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Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 1:14:55 PM

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Over the course of the last year, I have ditched several 'supposed' Dommes because of 'endless emails'. I do not believe these are legitimate profiles.

They ask questions much the same as a shrink giving the outward impression they are very interested and instead of using email to identify important dealbreakers they expect you to write detailed volumes of emails about yourself supposedly in the interest of 'getting to know you'. (which cant be done beyond an introduction using text)

When asked to advance to voice they become defensive and explain how very very afraid and uncomfortable they are to go to voice. I believe these are all fake profiles and posers with ulterior motives. So the hard part is sorting out who is who and since my interest is in Domme females I put it in ask a mistress since its not clear where to draw the line and pull the plug to ditch a fake.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 1:29:49 PM

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I'd say you draw the line and ditch when your gut tells you to.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 2:35:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

I'd say you draw the line and ditch when your gut tells you to.

I agree with Dizzy.

I communicate with people online because it's enjoyable for me to do so.

When it's not enjoyable for me to do so, I stop communicating with them.

So if I'm eager to meet somebody offline, and it seems like all they're doing is leading me, there are two option:
- Either the fact that they seem to be leading me on makes talking to them annoying and tedious, in which case I simple stop talking to them.
- Or I'm still enjoying talking to them, despite the fact that I have strong suspicion they're leading me on and are fake, in which case I continue to talk to them purely for the enjoyment of the communication, until that enjoyment fades and turns to tedium.

It's never happened to me that I still ended up meeting somebody offline, by continuing to talk to them, after I've gotten suspicious that they were leading me on, or were fake, and I've got one instance of a person whom I've been talking with online, of and on for over 6 years, who still occasionally claims that we'll meet/voice call/web chat at some unspecified time in the future. I know they're full of shit. I know most of what they've told be about themselves is probably not true at all. But I still enjoy talking to them, so I don't mind.

Considering that I only talk to people online when I enjoy doing so, I don't consider other people being fake/disingenuous a waste of time, because if I'm not getting somebody out of the exchange, I'm not talking to them anyways.
As such, whether what they're putting into the communication is true or not is irrelevant.

If it's true, we'll probably end up meeting at some point.
If it's not true, I'm still enjoying it nonetheless.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 3:01:07 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2004
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FR

It seems to me its pretty senseless to post a profile to meet someone then hide once a mutual interest is established is counterintuitive, therefore begging the question 'whats up'?

Am I wrong that all cell phones (at least mine does), has exceedingly good block features?

This gets so crazy I actually had a Domme give me her phone number then tell me she was afraid to talk. 'Seriously'!! True story! Where no sane person has gone before.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 3:11:14 PM

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I am referring to the profiles where the purpose is to establish a real face to face relationship. Ironically some of the best meets I have experienced to date were after only a couple emails and learn about each other face to face. Its binary, 2 hours (if they are local) and its done, green or red. Some of the crap these Dommes want takes hours to give a response with due diligence, and that after they demand your whole bio complete with fingerprints on the 'first' email. Ok maybe I am being a bit facetious.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 3:25:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

I am referring to the profiles where the purpose is to establish a real face to face relationship. Ironically some of the best meets I have experienced to date were after only a couple emails and learn about each other face to face. Its binary, 2 hours (if they are local) and its done, green or red. Some of the crap these Dommes want takes hours to give a response with due diligence, and that after they demand your whole bio complete with fingerprints on the 'first' email. Ok maybe I am being a bit facetious.

It doesn't matter what the profile claims it wants. If the communication is enjoyable to you, you should continue it. If it's not, you should discontinue it.

Lets say that these profiles who want endless online exchanges DO eventually end up with you meeting them in person after x amount of exchanges has happened, would you really be a good match for them if the hours of exchanging with them online wasn't pleasurable for you to begin with? Apparently they just have a very different style of approach than you do, which means you guys probably wouldn't be a good match even if you did finally end up meeting.

And if they're full of shit, and have no intention of every meeting you offline, and you don't consider communicating with somebody time well spent unless you get to meet, then again, ya'll obviously aren't compatible, and you shouldn't be talking to them to begin with.

Bottom line is the same in both cases: if you're not enjoying the communication, you shouldn't be talking to them.

The problem isn't with them being fake, or slow, or scared, or whatever that's holding them back from meeting you offline. The problem is that you continue to communicate with somebody online AFTER you've already started to dislike the communication (because it's taking too long, or you suspect they're fake, or they expect too much, or they keep changing their mind about talking to you on the phone). You keep talking to them after you don't enjoy talking to them anymore in the hopes that if you hold on, and 'get through' the unpleasant part of the communication, eventually, all of a sudden, things will change, and you will meet them offline, and you will find out that you enjoy communicating with them, and ya'll will go off into the sunset and have a magical relationship together.

