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RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 1:52:54 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
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I really don't understand the idea that communicating online is a skill that's completely different from communicating in the real world. It really isn't. And maybe that's the real problem here: new posters think that there are different rules for expressing yourself in a message board when you really just need to conduct yourself like you would in regular society.

You'll see it all the time with messages on the other side. My inbox here and on Fet is flooded with guys who think that because we're on a kink site, the regular rules of engagement don't apply and it's perfectly acceptable to demand blowjobs and cam sessions.

This is the real issue. It's not with old posters hazing new ones. It's not with some secret skill to expressing yourself on a forum. The rules of the real world still apply here: You introduce yourself, you state what you're looking for, and you contribute to conversations in a civil manner (unless you're in P&R, then all bets are off.) You don't go running in the room screaming what you want and expecting members of your target demographic to jump all over you. Even if hordes of angry women jumping on you happens to be your fetish. ESPECIALLY if that happens to be your fetish.

So no, I see little fault in the regulars for calling out the new posters for being intentionally clueless. They have the skills to play along in the forums, they just aren't using them. Most of them are just trying to get their rocks off and are getting impatient. In that case I have every right to direct them to the nearest porn site and telling them to fuck off.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 2:26:35 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Posts like this arise on a fairly regular schedule. My response doesn't change. If you walk into a party full of people you don't know, then it is incumbent on you to fit in. You can expect others to cater to you, but it's highly unlikely to happen.

If however, you are polite, introduce yourself, and try to fit in, you probably will be welcomed. Part of that includes deciding if this group is a good fit for you or not. Not demanding the group culture changes for you.

Now, if you can do this in real life, then I don't understand why you can't do it online.

All of us were new once, and presumably we didn't run away screaming. Instead we took our time getting to know others and making friends. I expect others to be as competent online as off. They've said they are adults in order to join the site. Myself, I take people at their word and expect them to act like adults. I coddle children, not grown ups. YMMV.

I don't have debates or disagreements at parties. I don't discuss my personal life or offer advice about relationships at parties. So don't mind if I disagree with the analogy.
I don't have to befriend or be nice to anyone, even at a party, that's a matter of choice for me like everything else. I would like to be nice but I don't deal well with blatant disrespect, ever. It's just not gonna happen.
Then I turn into a bit of a cunt, ergo the name "Manko" I have been called for years. I love my name.
I told one of my friends the other day to "take his dick out of a meat grinder" verbatim and he calmed his tits. I did it publicly despite most of our mutual friends thinking I am "too nice". Sometimes you have to draw the line in the sand.
He respects me is why he calmed it down, and if he didn't he can always choose not to deal. I'll live.
Being a part of a group does not make anyone here an expert nor do people have to "bandwagon" to belong. There is absolutely NO point in time where I feel anyone else has more of a right to be here than I do or offers better perspective than I do. If forum members want people to be friends, they have to actually be friendly, not expect them to kiss ass or lack personal perspective. No one asked for coddling. I can't remember a single time someone has ever requested that or desired to be "friends" with anyone on here who might have unjustifiably hazed them or traded bullshit stories about them based on presumption.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 2:57:03 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I really don't understand the idea that communicating online is a skill that's completely different from communicating in the real world. It really isn't.

Well the major difference is that online communication does not carry with it the automatic feedback of, if you are being a dick, that you don't get punched in the face for it. So, the online difference is that people tend to act differently because that punch will not land on them. If, however, someone comes here and acts as you described and actually tries to fit in and acts like they are in real life, the communication goes better and people are more receptive to it.

quote:

This is the real issue. It's not with old posters hazing new ones. It's not with some secret skill to expressing yourself on a forum. The rules of the real world still apply here: You introduce yourself, you state what you're looking for, and you contribute to conversations in a civil manner (unless you're in P&R, then all bets are off.) You don't go running in the room screaming what you want and expecting members of your target demographic to jump all over you.

Yep. I raised my children, I don't have enough patience to raise adults.

Good post Rocka. Take a pat on the back out of petty cash.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 3:05:08 PM

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I don't have debates or disagreements at parties. I don't discuss my personal life or offer advice about relationships at parties. So don't mind if I disagree with the analogy.

To defend the analogy, I do. Debates and advice are my favorite things. A party is more fun for me when there is intellectual conversation and different POVs shared.

