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RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 5:11:29 AM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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I'm not really looking for a relationship, but like most people I have a life, things can happen, work, family, things change and you get busy with actual problems and anything online that is not work related takes a back seat....

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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to SuaveGentleman)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 9:28:54 AM

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Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

In fact, taking into account how frequently it still happens, I consider it quite a testament to how I AM trying to be decent to guys (while they're, on average, not at all decent in response). Considering how often attempting to be civil backfires, I don't blame any woman for just blocking a guy immediately if she's not interested.

I know you want to think of the average guy as being pretty decent, but I'm sorry, the vast majority of them -on this site- just aren't decent and civil after you reject them. If you really are, you're a huge exception. A HUGE exception. Too bad that there isn't some surefire way to communicate that to the women out there, because it would give you a much better shot at getting one to write you back, even if it was for a 'thanks but no thanks'...

Since we're (primarily) talking about the other side: if one "took into account" how many time wasters, money-grabbers, and flat-out douche canoes had profiles here and then painted all of you ladies with that same brush ... day after day, week after week, year after year ... you ladies would get pretty frustrated, too.

Michael

Absolutely. And I don't blame any man here for 'taking into account' how many time wasters, money-grabbers, and flat-out douche canoes female profiles there are out there.
In my experience, most men indeed DO take that fact into account, and approach new women they talk to with a certain degree of skepticism and hesitation, until that individual profile shows them sufficient evidence to conclude that they do not fall into the above listed categories.

Which isn't any different from a woman assuming that, unless she's got strong evidence to the contrary, a man on here will react poorly to a 'thanks but no thanks' email.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 9:41:57 AM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman

I dont mean to be rude in any way. But yes. While ladies have generalized the behaviour of men on here, and probably rightly so, how would you feel if we similarly generalized how "some" women (actually the majority) behaved on here? Ranging from total ignoring, to subtly asking for money, to openly asking for money, to simply wasting everyone's time going round and round in circles with no definite aim in sight.

C'est la vie.

- asn

I'm sorry, do you not generalize women's behavior on here? Do you truly approach every woman on here without a degree of skepticism and doubt, BEFORE she's shown you that she doesn't fall into the time-waster and money-grabbing categories?

I'm not saying that you should go out and assume that every woman on here will be a time-waster or a money-grabber, but at the same time, do you not at all let the fact that they might be factor into your initial communications with her, until she's shown otherwise?

All women are doing when assuming that a man might become abusive in response to a 'thanks but no thanks' is not reply to him, until he's shown that he's not going to become abusive. That's hardly a generalization that's hurting you in any way, shape, or form, considering that in order for that woman to make the assumption about you that you might become abusive in response to her rejection, she has to already not be interested in further communication with you.

Further there is the fact that when a woman on here has a profile that indicates that she's looking for a man, she can expect to get about a 100 mails a day. Assuming that it on average takes about a minute to open a mail, read it, and to reply 'thanks but no thanks', that means that she's now taking over an hour and a half out of her day to reject men she's not interested in.

When you factor in the fact that when men receive a 'thanks but no thank' they often respond -either by firing off an abusive email back OR by stating simple 'thanks for letting me know'- and that it takes an additional 30 seconds to open, read, and ignore those responses back, now a woman has increased the amount of time spent on rejecting men by about 50 minutes simple by communicating MORE with men she isn't interested in communicating with in the first place. That puts her at spending well over 2 hours a day on rejecting men she isn't interested in to begin with.

Cutting that time down by simple not replying to men she isn't interested in decreases her time spent on rejecting men to about 50 minutes. It cuts it to well under 50% of the time she would spend if she did send out 'thanks but no thanks' mails, in addition to not being bothered by abusive emails.

Then we haven't even factored in the times she does spend on replying to men she IS interested in.
Women usually reply to men they are interested in first. (Makes sense, right? I'm sure you do the same thing by first replying to women you're interested in, and ignoring all the mail you get from female mails who are obviously wasting your time or after your money.)
So lets say that she's got an hour to spend on CollarSpace every night. And out of the 100 guys who mailed her there are 6 who actually interest her. So she goes and reads their profile in depth, reads their mail in depth, and then crafts out a thoughtful response to his mail. Let's say that doing so takes her 5 minutes on average (it's probably more). That's half her time online now spent on replying to men she IS interested in. That means that she will necessarily not have time available to reply to ever man that she is not interested in, because she simple cannot reply to all of them in the half hour she's got left.

