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RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 11:03:43 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka
I just got nauseas.

I love hearing about happy couples inlove and gooey with each other.

Even Isthar husband was super romantic, since he found a way to keep her, by using the excuse of a temporary fake marriage to save her because he wanted her.




Um. Ishtar married the guy, became his sub, moved in with him, and helps parent his kids. I'm not sure how fake or temporary that is.



She's going off stuff that I've said.
I've called it a fake marriage, because we didn't marry because we were madly in love, or wanted to get married, we married because if we didn't I'd be kicked out of the country because a banking mistake made it inconceivably difficult for me to maintain the student visa that I had before. Basically the bank gave Zach my entire life savings by mistake, and when you've got a student visa, you've gotta proof that the money you're using to pay for the schooling is coming from outside of the US, which I couldn't do anymore because on paper that money now belonged to an American invalidating my visa status.

We'd been dating each other long enough (3-4 months) that we knew we liked each other enough to want to stay together and see where things lead, and me being exported was going to make that rather difficult, so we decided to get married, just so we could keep dating to figure out if we really did like each other enough to stay together long term (basically).

So yeah... fake marriage. That was arranged to be temporary.

The fact that we did end up staying together is completely circumstantial.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 11:53:18 AM   
AkashaWeb


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/4/2017
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I'm not a fan of prescriptive romance either, but sometimes our intuitions and impulses are helped by traditions / courtship orthodoxies.

I'm still waiting for the OP to get a first date with AAkasha.



Geez, I haven't been here in so long I forgot the password to my original Aakasha account. Oh well.

First date? I wrote this story ages ago. Well, it's about a third date. For me, courtship is simply predatory lust. Can't get enough of that.

***

The Date

It was our third date. I don't even know if you consider them dates, though, since we were just talking in a public place. This was my first time alone with him. Bad timing, I guess.

Sometimes it really does get in the way, this "hunger" thing. I didn't want to pursue him as an object; I wanted to pursue him as a person. But timing as it was, I couldn't help myself during dinner staring at his wrists when he placed his hands together on the table to lean over and say something to me.

He's just a boy, I kept telling myself, five years younger than me and still sweetly innocent. There's no potential here, so why not feast. Take the risk. If he thinks you're psychotic, it doesn't matter.

"You seem distracted," he said to me when we were waiting for the check.

In my head, the words were clear. I keep thinking about what you'd look like tied to a chair.

My chair. The one in my room, next to the computer. Facing the mirror, so you can see as well. See what you look like in bonds. The leather around your wrists, me behind you getting something. Something devious.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said uneasily, clearing my throat. I took the check from the waiter and paid it. He was staring at me from across the table. He didn't offer to pay; of course, I wouldn't have it that way anyway. The rules were down, yet unsaid. He was mine, I was pursuing him. I was in charge. How did I get here, I wondered, standing up. Where am I going. What am I going to do with this sweet innocent victim of 22 years.

So much for dating.

*****

At my house he was immediately engrossed with my computer and stereo. He was talking quickly about something, but I just sat down at the desk and looked at him. He was down on one knee.

"Some of these wires look a little worn," he commented. I casually reached over with my foot to his other knee and prodded. He looked at me, a bit confused, resisting, off balance a little.

"hey," he laughed, "Stop that."

I smiled. A delirious, infected little hungry smile. Half way kneeling on my floor he looked even more appetizing. I was ready to dismiss with the formalities all together and show him the hooks in my ceiling. Something about him attracted me tremendously; or maybe it was just basic starvation. It had been way too long.

He wobbled down onto his knees and ouch'd in complaint about the hardwood floors, then inched over to my legs. I opened them and he placed his head on my thigh, cheek down against my skirt. My hands fell into his hair at once, and I just caressed him like that for a few seconds.

He was purring in a way, I could see his eyes were a little bit closed and he was enjoying the affection. Soon my long, adoring strokes through his hair became more tense, my grip tightened a little more with each stroke. Finally I had a fistful and just held it. I tightened my grip.

He opened his mouth and peered up at me through his hair, as if to bring something to my attention. "That hurts," he said quietly, just letting me know.

