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The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 3:43:35 PM

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I"ve noticed a trait that has appeared in every dominant on this site that I've talked to beyond initial emails. They are extremely disciplined. They make a choice and stick with their decision no matter what. They can't be swayed, lulled or made to change their minds at all once they commit to a course of action. Once they make a decision that is it. Sooooo...I guess I'm just wondering, since my experience is limited, is this out of the norm or do you think that it is a common characteristic of a dominant personality?

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 3:50:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
They are extremely disciplined. They make a choice and stick with their decision no matter what. They can't be swayed, lulled or made to change their minds at all once they commit to a course of action. Once they make a decision that is it.

I shouldn't think it to be out of the ordinary at all. Depending what it is I may take time to evaluate things BEFORE making a decision, but once I have made it then it is pretty much set in stone and followed through. It is just part of how I work, but yes, I guess it is something I tend to expect of anyone on this side of the dynamic.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 3:55:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I Sooooo...I guess I'm just wondering, since my experience is limited, is this out of the norm or do you think that it is a common characteristic of a dominant personality?

Well my former dominant was a Libran and very indecisive until he made a decision. Sometimes he had trouble making those. He attempted to stay the course, but if enoug time went by he would reverse it. I think he is a dom, just not a good one for me as he was a bit more distant as it was not a Daddy Dom relationship.

The person I am seeing now? He is much like you state, although I would like to think that he could be swayed from a decision if shown it may be a poor one. He is extremely bright and realizes that listening to others doesn't weaken him, it can have good outcomes. He chose me to submit to him, so I am thinking that he must have saw the value in my judgment. He seems to value it. Once he has made a concrete decision or plan of action he tends to stick with it from what I have seen, but he is also not inflexible, which makes it more likely that his ultimate goals will be realized.

I do not know other dominants well enough to say what their characteristics are. I would think a good dominant would be flexible and learn from mistakes. My Daddy often says that people make the same mistakes over and over looking for different outcomes, being inflexible can lead to this.

He is disciplined. I cannot begin to tell you how disciplined...smiles

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/20/2006 3:56:32 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:02:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I"ve noticed a trait that has appeared in every dominant on this site that I've talked to beyond initial emails. They are extremely disciplined. They make a choice and stick with their decision no matter what. They can't be swayed, lulled or made to change their minds at all once they commit to a course of action. Once they make a decision that is it. Sooooo...I guess I'm just wondering, since my experience is limited, is this out of the norm or do you think that it is a common characteristic of a dominant personality?

In the ones that I have known, I wouldnt say Ive noticed a common thread of self-discipline. I have noticed what I would call stubborness, But then Ive mostly been closely involved with italian men who seem to be stubborn anyway. As far as not being able to sway, I think theyre all "swayable' to some extent. You just gotta find that little hair-line crack (they all have it) and wiggle your little way in there.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:04:57 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I"ve noticed a trait that has appeared in every dominant on this site that I've talked to beyond initial emails. They are extremely disciplined. They make a choice and stick with their decision no matter what. They can't be swayed, lulled or made to change their minds at all once they commit to a course of action. Once they make a decision that is it. Sooooo...I guess I'm just wondering, since my experience is limited, is this out of the norm or do you think that it is a common characteristic of a dominant personality?

Not necessarily. I've known plenty of undisciplined doms and pleanty of incredibly disciplined submissives/slaves. Which end of the whip you find yourself on doesn't have anything to do with it in my experience.

~stef

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(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:05:35 PM

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I can't say Master never changes his mind on a decision but it is rare. He will think something through pretty completely before making a decision, weighing all possibilities and options. If he has decided something and I wish he had decided differently, I do have an opportunity to state my case, complete with explanation - once. He will consider it and whatever he decides from there is what will be.

What he will not ever sway from though, are his principles and philosophies. His consistency in this regard caught my attention from the beginning.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:24:32 PM

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I tend to stand by my decisions as a matter of course. But I am open to changing my mind provided one can state in a clear,logical way why I should change my mind, and have the facts to back it up.Hey I am not perfect, never will be. But I'm woking on it. ;)
Gandalf

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:25:56 PM

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Naturally I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I see 'some' truth in what you are describing. Whether you're choosing your language precisely or not is difficult to say, but read literally you are describing very admirable and also very negative traits. Of course, I could say that I would best be like having only the good traits and none of the bad ones. Here's the reality.