If she finds a man she's actually really interested in, and spends half an hour chatting with him, now the time she has available to reply to those she isn't interested is decreased to zero. She simple does not have the time to reply those she isn't interested in at all, because no matter how little time it takes to reply to a single one of them, she's got hundreds of them to reply to, and that little bit of time replying to each of them adds up quickly.

No matter how you cut and slice it, a woman with a new profile, and a limited amount of time, is already going to be spending about as much (or more) time on rejecting men she isn't interested in (even if ALL she's doing is reading all her mail) than she has to spend on those she's genuinely interested in.

Finding a date on an online dating site is a numbers game... you rule out as many people as possible, until you find one that works for you. Increasing your productivity by 50% by not replying to people you already ruled out by is a big deal if you're a woman on an online dating site, because it gives you far more time to actually reply to those you are interested in.
It's not fair to the good guys out there that that's the way it is. You guys get lost in the noise of all the guys we aren't interested in, but sending out 'thanks but no thanks' mails isn't going to change that. All it will do is increase our workload, increase the amount of abusive replies we're exposed to, and thus, increase the likelihood that we'll get burned out on the site and end up leaving.
If we leave, the chance we'll find you and end up talking to you ends up being zero as well, which isn't benefitial for us, OR for you.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/16/2016 10:08:20 AM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to SuaveGentleman)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 10:48:34 AM

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuaveGentleman
I see and acknowledge your point. I have asked myself that question too - am I sure these are women? I am no fool and not one easily fooled. Yes for these particular women, I would say I was pretty sure two of them were women. I dont know if they were married or not - that is too much for me to tell from a set of conversations alone. If I did not put clearly on my profile that I had been married and separated, nobody could have guessed either.

As for the distance and nationality - completely valid point, and I make it a point to clear that out early on. Something along the lines of - I know there is a lot of distance between us, but I am serious about this and if you feel similarly I can make arrangement to meet, irrespective of where you are in the world. Maybe a line of advice here would be good - is that the right way to put it?

In your particular case, you appear to be forthcoming in your profile, so if a woman wasn't interested in conducting a long-distance cyber relationship, she really would have no business in engaging with you any further if she wasn't interested in exploring on-line D/s.

You present yourself as polite and well-mannered, and the type of man who wouldn't act badly to a TBNT message. That isn't really the issue here, the preliminary lack of interest.
It's feeling that you were being led on.
I don't know how you can make yourself any clearer than what you've described, other than to provide a reassurance now and again that you are serious in your intentions of making a connection, and then to take your cues from the woman's level of interest or seriousness in ever taking things off line.

Let's give these ladies the benefit of the doubt, that they weren't catfishing.
It's possible that you seemed like a genuinely personable, intelligent man unlike many of the others on this site who have the social skills of a gnat.
In other words, you were able to get your foot in the door and were afforded a certain level of entré or granted access that perhaps a man in your similar circumstances wouldn't ordinarily have been.
I think it boils down to not wanting to hurt your feelings.

@Darkfeather, I really do understand what you're saying in all sincerity. But you're a Dom contacting submissive women, and sub women (from what I hear fairly consistently) get treated the worst of all on line. They are not only seen as instant kinky sluts who are game for giving out blowjob freebies with no compunction about spreading their legs for any passing gangbang making the rounds, but there are men who look down on submissives as being subhuman and not worthy of common decency. I can't personally fault anybody for not choosing to reply to unsolicited messages, just like I'm sure you don't respond to every credit card offer and sales hype piece of junk mail you receive.

DreamLady

_____________________________

Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

(in reply to SuaveGentleman)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 11:59:26 AM

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

I still say cop-out, since you say that the majority of women have changed their attitude/disposition based on a relatively small cross-section of this site. Would we not all agree that the number of male registrants FAR outweigh the number of female? Would we also not all agree that, based on how the general attitude towards contact goes, it is the MALE's responsibility to make first contact (though I find it whole heatedly pleasant to get an initial message from, yes, a woman).