"oh, dear." I said out loud. More to me, than to him. He said the two magic words. There was no stopping now. "Which hurts," I asked, moving my hand slowly through his hair, "This?" I paused, and then took a fistful, or "THIS?"

He shut his eyes tight and hissed, "Yes," he gasped, reaching up and grabbing my hand by the wrist. I leaned down at once and put my mouth on his. This was our first real kiss, I'd say, and it was relentless. I slid out of the chair and prodded him down onto the hardwood floor on his back.

His breath was shaking and his hands were immediately on my body. I took them and pulled them away slowly. "What would you say, "I whispered between heavy kisses, "If I told you it turned me on to hear you say that hurt?"

He didn't even open his eyes, he was weary, sleepy with lust. "I'd say 'hurt me'" he whispered heavily. His voice was dripping with need, desire, willingness to say anything to get laid.

I took him by the wrists, again pulling his hands away from my body, and slammed them down pretty hard over his head. Forgetting again that I have hardwood floors, his knuckles got a pretty good slam, making him jump and wince.

His eyes were open now, staring up at me. His body sort of shifted under me, I could feel his arousal in his pants, I felt myself pressing down against it. But that was so irrelevant to me, at that moment, I could care less about getting fucked, being eaten, or being made slow passionate love to. I wanted him tied up, I wanted him gagged, and I wanted him helpless. I wanted to use him, I wanted him to be a prized possession of mine, a sweet object.

I leaned down and kissed him again softly on the lips, whispering "get up and get into the chair."

We shuffled a little to get up and he moved slowly to his feet, sitting in the chair and turning it slightly to face me. He was looking at me, still, with that sort of wanton lust that meant his body had been pushed far enough that he'd be distracted with desire.

I got the handcuffs because those were the easiest and the least intimidating of my restraints. He didn't make a comment or look at me funny, as I had expected. No, he just put his wrists behind the chair and let me put them on him.

"Have you done this before?" I asked softly from behind him.

"No," he replied. His voice was low. Perhaps a little intimidated. "But I think I can figure it out."

"I want you to know," I said as I started placing slow, hungry kisses on his neck, "That what I am about to do to you has nothing to do with anger, sadism, or revenge."

"Mmm," he lowered his head and I continued along his flesh. "It's just something I need to do now and then," I tried to explain, "because it makes me feel like nothing else. To control something so full of passion, to have you at my mercy."

"Ok," he whispered, his eyes opening as I backed away from the chair. He watched me go to my things, silent.

The metal on his wrists jingled a little and the chair creaked as he rocked it back and then turned it toward the full length mirror. He was looking at himself.

I moved up behind him again and looked at him in the mirror. I was standing behind the chair, and he faced the mirror in front of us both with a sort of solemn, dazed look.

When I wrapped my arms around his chest he lowered his head to see what I was holding. I found myself at his neck again, kissing, sucking, nibbling, feeling his breath down on my arm. "What is that?" he asked.

"Mmmmm," I replied, lowering myself a little behind the chair. Something about the tone in his voice made me start to ache. The honesty in it. His reaction was very real.

His handcuffed wrists were just above my thighs, and I used him for leverage to lower myself down even more. As soon as his fingers came in contact with my panties he let out his breath and turned his head a little to peer over his shoulder. "Jesus christ," he hissed.

Yes, I was soaking wet already. I hadn't really noticed it myself, I was too distracted by him and what I wanted to do, but I found myself rubbing down against his fingers as he shifted them what he could in the handcuffs, trying to touch me.

All the while he had his head facing forward again, still peering down at the handful of leather in my fist as my arms were wrapped around his chest. I could feel his every breath, and my body was shifting against his fingers. His index finger was sliding under my panties now, and I could feel the cold metal of the handcuffs against my naked thigh.

The restraints were starting to frustrate him now, I could sense, and I didn't know how long his patience would last. I kisses his ear slowly and whispered, "Look at what you're doing to me,"

"I haven't done anything," he hissed through clenched teeth, rocking the chair back what he could to get more freedom to his wrists. "Why don't you let me go, so I can."