Other than a nagging issue with being somewhat overweight (that I'm working on before I can say I'm fully 'looking' again), I would say that I am quite a disciplined person. I set very high standards for myself (far higher than others whom I encounter), and far more often than not I do not disappoint myself. I'm quite focussed and very grounded.

Being unbending or unswayed are the negative traits you describe. Well, if you can say that the most direct path between two points is a straight line, what if that line takes you into murky territory (behaviorally speaking). I think I know myself easily well enough that if I do end up making a poor decision that I catch it so quickly and adjust my path such that to another viewer any change is subtle. Again, I would tend to notice an error even before my partner would get the chance to, and correct it. To the casual observer it might seem unwavering but I would know better.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:31:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gandalf0297

I tend to stand by my decisions as a matter of course. But I am open to changing my mind provided one can state in a clear,logical way why I should change my mind, and have the facts to back it up.Hey I am not perfect, never will be. But I'm woking on it. ;)
Gandalf

Same here.

I'd also add that there are things I don't feel a need to make decisions about. If it's something over which I have no concern and/or expertiese then I'll leave well enough alone.

Just my $0.02,

Dauric.

(in reply to gandalf0297)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 4:38:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

In the ones that I have known, I wouldnt say Ive noticed a common thread of self-discipline. I have noticed what I would call stubborness, But then Ive mostly been closely involved with italian men who seem to be stubborn anyway. As far as not being able to sway, I think theyre all "swayable' to some extent. You just gotta find that little hair-line crack (they all have it) and wiggle your little way in there.

Oh yeah, stubborn works..lol.. as well as self-controlled, and for a good knowing what they want and the discipline to get it. (gawd, don'tcha love em..lol)

cheers,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 5:56:40 PM

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quote:

I"ve noticed a trait that has appeared in every dominant on this site that I've talked to beyond initial emails. They are extremely disciplined.

I think there is a selection bias here and you weed out the indecisive ones in initial e-mails. So instead of believing that there is a relationship between dominance and decisiveness;, we should simply believe that you like decisive dominants.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 8:23:59 PM

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People who are stable and secure in the long term are almost always highly disciplined in key areas of their life. (And the others are just plain lucky)

However, the grand majority of doms you will come across are neither stable nor secure in the long term and lack discipline in many key areas.

Having a dominant personality doesn't mean anything more than having a dominant personality. Plenty are lazy, assholes, stupid, insecure, unstable and incompetent.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 11:22:26 PM

DomButNotForgotn

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Hate to burst your bubble, but I am prety Dominant (with a capital D), and I am open to change, criticism (somewhat), and not that stubborn on most things. I consider myself confident but not hung up on being right about everything. I do tend to be persistant and stick to a decision - unless it is clearly a wrong one.

I've always been amazed by subs that think a "my way or the highway" dom is interesting. I find people like that just plain annoying, and not just because they have to be right. I see them as close minded, insecure, and needing to have the last word at almost any cost. Not a good personality in my opinion.

I don't think this is exclusive to Doms. It is a human trait, not gender based, although men tend to be more stuborn and "right" - even when they aren't...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/20/2006 11:43:44 PM

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quote:

Aileen68
... do you think that it is a common characteristic of a dominant personality?

It would be nice if a certain amount of self discipline or decisivenss was characteristic of a dominant personality. It's hardly universal though - the one property does not require the other. As others have said, I've met plenty of undisciplined and wishy-washy dominant personalities, and plenty of submissive personalities who are the opposite. No trait is inherent in or limited to one group of people.

Self discipline and decisiveness are admirable qualities to possess. Accompanied by the kind of unwavering rigidity that you are suggesting though, they become less admirable in my eyes. Whilst wishy-washiness drives me batty, I do prefer those who can admit that they might be wrong, or take new or conflicting factors into account. That these types can do so without viewing it as a slight to their dominance says a lot to me.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/21/2006 12:08:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I"ve noticed a trait that has appeared in every dominant on this site that I've talked to beyond initial emails. They are extremely disciplined. They make a choice and stick with their decision no matter what. They can't be swayed, lulled or made to change their minds at all once they commit to a course of action. Once they make a decision that is it. Sooooo...I guess I'm just wondering, since my experience is limited, is this out of the norm or do you think that it is a common characteristic of a dominant personality?

what you describe is not being Discplined it is being stubborn and bull-headed.