What this all means, is that a large number of men send out messages to potential women. Those messages then fall into 3 general categories. One, not even read (either seen in the preview skip and not interested, or tossed into the dreaded message filter cast off for all eternity). Two, read but not replied (this usually compromises the majority of messages unfortunately (I say unfortunately because we as senders, have absolutely no idea why no response was given... not compatible, age, race, likes/dislikes, alignment of the stars and planets, or any one of the millions of reasons two people don't hit it off). The third, and as op stated, is a response, a few messages, then nothing (for reasons, see point two). Boil all this down, and what you have is men sending out messages, in the off chance (read, small, minute, infinitesimal chance) that we get read, then replied to, then maintain any sort of conversation. Now me, I'm jaded, curmudgeonly. I have been doing this for a long, long, long... time. So getting no response is what I have long since come to expect. Hell, I have even stopped putting actual effort into my messages, since to be quite honest, spending actual time on an insightful well thought out, relevant first response means nothing when it doesn't even get opened. So what we end up with is, jaded, annoyed men, who get nothing even for the effort, and women who are jaded by the lack of good messages or any real conversation. What's the solution? If I knew that, I'd be getting the big bucks

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 12:07:11 PM

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Joined: 3/13/2007
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Per5sonally, it's a man/woman thing. I get pretty much the same things whether its through kink, vanilla, message board, etc. As long as both sides go into this... whatever internet gender relations are, with preconceived notions both sides are going to sit on the edge and complain. Reminds me of a middle school dance, where all the girls are on one side, staring, fidgeting, talking amongst themselves. And all the guys are on the other, goofing off, horsing around, etc. Neither side willing to interact

(in reply to dreamlady)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 12:17:06 PM

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Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

I still say cop-out, since you say that the majority of women have changed their attitude/disposition based on a relatively small cross-section of this site.

It's not a relatively small cross-section of the site though.

Abusive responses in reply to a polite rejection letter aren't the exception, instead, they make up a fairly large percentage of the responses to rejection letters.

If the average, common, expected, response to a rejection reply was polite, your point would apply. But that's simple not the case.
An excessively large amount of men on this site are complete dick wads when you turn them down.

That's not fair to you personally -assuming that you don't turn into a dick wad yourself if you're rejected- but it's not women's fault that the majority of your fellow men don't seem to be capable of dealing with rejection as well as you presumable do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

Would we also not all agree that, based on how the general attitude towards contact goes, it is the MALE's responsibility to make first contact (though I find it whole heatedly pleasant to get an initial message from, yes, a woman).

Men sure do seem to think that it's their responsibility to mail first.

However, in all 3 long term relationships I've had with men I met on this site, I initiated first contact.

In the case of the slave girl my husband recently found who will be moving in with us at the end of the month, she initiated first contact.

Granted, that's a limited sample. But at the same time, it's my personal experience that it pays off much more for me to read profiles, and contact men I'm interest in myself, than to site and wait for the right guy to reply to me.
To the point that it's completely worth my time to ignore mails of men I'm not interested in, in order to actually have the time to write those whom I AM interested in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

Hell, I have even stopped putting actual effort into my messages, since to be quite honest, spending actual time on an insightful well thought out, relevant first response means nothing when it doesn't even get opened.

Exactly. The majority of mails I get are from men who have stopped bothering to put effort into opening messages. And yet, they somehow expect me to put effort into replying to dozens of those 'no effort' messages a day.

I totally understand WHY you've stopped bothering to put effort into messages, and I don't blame you for a second for doing so, but at the same time, I'm not going to put any effort into replying to them either.

You can call that a cop-out all you want, the fact remains that I don't owe you time out of my day in order to reject you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather
What's the solution? If I knew that, I'd be getting the big bucks

The solution for me has been to ignore messages I'm not interested in, and reserve my time for the few messages I AM interested in, as well as to reserve time to read a bunch of profiles every day in order to find a man I'm actually interested in initiating contact with.

That strategy has paid off too, because it's resulted in 4 live in relationships in the last 10 years, and several dozen offline meetings and short term things that didn't lead to anything more.

That translates into 3 men who have found a long term partner off this site, and several dozens more who have had short term dates off this site.

However, the solution is also exactly the thing you're complaining about doing. You're telling me that I shouldn't be doing the thing that's getting me (and the men whom I've met offline) results, and instead stick to tactics that do nothing but waste my time and burn me out.

Because ya know, sticking to tactics that don't get me results and burn me out is TOTALLY going to find you a date sooner...