"No," I replied quietly, standing up slowly, sliding out of his reach, his wet fingers left empty. "First you need to cooperate with me on a few things,"

"Ok," he turned toward me what he could, then went back to looking at me in the mirror.

I opened both of my hands in front of him. One had a leather ballgag, the other was a velvet blindfold. He peered down at them.

"Pick one," I told him quietly.

He sighed and shook his head, looking at up the mirror again. "Which do you want?"

"The one you want least," I told him honestly, turning his chin toward me and kissing him deeply from behind. He moaned softly and I heard the jingling of metal again.

I pulled back and lowered my lips to his neck. "Just reach down and take one of them with your teeth."

He hesitated and shifted, then leaned forward. From behind him I couldn't see what he was doing, I just held out both hands in front of him. His breath was hot on my fingers, and he cunningly started placing sweet kisses on my wrists and fingers.

"Very distracting," I whispered as I felt myself moving my index finger up between his lips, encouraging him to suck. It felt wonderful, and for the first time I was starting to get distracted because of sexual arousal.

At that point I guess I decided he didn't have a choice anymore. Violation with his mouth meant he had to pay the price, so I dropped the blindfold before he could get it and reached up with the ballgag. He turned his head away and said, "Hey, what happened to my choice?"

I was behind him so I took a fistful of his hair and pulled back hard, glaring down at him upside-down. "It's been revoked. Open wide."

This must have been when he learned weapon number one. It always happens this way, I have found. Once they find one of my weaknesses, they start searching for more.

It was the way he looked at me. Upside down, even, I could still see it in his eyes. Sort of a defeated, helpless gaze, a begging for some mercy, while still opening his mouth. I suppose it is a surrender look, but no hiding of fear or dread. He did it somewhat sarcastically, I suspect, but it still nailed me.

The trick is noticing it, and he did. He saw that I lost my concentration, that I was stuck staring, that I hadn't moved. If his hand were still between my legs, he would have known it even more. Pounding, aching, dripping. Lost in his eyes.

To be sure, he poured it on more. He lifted his eyebrows and mouthed the word, "please?"

I started to shake. I bit my lip and turned away, hissing something at him as I shoved the ball hard between his teeth. He let out a distinct, "mmfph" in response but I was able to ignore that, luckily, still recovering from how much emotion he was able to convey in that one look. Upside down. God knows what he could do to me head on. I should have opted for the blindfold, I hissed in my head.

And so there he sat, his head down a little, now probably pondering in his head other things he might be able to do to get me into that state, that state of lust-filled-guilt-driven-desire.

He was looking at himself in the mirror, briefly, then looking down. I moved around to the front of the chair and slowly lifted my leg, straddling him and lowering myself onto his lap.

"Now, "I said as I reached behind his head and slid both hands into his hair, tightening my grip, "We'll see about you trying to distract me."

*********

At some point I get lost in it, unable to tell which of his actions are planned and which are reactions to what I am doing to him. His whimpers were timed perfectly, sweet yet not pathetic. My teeth found his collarbone with ease and I dug into his flesh with relentless hunger and need.

Eventually he stopped struggling and would simply sit still as best he could when my mouth found way to his most tender flesh. Behind his ears, at the back of his neck, his nipples, his hipbones.

Soon his clothes were all but torn from him and mine were removed save for my bra and panties. His eyes were filled with a new look now - sort of a hopeful puppy-dog desire for attention, that wondering if he would ever be free, let alone satiated.

I kneeled down between his legs and opened his knees, fiddling with the snap on his jeans. "Let's make a deal," I said to him as I unsnapped it. "You make me want to do this to you, and I will. Be my prisoner, my captive I am keeping an eye on while the bad guys go to the store to get beer. Let's say you know I want you, you know I am attracted to you. You see how I look at you, how I gaze at your crotch hungrily. You have seen me slowly and seductively eat an ice cream cone while gazing at you while the thugs yelled at you. You know what I want. The challenge is to make me want it enough to take it."

He was shifting in my grip as I eased his jeans down just a little, enough to expose his hipbones but nothing else. I purred in approval and stepped back, walking across the room in my lingerie. "Don't mind me, " I said quietly as I went into a dresser drawer. "I'm just getting my vibrator in case I get bored."