Discplined isn't about taking a course of actions and sticking to it no matter what.... frankly that's just stupid. I choose this direction and oh wait here comes a cliff... nope.. I am going to keep going... and over the cliff I go.

There is a time to be disciplined and focused on a path and a goal... Being resolute in achieving that goal and taking that course of action. BUT, one also must kept a keen view on new information that could alter ones choices. Being disciplined in not a static thing... it's being flexible in assessing fuild situations and taking Decisive action as required. I have watched bull-head Discipline individuals fail miserable because they are not adaptable... And I have seen Decisive Decision Makers that are also very Disciplined manage extremely well in Chaos situations.

Lastly... Being Discplined is not a inherent to Dominants or submissives. Strong Character strengths are always available to either.... and strong character strengths will just make that particular person more successful in their life.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/21/2006 2:28:42 AM

obis

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I wouldn't describe myself as disciplined, because I do let time get away from me, I don't always get done what I'd like, etc.

But in terms of changing my mind after making a decision, it doesn't often happen unless some new information comes in. This is something that really does seem to throw off some women I've been with, as I suppose they're used to being able to beg or nag men into doing things. I tell them straight out that repeatedly asking about something after I've made a decision is a guarantee that I'm less likely to change my mind even if I would be otherwise inclined to do so.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/21/2006 2:52:33 AM

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Perhaps the "type" of self-discipline you describe is easy to "wing" when it's just email as you're mostly only seeing what the author chooses to present. True, perceptive people will glean insight from between the lines, too, but it's still not the whole story....

As far as my own self-discipline is concerned, certainly I have my life in order re stability - job, home, debt-free and some money in the bank etc. But the discipline we're more accustomed to within BDSM is more complex....

I'll happily (?) concede I'm no "drill sargeant" personality when it comes to self-discipline. On my own (like now), I'm very capable of being a lazy slob etc who's not always as motivated as I could or should be.... But add a fem/sub to the equation and not only do I take charge of her with some zest (gotta be *my* fem/sub but...) but I'm much more conscious of leading by example through "lifting my own game", too! So it's reasonable to say she's responsible for my own discipline improving just as I guarantee hers will. Yin and Yang is never far from any Dom/sub interaction but it's not always obvious....

Which makes me wonder if that's what's happening with your emails - that the submissive you is bringing it out in them.... Nothing like the right motivation!

Focus.

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/21/2006 7:13:34 AM

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Mastery of one's self, in my opinion, is a trait of a good Master. How can you Master someone else when you haven't (or at least aren't trying) to do the same for yourself. Of course, some of my more experienced friends say that all that's really required is that the Master be one step ahead of the slave. LOL

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/21/2006 8:28:40 AM

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Greetings Aileen,

My decisions are made after much thought and consideration of all aspects. In my mind I create scenarios that could go 4 different ways, and I adjust to each and every one of those ways. I make the decision and stick to it. The only way that I can change the original decision is if an outside force is involved, and I have already made a scenario for that....that is...travelling by car, and getting too many red lights, I would then make myself leave about 15 mins earlier, depending upon the distance, if I do not have so many red lights, I get to the place earlier.

If my decision regards another person, then I have scenarios to evaluate different situations, for people are only human. People being away from work, people going over the production quota, people actually cutting in line at the supermarket, cutting in line at the cinema refreshments. All scenarios are taken into consideration, that is just how I am.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.

< Message edited by FrankAr -- 8/21/2006 8:29:52 AM >

(in reply to Aileen68)

RE: The Disciplined Dominant - 8/21/2006 10:54:45 AM

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Master is very displined and he stays the course he sets unless some new informations comes in to make him change his course (as Knight said he is not going to walk off a cliff). He is find of saying "I say what I mean and I mean what i say" so i would say he is disciplined but not bullheaded.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to FrankAr)

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