I'm pretty damn sure that if this site was set up in such a way that men could not initiate contact with women, unless the woman contacted them first, almost everybody who was actually seriously looking would be having more interesting conversations than they currently do AND would be dating more.
Sadly that's not the case, and so most men attempt to play the numbers game of sending as many 'no effort' messages as they can, in the hopes of getting a reply (and with little success) and so the men who ARE trying, and who are putting in effort, and who aren't dick wads get lost in the shuffle.
I don't see how that result is in any way women's fault though, nor do I see how women sending out 'thanks but no thanks' letters is going to increase your odds in any way to actually get a conversation going.

Care to explain how exactly women no longer 'coping-out' and sending out rejection letters is going to make any difference to you whats so ever? Are you (or the average dude here) really going to start putting more efforts into initial emails just because, instead of an empty mail box most days, now you've got a mail box full of women rejecting you?
Why exactly, would a mailbox full of rejection letters, make you (or the average dude here) put more effort into initiating contact?

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/16/2016 12:24:56 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Darkfeather)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 2:17:55 PM

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
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^^^ That entire post should be a sticky. Maybe even mandatory reading before anyone is allowed to open a profile.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 2:21:40 PM

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
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reaches for his ladel

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 5:12:14 PM

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

I am in no way offering an explanation for or excuses of actions from either side. But we all cop out in this situation. The guy does, when he takes his anger out on a person just trying to be polite. The woman does, when she stops being polite to the many, because its easier to ignore all. Just because there are reasons or circumstances behind them, doesn't make not doing the "right" thing any less of a cop-out, and am in no way saying cop-ing out is wrong. For the record, the "right" thing is, not acting like an asshole for getting rejected. Because hey, that would I dunno, prompt more women to actually give a nice rejection reply. Maybe we should initiate an e-license, to let potentials know the sender will not send a 6 page rant reply to polite rejection

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 5:24:03 PM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

So I ran a short experiment.

I made a new female profile:

____________

25, looking for men, lives in some random US city. Willing to relocate. Random pretty picture of a woman without the face showing.

The profile states that she's looking for a new kink relationship after the previous one recently failed.
Is into bondage and micromanagement.
She also loves doing outdoors stuff, such as hiking and camping, and wants a guy who enjoys those things as well.
In closing, the profile asks guys who are more than twice her age, or those who don't live in the US, to not contact her, as she's not interested in them.

______________

The profile was up for exactly 1 hour. In that time our fictitious girl received 51 emails. She replied to every single email with the message:

Thanks for your interest, but I'm not interested in talking to you.

Have a great day. :-)

Now lets break down the messages received...

Out of 51 messages:
- 28 were from guys age 50 or over
- 9 were from guys outside of the US
- 46 were from people who sent and obvious copy/paste message, or a message with no content at all
- 5 were from guys who, in some way, actually referenced her profile
- 2 were from guys who looked like they actually put effort into sending a thoughtful message tailored to her profile
- 2 were from women

There were also 2 friend requests sent without an email attached, which were not counted towards the message total.

So you can see, right off the bat, over 60% of the messages our fake profile received were from men the profile specified she is not interested in.

Out of the 16 other messages remaining (some of the guys were both not from the US, as well as over 50) only TWO of them actually had something meaningful to say, which didn't sound like a copy/paste, and which actually gave her something to reply to.

Now lets look at how the rejection letters where handled...

Out of 51 rejection letters sent:

- 14 men (none of the women) sent a reply to the rejection letter

Of those 14 replies:

- 4 politely thanked for sending a rejection
- 6 guys asked for a justification for the rejection
- 4 guys sent an abusive response to the rejection

Abusive responses received where:

"Fuck you too"
"u r going to die bitter and alone you stupid cow"
"You worthless whore, you don't deserve me, but I will give you one more chance. Apologize immediately for your disrespectful behavior and beg for forgiveness!"
"Die in a plane crash you worthless cunt."

Of the 6 guys who originally asked for a justification for the rejection:

- 2 politely thanks for being informed for the cause of the rejection (always too old or out of the country, items already listed in the profile, none of the guys who actually fitted the profile's exclusions asked for clarification)
- 4 argued that the reason for the rejection was wrong, and our fake girl should change her mind

She replied to all 4 again, politely, by explaining that she was sorry, but wasn't going to change her mind about her age limit, or about moving outside of the US.