YMMV.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 3:15:12 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Well the major difference is that online communication does not carry with it the automatic feedback of, if you are being a dick, that you don't get punched in the face for it. So, the online difference is that people tend to act differently because that punch will not land on them. If, however, someone comes here and acts as you described and actually tries to fit in and acts like they are in real life, the communication goes better and people are more receptive to it.

I agree, landing punches is way easier offline. Also, learning to communicate isn't determined by how long ago you joined the site. I hope people are aware of this. I see everyone as the same, online forum members, nothing beyond that unless I do actually extend the hand of friendship. Also, though bringing this up might be unnecessary, people should know "new people" doesn't mean they discovered the lifestyle yesterday and might have been a part of it for a lot longer than any of us, ergo their absence from an advice forum. Like IHH and her 20 year prior experience before her Dom. We should always remember we don't actually know these people.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 3:33:08 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I don't have debates or disagreements at parties. I don't discuss my personal life or offer advice about relationships at parties. So don't mind if I disagree with the analogy.

The analogy is a good one actually. While it is true that you may not discuss those things, your conduct at those parties largely dictates how the other folks react to you. If you are friendly, personable, not a dick, don't demand to get your way and act like a child, you are far more likely to be accepted than if you did act like an idiot. The opportunity to discuss personal things and offer advice if someone asks you, might come up if you are not a childish twat.

quote:

I don't have to befriend or be nice to anyone, even at a party, that's a matter of choice for me like everything else.

It is a matter of choice for you. However, you don't act foolish and not expect to get called on it either. If you walked in the door and demanded that everyone listen to you and shave their heads, chances are that the reaction you would get would be less than desirable. If, however, you walk in the door and act like an adult and suggest that if everyone shaves their head they might like it... you may well get a mixed reaction. On the other hand, if you just walk in and talk about head shaving being the new trend, people are more apt to listen. Presentation is everything.

quote:

I would like to be nice but I don't deal well with blatant disrespect, ever. It's just not gonna happen.

Who deals with disrespect well? No one really. People are also less likely to deal with disrespect from someone they do not know than they would from someone that they do know. Therefore, if someone is disrespectful (new or otherwise) on the forums, they should not be shocked that they are getting smacked around for it. To think that the disrespectful person should be nurtured, mollycoddled and pampered is ridiculous, that is not the way the world works, nor should it.

quote:

Being a part of a group does not make anyone here an expert nor do people have to "bandwagon" to belong. There is absolutely NO point in time where I feel anyone else has more of a right to be here than I do or offers better perspective than I do.

You offer your perspective, I offer mine, others offer theirs, that is what the forums are for. Certainly there are people who think their point of view is the only one, but that is not a community problem more than it is an individual one. If we took the time to join, we earn the right to participate. However the rules of conduct still apply... meaning, if you are a dick about things, you are going to get called on it.

quote:

If forum members want people to be friends, they have to actually be friendly, not expect them to kiss ass or lack personal perspective.

This comes back to what I said about disrespect. New posters here that act friendly get friendly in return. New posters here who act disrespectful, get their balls stuck in a vice. Don't expect the community to embrace someone for being a dick.

quote:

No one asked for coddling.

Nope, but the entire thread was started with that in mind: How the community is so shitty to newbies. I'm not going to coddle anyone. I judge people with only one criteria: Are they an asshole or are they a good person? That is my only question I ask myself. If they are in the wrong side of being a dick, I normally tell them to change the way they are approaching things, if they are full blown dicks, all bets are off. I don't take that in my personal life, I sure am not going to take it online.

quote:

I can't remember a single time someone has ever requested that or desired to be "friends" with anyone on here who might have unjustifiably hazed them or traded bullshit stories about them based on presumption.

Wait, so there is justifiable "hazing"?

I remember someone who came on here, flexed their online muscles, and got promptly shot down for it. Funny thing happened, after being shot down, they apologized, changed the way they did things and is still participating in the forums today. Some people listen, some people just want to sit in their dirty diaper and defend their right to do so... it depends on the person, not the community.