He groaned a little and tossed his hair away from his face, looked over at himself in the mirror again. Probably commenting to himself what a helpless wreck he looked like. Bite marks covering his chest and neck, that awful ball shoved into his mouth, his hair in clumps from my pulling it this way and that.

I think he didn't believe me about the vibrator. At least the look on his face seemed to show it.

"Never seen one of these before?" I chuckled at him. "Come on now, you have a time limit. Did you forget the rules?"

He sighed and tossed his head back. He didn't feel like playing, I could tell. I purred at him and straddled him again, reaching around and unlocking the strap on the ballgag. I pulled it out and he swallowed, shutting his mouth tight. "I'm getting uncomfortable," he complained.

"I'm not through with you yet," I said quietly. My voice was low, serious. I was being very honest with him. I hadn't gotten to where I wanted to go yet.

"Why don't you let me go so I can finish this the right way, "he said to me, lifting his eyes up and giving me his best seductive look.

Of course I was in no mood for that. Sex did not interest me. Power did. I fondled the ballgag and considered putting it back in.

My legs were hanging over the sides of the chair. I could still feel his hardness between my legs. He was shifting beneath me, begging to be touched.

I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss and whispered, "I'm almost done. Just let me have my way a little while longer, then we can stop."

He responded to my kiss with one of his own, opening his eyes slowly afterward and saying, "ok."

I reached up and slowly put my hand over his nose and mouth, pushing his head back. He shifted a little and I whispered, "Don't move. Don't breathe. When you want to be let go, beg."

There was a muffled but distinct, "no," from behind my hand, but I don't know if he was protesting my game or protesting for my benefit.

He shifted in the chair and I found myself rubbing down against him hungrily, my mouth again at his neck, feeling him swallow, his body tense. I peered down at his handcuffed wrists, how his hands were clasped together tightly.

He moaned.

"That's better," I whispered, feeling the tension inside me grow. I wanted him so badly. I wanted surrender, total surrender.

He started pulling at the handcuffs, he pried at them with his fingers. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it mesmerized me, pushed me closer and when I let go of his nose and mouth he gasped.

As soon as he pulled back I put my mouth on his, kissing him hard between his gasps, feeling him half trying to kiss me and half trying to breath. I held his head still with my hands and kept kissing him, forcing my tongue deep into his mouth, not letting him free to breathe or speak.

When I came, it was a shock to me. I didn't feel it coming on, and I just suddenly found myself in the middle of it. Much like the times in junior high school, making out in the backseat, with no stimulation other than a really hot kiss and my body rubbing against the tightness in his jeans.

He watched me recover and looked a bit distant, confused, tired. I wrapped my arms around him and held him, thanking him, asking him if he thought I were truly psychotic or just plain weird.

"I don't know," he said quietly, turning and kissing me on the ear. "I'll let you know after you unhandcuff me."

I pulled back and smiled softly at him.

He looked slightly nervous, confused, perhaps overwhelmed at what just happened. "You are going to unhandcuff me, aren't you?" he asked carefully.

I think he thought I was going to keep him prisoner like that all night. I'll admit the thought did cross my mind, but I opted for equality.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 12:00:50 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka
I just got nauseas.

I love hearing about happy couples inlove and gooey with each other.

Even Isthar husband was super romantic, since he found a way to keep her, by using the excuse of a temporary fake marriage to save her because he wanted her.




Um. Ishtar married the guy, became his sub, moved in with him, and helps parent his kids. I'm not sure how fake or temporary that is.



She's going off stuff that I've said.
I've called it a fake marriage, because we didn't marry because we were madly in love, or wanted to get married, we married because if we didn't I'd be kicked out of the country because a banking mistake made it inconceivably difficult for me to maintain the student visa that I had before. Basically the bank gave Zach my entire life savings by mistake, and when you've got a student visa, you've gotta proof that the money you're using to pay for the schooling is coming from outside of the US, which I couldn't do anymore because on paper that money now belonged to an American invalidating my visa status.

