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Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:18:39 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Point - Counterpoint...

Femdoms should not have to work for a living!
If a household can be supported on one income, it makes sense that the man works and the femdom does not.  After all, he should be worshipping her, taking care of all of her needs.  She should be living a relatively carefree life and not dealing with the stresses of the workplace.  She will have more time to work on her wardrobe, her beauty, and things that make her self confident and strong.  She should be pampered.  What male sub would not want to provide everything to his domina -- including his paycheck?  He works every day, knowing that it is to serve his Goddess.  Even when he has a bad day or work is getting him down, he knows it is for a good reason -- for her.  It makes it worthwhile knowing she is at home resting. 

vs.

Femdoms should work for a living; the man is a kept slave!
A femdom is a powerful woman that is in control - of course she is going to want a man to stay at home and take care of mundane duties like chores and housework.  She works because she controls the money, and he is a slave to her - a slave that must save every last bit of his energy pleasing her.  She is above house duties and cannot be bothered with these kinds of tasks.  Most important, she wants her houseslave to be free from distractions or anything that could compete with her time -- namely, a job.  If she has demands, he can't have something else taking up that much of his time -- he needs to be ready and able to serve her on a whim -- no business trips, no long hours to impress a boss and no work politics to fill up his head with drama.  A slave should be focussed on the pleasure of his Mistress only -- and by not working, he can do this.

**

While we'd all agree everything depends on the individuals in any relationship -- and, that a one-income household is not an easy thing to have anyway -- which party should be the one staying at home, and why? If you had to make a decision.  How does "having a job" impact the ability to submit?  How does being the breadwinner impact the power dynamic in a relationship? 

I personally prefer and think I could only deal with #2 above, mostly because I don't want anything competing for the attention of my husband.  I've been with men who were career oriented, and I don't like the distraction or stress it puts on them.  I also don't want anything to do with domestic duties; my original "plan" when I still aspired to live in a dual-income relationship was that we'd have a maid, possibly a cook and take a LOT of vacations -- so that neither of us would have to take care of household duties and we'd be guaranteed enough free time to not juggle demanding work schedules.  I accidently fell into it, but now I find that having a stay-at-home-househusband/boytoy is the way to go.

Akasha


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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:20:51 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		As much as it would be nice to have the slave work and clean it is impossible to have someone spread so thin. So I vote #2. I would rather be able to spend my free time with my slave than have him or her off working while I sit home alone.

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:22:38 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		well a job that pays the bills is differnt then a career one loves....i have a career that i would never want to give up......slave or no slave i would keep doing what i do.

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:24:52 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I dont know, I dont particularly agree with either.  I think both my boy and I will be working, so that the free time we do have can be spent together and we have the extra income in the house so that we have "play money" to spend without havng to be concerned about it.

My 2 cents
DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:30:17 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		As long as I'm in charge I don't care if I work or if he does. BUT since I have my own company and make alot more then he does, I'll keep on working. I do enjoy my comforts.

I don't think gender should dictate who works outside the home and who stays home. Whoever came up with the idea all women should stay home and be housewives needs a foot up their behind. It should be done on personal perference.

I know some women who love staying home and cleaning house, I know some that hate it (Me). I know some men who love working outside of the home and I know a couple who are house husbands and do a fantastic job.

If someone enjoys what they are doing they are usually happier and more fulfilled. Cleaning house, doing dishes and laundry is NOT my thing.

I don't think holding job automatically makes a person the one in *charge*, its the person who is better at controlling things and keeping order.

~Lashra

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:35:51 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		I'll take number 1 thanks ... but only because I am busy with my own business and as such can make the time available for myself to indulge in all the things I wish too ...but if he has the skills and ability to assist me in my business then that is where he will find himself ... otherwise he will be out there having his own career, with goals and desires to attain...and if serving me is what he uses to inspire himself to work hard at his career then I'm sweet with that too.  However a fulltime butler at home wouldn't go astray either ;)

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:36:23 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		In my family, both I and my slave will be working, and when the boys move in, they will be working too. I keep telling her she isn't going to get out of doing it. It's just if I had to choose, I would choose 2.

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Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:38:07 PM   
WetHotGoddess


Posts: 128
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		why not both? 
 
I want my sub to be able to cater to me but I also want him to be PRODUCTIVE.  If he is of no use for me but to clean and cook, hell, I CAN DO THAT! 
 