Look, I understand why this discussion is happening, and to a very slight degree, a damn near infinitesimal amount, I agree with it. The rest of it is buffalo bagels. This community does a decent job of welcoming people, but that the individual presenting themselves is responsible for their own conduct is paramount to the discussion as a whole. If you have any doubts about how that is supposed to work, walk into the middle of a bar room filled with Hells Angels and spit in someone's face and see what welcome you get. If, however, you buy the room a round of drinks, see how differently you will be received. It is all how you present yourself, and how reasonable you are, that will dictate whether or not the community will work with you, or toss rotten fruit at you.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 12/4/2014 3:51:05 PM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 3:39:05 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I agree, landing punches is way easier offline. Also, learning to communicate isn't determined by how long ago you joined the site. I hope people are aware of this. I see everyone as the same, online forum members, nothing beyond that unless I do actually extend the hand of friendship. Also, though bringing this up might be unnecessary, people should know "new people" doesn't mean they discovered the lifestyle yesterday and might have been a part of it for a lot longer than any of us, ergo their absence from an advice forum. Like IHH and her 20 year prior experience before her Dom. We should always remember we don't actually know these people.

You are right we don't know these people. They also do not know us, so the mantra should "be careful where you tread" more so for new people than for the community. Additionally, most people with any amount of experience in this life will understand how to conduct themselves... with the rare exceptions.

We aren't talking about one's ability to communicate, we are talking about the community being expected to be nursemaid to every new person. That is the issue here and the expectation of a chillingly small minority. This is an adult forum. Acting childish in an adult forum is going to get you just what should be reasonably expected for such behavior amongst adults.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 3:51:22 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I agree, landing punches is way easier offline. Also, learning to communicate isn't determined by how long ago you joined the site. I hope people are aware of this. I see everyone as the same, online forum members, nothing beyond that unless I do actually extend the hand of friendship. Also, though bringing this up might be unnecessary, people should know "new people" doesn't mean they discovered the lifestyle yesterday and might have been a part of it for a lot longer than any of us, ergo their absence from an advice forum. Like IHH and her 20 year prior experience before her Dom. We should always remember we don't actually know these people.

You are right we don't know these people. They also do not know us, so the mantra should "be careful where you tread" more so for new people than for the community. Additionally, most people with any amount of experience in this life will understand how to conduct themselves... with the rare exceptions.

We aren't talking about one's ability to communicate, we are talking about the community being expected to be nursemaid to every new person. That is the issue here and the expectation of a chillingly small minority. This is an adult forum. Acting childish in an adult forum is going to get you just what should be reasonably expected for such behavior amongst adults.

I agree with everything you said except the bolded areas. People do act childish, troll, ask ridiculous questions or just "toy" with he forum members at times. However, though people maybe extrovert or introvert, a part of a "group" or not, as long as they are lifestyle, they are essentially still part of the "community". Choosing to be private rather than public shouldn't be the determining factor. Also, we're not talking about nurse maiding every new person. We're talking about maybe hearing the same "song and dance" on the forum too many times and eventually getting somewhat of a "chip". Sometimes people are justifiably flamed, but sometimes they are unjustifiably. We cannot categorically throw them all in the same pot as "new people" or because they ask very common sense things to some of us. I think patience is a factor here but sometimes I see forum members go out of their way to make a poster uncomfortable, I myself have had the pseudo "hand of friendship" extended to me by others and how? By bashing people they think we mutually dislike and I have to wonder what their motives are beyond something being "not quite right" there. Words of comfort are fine if someone is being a dick to me and someone wants to say "don't sweat it" because they think it was ill intended, but it's another thing to cross the line into getting "personal" with people we barely know on the internet. I'm speaking very vaguely and this will be extent of the info that will be granted but sometimes people flame for kicks and nothing more. Or like to stir the drama pot by planting seeds of malice. So let's not start by accusing the "new people" right away. We can play innocent but I'm just saying... I have no issue with the way things are done here but let's not pretend it's the "new people" doing it.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 3:59:39 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I don't have debates or disagreements at parties. I don't discuss my personal life or offer advice about relationships at parties. So don't mind if I disagree with the analogy.

To defend the analogy, I do. Debates and advice are my favorite things. A party is more fun for me when there is intellectual conversation and different POVs shared.

YMMV.

I mean deeply personal, not offering stock advice, which is the general disposition on the forum but OK.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:00:02 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I think by "community" he meant specific to this forum, not the BDSM community as a whole.