We'd been dating each other long enough (3-4 months) that we knew we liked each other enough to want to stay together and see where things lead, and me being exported was going to make that rather difficult, so we decided to get married, just so we could keep dating to figure out if we really did like each other enough to stay together long term (basically).

So yeah... fake marriage. That was arranged to be temporary.

The fact that we did end up staying together is completely circumstantial.


Well once you're married for 10 years you are entitled to social security based on his earnings so keep that in mind each year that you decide whether or not you want to renew. ;


< Message edited by tamaka -- 1/4/2017 12:05:37 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 12:28:22 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Well once you're married for 10 years you are entitled to social security based on his earnings so keep that in mind each year that you decide whether or not you want to renew. ;



So you're saying: stay with him a little longer, just for the financial gains, even if you don't really want to be with him anymore.

Yeah... you know... THAT is exactly the sort of thing our FC is set up to avoid.
Neither of us wants to be getting stuck in a "we're only still together because it's scary financially to break up".

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 1:46:50 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AkashaWeb


quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I'm not a fan of prescriptive romance either, but sometimes our intuitions and impulses are helped by traditions / courtship orthodoxies.

I'm still waiting for the OP to get a first date with AAkasha.



Geez, I haven't been here in so long I forgot the password to my original Aakasha account. Oh well.

First date? I wrote this story ages ago. Well, it's about a third date. For me, courtship is simply predatory lust. Can't get enough of that.

***

The Date ...
equality.



I had to change the age on that there, simply because my son is 22, but Ooooohhhhh ...

And I think certain people probably exploded for all the wrong reasons


Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to AkashaWeb)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 1:51:33 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka
I just got nauseas.

I love hearing about happy couples inlove and gooey with each other.

Even Isthar husband was super romantic, since he found a way to keep her, by using the excuse of a temporary fake marriage to save her because he wanted her.




tamaka is unaccepting of anything that isn't male dominated lead, and simply can't keep that bias to herself.

It's rather like a racist repeatedly saying they want to throw up every time they see a black guy with a white woman.

Needles



One day Im going to tell her all about the 18 years I had with my pet. Online and off....



Lucy, you never fail to make me smile. I just happened to take real notice of your avatar too, which I've seen pop up on Facebook. It's amuses me greatly

Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 1:57:11 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Well once you're married for 10 years you are entitled to social security based on his earnings so keep that in mind each year that you decide whether or not you want to renew. ;



So you're saying: stay with him a little longer, just for the financial gains, even if you don't really want to be with him anymore.

Yeah... you know... THAT is exactly the sort of thing our FC is set up to avoid.
Neither of us wants to be getting stuck in a "we're only still together because it's scary financially to break up".


Hey... i'm just saying if year 9 is a question mark, You might want to take one more year to work through it. It's called protecting your investment, in more ways than one.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 2:55:41 PM   
NotFiftyShades


Posts: 39
Joined: 12/16/2015
Status: offline
Romance is not dead. Romance is alive and well in those who WANT it.
Sadly, with the internet and human nature, there is always someone a little better looking, a little richer or a little better at anything just a few miles further down the road.
Just my opinion.

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 3:58:16 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Well once you're married for 10 years you are entitled to social security based on his earnings so keep that in mind each year that you decide whether or not you want to renew. ;



So you're saying: stay with him a little longer, just for the financial gains, even if you don't really want to be with him anymore.

Yeah... you know... THAT is exactly the sort of thing our FC is set up to avoid.
Neither of us wants to be getting stuck in a "we're only still together because it's scary financially to break up".


Hey... i'm just saying if year 9 is a question mark, You might want to take one more year to work through it. It's called protecting your investment, in more ways than one.



No, not at all. Like I said: that's exactly what the FC contract is designed to prevent.

We're with each other because we... ya know... actually like each other. As soon as that's not the case anymore, we won't be renewing and won't be a couple anymore.

However, aside from the fact that we're with each other romantically, we also have a financial partnership, due to our marriage, our finances being intertwined, our joint assets, and other logistical crap. That financial partnership has nothing to do with our love interest in each other, and the details on how to resolve it should the romantic relationship dissolve are already stipulated and pinned down.