- 1 guy left it at that
- 3 guys continue to argue (totaling another 11 replies sent to them as they continued to argue)

After the continued argument:

- 2 of them stopped answering
- 1 of them sent an abusive message:

"fuck you, I can do better than you anyways"

______________

Now granted, the TWO guys who actually put effort into mailing our fake girl did indeed deserve a polite 'thanks but no thanks' for their effort. (In actuality, if this was a real profile, those two guys probably wouldn't have gotten a rejection letter, but instead an actual continuation of the conversation they attempted to start, because presumably our fake girl would be interested in them.)
But the other ones?

Seriously, you want me to waste time sending 49 guys an hour rejection letters when I know that about 10% of them are going to respond with abuse, and about 8% of them are going to continue to waste my time by arguing with me about why I rejected them in the first place?

When they didn't even bother to put in any time or effort sending me a message to begin with?

And that's not counting the time wasted reading the replies from the guys who politely thanked our girl for the rejection... not that there's anything wrong with doing that, but seriously, spending that extra time reading what really amounts to being a useless email, when you're already getting 50 mails per hour isn't exactly productive... Add to that the fact that the guys who argue about being rejected on average do so by sending an addition 5 mails, and now you're completely wasting your time on useless crap.

Time that could be spend actually talking to the two guys our girl would actually be interested in...

If you claim that I'm coping out by not sending rejection letters, you claim that I'm taking the easy and lazy way out, and am not doing something that I should be doing.
Why exactly is it that these 49 guys deserve rejection letters? How is it that they have shown me enough time and effort so that they're somehow due my respect to give some time and effort back to them? Especially considering that in the case of 60% of them the profile already stated it wasn't interested in... if they don't even bother reading the profile before mailing it (or ignore the content after reading it) why on Earth would I be coping out if I ignore their emails? How exactly is it that these men are due a reply?

Seriously, you think I'm coping out by not sending rejection letter, except to a very select few? If that's the case, I'll leave you with an excerpt from one of the mails I received in that hour. Please keep in mind that this was NOT the only one of this sort the profile received (there were about 8 I can remember off the top of my head without going back and rereading and counting them all), and that nothing on the profile indicated that the girl is interested in this sort of thing:

quote:

Preceded by several more paragraphs of the same...

...

You will wear a chain and collar and be used like a breeding bitch in a puppy mill whose tits and uterus is constantly abused by studs. On all fours you will be sodomized, doggie style. You will lick the balls of all males. You may not sit on the furniture. You will sleep chained to the floor because my dog sleeps on the bed and you are not worthy. You will labor and be bred for the benefit of your Master. The hair will be sheared from your body like a sheep. You will be branded with my mark. The inside of your lip will be tattooed.

You are an ameba, a mannequin, human only in looks. You are simply a blow up fuck doll. You are a sperm bank where men deposit their seed without feeling or emotion.

This is how you will be trained and how you will live.

...

Continues for several more paragraphs of the same...

Seriously... you expect me to take time out of my day to send rejection letters to that???

(And granted, that's not even from one of the guys who sent back abuse in response to the rejection, he just ignored it instead...)

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/16/2016 5:43:38 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Darkfeather)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 5:46:14 PM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline

Absolutely great points, UllrsIshtar. I will be surprised if it makes any difference whatsoever to the men who act like they are being personally mistreated because they didn't get a response to an unsolicited message. But I suspect you don't think so either.

If someone gets bent out of shape for not being thanked for something the woman didn't ask them for in the first place, imagine how they would react if they had to deal with these kinds of emails?

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 6:01:00 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

There's something else going on.
If you assume that all women are time wasters and liars, that attitude will transmit through your email. There will be aggression and hostility which most recipients will sense, even if they cannot identify and articulate.

Meaning that feeling like this will almost guarantee that you get the reaction you don't want.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Wayward5oul)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 10:10:22 PM