Shit don't work that way. They're not suddenly going to be more pleasant to talk to when meeting them offline (or on the phone) after you jumped through the hurdles. Because they're a 'hurdle jumping' type person. They're still going to want you to jump hurdles on the phone. And they're still going to want you to jump hurdles before meeting on a date in person. And they're still going to want you to jump hurdles before having sex for the first time, and again before moving in together, etc, etc, etc.
They're a hurdle jumping person (or a fake... it doesn't really matter either way, because you're incompatible with both). You are not a hurdle jumping person.
Ya'll don't match.
Getting through this round of hurdles to the next one isn't going to change that.

So the issue isn't that they are leading you on and take too long to make up their minds before meeting you (or are fake), the issue is that you keep talking to them after you have decided you don't enjoy talking to them, in the hopes that if you 'get through' the fact that you don't enjoy talking to them, they will somehow change, and you will again start to enjoy talking to them.

Don't do that dude. If you don't enjoy talking to somebody, it isn't meant to be.
Meeting them in person isn't going to make a difference on that.
If you don't enjoy talking to them online, you won't enjoy talking to them in person either.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 5:46:25 PM

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quote:

I agree with Dizzy.

SQUEEEEEEEE!
I am right!

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 5:58:14 PM

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Joined: 1/19/2010
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The problem with "meeting" people online is most people online are so focused on online because something prevents them from meeting people offline. That said, sometimes there are reasons for wanting deep long messages. The things you write and how you write them demonstrate how you think. For women (who are looking to make connections), this is more important than anything else. If you are unable to interest me with your letters, it is unlikely you will interest me as a person. If you cannot engage me when you have the time and leisure to think about what to say to me and make it perfect before sending it to me, it is unlikely you would be able to engage me in person. But I'm not afraid to meet. I just have limited time to spend on meeting random men interested in Domme women. And anyway, it doesn't matter that you're interested in me, only whether or not I'm interested in you.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/2/2017 6:12:01 PM

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I totally agree with the previous answers of go with your gut, it'll know a troll when it meets one.

I would like to comment on it from another perspective as well... I'm a one of those people/dommes that has and enjoys long profiles and messages, because of social anxiety and ptsd I not only have a phobia of talking on telephones but I literally can't meet until I reach a certain level of comfort. Sometimes this takes me quite a number of emails. I just would like people to understand that it isn't only trolls who hide behind keyboards there are a small number of us who are genuinely scared but desperately trying to make connections however we can. I do agree though that it is only fair of me to be as entertaining as possible by email.

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/3/2017 12:11:56 PM

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I perved your profile and you say it all up front so anyone emailing you has no excuse to complain and are definitely an exception to the rule.

Its not like I do not have pen pals so to speak but thats usually dommes that I have met in person and/or served or otherwise befriended over the years where we long since exchanged phone numbers and text back and forth etc. Its hard for me to believe that with todays availability and ease to check a criminal record and trace emails etc why would anyone presume someone who is squeaky clean would somehow pose danger to them, especially a sub who is on the receiving end of the whip? Now I can far better understand uncomfort for meeting in person, but people with 2000 miles between them are quite unlikely to stalk. So you are the exception, no doubt, and I have never run across anyone else out here making that disclaimer. (so far)

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to SugarPixie78)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/3/2017 12:15:51 PM

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Dating sites are rife with fake female accounts. You have to zero in on what's real.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/3/2017 12:25:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

It doesn't matter what the profile claims it wants. If the communication is enjoyable to you, you should continue it. If it's not, you should discontinue it.

Well enjoyment of a conversation isnt a dealbreaker prerequisite for me, as there is no such thing as nuclear bdsm pair. I have had some pretty intense discussions, some work out and move forward others fall to pieces usually because text has no inflection without writing a novel for each mail and something gets taken out of context somewhere. Happens all the time because people glance at mail rather than digest the contents and when complicated topics are discussed KISS doesnt work so its titanic city lol.