One aspect of the financial arrangement is that if we do not renew, and no longer are romantically involved, we would stay married for financial reason (at least until certain specifications I'm not going to get into are fulfilled). Neither of us sees any reason we ought to get divorced, just because we're no longer romantically involved.

So your whole point of dishonorably entering into another years worth of FC for the financial benefits is not only moot (cause the financials are already taken care off) but also shows that you have no clue on what it actually means to take an ethical approach to a relationship, and to not dishonor yourself and compromise your integrity by actively attempting to deceive somebody you once, supposedly, cared for...

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 4:19:11 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Well once you're married for 10 years you are entitled to social security based on his earnings so keep that in mind each year that you decide whether or not you want to renew. ;



So you're saying: stay with him a little longer, just for the financial gains, even if you don't really want to be with him anymore.

Yeah... you know... THAT is exactly the sort of thing our FC is set up to avoid.
Neither of us wants to be getting stuck in a "we're only still together because it's scary financially to break up".


Hey... i'm just saying if year 9 is a question mark, You might want to take one more year to work through it. It's called protecting your investment, in more ways than one.



No, not at all. Like I said: that's exactly what the FC contract is designed to prevent.

We're with each other because we... ya know... actually like each other. As soon as that's not the case anymore, we won't be renewing and won't be a couple anymore.

However, aside from the fact that we're with each other romantically, we also have a financial partnership, due to our marriage, our finances being intertwined, our joint assets, and other logistical crap. That financial partnership has nothing to do with our love interest in each other, and the details on how to resolve it should the romantic relationship dissolve are already stipulated and pinned down.

One aspect of the financial arrangement is that if we do not renew, and no longer are romantically involved, we would stay married for financial reason (at least until certain specifications I'm not going to get into are fulfilled). Neither of us sees any reason we ought to get divorced, just because we're no longer romantically involved.

So your whole point of dishonorably entering into another years worth of FC for the financial benefits is not only moot (cause the financials are already taken care off) but also shows that you have no clue on what it actually means to take an ethical approach to a relationship, and to not dishonor yourself and compromise your integrity by actively attempting to deceive somebody you once, supposedly, cared for...


Oh don't get all judgemental on me. It seems you've got things worked out well for yourself. I've never dishonored myself so i don't have a problem with that. I was just trying to share some information that i only found out recently myself.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 5:03:28 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

I think the relationship as a whole between men and women is dying. Due to things like feminism, it causes bitterness between the genders and only draws as further apart instead of bringing us closer.

Look how the relations with genders were in the old days. Look at it now, men are evil, women are victims. Yawn.


I see it more as I can cook, clean, and change diapers too. Women can have a career. The emancipation of women is not the downfall of relationships -- its simply a changing of the dynamics.

(in reply to respectmen)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/4/2017 6:02:39 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Not so temporary. We passed our 6th anniversary in November (and still ignored it). So we're still technically married.

I think ya know what I meant! He used the excuse of a fake marriage, because it's an excuse, he never wanted to dissolve the marriage. He figured, convince you to marry first with whatever reason that works, and then figure out how to prevent you from wanting to dissolve the marriage ha! I think your life could be a movie! I love the stories!

But glad to hear you guys are doing the whole wedding ceremony! Aww, that's fantastic! Should post pictures!


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/4/2017 6:04:33 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/5/2017 7:11:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
In the bdsm world, romance has been replaced with 'fetish connection', and LTR is just a buzzword for 'till new fetish do we part'. I am convinced that this so called 'lifestyle' is not much more than a shallow ruse for fetish swingers, that for appearance sake looks like and sounds like a relationship but is merely a temporary relief to scratch an itch. Anyone else get that impression?

Not exactly, but I think I see it differently than you do.

I've always come from the view that not all types of dynamics will necessarily have a romantic component. Authority/service dynamics generally don't. Many O/p types won't have it. If anything, I think more M/s (leather) described dynamics do have a romantic element to them than when I first started out. (Granted, that could be because I've had some different influences than some people and other people have had different exposures than me.)

