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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:16:50 PM   
SCORPIOXXX


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline 		Oh wait, I forgot, Susan said in another orum she is bad at catching up with mail... Hope the cobwebs don't get so thick she can't read it, lol... (Bad girl, Susan: corner time for you <grin>)

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:21:31 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Indigo, you mean I'm a "Daddy Dom" and I didn't even know it?

(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:22:06 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		Hi Susan,
You do have a knack for picking topics that make for great discussions.  I have always been greatly interested in why people do things.  I hope you get plenty of responses.

My personal style of dominance is less a conscious decision than a natural inclination.  There have been and will be occasions when my wants are necessarily superceded by toy's needs but that is more a matter of activity or degree, not style.  The drive to teach, nurture and guide is an innate aspect of my personality.  My ownership of toy merely gives me greater license to act on those impulses.

I don't self-identify as a Daddy Dom but neither have I taken issue with being labeled such by others.  I can see certain parallels and the girl can behave like a spoiled brat at times.  I suppose my inner resistance to the Daddy Dom label is more closely related to my aversion to age-play and early difficulty distinguishing between the two terms.

I do think that most can develop the skillsets necessary to become nurturing partners.  IMO, the drive to do so is a naturally occurring phenomena. 

Timothy

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:33:07 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		some more thoughts for you these are not mine the author is kendra. 
 
It got me thinking about the misconceptions surrounding this aspect of D/s. I realize most think that it involves a father/daughter relationship. That isn't quite true, Daddy/little girl is a much different level. I do not know if I can explain what I mean so I will simply talk about what a Daddy Dom is to me. First I should say that in my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father, and I have no need for him to replace my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy *s*) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman. He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. So..what makes a Daddy Dom? First and foremost he loves his little girl. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him. Seeing her hurt however is not something a Daddy Dom wants. He sees it as his job to protect her, both from the outside world and herself. He may love to cause her great pain in a scene, but he hates to be the one to hurt her emotionally. It hurts him to have to punish her , but he knows it is sometimes necessary. This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined. A Daddy Dom knows the value of discipline, though at times his soft heart gets the best of him. He knows that in order for his little girl to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises. He knows this hurts her, and that tears at his heart, but he also knows it is for her own good. A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive..acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn't matter. To him she is beautiful. Many of you may be asking what separates a Daddy Dom from any other Dom. In most cases very little. Hopefully they all provide love, strength, protection, discipline, and acceptance. I have heard Daddy Doms described as a kinder, gentler, Dom. I like that definition though I know it won't apply to all. I guess when it really comes down to it I can't explain it. There is something infinitely magical about a Daddy Dom. Perhaps it is something only a little girl can understand.

Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. It refers to the environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides. So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom? A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who, in his mind, can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. How does he achieve his goals? Through love, respect, and discipline. His love for his little girl goes without saying. He accepts every part of her and works to emphasize the good while improving the bad. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. It is this love that allows him to train her. He could not invest so much of himself in someone he did not love completely. This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel great pride in his possession. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it's value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him. He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust she must know he means what he says. He must constantly deepen her respect for him. If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He needs to empower her as much as he wants to possess her and it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect. The discipline is also important when it comes to her protection, both from those outside the relationship and those within. He is the one who makes the decisions about how she will relate to the world in general and his discipline ensures that she follows these rules. I think most Doms have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in their submissive's life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it's participants crave.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to domtimothy46176)
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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:34:34 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline
The role of "Daddy" in my household has nothing to do with age play. 
I have always felt a strong desire to take care of Brat from the moment we locked eyes. 
The nurturing and unconditional love created that "Daddy and his lil girl" relationship with ease. 
This was established long before exploration of a Dom/Sub relationship. 
When WIITWD entered our lives, it came very natural and easily for both of us,
it was like putting on a fine tailored suit, it just felt right. 
I have always taken care of Brat to the very best of my abilities, 
giving her confidence, praise, encouragement, and on occasion a trip
across my knee, ending with a red hot glowing ass, for tightening up.
In exchange, she has given me her submission.

