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a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:22:32 AM

Posts: 117
Joined: 2/7/2016
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As you know I am new. It was established before the slave arrived at my house that I was Master and she was slave. To do what I want with her, but she might resist at first. I knew she started her day at 5 AM. By the time she got to my State, and my city it's 11 PM at night. She commented about getting lost, being tired. Should I have just done the things I read about anyway? Without consideration as to her day? I am being dead serious. Granted I had a messed up idea about the whole thing. I only starting googling it a couple days before she got here (lol) and read mostly stories and experiences. Some twisted stuff. The ironic thing here is, I bought a book on Ebay "Doms guide to Submissive training"...and if I knew, I could have followed it to the T. But the book didn't arrive until yesterday and all this started Friday.

< Message edited by newatdis -- 2/9/2016 7:26:52 AM >

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:26:44 AM

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Should I have done the things that were in the book regardless of her being tired after a 18 hour day and 2.5 hour drive to my house? Should I have made it even tougher on her because of that? Or, show some mercy (compassion) which is exactly what I tried to do.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:31:11 AM

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I was clueless about all the intricate details that I am now informed about..looking for some wisdom here from one of my old friends.

Also, I don't think its over with her. I backed off, I bet she comes calling. It spite of my temper tantrum. And that is exactly why I am asking these questions.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:36:37 AM

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Was this your first f2f meeting with her?

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:46:10 AM

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Oh and... check this out

link to BDSM booklist

The book you referred to didn't get awesome reviews... the thread I've linked to above has some really good reads in it.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:51:23 AM

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You must be confused, it was M/F. Yes, first meeting. It took me 10 minutes to read that book and would have made all the difference. My question was/is should I have still implemented the directions given in the book in spite of knowing what her day was like?

I will check out the books, thanks!

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:54:11 AM

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The first thing about D/S is, treat her as a human being first. Care for her, and care for her needs. As a dominant, you make decisions that are in her best interest. If you think she is tired and needs rest after long travel, then, as a dominant, you make sure she's well rested and well to attend to you, and give her what is in her best interest first.

It's not rocket science.

And communicate to her your decision and why you chose the decision you made.

You're the leader. Lead in the best interest of the one you are leading.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/9/2016 7:56:44 AM >

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:58:58 AM

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"It's not rocket science"

I understand that, but I also thought there were guidelines to be met. Especially during training. You still seem to be a bit salty, I am here trying to gather information. Have you ever heard the expression "it is the squeaky wheel that gets the oil"?

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 7:59:46 AM

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There is no official guidelines except make sure everything is mutually consensual.

Everybody D/S elements will be completely different. It's between you and her, and what works for both of you.

You are dealing with a human being here, you can't go by a book who has no information about your precise situation, and then you wanna follow line by line with a book who cannot possibly speak for every situation.

As a dominant, you have to be the one determining the best decision for her.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:00:09 AM

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Sorry, I was using f2f for "face to face".

I can't tell you what you ought to have done, but I will say what I would have done.

I'd have not planned any kinky business at a first meeting. That isn't to say that I wouldn't have been potentially open to it, just that I wouldn't create the expectation.

Knowing that this person had such a long drive, I'd have arranged to have a bite to eat and a relax - and lots of talking for a first meeting- with a view to potentially exploring play the next day.

While online is one thing, when you get face to face, you have to seriously think about your own personal safety as well as hers. While you surely can get a good sense for what a person is like online, getting to know someone face to face definitely has its advantages.

So, in answer to your question (with the caveat that this is only my opinion), no, I think it would have been a really bad idea to implement the ideas in that book. I'd go further and say that, while I've not read the book itself, some of the reviews seem to suggest that there are some big issues with that particular book that could get you into a shit load of trouble.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:00:32 AM

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You state you are new at being a dominant. Forget the 'I'm a natural dominant is so many ways' crap and be a human being first. The lady was tired, she needed you to have consideration of her needs, not follow instructions in some book.

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(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:06:57 AM

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Shes been travelling from 5 am, till 11pm at night and you?
WTF Is wrong with you.
If she comes back, more fool her.
Get a clue

Take six months off, and read more than one book, more than five books, then read some more, I wouldnt give you control over a goldfish right now.

save me from HNGs who dont understand the first thing about other peoples feelings
Why did you lie, why did you tell her you were a master?

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Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:07:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newatdis
You must be confused, it was M/F. Yes, first meeting. It took me 10 minutes to read that book and would have made all the difference. My question was/is should I have still implemented the directions given in the book in spite of knowing what her day was like?

From a book review of the book you bought (review for Amazon) -
I made it the shortest review I have ever done on a book otherwise I would not have been paid and I would not have gotten the book for free.

[Several major important reservations listed]

I got extremely uncomfortable reading this book because it is a load of sexist bullshit that is trying to get more Doms to be sexist monsters who break their subs, instead of caring Doms who will build this subs up. DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM THIS BOOK.