Otherwise, I could split hairs at mention of "lifestylers" and point out that not everyone in the scene identifies as such.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:04:20 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I think by "community" he meant specific to this forum, not the BDSM community as a whole.

Otherwise, I could split hairs at mention of "lifestylers" and point out that not everyone in the scene identifies as such.

Duly noted, but the day they make post number 1, they are on equal footing with all of us. Some of us just choose to remain for varying reasons. Necessity, drama, friendship, what have you.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:10:35 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I think by "community" he meant specific to this forum, not the BDSM community as a whole.

Otherwise, I could split hairs at mention of "lifestylers" and point out that not everyone in the scene identifies as such.

Duly noted, but the day they make post number 1, they are on equal footing with all of us. Some of us just choose to remain for varying reasons. Necessity, drama, friendship, what have you.

I'll agree there. But if I made a post stating "All I want is a spanking from a pretty Mistress - why can't I find someone real?" or "My boyfriend and I want a new girl to join us. WHERE is our unicorn?" I expect the same degree of tongue lashing that any do-me sub newbie or unicorn hunting couple would get.

Possibly more, as the regulars would assume I know better.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:12:15 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I agree with everything you said except the bolded areas. People do act childish, troll, ask ridiculous questions or just "toy" with he forum members at times.

Yes, they do.

quote:

However, though people maybe extrovert or introvert, a part of a "group" or not, as long as they are lifestyle, they are essentially still part of the "community".

Wrong. Being participant in something does not make you part of a community. Finding where you fit amongst that community makes you a part of it. The difference is important.

quote:

Choosing to be private rather than public shouldn't be the determining factor.

Lurkers are not technically participants in the community, they may be participating in the lifestyle, but in this online forum, you can lurk forever and we won't know you. Poke your head out and say "Hello" and we will notice you.

quote:

Also, we're not talking about nurse maiding every new person.

Funny, the original post on this thread smacked the community on the nose with a newspaper for "hazing" new people. That is exactly what the issue is here.

quote:

We're talking about maybe hearing the same "song and dance" on the forum too many times and eventually getting somewhat of a "chip". Sometimes people are justifiably flamed, but sometimes they are unjustifiably.

Again, it is all in the presentation. More flies with honey than vinegar.

quote:

We cannot categorically throw them all in the same pot as "new people" or because they ask very common sense things to some of us.

People with less than 5 posts are "new people" to me. People that ask things that are common sense things to us get answered, not with snark usually, but they get their answers. I am going to get tired of saying that presentation is key.

quote:

I think patience is a factor here but sometimes I see forum members go out of their way to make a poster uncomfortable, I myself have had the pseudo "hand of friendship" extended to me by others and how? By bashing people they think we mutually dislike and I have to wonder what their motives are beyond something being "not quite right" there. Words of comfort are fine if someone is being a dick to me and someone wants to say "don't sweat it" because they think it was ill intended, but it's another thing to cross the line into getting "personal" with people we barely know on the internet.

We have mods that let some folks get what they have dished out. I have rarely seen a thread turn personal other than in the feisty section, without the moderator telling us to wise up. Threads that get personal get cleaned up and locked if they don't turn around.

quote:

I'm speaking very vaguely and this will be extent of the info that will be granted but sometimes people flame for kicks and nothing more. Or like to stir the drama pot by planting seeds of malice. So let's not start by accusing the "new people" right away. We can play innocent but I'm just saying... I have no issue with the way things are done here but let's not pretend it's the "new people" doing it.

At issue here is the community's treatment of new people, don't forget it, that is the subject. The dynamics of the community toward each other is a different subject entirely. This community does a decent, if not good job at embracing new folks. The ones that get their pee-pee smacked are few and far between. I have yet to get an explanation why some of the people that the community has embraced do not return to the forums... but I suspect that I won't get an answer to that because there is no answer for it.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:16:28 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Duly noted, but the day they make post number 1, they are on equal footing with all of us.

Equal footing as they are a human being and that is where the equality stops. They are deserving of respect and being treated in a dignified manner, but as much as they deserve that, so do we as the community... the forum community, not the BDSM one. Take a shit in someone's living room and see how you get treated. Ask them where the bathroom is and you will get directions. Same result, you get relief, but how that happens is markedly different.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:21:18 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I agree with everything you said except the bolded areas. People do act childish, troll, ask ridiculous questions or just "toy" with he forum members at times.

