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ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

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Are you new to being a submissive?

I have been at this lifestyle for about 9 years now. I also married a man off of this site and we were together about 5.5 years. However that did not blossom into the Dom/sub relationship we had expected. I certainly do not claim to be an expert. Since I identified myself as submissive and this man stated he was seeking a slave I felt that perhaps these things he was proposing were more common on the Master/slave side of the lifestyle. I do appricate all advice as I try to see this from all sides.

In attempting to be fair in the presenting this topic. I will state that he claims I owe him for a punisment that I did not finish because the pain was too much. His view is that I made promises to him. Which one insluded not to drink, and I did drink alot for probably a month, yes I know my flaw.
He claims the beating is for that.
I wanted to be fair, by making it clear it was not just for the sake of oh i want to cause you pain for my pleasure. I dont know if that makes it any different to tell someone you will not stop even if they ask.

We have talked my pain tolerance, not that i think it has any affect on his decisons. Safe words were never decussed and I do not believe he would even be open to the concept.

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ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

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ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs.

I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair.

And this is precisely why we feel this is the wrong person for you.
Any decent sort of dom would encourage you to seek help, join a group, whatever it takes for you to conquer the demon drink or bring it under control - not issue a punishment.

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ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

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ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

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ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He thinks beatings will cure alcohol dependency? Will he do the same if you have cancer? It's a disease ffs.

I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair.

And this is precisely why we feel this is the wrong person for you.
Any decent sort of dom would encourage you to seek help, join a group, whatever it takes for you to conquer the demon drink or bring it under control - not issue a punishment.

He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence

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ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair.

He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

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ORIGINAL: RainbowsandUnico

I probably would not drink again afterwards, however to expect that I could control it while alone states away and not even under his control or in any form of structered relationship...was not doable for me, and to be punished for that..Im not sure I think is fair.

He does encourage AA, helped me to find a meeting, and I am sure would force me to attend those meetings if in his presence

OK... hold the phone.

I am 16 years sober, when I went to AA, I went because I recognized that I had a serious problem and needed help. If he would force you to attend those meetings, thinking that it will magically get you sober, he is an idiot. The problem here is that you lack self-control.

Don't drop your relationship with him over the POA or any other reason... end it because you are not ready to be in a relationship. If you are a problem drinker, you have to get your life in order BEFORE you even consider a relationship, and I would advise you to have at least a year of continuous sobriety before that would happen.

I now understand why he is asking for the POA, he isn't the problem, you are and he wants to protect you from you. This will also not work, but is noble. No matter how dominant he is, he cannot fix you.

Reality time. Get your life in order. If you couldn't stop drinking for a month, or even a few days, then you have a problem. You need to have a 'come to Jesus' moment with yourself. Did your marriage end because of your drinking? Even if it didn't, problem drinkers cause chaos, it is what we do. We hurt people around us and are like a tornado of bullshit.

You need to wake up and smell the reality of the situation. Fix yourself first.

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ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this.

Here's what you may want to consider:
1. Do you want to be with this man in the manner you two have spoken about? If yes, then proceed to the next question, if no - then you have your answers.
2. Do you trust him? if yes, then you have your answer, if no, you have your answers.

There are a few power of attorneys, one is health care, one is financial. Those are pretty much the only ones you need to consider.
If you are worried he won't do as he says with the proceeds from the sale of your stuff, then (if you want to sell your stuff) you can tell him you will dispose of your stuff yourself and give the money to someone to hold for you. If he has power of attorney, then the money in the bank account will be assessable to him. So that is incorrect that only you will have access to it. I would consult a lawyer if you are unsure as to what kind of power POAs allow and in what instance do they come into play. There are form POAs only but if you want conditions on it, I would consult an attorney to draft one as to the specifics you want it used.

Why does he need the POA, you never explained that. If you will be living with him and a couple but not married, you may want to consider the healthcare POA, this means he can make health care decisions for you if you cannot.

I wouldn't be keen on a man I haven't lived with and had a lengthy live in relationship with having financial power of attorney. I need more than just online relationship before providing someone that type of power.

As for the pain -- if you don't like pain and he does -- that's huge to me, if he is telling you he is not willing to EXPLORE with you but will use it whether you agree or not. That to me can cause all kinds of emotional issues to the sub. However, only you know what you would be willing to do for this man. If he is giving you absolutes with no wiggle room or lead up, and you have had no experience with what he is speaking -- ask him to meet you and give you a sample of what he is speaking about before you make your decisions.

Personally, I think you need to send him this post and tell him that you are terrified.

To me, you have turned to strangers instead of the man you should be turning to, to help you through a difficult decision. That says a lot. Even if its about a relationship with him -- the one person you should be able to discuss your doubts and fears with is the man you want to be with.

Is this real life -- yes
Is it safe - for some yes, for others no.
Are you insane for considering it -- no. But in the end, you have to trust him. It sounds to me like you don't.

Good luck with your choice.

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ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

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ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

I don't agree with ANY strangers telling you to do this or not to do this. I think it's silly when people know nothing about your relationship with this man think they know what's best for you. It boggles my mind how anyone with integrity can say to a stranger -- don't do this.

And yet your post does just that.

As with any forum on the Internet, you will get varying opinions. She came here for advice, how do you advise someone without telling them your opinion of what they should or shouldn't do? It is acknowledged that we do not know the relationship in its entirety, it doesn't make the advice less valid, it just may not apply.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

The problem here is that you lack self-control.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

That's not entirely the issue.

I'll agree that she seems to lack boundaries or is unable to enforce them.

But, by judging from some of the things she 's said - the inflexibility, the fact that he won't stop even if it's too much, etc - I'd go with domineering vs dominant.

I'm thinking more that she lacks a backbone and he's using that.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

That's not entirely the issue.

I'll agree that she seems to lack boundaries or is unable to enforce them.

But, by judging from some of the things she 's said - the inflexibility, the fact that he won't stop even if it's too much, etc - I'd go with domineering vs dominant.

I'm thinking more that she lacks a backbone and he's using that.

I said that in addressing the drinking only.

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ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

Gauge, my post does not tell her what to do. -- it gives her things to consider. No where in my post do I say do not do this or walk away or anything of the sort.

My life won't be changes by what she ends up doing or not doing, its not my life. No one especially me know what the whole situation is but her and him. So I can't tell her what to do, I can only give her things to consider, which is what I have done. So Gauge, you may want to stop and really think about what someone says before shaking your finger at them.

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ORIGINAL: Lovelyness

and wants me to understand that if i agree to this deal that while i am tied up being punished that begging and pleading or stating that i do no want this Sir, will not work and he will continue.

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ORIGINAL: crazyml

OK... FR here.

You've met the dude 4 times. At this stage, you would have to be a fucking loon to surrender to this extent.

If he is so shit hot at the training, you'll know after the 4 or 5 months whether you feel compelled to give up everything.