LOKI



_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 6:40:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I can answer the question from the opposite side...

quote:

Is this a conscious choice, and how is it made?
Does it just sort of evolve for people, I wonder?
It was not a conscious choice the way it started for both of us. He can relate his story if he wants, which predates our dynamic. I asked what he wanted me to call him if we ever had a dynamic and he told me Daddy. I tried it on for size and at first is was so different from "master" or "sir" I had trouble with calling him that. It took a bit to get used to, now I call him Daddy wherever we are, and no one has even given me an odd look for doing so. I do not think they think "daddy dom" when they hear it. I do not say it blatantly either though.


quote:

What is your idea of a Daddy Dom?
Do you consider this an arbitrary label?


No, it has specific meaning to me that engenders more intimacy than the relationship I had with my "master/sir". It is like CrouchingTigresse said in her post, it is just a sense of being closer, more intimate, and less authorative than Ms or Ds (although technically we are Ds in our minds). Children are under the guardianship or their parents, but they are not less than them, nor are they less valuable in the relationship. It sets out a power dynamic that is not built on a linear sense of inequality or authority. Like CrouchingTigresse said, molding growth, not preventing it. It is tender too.

quote:

Do you think people who are not currently Daddy Doms can ever become good Daddy Doms? (provided they want to do that, of course
It depends on the individual and the relationship.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 7:18:01 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		It's late and I am on my way to bed but wanted to say thanks to CrouchingTigresse for posting that excellent article. I read that already quite awhile ago when my Daddy and I were just starting out. He sent me that article to read and I was amazed that we had already been doing that kind of relationship. I just wasn't calling him Daddy at that point. I am now and I love that name more then any of the others I call him. That article clearly states exactly what I think of the Daddy/Dom relationship with his submissive/little girl. 

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 7:20:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Is this a conscious choice, and how is it made?
Does it just sort of evolve for people, I wonder?

Now that I think about it, I have not yet known anyone who got into the scene and said "I want to be a daddy" the way that somep eople say "Oh I want to learn how to flog"

It has always been an evolution/revelation of their character and relationship dynamics.

Now, there might be some out there who do just say "I want to do this daddy thing" but I've not known them.

quote:

If you're a male Dominant (female Dommes, and submissives and slaves, feel free to weigh in here too) - how did you decide to be (or not) - a "Daddy Dom"?

For me it was an evolution.  We discussed things over a long period as the mood would arise and make sure we were both happy with it.  A few months ago when I was shopping with my two partners and they both bought me cute little things at CLaires and my older partner asked me if I was having fun getting spoiled by my uncles...I knew it was just a beautiful part of our life, and nearly cried over it.
quote:


What is your idea of a Daddy Dom?

A dominant who takes on a gaurdian/nurturing/paternal specific role within the relationship
quote:


Do you consider this an arbitrary label?

No, just like most labels, they can be used as you prefer.

quote:

Do you think people who are not currently Daddy Doms can ever become good Daddy Doms? (provided they want to do that, of course).

Yes.

I'd be the last person to ever think I'd have an actual daddy person in my life.  I was always into age play and enjoyed having a guardian type person...but never thought I'd want or enjoy something as deep and emotional as a daddy.

Now I can't imagine not having it with my partner.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_540044/mpage_1/key_daddy/tm.htm#540129
Daddy's Girl

http://www.collarchat.com/m_278285/mpage_2/key_daddy/tm.htm#278992
What exactly is a daddy dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_259176/mpage_1/key_daddy/tm.htm#259184
Are there any daddies here?

Daddy/Daughter Roleplay

Daddydoms and Babygirls

Daddy?

Daddy/little girl

Hiding Daddy's Belt

Daddy doms

Daddy's little girl

Daddy? (2)


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 7:25:59 PM   
Skier


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm too lazy right now to give you a decent answer, but Jasswolf is closest to my way of thinking. (A retired prof....yup, figures....LOL). Crouching tigress...Lucky Albatross....jeez, Susan, you're getting some good responses.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 7:30:09 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		I became a Daddy Dom at aout the same time you became a female Susan... it started before my birth.

