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RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 4:42:24 AM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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Funny thing is, I get offered general POAs on here a lot.
It always makes me feel like they're trying to bait me into something, and wonder what secret illness the male has (beyond delusion).

It kills me when subs think their Doms have to be smarter than them. We don't have to be. We just have to know how best to direct them, which isn't the same thing.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:09:20 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
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.

< Message edited by RainbowsandUnico -- 10/1/2016 5:10:02 AM >

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:14:57 AM

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
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that's the key, I wouldn't allow a Dominant to make the decisions if I didn't trust him to do so, wherein that's how a submissive has to be smart about who she is submitting to.

Most of these subfrenzy submissives are horny as all hell and have no clue what a real power exchange takes to make it work, on both sides not just one side.

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:17:46 AM

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2015
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Hello Dear Lovelyness;

By my understanding, a healthy BDSM relationship like any other is about consenting to have stuff done to a person that they want done.

This thing you have stated "and wants me to understand that if i agree to this deal that while i am tied up being punished that begging and pleading or stating that i do no want this Sir, will not work and he will continue.

I obviously have very very strong fears, and I certainly do not like pain. "

So is your submission relationship with this man that he can do things to you that you don't like or enjoy and that even when you ask him not to he has the right to ignore you're wishes. If that is the case so he could tie you up and murder you and you would ask him not to and he would ignore your wish to not be killed because you have submitted to him? Dear I suggest you think logically about what you have agreed to and whether this is healthy for you emotionally and physically. If you are harmed don't you have family that would miss you and grieve for you and suffer the loss of you? Don't you care about you're own life and wellbeing? Is it better for you to risk harm and satisfy this man than be alone and remain healthy and alive to find another safer and less risky relationship for yourself. You are young dear. I know you want what you want and you can still get it with another person that will not put you at risk / potentially harm you etc.

If this man cares about you and is in a relationship with you why does he have to take control of you're finances in a manner that puts you at risk of having no money to live on? What has depriving you of your deserved and lawful finances got to do with a TPE? Why does he have to use the aspect of taking your money from you as the measure of TPE in your relationship? I suggest you recognise the red flags dear and listen to the wise people here and run a mile from this man so that you don't have bitter regrets or come to harm or worse hmm :)

Lovelyness re you're question "Can this be real life and be safe?" . The answer is ; It's very unsafe dear. There are a lot of predators and serial killers that visit CS and Fetlife and they are relentless and have no remorse. I am not sensationalising dear - I know this for a fact and have encountered a serial killer on Fet. Don't be a victim. I suppose you really want a relationship. I don't think going ignorantly into folly will give you the satisfaction you crave rather disappointment / pain / physical harm etc. What I'm saying here may sound dramatic however if I can help to save one innocent i.e you from harm I don't mind making that effort. :)

All the best dear:)

(in reply to Lovelyness)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:24:33 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

Are you new to being a submissive?

I have been at this lifestyle for about 9 years now. I also married a man off of this site and we were together about 5.5 years. However that did not blossom into the Dom/sub relationship we had expected. I certainly do not claim to be an expert. Since I identified myself as submissive and this man stated he was seeking a slave I felt that perhaps these things he was proposing were more common on the Master/slave side of the lifestyle. I do appricate all advice as I try to see this from all sides.

In attempting to be fair in the presenting this topic. I will state that he claims I owe him for a punisment that I did not finish because the pain was too much. His view is that I made promises to him. Which one insluded not to drink, and I did drink alot for probably a month, yes I know my flaw.
He claims the beating is for that.
I wanted to be fair, by making it clear it was not just for the sake of oh i want to cause you pain for my pleasure. I dont know if that makes it any different to tell someone you will not stop even if they ask.

We have talked my pain tolerance, not that i think it has any affect on his decisons. Safe words were never decussed and I do not believe he would even be open to the concept.

< Message edited by RainbowsandUnico -- 10/1/2016 5:26:55 AM >

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:35:29 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

If he has about the same amount of assets you do then tell him to marry you if he wants poa! smirk :)

Get married so his ass is on the line too :)

Do your training gig, live togther, see if you still love him, then if it all looks good great otherwise divorce him. Tell him that next time you see him in person and see how he reacts (smirk) See how serious he really is.

Oh and dont run out and do it but come back and tell us what happened, I got a 6er says he burns rubber otta there.

