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submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 9:22:14 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/1/2014
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I was talking to a Dom and He decided He wanted to meet me for dinner. i had agreed to meet with the condition that i do not get sexual on a first meet. When i put this condition on meeting, He changed from dinner to having a drink. He told me that in order to meet, He had to have full control over everything including whether or not there would be sex. i told Him that i could not agree to that. i am single and new to this and i am not here to be used by every Dom i meet for the first time and that is why i have this rule for myself. He told me that He doesn't think i am submissive because i have this rule in place to protect myself from being taken advantage of. He told me that i was trying to be in control. i was told by a friend that happens to be a Dom, i should have this rule in place. So, my question is...as long as i am not taken...do i have the right to say no sex at a first meet?

< Message edited by iwillsurrnder -- 12/20/2014 9:24:36 AM >

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 9:26:39 AM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

Ignore, block, delete. He is not a Dom.And you have the right to do as you please until you are collared.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 9:32:28 AM

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

When I first read this my first thought was him saying "but officer, I ordered her to have sex with me...".

Honey, move on from him. Any man that does not respect your limits from the outset does not have any interest nor care in you.

Go slow, get to know people, and do what you are comfortable with. There is no one way or right way to do this except for what is right for you.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 9:34:00 AM

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

You have the right to dictate what he wears. It's called negotiation, he'll agree or not. It's not like anyone will hurt you for having rules, but they damn sure can hurt you for not having rules.

Submission is not a gift. If it were a gift you could gift it to any random person, such is the nature of a gift... gifts are meant to be no reciprocal and given freely.

Submission is the greatest treasure you have in WIITWD, and should be guarded like the treasure that it is, and the only people that should ever have access to the vault is the person worthy of guarding that treasure. They must EARN security clearance that will give them access by respecting your limits, boundaries, and rules. Furthermore, to get within ogling distance of your submission, they need to be able to facilitate all of your needs, and accept, perhaps indulge, your wants.

I call submission, Plunder. It is the treasure that I am after, and their are thousands of black hearted pirates out there that are trying to get to it before me. If I earn the trust, acknowledge and respect the limits, boundaries, and rules, can facilitate her needs and have an interest in her wants as something I want to participate in, then I set myself above those other thieving pirates, put myself on deck, and once she opens the vault of submission, that plunder is MINE!!!

I shall polish it, covet it, hoard it, hold it in my lap and love it because it is mine, mine, mine, all MINE!!!! And woe to the snake hearted bastard that tries to take what is mine.

Jus sayin

< Message edited by ExiledTyrant -- 12/20/2014 9:40:25 AM >

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 9:37:41 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

I was talking to a Dom and He decided He wanted to meet me for dinner. i had agreed to meet with the condition that i do not get sexual on a first meet. When i put this condition on meeting, He changed from dinner to having a drink. He told me that in order to meet, He had to have full control over everything including whether or not there would be sex. i told Him that i could not agree to that. i am single and new to this and i am not here to be used by every Dom i meet for the first time and that is why i have this rule for myself. He told me that He doesn't think i am submissive because i have this rule in place to protect myself from being taken advantage of. He told me that i was trying to be in control. i was told by a friend that happens to be a Dom, i should have this rule in place. So, my question is...as long as i am not taken...do i have the right to say no sex at a first meet?

After meeting online and talking for 2 weeks, I met my slut in a Starbucks. No sex, just a three hour marathon conversation. I did not expect sex or anything else for that matter, we wanted to see each other face to face.

You have the right to your own rules. Any dominant that claims that you are not a submissive simply because you have a personal standard is not worth your time.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 10:39:25 AM

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Hell yes, you have every right to looking out for yourself! Being submissive does not mean you are required to spread your legs for every shithead who thumps his chest and gets all "I iz DOMINANT" on you. And any idiot who tries to tell you otherwise isn't someone you want to be with anyway.

Keep trusting your guts and your instincts

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 10:43:38 AM

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

i was told by a friend that happens to be a Dom, i should have this rule in place. So, my question is...as long as i am not taken...do i have the right to say no sex at a first meet?

You absolutely do have the right. Take your dom friend's advice. This is meeting and nothing else. It is as it would be with any man anywhere any place either within a kinky context or not.

I can tell you from personal experience this type of man is not worth meeting. I met a man at a munch who self-described as a dominant. He offered to "train" me. I was a complete newb at all of this. I agreed with the caveat that there would be no sexual intercourse. He said "we'll see". I should have seen that as the biggest waving red flag in existence. After a couple of sessions, and my letting my guard down somewhat, he had me tied up and violated that one hard limit. I turned my back on all things kinky for years after that.

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 10:46:04 AM

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

You bet you have that right, you have every right you accord to yourself until you allow someone to be your Dominant.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 11:08:03 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

Until YOU decide if you will CHOOSE to submit to him, you can have whatever rules you want for yourself.

You might be a slut, but that doesn't mean you have to be a fool. This guy is a stranger. Why on earth would you give him that much control before you even know if you can stand to be in his presence for more than ten minutes? What if he has bad breath, let alone homicidal tendencies?

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 11:15:34 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't want to be mean, but at age 50 a woman should know better than to ask this question.

Do you honestly believe everything you are told?

I don't care if you are new to this, same rules for vanilla.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/20/2014 11:16:28 AM >

(in reply to searching4mysir)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 11:30:13 AM

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

I'm not adding anything new... but Yes!!! You have that right, and more.