What I find frustrating is when the emails are not handled in a manner that matches the profile target. If someone wants to meet another then the emails should imo reflect that and move in that direction instead of digress to endless novels about every detail of live. I dont like to tell someone to fuck off by ignoring them while at the same time I have gone along with some of these people and they simply stop emailing when they run out of things to ramble about. Never met one yet. So its hard to believe there is no ulterior motive at work and they arent simply doing studies of some kind or looking for wank material.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/3/2017 12:29:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Dating sites are rife with fake female accounts. You have to zero in on what's real.

thats the intent behind this thread actually, hoping to hear others methods and clues to look for how to effectively make that determination to avoid curbing someone who is genuine like SugarPixie78 and effectively curb the wankers because once you pull the plug you really do not know for sure unless you have gotten to the point of exchanging quantum emails.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/3/2017 1:29:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

What I find frustrating is when the emails are not handled in a manner that matches the profile target. If someone wants to meet another then the emails should imo reflect that and move in that direction instead of digress to endless novels about every detail of live.

You are consistently missing my point...

They don't feel that if they want to meet somebody offline, that the emails should reflect that by quickly moving into the direction of an offline meet. They feel that it's necessary to spend extensive time, potentially even months, limiting the interaction to online only communication, before there's consideration given to an offline meet. They probably feel you are pushy, and are moving waaaaay too fast if you suggest arranging an offline meet in less than a few months, a hundred emails, and 25000 words written.

You and them, are fundamentally incompatible when it comes to getting to know each other via an online venue.

You feel that if a profile says X, then that should mean that Y follows, and in order for Y to follow, the interaction needs to follow an ABC path.

You feel that.

Other people feel differently. Other people have different goals, different motives, different tactics, different paths.

So, when you're communicating with somebody, and it becomes clear to you that things aren't following an ABC path, you should take a clue and realize that you are incompatible with this person.
They don't have the same values you do. They don't follow the same path you think is right. They don't feel the same way you do.

Persisting, in the hope that you'll meet them in person eventually, isn't going to change the fact that ya'll are incompatible. Because as soon as that meeting turns into a date, and that date turns into a relationship, and that relationship turns into play, and the play turns into sex, and the sex into moving in with each other, etc, it's going to be clear over and over again that you think all those steps need to be taken in an ABC pattern, while they think it should be handled in a 123 pattern.

But instead of realizing that you're not compatible with people who don't follow an ABC pattern, and that you don't enjoy communicating with them, and that you should cut your loses and move on, you're here ranting "They're doing it wrong!".

They're not doing it wrong. They're doing what's right for them. What feels good to them. What they enjoy. How they believe their goals are achieved.
They're getting what they aim for out of the interaction.

It's you that's doing it wrong by trying to insist that everybody ought to be following your ABC pattern, because that's what's right for you.
Go find people who agree with your ABC pattern to talk to. Enjoy your interactions with them. And stop wasting your time trying to change everybody who doesn't like an ABC by trying to make them fit your mold.

Stop believing that you have a chance at finding a compatible partner in somebody who's tactics of communications are such that you do not enjoy them.
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. If the style in which you enjoy communicating is fundamentally incompatible with theirs, because they way in which they like to communicate, and the time table they have for taking action versus continuing to consider, makes you feel impatient and like it never gets to the point quickly enough, this will reflect in every way they like to set up their lives.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 1/3/2017 1:35:45 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/3/2017 4:48:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

why would anyone presume someone who is squeaky clean would somehow pose danger to them, especially a sub who is on the receiving end of the whip?

Being on the receiving end of the whip doesn't stop anyone from being potentially obsessive or dangerous when out of session, or from being pushy or annoying. How many Dommes have had to take out a restraining order against a "sub" over the years? Probably quite a few.

Everyone, whatever their gender or role, has the right to screen potential partners in any way they choose. If the person who they are screening doesn't like it, then they too have the right to back out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

people with 2000 miles between them are quite unlikely to stalk.

People with 2000 miles between them are unlikely to meet, unless an extremely strong connection gets made through all of the email ping pong. Why talk to them in the first place if you are only interested in meeting? Anyone who lives further away than you would be willing to drive on a semi-regular basis is geographically incompatible with you if you are seeking only a real time relationship. Sad but true.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/4/2017 11:53:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
I perved your profile and you say it all up front so anyone emailing you has no excuse to complain and are definitely an exception to the rule.

Its not like I do not have pen pals so to speak but thats usually dommes that I have met in person and/or served or otherwise befriended over the years where we long since exchanged phone numbers and text back and forth etc. Its hard for me to believe that with todays availability and ease to check a criminal record and trace emails etc why would anyone presume someone who is squeaky clean would somehow pose danger to them, especially a sub who is on the receiving end of the whip? Now I can far better understand uncomfort for meeting in person, but people with 2000 miles between them are quite unlikely to stalk. So you are the exception, no doubt, and I have never run across anyone else out here making that disclaimer. (so far)

Is it that you've chosen to be willfully ignorant on this topic or is it a sincere expression that I've never managed to teach you anything regarding this? Issues like stalking, harassment, etc don't have jack to do with which person is the D and which person is the s. It happens a hell of a lot more than some people think it does, up to and including the crazy people who will travel all of those miles to stalk the object of their obsession.