I would certainly assume that I am accurate in stating he financially is much better off than I. I have been with him to one place of employment where he works as a helicoptor pilot.
I do not see a whole lot of benefit he could gain from my assets other than my 3 years old vehicle. and in fairness he wanted this same deal years ago back when my debt of student loans out weighed my assets.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:35:48 AM

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
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I'm in a M/s relationship, have been for over 5 years.

the key to any M/s or D/s relationship even before you agree to submit, is communicate, communicate, communicate everything at the beginning of talking, limits, tolerance, what you will say yes to example handing over your bank accounts, do you want to live together? and a lot of other discussioins

(in reply to RainbowsandUnico)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:41:11 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

Just because you fall in love with them doesn't make them right for you. He's not right for you.

I am trying to see that possibly that is true. It is just difficult to understand when you tried enough because the submissive in my personality posonaly doesnt want to believe I gave up and didnt do what he wanted of me.

It is a no win

(in reply to fluffygiggler)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:48:14 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Bit late to the party on this one.
My first reaction to this was:

Who on earth, and really THINK about this... who on earth would really ask for POA just for a submissive???
Really? Honestly???

Put your sensible head back on!!

Get married.
Have him chain you to a wall.
Anything and everything... but POA??? Is this a WUT?

If anyone even contemplated asking for a POA just for a kinky relationship needs to be locked up.
Seriously.
Psychopath in the making.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!
And don't look back.

I appricate your animated advice :)

I will say that negotiations have always stalled because of things like this.

The most recent one prior, I was told I would have to sign a prenup stating that in the event of infidelity on my part that I would forefit full custody of any of our future children to him.

Now that one I certainly felt would not likely hold up in court, however the legal system certainly has let down the world before so possibly it would.

By all accounts on the outside his persona to the world is very put together, educated, financially stable and trust worthy. Most likely by the time he finished distroying me...he would have whatever legal weight he wished to have.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:50:28 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

I was not aware that I stated any intent to ignore people's advice or input. I also do not know why this message posted originally under a profile that I do not even have anymore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Op, what the Hell? You ask everyone's input, and get unanimity that you shouldn't consider it. Then you post from a second profile, stating your intent to ignore all the replies you got.

You could have saved time by simply going ahead without asking for same people's input.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 5:55:50 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

when she wakes up one day and reaiizes she lost her Dom, doesnt have a pot to piss in nor window to throw it out of, she will have an aha moment, so she can do it all over again! (and not listen to the next group of people trying to help her out) LOL

Snickers.
Maso is as maso does.

I dunno about all this hooplah. I think, like everything else in fucking life, this depends on the relationship.
If I told mouse I wanted POA, she would sign it over. Fuck, at some point here, she stated that if I wanted to cut off her arms, she would let me, because she knows me and knows I wouldn't do it w/o a terrific reason-that's why she submitted to me in the first place.
So for peeps in solid LTR, this may work out fine. I mean fuck, she fell for him for a variety of reasons, one would hope that among those would be such chracter traits as responsible and trust worthy.

Is it smart? Of course not.
But then, seeing the damage it can do to ones finances, neither is getting married.
Laughs.
When I did finance we used to tell clients the single worst financial decision they make in their lives is tying the knot. Number two is getting divorced.
So this is all relative.

Just saying

Thank you, your message is valid. and I ofcourse did fall for a man I viewed as trustworthy, intelligent, good credit score, and no criminal convictions. All these questions were asked. However, here I am in a boat that feels...unsafe.

(in reply to Kana)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:00:05 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

that's the key, I wouldn't allow a Dominant to make the decisions if I didn't trust him to do so, wherein that's how a submissive has to be smart about who she is submitting to.

Most of these subfrenzy submissives are horny as all hell and have no clue what a real power exchange takes to make it work, on both sides not just one side.

I could not gives less in a care in the world about sex at this point. To be honest the sex...is the worst sex I may have ever had. It goes a little deeper than genitals here.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:04:00 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Bit late to the party on this one.
My first reaction to this was:

Who on earth, and really THINK about this... who on earth would really ask for POA just for a submissive???
Really? Honestly???

Put your sensible head back on!!

Get married.
Have him chain you to a wall.
Anything and everything... but POA??? Is this a WUT?

If anyone even contemplated asking for a POA just for a kinky relationship needs to be locked up.
Seriously.
Psychopath in the making.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!
And don't look back.

