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline

I believe it was the lack of abuse in my childhood that drove me to become dominate. I can remember going to school and feeling left out because my mommie didn't hit my daddy enough, and the other kids just though a loving home was weird.

< Message edited by mistresszarah -- 7/13/2006 12:22:22 AM >

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 11

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 2:38:38 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting to all

first i was born to be domianat second yes i was abused . when someone is molseted they turn to two things either they will close down and not want anyone to touch them no sex they are turned off by the ideal if it next they well become so sexulally active they sleep with many men they will become stripper porn star, this is the true about porn star they worte a book about their live and 90% were abuse,

in my case i close down i did not want anyone to touch me i, but the strange thing is i did not remember for many years until i went to see a therpaist the first thing out of his mouth was " how many man have you sleplt with" you see i acted like i was in bed with many men
it just showed on my face i had not do that thank god.
but i wrote in a rpely before how i as a child like to see men cry it made me feel something i had no ideal what it was when i was younger i would tell my dates i want to tie them up.

there is on thing my twin and i remember some how we saw someone in leather it wa the ownwer of our house we live in i thought it was a drean until my twin told me she saw it too. this ,made it even more as i grow older but this feeling of seeing a male cry happen before i saw the leather . so i grown now knowing what this feeling was but i want to slap men but when i found out what it was all about my excitiment grewn to be the biggest thing in my life i wanted more and i got more, my family knows even my son know i was shamed i had to tell him he knew and told me he still love me but do not lol ever say anthing about it again lol
yes bein dominant for some is a source of protection for me it is pleasure beyone my wildest dreams i did not use it for proection i use it for my pleasures

very good post i hope many will answer

mons

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 2:49:42 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
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Not abused .
Just naturally developed as I dated.

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 13

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 3:29:40 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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Perfectly valid question and probably does have some bearing on who I became.

Only child to an emotionaly disfunctional mother and a father who couldn't relate to anyone younger than someone he could take to the pub for a chat. I became VERY self-reliant from a VERY early age just out of survival.

If I needed anything doing *I* was the one who had to make it happen. I have memorys of having to 'take charge' even in situations involving adults from age 2 upward when it was something *I* needed. I was cooking from age 6, self defence against HER cooking. Not kidding, the dispeptic dwarf can burn water!

My Gran was the nearest thing to a parent I had (My grandfather would have done the same but he died when I was still quite young). From age 7 I would take myself over to the moterway services, find some of the delivery drivers I knew and get a lift back 'home' to Glasgow to my grans place. She was a strong woman but too old to control me, especialy when I was having to be self relient so much of the rest of the time.

Now I simply can't be other than self-reliant, I HAVE to be in charge, have to be in control of my life.... so in a relationship, it is the only way I function. It is the way I show I care. I may have been predisposed to that approach anyhow, but my upbringing (Or lack of) definatly reinforced that.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 3:39:56 AM

DualControl

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/10/2006
From: Bristol, UK
Status: offline

No, not at all.

I have had subs who were abused in previous times, and a careful, patient approach made it possible for our bdsm to be quite theraputic for them, or so they said.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 15

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 3:46:21 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Since this question is asked of submissives so much I felt it was only proper to ask the same of dominants, were you abused in anyway in your lifetime? By abuse I mean bullied by your parents, chronically neglected (think latch key kids), physically abused, verbally abused, or sexually abused? If you were abused has this made you want to control people to regain some sense of loss control over your childhood.

I am not really asking this question because I think it has anything to do with why dominants are the way they are.. it just seems as valid to ask some of the dominants that seem to assume things about the submissives they dominate when they are not willing to look at their own backyard.

Nope, nothing of the sort.... Mum always said I was the easiest to raise (of 3) because I preferred my own company when young (2 - 10ish) and I wasn't interested in group or team activities like sports etc growing up.

I was always independent and never affected by peer pressures etc and I certainly didn't respond well to being pushed around.... And forget about a career in the armed forces or Police etc, where I'd hafta follow orders - NOT acceptable! And I also had no desire to lead a group in any job situation....

But controlling just one fem/sub with an equal need to be controlled? Yep, wanted that most my dating life....

Focus.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 4:55:05 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Nope Im just naturally dominant and my Father encouraged it as he didn't want me to be like my Mother. My parents are both dominant without question but my Mother was conditioned (as most females are) to believe the man should run things. So she'd try to let him run things but he would want her input (my Dad's an equal opportunity kinda guy), she'd get frustrated at him for wanting her input and blow up in anger at him. Just DO it! I don't care blah blah..it wasn't pretty. Then when he'd do it she'd bitch and complain for years about it.
There were arguments because Mom would fawn over him too much, he'd would want to make his own sandwich and she was arguing with him about it. Then she'd storm out cussing and he'd be shaking his head mumbling about how he hated being treated like a child. Also my Mom was very addicted to soap operas, she wouldn't miss them for anything and no one had better call or come to the house while they are on or she will go off. Dad suggested she get a part time job to get her out of the house and OMG she exploded!
So in short Dad encouraged me to get an education, be my own person, get a good job, preferably my own business and to never get married or change my surname LOL I followed his advice and I can say I am truly happy that I did.

I found out later when I started dating at the age of 18 that I really enjoyed tying men up and torturing them, it was as natural as breathing.

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 17

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 5:38:14 AM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline

Broken down and beaten, having then been empowered through the transformation of power, could be why I took to being a dominant, submissive, or maybe a switch? I do not know but in the early stages of submission, I was shown the difference in what I actually consented to over which I had no consent. This empowered me in a way that I did not have to feel at fault or take blame for having been subjected to abusive people. I learned I can actually remove myself now, and couldn't in childhood. I guess that knowledge has over flown into the treatment I have to accept from others compared to the stuff I don't have to take anymore.

Nina

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 7:53:15 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Being a latchkey kid might have influenced it, in a round-about way. I don't want to be in control to try and fill some void about not having control as a kid...but I will admit that I want control because I am a very independent woman and like things MY way. I totally could have learn how to be independent being a latch-key kid and I certainly could have learned to like things MY way by having a lot of time to DO things my way as a kid.

In the end, though, I think it's a mix of nature and nurture.

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: Did Childhood Abuse Cause you To Be a Dominant? - 7/13/2006 10:55:47 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

So maybe it is nature and nurture that causes this? Interesting.

I was very cared for as a child, always someone to help me with everything as I am the youngest of 4 from a happy home. Perhaps I am submissive because of this?...hmmmm

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/13/2006 10:56:44 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 20

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