Of course, I don't really see this as anything different than what non kink folks do. How many FWB situations out there are 'romantic' as opposed to the people having the primary purpose of sex? Same thing, just from the kink angle.

I've said this on other related threads before. I'm poly for the express purpose of BDSM and/or PE. Romance isn't necessarily a consideration because I already have that with my primary partner. Some of my dynamics have had the romantic component and some haven't. The ones that do are the ones where I'll stay at the other person's home, do the candlelit dinners, go to the movie theater, etc. If not, it revolves more around kink. Most people can tell the difference because I call it dating when there is a romantic element.

If I were a single person, I'd be less cavalier about it. I'd want the romance as part of the whole package. If it's one of the things you want and have it be a relationship, rather than *just* a dynamic, absolutely seek that.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/6/2017 12:10:45 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I'm not a fan of prescriptive romance either, but sometimes our intuitions and impulses are helped by traditions / courtship orthodoxies.

I'm still waiting for the OP to get a first date with AAkasha.


She said:


quote:

ORIGINAL: AkashaWeb

First date? I wrote this story ages ago. Well, it's about a third date. For me, courtship is simply predatory lust. Can't get enough of that.

***



She would say its predatory lust which is only one of several elements of her style. Obviously what stands out the most to her pov. However.... I dont see how prescriptive fits if 2 people are on the same wavelength. Which is to say both enjoy the same style.

Now as far as me dating AAKasha who incidentally has a 'domination style' that really does rock imo, however on the other side of that same coin 'domination style' alone is merely one element of a much greater scope that must be taken into consideration unless you are looking for sessions or a play date.

You are probably recalling the pro domme arguments where AAKasha and myself went head to head in so far as pro Dommes having the 'same' ability as 'nonpro' to get to run the same depth of connection in terms of life love romance as someone who has not turned D/s life love romance into a business.

I have been with, served, and dated both, I stand by that today, (which is not to say she could not qualify as the exception to the rule its been to long to remember all her positions frankly), additionally there are volumes of Domme profiles out here 'specifically emphasizing' they consider it an insult to be grouped with the pros on any level because they wish to make it known their desires are purely about the person not some gain they can provide. Each to their own, so while I can really appreciate her domination style, as far as I remember she has a partner that is her significant other, there is probably a fairly large age gap not that that is all bad or deal breakers, it does significantly reduce the chances for a successful relationship however. First glance I glossed over all that, then I had to laugh when I thought about it because though on some level her and I may enjoy the same D/s style, I none the less cant imagine a 'truly' functional relationship, meaning fulfilling both her needs and mine on the larger scope, ever developing between us, and when I consider any D/s situation its based on the larger scope as I dont really get into play dates, it takes significantly more than that to rock my world.






_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/6/2017 12:27:47 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
In the bdsm world, romance has been replaced with 'fetish connection', and LTR is just a buzzword for 'till new fetish do we part'. I am convinced that this so called 'lifestyle' is not much more than a shallow ruse for fetish swingers, that for appearance sake looks like and sounds like a relationship but is merely a temporary relief to scratch an itch. Anyone else get that impression?

Not exactly, but I think I see it differently than you do.

I've always come from the view that not all types of dynamics will necessarily have a romantic component. Authority/service dynamics generally don't. Many O/p types won't have it. If anything, I think more M/s (leather) described dynamics do have a romantic element to them than when I first started out. (Granted, that could be because I've had some different influences than some people and other people have had different exposures than me.)

Of course, I don't really see this as anything different than what non kink folks do. How many FWB situations out there are 'romantic' as opposed to the people having the primary purpose of sex? Same thing, just from the kink angle.

I've said this on other related threads before. I'm poly for the express purpose of BDSM and/or PE. Romance isn't necessarily a consideration because I already have that with my primary partner. Some of my dynamics have had the romantic component and some haven't. The ones that do are the ones where I'll stay at the other person's home, do the candlelit dinners, go to the movie theater, etc. If not, it revolves more around kink. Most people can tell the difference because I call it dating when there is a romantic element.