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

I really like this breakdown. Lets look at the numbers... 14 replies to 51 rejections. 4 were abusive right off the bat, a 7% rate. Of the 6 asking for clarification (don't understand the point of trying to argue your way into a relationship, but maybe this tactic works?), 4 went abusive, with 3 staying the asshole route to the end. That is 5%. So as to the math, 7% started assholes, 5% grew into assholes as time went on. To put that into perspective, if you sent out 1000 replies, only 70 on average would be assholes, 50 would turn asshole. So to ignore the 880 because of 120 assholes... But honestly, the numbers mean nothing, people reply or not, free will and all that. My point is about common courtesy, reasonable expectation of polite discourse. We go into any and all social interaction with this expectation. Is it enforced, not even close. People can and some proudly do, act like dicks to any and all people they come in contact with. That still does not change the fact that politeness is generally considered the "norm". When I walk into a store, and the clerk asks if I need any help, I am not at all taken aback or surprised. If the same clerk asked what the fuck I wanted, I would however do the comedic double-take. Now, I cannot stress this enough, no one is forced to be nice. There is no law legislating politeness. But people do expect it, and are taken aback when it isn't offered (take for example the negative reactions to asshole responses). So it should come as no shock, most people expect that common courtesy of a rejection reply. Am I saying every woman should have to reply, hell no. I am just stating that as social creatures, it is expected. And yes, yes, this expectation is completely one sided, and in no way influences the actions of other parties. For my two cents, I don't understand the mentality of being nasty in response to politeness, but that's just me

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 10:48:44 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

As the saying goes, an expectation is just a resentment waiting to happen. What you are doing with that expectation is placing your preferences on the other party (a reply) without considering the other person's situation. Because you have invested your time to send an email (along with all of the other people who sent emails that day) you want the other person to invest their time for a reply.

I'm sorry, Darkfeather, but have you really considered how much time it takes to send those 1000 replies? And, that's just the first 1000 replies. I can promise you that I received that much email in less than my first year here. (No spam filter back then, so it was worse.) The volume never really changed the entire time I lived in GA and CA. It dropped quite a bit once I moved to Alaska and the lesser amount of first contact email that I receive now is a nice fringe benefit of leaving my profile there.

A lot of males say they would do the "polite" thing and keep responding to everything that comes into email, if they got as much mail as women. How long do you think you would continue wasting one to two hours a day, every single day, before you gave up the practice?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Darkfeather)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 11:03:56 PM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

Dude, did you completely miss the point where over 90% of them started off by being rude first, by sending a copy past message without reading (or taking into consideration) the profile?
They started by being rude.

About 8 of the mails, on top of that, contained a bunch of offensive nonsense like the stuff I quoted.

And then of the guys who write back to the rejecting email, a full 50% of them are down right abusive (that doesn't count the "whatever", and "suit yourself" and "you're apparently not who you claim to be" from the other guys, because I can't claim they're abusive, although they're certainly not nice).

That means that, a random woman on the site for her first hour, has had encounters with men being offensive to her 13 times in that first hour. How long do you expect a random woman to stick around in a random bar if she's got 13 guys an hour coming up to her and saying offensive shit to her?

And yet you're STILL hung up on the fact that's she's ignoring all the men who did not bother writing her a decent message, or are over 50 (an age difference at least 25 years) because she's going to focus on the two decent replies instead.

You would rather see a woman waste her time writing back to every loser with a copy/paste email INSTEAD of communicating with men she's interested in... no wonder you can't find a date... all the women who would actually be compatible with you are too damn busy telling the idiots that they're not interested in them, to ever have a chance to write you back...

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/16/2016 11:08:02 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Darkfeather)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/16/2016 11:17:52 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

@OP

I don't receive 100s of cmails a day, but I'm not young & I'm particular in who I want to share my life with.

I get msgs from grown men, mature supposedly, who start & stop with "hello" or an even shorter "hi". How exactly am I supposed to answer that? I personally think it's ridiculous, so I don't. I just delete it.

This stunner from a man in his early 60s yesterday: Hey sub.... Yadda yadda referring to me in the 3rd person. I DID reply to him:: "Really? I mean REALLY??? I'm a human being first...."

This is what I typically contend with. I will say that I've met some great people here in person. I had a few successful relationships, I've stayed friends with them. Great women friends who mean the world to me.

It's what you take away from all this crazy Internet stuff. I know me, I'm the same in person as here. I'm not going to pretend I'm someone I'm not. Now I used to believe everyone was like that. Took me about a month to figure out that was NOT the way it was. So now I'm leery, more cautious. For obvious reasons, to me.

I will NOT settle, I will NOT have someone play mind games with me. I'm 53 not 18. I don't need to be "broken", to be treated as a plaything 24/7. There's a real life to live out there. One that includes family, jobs, paying bills, yanno, the stuff everyone has to deal with. 24/7 that does include the banality of real life. No avoiding that!

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to Darkfeather)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/17/2016 12:08:17 AM

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline

@Darkfeather: I'm not sure why you refuse to consider the points the women are making here. Thoughtful emails take time, and are you really interested in a woman who has nothing better to do with her life than to process her inbox all day? Sounds like she would be someone easy to Master... if you can first manage to pry her away from her computer.