Daddy Dom is not a mere role play unless you're plumbed with plastic... putting on the ritz...

To me it is a chosen lifestyle that I did not create, I was actually created for it and do not see a Daddy Dom as mere roleplay that is performed on occaision. It's a lot deeper and wider than simply spanking a naughty girl (or boy in some circles) simply because it's fun... and from my vantage point I really don't see Daddy Dom as a group type role... it's more intimate and ideally a 24/7 dynamic. 

The definition of Daddy Dom varies by groups and interests.... but often loses the Dom suffix (ie. Leather Daddy, Pimp Daddy, Bull Daddy, etc), and these I see mainly as roleplays versus actual adult life roles. IMO a Daddy does not run a harem or a stable of whores... neither does a Daddy Dom use females as his source of income, those are extreme lifestyle fringes that cling to the label because it sounds better than simply pimp.    

It has been said the human mind can be conditioned to be anything... limited only by conditioning and time. Basically put, anybody can be trained to be anything... even Daddy Doms. Natural and taught Daddy's can and do function quite well, but it's hard to replace something natural with a synthetic or on a whim...


(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 7:37:46 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wow I cannot believe all of the great answers I have received. Thanks so very much, people! It was very generous of you. Really nice! I really feel I am learning a lot about Daddy Doms!

ScorpioXXX: I am still catching up on mail, but I will indeed read the stories you so gernerously sent to me. Thanks.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 7:49:48 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
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RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 8:16:05 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Indigo, you mean I'm a "Daddy Dom" and I didn't even know it?


Well, I guess stranger things have happened, huh?  *grins*

Happy Daddy's Day, Popeye!

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 9:08:27 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Not all daddy doms make their little girls wander about like an 8 year old and talk like a child.

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I don't mean in the "Daddy Dom" sense where she would walk around the house acting like a pre-pubesant 8 year old girl and talking like a child.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 10:00:14 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Yes there are a lot of good answers in here.
Hmmm, "Daddy" that sounds like fun!
I guess if I had a sub living with me I would kind of be like her "Daddy".
I'd be watching out for her, punishing her when needed, taking care of her, etc.
And, that could be combined with when my "little girl" comes home from "school" in her school girl uniform,....yes, that could be a lot of fun!
"Daddy! I'm home!"
"Come in here little girl, I'm going to teach you about sex today."
Later.................
"Gee, I really LIKE sex, Daddy!"

< Message edited by popeye1250 -- 8/17/2006 10:03:38 PM >

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 10:08:02 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SCORPIOXXX

Susan... I have a big Daddy streak for a few reasons... No kids of my own is one (and no, I am into sex with kids, gak!!!), so there is the enjoyment for nurturing -- then again, I am also a big fan of all animals, domestic or wild... And now, to quote myself from my manual for subs (let's see if it makes sense to you, or any other sub...)

DOM, or Daddy, or Master? DDOM! sub or slave? s-s!
I have heard it said that a DOM throws away a sub-slave when he is done with her, but a Master just puts her back in her cage. If that’s true, I am neither… I must be a Daddy DOM Master: a DDOM! Yes, I want to use my s-s for fun and pleasure -– but I also wouldn’t have her if I didn’t care about and for her, including the pleasure of her company and personal growth.

