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LadiesBladewing -> RE: What's your Definition of "Bratty Submissive?" (7/15/2006 3:11:33 PM)
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For me, there are 3 kinds of 'bratty submissives'... there is the mutually consentual bratty submissive, whose owner likes a submissive individual who talks back, fights with hir, argues with hir, and has to be constantly contained -- the agreement between everyone involved is that this submissive individual is like the spoiled little girl/boy or spoiled grownup diva/gigolo who screams and throws tantrums to always get hir way... and everyone is ok with this. However, many times these submissive individuals are both able and willing to behave -outside- of the agreed-upon relationship (ie, with others or at social functions that do not evoke their particular kink) in socially acceptable ways... polite, dignified, respectful of others, and obtaining a pleasant, courteous demeanor, much like one would expect of any civilized individual. Most of the time, in these relationships, while the submissive half of the relationship is a brat, the dominant half is a stern disciplinarian, and when the submissive partner acts out, the dominant is quick to discipline, and then, when the dominant individual's "princess" or "mamma's naughty boy" has served hir punishment, xhe runs to find the dominant and is lavished with attention and treats. I find these "bratty" submissives to be generally pleasant to associate with, and have had some close friends who had this kind of relationship.
The 2nd kind of bratty submissive individual is one that I find completely intolerable. These submissives are not "brats", but are passive-aggressive individuals who use the game of submission to manipulate others. They are often thoughtless and thankless, rude and obnoxious, and they do not care to whom they behave this way -- and if anyone complains, they come back with "My Master/Mistress/Owner/Dom LIKES me to be a brat." These bratty submissives are often pushy, bully other submissives, attempt (sometimes successfully) to bully dominants, switches or neutrals as well, or try to draw other submissives who do not share this dynamic into mischief. They act out in public venues where it is not appropriate, interrupt other people's play or conversation, and generally make a royal pain of themselves, all while putting on this "I'm so cute nobody could ever want to punish me" act. All the while, the dominant portion of this equation sits there and watches, but never makes a move to do anything, and when public pressure finally requires that xhe either remove hir submissive half or make hir cease the behaviors that are creating drama, xhe often finds hirself in the middle of a HUGE public argument, as the brat yells, screams, argues with not only hir owner but even the organizers of whatever event they happen to be at. When seen in less public situations, while the dominant may make commands, the commands are rarely obeyed, and the submissive, after disobeying, goes and sits on the dominant party's lap, kissing hir up and telling the dominant how much xhe loves the dominant. These are the dominants that you hear about at DomSpace or TopTime meetings, talking about the "slave" or "sub" they can't control, and whining about how pissed they are, but, when suggestions are offered, blowing off each suggestion with "My girl/boy is too sick to discipline" or "If I push her, she'll leave and take the kids" or some other such thing that the submissive is hanging over the dominant half's head to keep hir in line.
The third type of "bratty" sub isn't really a bratty sub to me -- this is usually a bottom, who really enjoys coming out to play, but has no interest in submitting to -anyone- long-term. Xhe feels uncomfortable around groups that tend to be heavily LTR oriented, and around singles who are scoping out the sub they can bring home to boss around for a week or a month, or longer, and is eager to set hirself apart from that crowd in any way necessary. Xhe is often highly opinionated, and has no qualms about setting hir own rules and keeping the game to parameters xhe is willing to accept. Xhe is often vocal about others in the group, and about situations xhe finds annoying. Sometimes hir communication skills could use some work, but as soon as one understands why xhe is there, one understands that xhe is often protecting hirself from anyone getting the impression that xhe might like to go further than xhe's stated. I may not stand in conversation with one of these people (I've typically found a few of them to be obstructionist and direct to the point of being well beyond rude, and because we are D/s oriented rather than BDSM oriented, we are -exactly- the kinds of dominants they don't want to get involved with (IE, looking for a long-term service-submissive type person), and often, we don't really have much in terms of the lifestyle, politics or other things to converse about). At the same time, weighing the heavy unbalance in the groups that I've been in towards mated couples in LTRs, I can understand wanting to be explicitly clear about -exactly- what one is and what one is willing to do and be.
The only one of these three that I will completely avoid association with is the second -- and I avoid contact with the individual on both sides of the collar in this case (with the exception of when I am approached in a pastoral care context for the few that try to resolve the problem). I find that manipulative, unhealthy, and community-damaging relationships like this exist in every way of life... Vanilla, GLBT, BDSM, D/s, etc... but I choose not to be socially enmeshed in the drama or enmesh my family in the drama any more than is absolutely necessary.
ZWD
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