Yes, they do.

quote:

However, though people maybe extrovert or introvert, a part of a "group" or not, as long as they are lifestyle, they are essentially still part of the "community".

Wrong. Being participant in something does not make you part of a community. Finding where you fit amongst that community makes you a part of it. The difference is important.

I see, well excuse me your highness.

quote:

quote:

Choosing to be private rather than public shouldn't be the determining factor.

Lurkers are not technically participants in the community, they may be participating in the lifestyle, but in this online forum, you can lurk forever and we won't know you. Poke your head out and say "Hello" and we will notice you.

They are not lurking, they have simply never created a profile to begin with.

quote:

quote:

Also, we're not talking about nurse maiding every new person.

Funny, the original post on this thread smacked the community on the nose with a newspaper for "hazing" new people. That is exactly what the issue is here.

No, the issue is when it's AGREE WITH ME OR ELSE. And it's not by new people or they wouldn't bother asking in the first place, this is a little common sense but OK, let's play pretend. And secondly, being irrationally angry at words on a screen makes no sense to me.

quote:

quote:

We're talking about maybe hearing the same "song and dance" on the forum too many times and eventually getting somewhat of a "chip". Sometimes people are justifiably flamed, but sometimes they are unjustifiably.

Again, it is all in the presentation. More flies with honey than vinegar.

Someone not being in complete agreement with "regulars" is enough for them to unleash on them in very strange ways. I wish you could get the opine of some of these "new people" who are polite, educated and classy.

quote:

quote:

We cannot categorically throw them all in the same pot as "new people" or because they ask very common sense things to some of us.

People with less than 5 posts are "new people" to me. People that ask things that are common sense things to us get answered, not with snark usually, but they get their answers. I am going to get tired of saying that presentation is key.

quote:

I think patience is a factor here but sometimes I see forum members go out of their way to make a poster uncomfortable, I myself have had the pseudo "hand of friendship" extended to me by others and how? By bashing people they think we mutually dislike and I have to wonder what their motives are beyond something being "not quite right" there. Words of comfort are fine if someone is being a dick to me and someone wants to say "don't sweat it" because they think it was ill intended, but it's another thing to cross the line into getting "personal" with people we barely know on the internet.

We have mods that let some folks get what they have dished out. I have rarely seen a thread turn personal other than in the feisty section, without the moderator telling us to wise up. Threads that get personal get cleaned up and locked if they don't turn around.

I'm talking about the fairy tale gossip some regulars do in emails I pretend I don't know is actually happening, as well as trying to "dig" for members' info via google. Like stalkers.

quote:

quote:

I'm speaking very vaguely and this will be extent of the info that will be granted but sometimes people flame for kicks and nothing more. Or like to stir the drama pot by planting seeds of malice. So let's not start by accusing the "new people" right away. We can play innocent but I'm just saying... I have no issue with the way things are done here but let's not pretend it's the "new people" doing it.

At issue here is the community's treatment of new people, don't forget it, that is the subject. The dynamics of the community toward each other is a different subject entirely. This community does a decent, if not good job at embracing new folks. The ones that get their pee-pee smacked are few and far between. I have yet to get an explanation why some of the people that the community has embraced do not return to the forums... but I suspect that I won't get an answer to that because there is no answer for it.

See above and LOL.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:34:59 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I see, well excuse me your highness.

You know me better than that. Read what I wrote, it is never with malice.

quote:

No, the issue is when it's AGREE WITH ME OR ELSE. And it's not by new people or they wouldn't bother asking in the first place, this is a little common sense but OK, let's play pretend. And secondly, being irrationally angry at words on a screen makes no sense to me.

No, read the title of the thread. This is about the treatment of new people on this forum. And, yes, some new posters are new lifestyle people, so yes, they would bother asking.

quote:

I'm talking about the fairy tale gossip some regulars do in emails I pretend I don't know is actually happening, as well as trying to "dig" for members' info via google. Like stalkers.

We aren't talking about email. We are talking about the forum. Huge difference, different problem.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 4:52:33 PM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I see, well excuse me your highness.