Who’s your Daddy?
I also admit to enjoying the role of Daddy. Yeah, I have nurturing tendencies, all that stuff, don’t tell anyone (or I’ll do worse than whip you, I’ll make you listen to the bushie-boy speeches for hours)… But who and what is a Daddy? There is more to it than all the fun, sexual fantasy Role Play and Scening –- a Daddy is there when you need him. Is something or someone bugging you? Tell Daddy all about it, and he’ll get the insecticide. Feel sad for some or even no reason? Go to Daddy and let him cheer you up. Feel sick or under the weather? Let Daddy tuck you in and take care of you. Got a question about anything, be it for school, work or at-large? Ask Daddy; if he doesn’t know, he’ll help you find an answer. Do you feel out sorts, can’t figure out why, jumpy in your own skin -- and just want to be held tight? That’s what Daddy is for! And of course: share the happy times and feelings too! You get the idea…
Having said the above, a Daddy is also there to give you structure and purpose, not just a shoulder to lean on: to lay down the law. He sets Rules for you, and certain modes of behavior –- comportment, manners, dressing, mental and physical training, among others. He gives you Rituals that you can look to as consistent guideposts, as support systems you can count on. And of course, Daddy also administer Discipline, whether you deserve it because of acts of omission or commission; or lack of focus and attention; or as a Ritual designed to keep you on your toes, so to speak.
All of this is to develop and/or strengthen you as a sub-slave. And as a committed s-s it’s your duty to follow your Daddy’s instructions and commands obediently and to the best of your abilities –- indeed, it should be in your nature to embrace them! As well, you should accept and embrace your punishments as opportunities to prove, and improve, yourself and as yet another way to show Daddy your trust, your respect and your love. Make him proud of you!
There are also those times when you have been perfectly good and at your best –- and you still seek the flight into subspace, the release brought by bondage and pain, the utter freedom of helplessness… And that’s when you can go to your Daddy, knowing He will take you there safely, without lasting harm and with your well being in mind…


I had never been attracted to the DaddyDom scenario, but lately I have become intrigued. The above description makes me want to meet someone who feels that way.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 10:18:12 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I don’t use the daddy term, but there is damn sure something to it. My words in a scene often come across as something like this:

“Now make Master proud of you. Why does Master spank you? So you will always be a good girl.”

See the correlation.

Transactional analysis says we are going to be in either the parent, adult or child mode always. If I talk to her as a daddy would, she feels helpless and wants to make me proud in her childlike mode. On the other hand, if I am speaking as an adult to her as an adult, she will be less helpless and needy.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 10:32:08 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think that's maybe why I kind of like it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 10:55:43 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		I tend to disagree in that analogy because it's faulted by virtue of the assumption the girl is always in a child-like helpless mode as you portrayed. 

Firstly, the girl is an adult no matter what role she is being at any point in time, and speaking to her as a Daddy is always done from a position of authority, safety and respect.  

Whether she is in adult or child mode, her purpose is to make Daddy proud of her, it's nothing he gets on occaision as if a token, it is the girl's mission and charter in the relationship.... her job is not a variable retrieved by label or the perception of correlation.




(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 11:00:48 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for expounding on the concept, Nasty Daddy.
I am just so happy with the detailed replies I am getting to this thread - it has been so informative!

- Susan



_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/17/2006 11:03:35 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Susan,

That was a pretty good question.  I never really thought to myself 'Hmmm, I think I'll be a Daddy Dom.'  Really, I'd have to say that there's quite a few elements involved.  First, we all have a basic set of sexual and non-sexual interests - even the most pure vanilla couple has subconscious desires.  Most of those interests come from some sort of exposure in our lives, especially childhood, and our adult lives seem to spend decades making up for months or a year that we didn't enjoy (or didn't enjoy enough of.) 

For many of us, the interests in spanking come from those deep roots, and as adults we often relive the events of our childhood.  The Daddy/daddysgirl relationship doesn't usually stem from any sort of incestuous desires (typically Daddy/daughter erotica is, which is why I use the other term.)  Instead, from my perspective, they come from the sense of security and intimacy that comes from such a loving relationship - that no matter what happens, or how bad the mistakes are, we can see them through, as a family.  This, combined with other connected interests - foodplay, various pet names, spankings, discipline, assigning of household chores, can easily lead the relationship down a Daddy/daddysgirl road.  And, naturally, once exposed to that kind of relationship and finding satisfaction from it, it becomes almost natural to desire this type of relationship again in the future.  People don't (usually) wake up one day and say 'wow, I'm a masochist' or 'I love latex'; rather they become exposed to such specific fetishes, and once hooked, they become permanent card-holding members.

I hope this provides a little more insight.

Stephan


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 40
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