quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not sure at all what your topic has to do with Pro Dommes. As Ishtar pointed out to you, those folks have a greater incentive to get you moving to other means of communication sooner, rather than later, so I'm guessing that isn't the issue here.

I'm not saying that your position is unreasonable that you want to actually meet or speak with the people you are interacting with. I'm saying you are not looking at it from the other side of the slash. In doing so, you're making a lot of bad assumptions.

One thing you did was try to make the implication that the s is in potentially "more danger" because you jumped to the scenario where play is involved. Yet, your topic was about the early stages, before any kind of dynamic is in place. This simply isn't true. Both parties are taking a risk of an equal level. Just because a person has picked the 'submissive' label from the drop down menu doesn't mean they are a good or trustworthy person. It doesn't mean they will stop contacting you when you tell them to, not try to use the contact information that they have in a way that will turn into harassment, or any other thing. You seem to think this is rare, but it's really not. It happens way more often than you seem to think. Try running a poll sometime (random sample) of how many people on the forums have had this happen or personally know someone it has happened to. The results may surprise you a bit.

Keep something else in mind that Ishtar said:

quote:

I've had one guy whom I moved onto a phone call stage with, who kept calling and texting me to beg me to reconsider for 18 months after I initially turned him down. I kept blocking his number, but he kept getting new numbers (or using internet services to get new numbers). He ended up calling me on over 20 different numbers, before he finally gave up.

That's just one. So, out of that 100 people that a women gets emails from, how many out of that hundred have done that exact thing to a person before? If, after that person finally got done bothering Ishtar for eighteen months, that person contacted me, do you think he's going to tell me what he did to her or do you think I have to try to discern if he's a decent person or not via emails? Not easy to do, because every guy who ever does something like this tries to convince other people what a 'nice guy' they are.

Even if he didn't move on to me after Ishtar, how does she know that he didn't just invent a few new screen names to get her to start talking with him all over again? He's already displayed that he's not a decent enough of an individual to leave her alone when she asked him to and took measures to contact her repeatedly, even though she blocked him. Does this sound like a person who wouldn't create alternative screen names for the purpose of contacting her?

The crack about signing over the house and the car really isn't necessary if you want to have a decent discussion about this. I get that you are just exaggerating to make a point but have you or anyone you've ever met signed over their boat on a first meet? Let's at least be reasonable.

The thing is, I can't tell you how to differentiate whether somebody is just stringing you along or whether you've run across a person like me who is just attempting to be cautious because there has been a problem in the past. It's up to you what you want to invest before the other person is willing to take it to the next communication level. If you have a time limit of how long you'll exchange emails, then you should probably tell people that when you start talking with them. Granted, you'll probably discourage some people because, in a sense, you're not willing to work with their comfort zone and timetable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
The other thread has nothing to do with this one, does it?

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ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diffident

@RealOne Serious question.
Why do you have 2 accounts? What is the point/benefit of this?

Seriously?

Do you think anyone would be interested in him if they read his bugfuck nuts forum posting history?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
No I am not exaggerating in the least, they even go so far as to tell me I am not a twu swave if I don't hand everything over to them LOL But that aside, it pertains to pro dommes in the sense that pro dommes do not heistate to give out their phone number, so in the respect I used it, it applies.

I am most certainly looking at it from the other side of the slash, and your comments force me to defend the position which I have by using pro dommes as an example. Its not like we read about PD's in the paper ever day who were hurt by a phone stalker.

Likewise I am not saying that your position is invalid or unreasonable, there is a gray area, not a problem, however there is also unreasonable and outside the gray area.

well the comfort zone is fine, but as I have said many times, that comfort zone has like most anything else that can be used as an excuse been totally perverted by trolls and wankers. So this was intended to toss things around to help understand the nature of the beast, not so much as a one answer fits all scope.

Dude, I've said this a number of times...

I'm willing to bet the house note that I could wall-paper your living room with the electronic files about what I and my family went through.

If you want to send me an address, I will (gladly) incur the expense of printing up said files for you and send them via post.

No matter where you are, **EVERYBODY** knows someone like me.

******

When Engie first approached me, it wasn't easy on him. We exchanged emails for two months before we ever met.

In case you're interested, I didn't give him my phone number until the third date.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
The other thread has nothing to do with this one, does it?

In my opinion, yes, it does.

quote:

You are making an assumption that all the potential dommes out here are charting when r1 turns the lights on and off, I seriously doubt that.

Nobody gives a sh^t about when you turn the lights on and off, what gets your dick hard, etc.

Unlike you, my ass sits in the chairs in the rt community. I LISTEN when people recount their stories about what's happened to them.

quote:

Women do that all the time and it never created any kind of flag to avoid writing to them, I simply assume they are checking someone out and interpret they are too busy and its a not disturb sign. Actually I am more inclined to write a Domme who does turns her profile on and off. Which does not include anyone who spammed me.

I don't give a sh^t about the spam you receive.

quote:

I dont know how you are adding that up and how you are constructing that in to a reason for women to think that something nefarious is going or raise some yellow much less red flag for them?