You know me better than that. Read what I wrote, it is never with malice.

Touche, you still owe me nudes.

Kidding! This is how rumors start.

quote:

quote:

No, the issue is when it's AGREE WITH ME OR ELSE. And it's not by new people or they wouldn't bother asking in the first place, this is a little common sense but OK, let's play pretend. And secondly, being irrationally angry at words on a screen makes no sense to me.

No, read the title of the thread. This is about the treatment of new people on this forum. And, yes, some new posters are new lifestyle people, so yes, they would bother asking.

Well there have been some like a newly divorced woman who had sub frenzy. Dating is very new also for people who have had extremely long term relationships. You paint this masterpiece with your sub over the years and suddenly you have a blank canvas once again and the dating landscape also changes year by year. We are in the age of twerking, LOL. Sometimes in a vacuum emotions can cloud rationale so it makes sense to reach out and make sense of it. Confusion doesn't automatically transcribe to incompetence. We all know some people simply don't mesh well and sometimes they need to hear a real objective opinion, not just "dump him, he hates you" or "she sounds selfish". We can't go on the first tangent relative to our experience. We have to consider what they are trying to say as unbiasedly as possible. For some this is hard.

quote:

We aren't talking about email. We are talking about the forum. Huge difference, different problem.

Well it is mostly done by a few "regulars" in my experience which indicates not all of them are well intended and the type of people I'd be eager to befriend though you are right, apples and oranges. It's just "how do you even know this?" is my reaction to anything they have to tell me about someone they clearly are not at all close to. If they suspect shady business that's one thing but a disagreement on a forum doesn't justify it.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 6:15:51 PM

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
Oh I know about those...

Answer my questions pertaining to this forum, rather than my silly example, I'll never do it, so it doesn't matter.

Alright, but if you get curious here's a group of 5,000 gangbang aficionados to talk it over with: https://fetlife.com/groups/569

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I ask- how to suggest we phrase advice, the social structure here, and "be nice"? I seriously am pretty nice, I think, on newbie threads- unless or until they get all "BUT THAT ADVICE ISN'T WHAT I WANT TO HEAR"- cause that to me, is irritating. What do you suggest we say if they say that?

So for starters my comments aren't meant to insinuate that there are no nice posters or anything like that. Looking through this thread people are having very different reactions to my idea of trying not to haze new posters, the people who are having the immediate reactions along the lines of "oh what can I do to be nicer" are REALLY not my target audience here.

But since you've asked, do you need to say anything in response?

I mean I'll present evidence and try to reason with people as long as I find the conversation meaningful. But if things are starting to irritate me, why stick around for that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
Not like two months ago we had a male dom who wanted to live in a house of lesbo's and be there toilet and live in their shit all the time. I'm all good if you're into toilet and scat- but I'm going to tell you- your hopes of all that are unrealistic and educate you on the dangers of that (admittedly in that case- I would be snarky- cause OBVIOUSLY that shit (pun intended) isn't safe, healthy, and you have a death wish and its likely no one is going to help you achieve it).

So not aimed at you nor at that incident in particular but as general advise I'm not a big fan of the unrealistic therefor justified snark argument because:

1. This community has a bit of a track record of underestimating what's realistic.

2. Individuals will generally be less likely to take advise from a stranger on the internet if it's wrapped in snark.

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 6:24:43 PM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Its not that I'm not curious, just that my man won't let it happen, and currently he is more important than gang banging.

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/4/2014 6:38:15 PM

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3
Dear GotSteel and Everyone else,

I'd like to address a few things because I said I would. Yes, I seemingly took my sweet time, but I really do have a full schedule here and within my home life.

Please don't feel the need to justify this to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3
If you will note the guidelines in Introductions, you just may get a feel for how things are to go with new forum posters. Introductions is a safe zone, there will be no attacks, correction, or beating up of new people. If you see it, I have missed it and no one has reported it.

And I think that's great.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moderator3
Depending on where you are, if you place yourself in a Feisty section and expect me to come barging in to protect you, well you can just about count that out. If you are having a hard time dealing with what members are allowed to do there, I would recommend not posting in those areas. You have other choices and sections you can take part in.

I'm also in favor of this, the P&R debate forum, really any debate forum should involve debate.

(in reply to Moderator3)

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