The person you describe sounds like someone with a juvenile notion of what Domination is. If anyone is sketchy on the roles, it's him.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 11:57:19 AM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

I was talking to a Dom and He decided He wanted to meet me for dinner. i had agreed to meet with the condition that i do not get sexual on a first meet. When i put this condition on meeting, He changed from dinner to having a drink. He told me that in order to meet, He had to have full control over everything including whether or not there would be sex. i told Him that i could not agree to that. i am single and new to this and i am not here to be used by every Dom i meet for the first time and that is why i have this rule for myself. He told me that He doesn't think i am submissive because i have this rule in place to protect myself from being taken advantage of. He told me that i was trying to be in control. i was told by a friend that happens to be a Dom, i should have this rule in place. So, my question is...as long as i am not taken...do i have the right to say no sex at a first meet?

SexyRed1 said something that may have come across as a bit blunt, but the underlying message is very true and in its own way advice you should heed.

You should be researching how to take care of yourself, rather than posting on this message board, otherwise you could get hurt (physically as well as emotionally).

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 11:59:52 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Ignore, block, delete. He is not a Dom.And you have the right to do as you please until you are collared.

Yep. And after you are collared, your submission is negotiated between you and your Dom. You still have rights, even then.

OP, from your description, he's just a horndog wanting sex.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 12:02:29 PM

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

Echoing everyone else.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 4:10:08 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/1/2014
Status: offline

Thank you...but SexyRed1 doesn't phase me.

i have researched...a lot! But, i was curious to see what other Dominant males had to say about this.

i, in fact, told this person that he was crazy if he thought i would trust him. He tried to say that i should blindly trust him. i told him i blindly trust noone. He said a true submissive would. i told him a true Dom would not expect that.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 4:14:50 PM

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

I was talking to a Dom and He decided He wanted to meet me for dinner. i had agreed to meet with the condition that i do not get sexual on a first meet. When i put this condition on meeting, He changed from dinner to having a drink. He told me that in order to meet, He had to have full control over everything including whether or not there would be sex. i told Him that i could not agree to that. i am single and new to this and i am not here to be used by every Dom i meet for the first time and that is why i have this rule for myself. He told me that He doesn't think i am submissive because i have this rule in place to protect myself from being taken advantage of. He told me that i was trying to be in control. i was told by a friend that happens to be a Dom, i should have this rule in place. So, my question is...as long as i am not taken...do i have the right to say no sex at a first meet?

I find it disturbing that you are 50 years old and need to ask questions like these.

YOU know what is right and wrong for YOU. Seriously, just be true to your self. If I say you do not have the right to say no to sex on a first date or you aint a twue subbie, are you going to fuck every guy you go out with?

This shit aint brain surgery hunny.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 4:17:55 PM

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

Thank you...but SexyRed1 doesn't phase me.

i have researched...a lot! But, i was curious to see what other Dominant males had to say about this.

i, in fact, told this person that he was crazy if he thought i would trust him. He tried to say that i should blindly trust him. i told him i blindly trust noone. He said a true submissive would. i told him a true Dom would not expect that.

Gotta suggest you remove that "true" word from your vocabulary also. There is no one true dom or submissive. One mans trash is another mans (or womans) treasure and all that jazz.

Good luck

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 4:49:24 PM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

~ FR ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

as long as i am not taken...do i have the right to say no sex at a first meet?

It's easy to forget, on both sides of the kneel, that we are all women and men - persons - first, and then submissive or Dominant.
(Granted, if somebody I know is thinking or acting like a shite-for-brains, I'm going to call him/her out on it, as a friend--not because I'm Dominant and s/he's submissive or somehow subordinate to me.)

Forget for a moment that you are submissive. What are your rights as a woman meeting any man for the first time on an intro date?
Is there any man who is a virtual stranger to you who has an entitlement over you? Are you obligated to have sex with every man you go out on a (first, second, third...) date with? Regardless of whether you take a shine to him. No and no. There's your answer.

Does any individual have a right to her/his body and personhood?
(If you were much younger, I could see where the lines might get blurred for you, but as sexyred noted, you should already know this at your age.)
In fact, even if every single poster responding here were to have erroneously told you that as a submissive you have no such right, that this is the right of every Dom who is not your Master, how would that have changed how you feel?

You didn't indicate whether you had been doing any cyber D/s with this "Dom" prior to meeting. I'll assume no.
The problem with this, as can happen with an LD relationship, is that you might bond with a Dom who is not a suitable real-life match for you, yet both of you may feel that you've already been cyber-collared.
In such an instance, for future reference, please remind yourself that nothing on-line is truly *real*. It's only *real* IRT-In Real Time.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 5:35:37 PM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillsurrnder

Thank you...but SexyRed1 doesn't phase me.

i have researched...a lot! But, i was curious to see what other Dominant males had to say about this.

i, in fact, told this person that he was crazy if he thought i would trust him. He tried to say that i should blindly trust him. i told him i blindly trust noone. He said a true submissive would. i told him a true Dom would not expect that.

Well, in that case, you have no rights; none whatsoever.

You don't even have the right to a life, because after all someone can take that away from you given certain circumstances.

But, on a more positive note, what you do have is opportunities, such as the opportunity to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe, by making reasonable decisions which take into account risk.

In a nutshell, don't count on other people to have your best interests in heart. Only you will have your best interests at heart, so listen to your own judgement first and foremost.

Put simply, we have a saying in England which goes: "if you don't love yourself, no one else will".

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to iwillsurrnder)

RE: submissive rights... - 12/20/2014 8:49:29 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/1/2014
Status: offline

Try reading the replies, honey.

I posted this to see what Doms had to say...not subs, anyway! If I wanted your opinion I would have posted in ask a sub...

Your opinion can be kept to yourself!

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

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