I appricate your animated advice :)

I will say that negotiations have always stalled because of things like this.

The most recent one prior, I was told I would have to sign a prenup stating that in the event of infidelity on my part that I would forefit full custody of any of our future children to him.

Now that one I certainly felt would not likely hold up in court, however the legal system certainly has let down the world before so possibly it would.

By all accounts on the outside his persona to the world is very put together, educated, financially stable and trust worthy. Most likely by the time he finished distroying me...he would have whatever legal weight he wished to have.

I think the point most of us are making is that you can fully submit to someone, completely and utterly, no holds barred etc, WITHOUT the legality of any sort of POA.

Your dom asking for you to even consider signing a POA is just nuts.
Completely wrong, OTT, unnecessary, paranoia-driven selfishness.

That's why we are all saying - don't do it. EVER. Seriously.

By all means do your thing with a kinky arrangement. But NOT a POA.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to RainbowsandUnico)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:06:08 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

I'm in a M/s relationship, have been for over 5 years.

the key to any M/s or D/s relationship even before you agree to submit, is communicate, communicate, communicate everything at the beginning of talking, limits, tolerance, what you will say yes to example handing over your bank accounts, do you want to live together? and a lot of other discussioins

I believe he and I have communicated and had negotiation after detailed negotiated for the last 5 years. They have not lined up perfectly ofcourse. His willingness to budge ...is slight to none.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:21:49 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

quote:

Just because you fall in love with them doesn't make them right for you. He's not right for you.

I am trying to see that possibly that is true. It is just difficult to understand when you tried enough because the submissive in my personality posonaly doesnt want to believe I gave up and didnt do what he wanted of me.

It is a no win

I'll contradict that.

It's a no-win in THIS relationship.
Because he is not a suitable person, for anybody, not just you.
If he thinks it's right and proper to ask for a POA, the sub is on a path to disaster.

In any arrangement, the /D is also mindful of their /s and sets them up for success.
I'm not getting that vibe from you on this dom.
This one sounds selfish and self-obsessed.

Walk away from this one and find someone more suited to you.
Someone who doesn't demand a POA.
Do your submission under TRUST, not any legal requirement of a POA.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to RainbowsandUnico)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:23:56 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

We have talked my pain tolerance, not that i think it has any affect on his decisons. Safe words were never decussed and I do not believe he would even be open to the concept.

Then he's a creep.

(in reply to RainbowsandUnico)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:33:01 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs.

You claim he's such a great decision maker. Yeah, so great that he's driving you away before you even get there.

If you have a history of picking bad partners, this is just another one to add to your list. Go fix your people picker.

Oh and legally neither this nor a pre nup would be valid. Not when you declare to the court that they were signed under duress, to avoid further beatings.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 6:44:06 AM

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

Young lady. There is very little in life that should be joyful, but a meaningful relationship with another is one that should be most of the time a happy thing.

By the sound of it , this relationship is not there. And for the record, just because someone loves another doesn't mean that the relationship is a positive thing. You can love someone and leave them because it is the best theing for YOU! Misery is not a positive indicator of a great relationship.

Yes, if you dumped him you would be miserable, but you are already miserable. You'll get over it - been there, done that, still dream about him occasionally and its been decades, but you do survive and have loving relationships again,

And hopefully, your next relationship is a bit more ..... sane.
As in , talk to them about specifics - like safe words and what you do and don't like, and how to negotiate life in general. My dominant told me that I didn't get to say no to him, but he also told me that I could say "if it pleases you" so he would know that I was less than thrilled about whatever the idea was.
Oddly enough, the few times I had to say this, he went in a different direction because he liked/loved me and wanted me HAPPY!

He wanted me happy.......key phrase there. He didn't cater to me, but he wanted me happy, because humans do better in relationships with happy people.

And believe me, you as a sweet young thing, with a cute body will have little trouble finding someone to be happy with. Of course, I think the first thing you need to do is get offline with prospects and go real time. Especially before you decide to fall in love with a keyboard. Cause anyone can say anything on a keyboard.

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 7:09:56 AM

RainbowsandUnico

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/20/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs.

I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: General Power of Attorney - 10/1/2016 7:14:32 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs.

I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair.

And this is precisely why we feel this is the wrong person for you.
Any decent sort of dom would encourage you to seek help, join a group, whatever it takes for you to conquer the demon drink or bring it under control - not issue a punishment.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to RainbowsandUnico)

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