Because I'm out there in the community. Because I know what f^cked up people do. Over the last three and a half years, even with my personal experience out of it, Ive interacted with far too many D-types (both male and female) who have had horrible things happen *at the hands of an s-type*.

Don't believe it? Don't care.

quote:

Further what possible reason would I have to leave it up constantly when all I get are volumes of fin-land spam that I have to delete? I never did understand why the site doesnt have a seaparate database for fin-land service provider dommes, one would think it would save them shit loads of bandwidth.

Oh, f^ck all what the site's position is about pro and fin dommes. Seriously?

I have made my position on this very clear. Why should this site separate me from you based on kink preference?

Let's say I'm into needles and you're not. Should I be banned from here because you don't want to engage in that with me? What t** f*** do you care if I and the person I'm putting needles into are doing our own thing?

And, if I should happen to have the audacity to ask you if you like to engage in needles, too, but you're not interested, so I go away... How does this bother you?

If you were a vegetarian, you would have to deal with the fact that 95% of the people around you, eat meat. Any restaurant you go to, any bus you ride, if you go to a movie... Other people like something that you don't. They aren't hurting you ingesting meat, even though it's wrong for you.

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Women are so bombarded out here with mail they dont bother with emailing anyone, though I do get dommes who peek at my profile for the zero that is worth.

I don't. I've written expensively on this subject. Maybe if you bothered yourself to poke your head out of P&R, you might notice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
No I am not exaggerating in the least, they even go so far as to tell me I am not a twu swave if I don't hand everything over to them LOL But that aside, it pertains to pro dommes in the sense that pro dommes do not heistate to give out their phone number, so in the respect I used it, it applies.

I am most certainly looking at it from the other side of the slash, and your comments force me to defend the position which I have by using pro dommes as an example. Its not like we read about PD's in the paper ever day who were hurt by a phone stalker.

Likewise I am not saying that your position is invalid or unreasonable, there is a gray area, not a problem, however there is also unreasonable and outside the gray area.

well the comfort zone is fine, but as I have said many times, that comfort zone has like most anything else that can be used as an excuse been totally perverted by trolls and wankers. So this was intended to toss things around to help understand the nature of the beast, not so much as a one answer fits all scope.

Dude, I've said this a number of times...

I'm willing to bet the house note that I could wall-paper your living room with the electronic files about what I and my family went through.

If you want to send me an address, I will (gladly) incur the expense of printing up said files for you and send them via post.

No matter where you are, **EVERYBODY** knows someone like me.

******

When Engie first approached me, it wasn't easy on him. We exchanged emails for two months before we ever met.

In case you're interested, I didn't give him my phone number until the third date.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

To tell you the truth, OP, I'm rather a fan of endless e-mails and/or written communications. . . of substance, that is.

(Of course, not those than end up going nowhere or are decidedly one-sided, which would appear to be your concern.)

I guess I'm just wired to respond to a man who is verbally expressive, in socially and romantically acceptable ways.
It comes with being a sapiosexual.

I once got with a sub who was great on paper, though, but in person he barely uttered a word.
The first couple of times we met on dates, I chalked it up to romantic shyness.
When scening, it drove me absolutely bonkers that he turned into some FemDom caricature of monosyllable slaveboy.
He literally would not say more than "yes" or "no." Even that much was like pulling teeth. Nor was he vocal in other ways, the mute bastard.
(Plus he was no good in the sack. )
Suffice it to say, his pseudo-bedroom sub "collaring" lasted a very short evening.

Hmm, I might just be making a case for requiring plenty of phone call interactions before doing any meets after all. . . .

There's actually nothing wrong with wanting to hear the other person's voice and in ascertaining whether it contributes to heightened attraction before determining in-person sexual chemistry.

However, you (any man, be he sub, switch, Dom or vanilla) can't be pushy about it. Not saying that you are, but I sense that you have to do some work on mastering conversational volley so that the ball doesn't always end up right back in your court with the ladies.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Hey, if it works what you're doing, good for you...

If it doesn't, well, keep on ignoring what everybody says and it won't get better.

To put it quite simple, not my problem and why is this in the Ask a Mistress forum? Seems to be a problem you have...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Its mainly a matter of efficiency,

I get what you're saying, but when it comes to matters of the heart, 'efficiency' doesn't really factor in.
"Efficiency' has to do with a business transaction.
Elsewhere you posted that you are looking for a romantic relationship with a Domme, not casual BDSM play.
This means you shouldn't waste your time with any Lady who is not seeking a romantic, sensual sub.

Bottom line, bud, if she doesn't start flirting with you, then she's not into you. Period.
It take me no more than 2-3 (or less!) messages to size up a man re potential interest in a partner.

IF there is interest on my part, then if he doesn't start flirting back or else show me that he has a sense of humor, then I quickly lose interest.
All the private factoids in the world are meaningless at this juncture.
None of those will sway me. (Except maybe if he's Jude Law or Ralph Fiennes, then he might get another chance to impress me as a viable candidate for my affections. )

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Oh now thats funny! When scening, I often wind up gagged and the punishment increased! LOL

He can still get vocal with a cleave gag.
I find that gags get in the way of how I prefer to use my sub. So do bound hands and so does a humbler, other than for a short period of time.