If I were a single person, I'd be less cavalier about it. I'd want the romance as part of the whole package. If it's one of the things you want and have it be a relationship, rather than *just* a dynamic, absolutely seek that.





well imo there are always problems and overshadowing issues with bifurcation because the lines cannot be 100% or even close in practice. Basically the more parties added to the mix the less (overall) connection and depth one can expect regardless of how well chosen, especially with regard to overlap which is impossible to avoid as it morphs over time because peoples attitudes and proclivities change over time. Some people prefer online jerking off because they simply want to blow a nut with no depth what so ever, different strokes, also very empty and superficial. Then there are those who want romance in the mix, I am single, hence that is exactly what I seek.




_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/6/2017 3:04:41 PM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
~FR~ to Real0ne. . .

Are you initially contacting Dommes from your Hidden Profile?

Because,

That would be a no-go in my book. I would not bother asking for your personal vitae.
(Thee and me would never get to that point, assuming that I don't know you from Adam.)

Are you secretive, or not forthcoming with your autobiographical data? You don't impress me as being especially guarded and you seem to express yourself very well.

Withholding of readily providing a recent pic of yourself? Playing that hide-and-seek game will (and does) get me royally pissed off, and it would be a quick hasta la vista, baby.

In other words, what is it that you are withholding or not being upfront about from the early stages of your on-line interactions?

Also, has it occurred to you that some persons are not "phone people." I am not a phone person. I will text, I will do a voice verification phone call or two if and when I have admitted you into one of the outer rungs of my inner circle of friends. Having a more personal level of access to me is an earned privilege, not a given or not to be taken for granted. And yes, this does work both ways.

Perhaps none of my business, but you mentioned a 2000-mile distance. (Damn, was that in your other thread? Hence, my "FR". . . ) What are you doing pursuing Dommes that you have a snowball's chance in hell of ever meeting anyway??? There's a big difference between being romantic and exhibiting romantic conduct, and attempting to engage in a long-distance on-line [D/s] romance.

Enquiring minds want to know.


DreamLady

_____________________________

Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/6/2017 3:42:58 PM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
All right, I see, my post should have gone to your "Endless emails" thread instead, so I'll go post over there. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4986067

I still think this ties in somehow with the Missing Romance Factor in your (our) life (lives), so I won't erase what I just posted above.


DreamLady

< Message edited by dreamlady -- 1/6/2017 3:45:12 PM >


_____________________________

Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the necessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation. ~José Marti

(in reply to dreamlady)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/6/2017 9:42:01 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
yeh I dont play hide n seek in any of those lil kids nasties you listed, and yes I have travelled coast to coast to meet my dream Domme, in one case my dream nightmare where I was thankful to get out alive and in one piece.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to dreamlady)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/7/2017 9:24:13 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
well imo there are always problems and overshadowing issues with bifurcation because the lines cannot be 100% or even close in practice. Basically the more parties added to the mix the less (overall) connection and depth one can expect regardless of how well chosen, especially with regard to overlap which is impossible to avoid as it morphs over time because peoples attitudes and proclivities change over time. Some people prefer online jerking off because they simply want to blow a nut with no depth what so ever, different strokes, also very empty and superficial. Then there are those who want romance in the mix, I am single, hence that is exactly what I seek.

That is probably more of a poly discussion. I'm not much one for loving people "equally" (even in the times I do have romantic involvement) because of the way I approach these things. The folks who do sincere triads, I wish them the best, but I'm pretty steadfast in the concept of primary and secondary partners.

Though, I would disagree with your assessment that connection and depth is the issue with this. Rather, I find it the issue of time. Unlike (potential) emotional depth, time is a limited resource.

Without moving this to the poly forum, I'd like to address something else. The overlap that you mention. Yes, that happens, as all poly people will tell you. *If* both of your partners are important to you, it moves to 'which situation is more pressing'?

I'm sure I'm into thread drift now. If you are ever curious, I'll tell you about my favorite experience regarding poly.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Romance is Dead - 1/7/2017 4:49:37 PM   
strangecreature


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/25/2016
Status: offline
yes, i think its extremely shallow save a few here and there, but i think thats true for any type of relationship. what can be said of that, though? We are all just apes when we ignore our god light.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 80
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