You might want to change your thinking on this one.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/4/2017 4:59:21 PM

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Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

Communication is the most important thing in any relationship.

Right. I judge success on this standard. Can another person and I connect on any subject and share ourselves with each other.

On the other hand I see seekers and daters obsessed with finding the "the one" who feel that the only success is a home run hit out of the park.

In contrast to that all-or-nothing hope, I find value in the bat simply meeting the ball or swinging the bat at a valued target.

So much can be learned and shared from exchanges.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/5/2017 9:24:37 AM

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and I'd agree with that, but on the other end writing a personal biography for every potential before you even see their damn pic in many cases is seriously backwards, and screams fake or some university study.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/5/2017 9:37:19 AM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

What I find frustrating is when the emails are not handled in a manner that matches the profile target. If someone wants to meet another then the emails should imo reflect that and move in that direction instead of digress to endless novels about every detail of live.

You are consistently missing my point...

They don't feel that if they want to meet somebody offline, that the emails should reflect that by quickly moving into the direction of an offline meet. They feel that it's necessary to spend extensive time, potentially even months, limiting the interaction to online only communication, before there's consideration given to an offline meet. They probably feel you are pushy, and are moving waaaaay too fast if you suggest arranging an offline meet in less than a few months, a hundred emails, and 25000 words written.

You and them, are fundamentally incompatible when it comes to getting to know each other via an online venue.

You feel that if a profile says X, then that should mean that Y follows, and in order for Y to follow, the interaction needs to follow an ABC path.

You feel that.

Other people feel differently. Other people have different goals, different motives, different tactics, different paths.

So, when you're communicating with somebody, and it becomes clear to you that things aren't following an ABC path, you should take a clue and realize that you are incompatible with this person.
They don't have the same values you do. They don't follow the same path you think is right. They don't feel the same way you do.

Persisting, in the hope that you'll meet them in person eventually, isn't going to change the fact that ya'll are incompatible. Because as soon as that meeting turns into a date, and that date turns into a relationship, and that relationship turns into play, and the play turns into sex, and the sex into moving in with each other, etc, it's going to be clear over and over again that you think all those steps need to be taken in an ABC pattern, while they think it should be handled in a 123 pattern.

But instead of realizing that you're not compatible with people who don't follow an ABC pattern, and that you don't enjoy communicating with them, and that you should cut your loses and move on, you're here ranting "They're doing it wrong!".

They're not doing it wrong. They're doing what's right for them. What feels good to them. What they enjoy. How they believe their goals are achieved.
They're getting what they aim for out of the interaction.

It's you that's doing it wrong by trying to insist that everybody ought to be following your ABC pattern, because that's what's right for you.
Go find people who agree with your ABC pattern to talk to. Enjoy your interactions with them. And stop wasting your time trying to change everybody who doesn't like an ABC by trying to make them fit your mold.

Stop believing that you have a chance at finding a compatible partner in somebody who's tactics of communications are such that you do not enjoy them.
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. If the style in which you enjoy communicating is fundamentally incompatible with theirs, because they way in which they like to communicate, and the time table they have for taking action versus continuing to consider, makes you feel impatient and like it never gets to the point quickly enough, this will reflect in every way they like to set up their lives.

I dont believe am missing your point. as I said in the previous post, writing a personal biography often before you even see their face yet they demand a periscope up your ass in the first email is unreasonable.

I do believe that 95% of these people fakea and posers pretending to want real time and simply leading people on, or they want as CB said a home run out of the park hit or nothing at all.

Dont get me wrong I am not trying to short change the process, however when the convo gets to the point all the main issues are generally addressed its decision time, either move forward or move on.

Also its not a matter of how I feel, its what they say they are seeking in their profile if it doesnt use words that imply or express a RL relationship as part of their venue I dont bother from the start.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Endless emails, be very afraid - 1/5/2017 9:45:16 AM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Diffident

People with 2000 miles between them are unlikely to meet, unless an extremely strong connection gets made through all of the email ping pong. Why talk to them in the first place if you are only interested in meeting? Anyone who lives further away than you would be willing to drive on a semi-regular basis is geographically incompatible with you if you are seeking only a real time relationship. Sad but true.

Thats generally the case otherwise it becomes cost prohibitive. I have seen several successful relationships established long distance but its a lot of extra patience and few people have any patience. Just revolving doors. lol

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to Diffident)

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