Btw, I'm not a sadist but this was one of the few men I've ever wanted to beat the crap out of. Had it been negotiated in advance, which it wasn't.

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ORIGINAL: Real0ne
You mean the guy thought he was a bedroom sub and couldnt git it done? Sorry to hear that, I have heard some pretty sorry stories about guys who think they rock in the bedroom.

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ORIGINAL: Real0ne
You see each phase increments a persons ability to know more about the potential partner. As you said, your boy phased out in the bedroom and its impossible to even guess that would have happened in a text exchange.

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ORIGINAL: Real0ne
When I communicate with someone with the intent to determine compatibility I am concerned primarily with 2 things, call me negative or cynical but first I look for any huge red flag dealbreakers between their needs and mine, explore anything possible to negotiate failing that I move on. If everything goes well then its 'lets live it and see where it goes'. Not real complicated and efficient those who want to waste time with bs can find any number of people out here that are compatible with that.

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ORIGINAL: Real0ne

You arent serious are you?
they are terrified of using a phone ffs
(so they claim)

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Issues like stalking, harassment, etc don't have jack to do with which person is the D and which person is the s. It happens a hell of a lot more than some people think it does, up to and including the crazy people who will travel all of those miles to stalk the object of their obsession.

You might want to change your thinking on this one.

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I get what you're saying, but when it comes to matters of the heart, 'efficiency' doesn't really factor in.
"Efficiency' has to do with a business transaction.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Elsewhere you posted that you are looking for a romantic relationship with a Domme, not casual BDSM play.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
This means you shouldn't waste your time with any Lady who is not seeking a romantic, sensual sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Bottom line, bud, if she doesn't start flirting with you, then she's not into you. Period.

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
It take me no more than 2-3 (or less!) messages to size up a man re potential interest in a partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
IF there is interest on my part, then if he doesn't start flirting back or else show me that he has a sense of humor, then I quickly lose interest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
He can still get vocal with a cleave gag.

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I find that gags get in the way of how I prefer to use my sub. So do bound hands and so does a humbler, other than for a short period of time.

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Btw, I'm not a sadist but this was one of the few men I've ever wanted to beat the crap out of. Had it been negotiated in advance, which it wasn't.

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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
That would be getting into TMI.
To be fair, there are plenty of nilla guys who can't make the grade either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Unfortunately, it's impossible to know for sure until the deed is done. . . and how he's packing isn't any indication either.
I have always found that how a man dances gives me insight into what kind of bedroom moves he might have, his coordination & rhythm, flexibility, level of stamina, etc.
My bad for not pre-screening the dude as thoroughly as I should have.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
When I communicate with someone with the intent to determine compatibility I am concerned primarily with 2 things, call me negative or cynical but first I look for any huge red flag dealbreakers between their needs and mine, explore anything possible to negotiate failing that I move on. If everything goes well then its 'lets live it and see where it goes'. Not real complicated and efficient those who want to waste time with bs can find any number of people out here that are compatible with that.

As far as deal breakers go, that can also take time to explore. Your wanting to get the kink deal breakers out of the way is trying to set the pace, and that can get on any woman's nerves.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
In general, women have a much longer list of must-haves and deal breakers than men do.
We also tend to be warier because we're often used to men saying whatever they think a woman wants to hear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I personally watch out for inconsistencies. Most men cannot keep track of their fabrications for very long.
What may appear to be a simple process to you, is not necessarily so for the other party.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
You may be the type of individual who shoots straight from the hip, who says what he means and means what he says, and who does what he says he will do. Many men and women are not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
geezus LP,

When you downplay my position as far less important then yours you force me to defend the position, which always means posting something to counter your argument which by default has to be in opposition.

So lets take a closer look.

Ok so if no one cares then the comments of my having a hidden profile (lights off) being considered as a red flag are all moot, and irellevant.

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Oh ffs, now you 'assume' you are real community and I am not, seriously I was in this before you set one foot on this planet.

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well I do give a shit about the spam I receive.

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I am not saying there are not people who have had bad experiences, the first time I went into the so called community, I was restrained and beaten to within an inch of my life with a 4ft single tail, safe words ignored, and that was after nearly a year of correspondence, both email and phone.

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Needles? It it not clear that I was referring to people running their kink business which along with finland should be in the classifieds?

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I am not sure how you went on this tangent from what I said or intended to say?

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Seriously? What did you eat for breakfast, and how do tie a knot or my domme kicked me to the curb because I cheated on her threads bore the shit out of me.

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I have already agreed with you that it does happen, that does not mean those who pervert the email process are not equally a problem on the other side of the coin unless you can us that lots of people who using even minimal forms of caution are getting knocked off.

That raises the matter to another level. Anything short of that amounts to super annoying on both sides of that coin.

quote:

I am not dismissing your point and would appreciate it if you did not dismiss mine, and that comment inferring I do not come out from behind a key board was uncalled for, it was also completely incorrect.