The biggest problem in your position is that you declare ownership of other people's time by initiating communication. That attitude is disrespectful regardless of the form and content of the communication. You can respond to me or not, but either way, your time is your own to use as you see fit. Just because I am posting something @ you here does not create an obligation upon you to do anything in response. The same goes for the women you write. They don't owe you anything in response at all and it is an immoral expectation regardless of what "common courtesy" labels you want to apply to it. They have not consented to your claim over their time, and thus you have no claim over their time. period.

Regardless of whether or not you are right in your own personal utopia, the realities of this world is you cannot force others to behave to your ideals. (This world sure would be a dramatically different place if I had that power.) Instead of working on your indignant attitude over the reality you're faced with, maybe you should try working within the world as it is.

I have been rather successful on this site and it boils down to a few simple steps.
1) BE PATIENT
2) obvious fakes - put on hide, forget, and move on
3) potentially real women saying they don't want something that is true about you - hide, forget, move on
4) women that might actually be interested - write them a personal message, and put a note on their profile so you don't forget you wrote them and so you don't further flood their inbox with additional messages
5) FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THE ABOVE WOMEN UNTIL YOU RECEIVE A MESSAGE FROM THEM
6) if a polite rejection - forget and move on... hide them too if that makes it easier to stick to it
7) if the response makes it clear "she" is a fake or scammer - hide, forget, move on
8) if you have a positive response - THIS IS WHERE YOU FOCUS YOUR ENERGY

This has worked well enough for me that in the years I have been on this site, I have met my wife, my slave, and a regular play partner on CM/CS. These are three different women, all three thin and sexy, and they all know about one another. In addition I have met a handful of other women from this site where nothing serious developed. Now I have been around this site for ages, so these results might be beaten just by going to your local munch... but it works for me. Whether or not it would work for you is uncertain, but your bitching about women needing to change is a guaranteed failure.

< Message edited by MasterUllr -- 3/17/2016 12:22:52 AM >

(in reply to Darkfeather)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/17/2016 8:36:46 AM

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

It's been a short while since we've had a thread crop up where males come to vent their frustration about lack of responses from women on line, forgetting that in real life, anybody has the right to ignore another stranger for any reason whatsoever. You're a total stranger, for Christ's sake, and an Internet stranger on top of that.

Besides the very good issues that Ullr and Ishtar raised, getting a TBNT reply is the least of their worries. You guys en masse are literally driving women away in droves.

Every few weeks I get contacted by a new CS user who is disenchanted by the low-caliber level of men's conduct on this site. (I'm sure plenty of men get disillusioned when they don't get the instant results they are anticipating, but the odds are already stacked against them by sheer numbers.)
These are usually new FLR-lifestyle Dommes who have checked out the forums, and within a few weeks or a month later, they leave me a good-bye message right before closing their account.

I don't believe the submissive and sub-leaning switch men here can afford to lose out on a single opportunity to impress an available lifestyle Domme who comes on the scene seeking a male sub. Yet they continue to do what they do or don't do what they need to be doing (even when clued in) to attract the FLR they claim they so desperately yearn for.

As for maleDoms, it doesn't seem to matter whether they are new and figure all they have to do is slap on the Dominant label to get women interested in them, because the ones with older profiles have often not upped their game either, and that's putting it mildly.

DreamLady

_____________________________

Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

(in reply to MasterUllr)

RE: Why would someone do this? - 3/17/2016 8:50:13 AM

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

People, people. I will once again state my stance... I do not defend nor explain why people are assholes. I do not seek nor demand anyone be obligated in any fashion to reply. I simply stated that to not for the reasons stated was a cop-out. And it is. Everyone has their reasons for not replying, or replying, or ranting like an asshole. Everyone. If you don't want to reply to 1000s of emails, then don't. If you don't want to reply to anyone, then don't. My point is simply, those sending out the emails have that implied reasonable expectation of courtesy. And yes, as I have said before, this is completely one sided and in no way enforceable. But the fact remains, when two or more people engage in social interaction, we kinda expect it. Please and Thank You, Hello and Goodbye, basic polite mannerisms. The fact that we don't get them (more often than not), doesn't change the fact that at least one side expects this.

(in reply to dreamlady)

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