0.5 out of 5 stars. I would not recommend this book. Please do not take any advice from this book, ever.

That pretty much sums up the majority of sexist/fantasy books on the subject.
OP could have found this info with a very quick Google of reviews.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 2/9/2016 8:10:49 AM >

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“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

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(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:09:08 AM

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I think she'd had an 18 hour day (started at 5) but only the last 2.5 hours was travel.

(Or at least that is how I understood it).

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:09:22 AM

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You know, I tried to help you yesterday before your original thread got pulled. Let's start from the top...

OK. You bought a book and that's an interesting place to start. I happen to love books. They are about education.

You are trying to talk about something without even flipping through the pages. You and she are both playing "master and slave" from a one night stand.

From your other thread, she filled in the blanks from a guy she met online a month ago. (Those things you wrote about yesterday about her wanting certain things from a man, you really didn't know anything about.) Based on what you said, she has at least a masochistic bent, and you're floundering around trying to figure out what a sadist is supposed to be. In my opinion, you are the square peg trying to fit into the round hole. If this is a part of your sexuality, you're not quite there yet. I saw it in your answers and the way you tried to shame another poster for enjoying these things.

You bet she comes calling? If she does, it's because of what she dreamed up in her head about you. That you are going to fulfill her fantasies about being manhandled in bed. I'm a chick and I'm a sadist. I really do KNOW what it is to fulfill those desires and I don't have to play act to do it.

But, it's because they are MY desires. My sadism. My Dominance. That thing about me that lets me brush my fingernails against someone's skin and make them want to walk through broken glass for me.

Did I always have it? Nope. Neither do you yet.

If you want to work it out with this girl, start TALKING to her. If you blew it because of your temper, accept that. (In my opinion, that didn't go well.) Then, start asking yourself how you really want your sexual encounters to go. Don't base it on any other person but YOU. If she's a little too much for you, that's ok. It's about finding the right fit.

In the meantime, yes, offer to return her jewelry and promise to back off until she WANTS to come back.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:11:34 AM

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Okay, well, that's exactly what I did. calm down ladies don't get your hormones in an uproar. I told her before we met that if she didn't feel 100% comfortable with me right from the start that I wouldn't expect, or want her to come with me and I would put her in a hotel for the night because of the 2.5 hour drive. We met, originally planned to get a drink (it is what it is) she said she was tired (after a hug that I wont ever forget) I asked her if she wanted to follow me to my house, and she did. Came inside, and asked her to sit on the couch, I even went so far as to get her a pillow (placed it under her head, I believe she was already sleeping) got her a comforter, and went upstairs to my bedroom and played with my Doberman for the next 15 minutes. Came back downstairs and she asked me what I was doing...than a conversation started, of sorts. She whispered when she talked and I had to repeatedly say "what"...I did not one bit try to be overbearing...completely the opposite. Okay, I got my answer, still be a compassionate human being, that's never been a problem.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:23:27 AM

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@ Lady, I know you tried to help yesterday, and thanks. I am confused about the "guy a month ago thing"..she said she found interest on her own, read books etc...I did mention that I have been talking with her for a month or so...and that she just brought up the Master/slave thing a couple days before we met.

I understand what you are saying. I Already knew this girl wanted and liked pain as well. She made comments such as "are you strong" "can you flip me around" "I work with animals, I have a high tolerance for pain"

I have never caused pain during sex intentionally ..I know I hurt her as it is. I did smack her one side until she was red, and I also know I missed her other side, and hit her hip, with force (with the are you strong in mind) I know that hurt. She is 114 lbs. I backed off for that reason even though she said..it didn't hurt, at the time (after her owww) And she made a couple comments during the night that her side hurt. I know what she wanted, and because of things from my childhood she also knows what could end up happening, as she said to me....and I quote...."I am well aware of what I could be starting in you"

And yes, I think she will come calling, and if she does I will probably be on here seeking more wisdom. And if she doesn't..I know I f---d up and life goes on.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:31:14 AM

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I have always shown compassion for woman, and the less fortunate. Maybe I need to go to the Dungeons and Dragons side, an do some exploring there as well.

Yes, after gaining some knowledge of the lifestyle I realize my best relationships in the past were a lot similar to the lifestyle. Only, I did expect my ex's to use their brain and make some decisions on there own. just not in the bedroom, or on RailRoad tracks, the baseball dugout, or anywhere else my twisted mind comes up with.

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:37:49 AM

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Yes Crazy, that is exactly right.. I know her day started at 5 Am....walked in my house around 11 PM

(in reply to newatdis)

RE: a question.. - 2/9/2016 8:40:44 AM

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lol Lucy...you know what they say about "opinions"

(in reply to newatdis)

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