I expect them to contribute to my welfare, as I contribute to theirs.  I am not here to be the fucking mommy.  When you move out of mommy' s house don't cum to me expecting a free ride.  A slave give everything.
 
 

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:46:58 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		*blinks* Whatever happened to reality, the option where both partners work and no one sits on their ass eating bon-bons?

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:47:56 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		In My opinion, both the slave and the Femdom should have outside employment and contribute to the household expenses.  I would obviously not expect as much in terms of domestic duties from a slave who was employed outside the home as from one who stayed home all day.  I am all in favor of a maid service to take care of the major cleaning, with the slave doing light cleaning, tidying up daily, and attending to My needs.  I see this as the only solution that would work for Me.
 
I could never, ever see Myself financially dependent upon any man.  I grew up in an abusive household, and one of the reasons the abuse continued was financial dependence on the part of My mother.  I vowed at an early age that I would always be self-supporting and maintain My independence.  On top of that, I enjoy working very much.  I have been offered scenario #1 more than once and have always turned it down flat.  On the other hand, there is something within Me that doesn't like the idea of supporting a male, either.
 
There is an exception, and that is when there are small children in the home.  I think if possible, it is good for one of the parents to be home until the child reaches kindergarten age.  If this situation applied, I think there is a case for one of the parents staying home and the Femdom should make the call as to who that should be.  Personally, I would gladly let a slave stay home to care for small children, but it doesn't and never will apply in My case.
 
Another exception is a retired man who has a pension or other income and can contribute his fair share to the household expenses, yet still stay at home.  I really wouldn't have a problem with that, either, as the man paid his dues in the work force for a respectable length of time.

I think it is up to the Femdom to decide what works best for a particular couple.  In My case, the only thing I can ever see working is for both parties to have outside employment and contribute to the household expenses.  The only viable exception for Me would be a retired man who could stay home, yet contribute to the household financially.  There aren't that many men in My target age group (39 - 59) in that situation yet, but I have come across a few.
 
Lady Topaz

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 9:58:45 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*blinks* Whatever happened to reality, the option where both partners work and no one sits on their ass eating bon-bons?



Yes. I don't see why it has to be either/or ...

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/20/2006 11:41:17 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

While we'd all agree everything depends on the individuals in any relationship -- and, that a one-income household is not an easy thing to have anyway -- which party should be the one staying at home, and why? If you had to make a decision.  How does "having a job" impact the ability to submit?  How does being the breadwinner impact the power dynamic in a relationship? 



I wouldn't choose either. I believe there are important merits to earning a wage and pursuing a career. It is important for both parties to have space and interests outside of the other. I would gather that coming home would be a welcome event for them considering the demands of the day. At present I'm returning to school to pursue a different career that will lead to self employment. I would be extremely disheartened if a would be dominant informed me that I was unable to work. I do not consider myself a domestic by any means and would feel unfulfilled if my dreams were put aside unnecessarily. After all, no relationship is guaranteed and are these individuals providing lost wages and other benefits that the submissive or dominant would have earned if they were working?

Fantasies are nice but reality and self sufficiency are even better. At the end of the day we must all be able to take pride in the things we've done that are accomplished with or without a partner at our side. I do not define myself as a slave alone. I wear many hats and have benefitted from the lessons and skills gained through the workforce. I believe I'm a much better asset to the one I serve because of these experiences, not in spite of them.

porcelaine

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 3:09:15 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*blinks* Whatever happened to reality, the option where both partners work and no one sits on their ass eating bon-bons?


I don't eat bon-bons and I do have days when I pretty much sit on my ass the largest part of it. I don't work outside the home... but then again, neither does our slave. At first she wasn't totally willing to stay at home, she was used to working. But after a few weeks here she found out that there is more then enough to do here to keep her busy, more then she would have been able to do if she had so much as a part time job. I don't work because I don't have to... that's my reality.
 
Jewel

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 4:53:47 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I don't think gender should dictate who works outside the home and who stays home.

It should be done on personal perference.


I could not agree more. This is a case of whatever works best.

I did not want to give up working, i love working on motorcycles but Scooter did not want me to work. So i do not. But he does give me all i need and a great deal of what i want, including 3 motorcycles in the garage to work on. Since i have plenty to do and he wants me home with Jewel (oh the torture, watching movies, working on cool stuff, taking naps, playing in my garden, always with a friend) and he takes good care of us both i have no problems with this.

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 5:52:54 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		She will have more time to work on her wardrobe, her beauty, and things that make her self confident and strong.
 
These are they traits that our submissives build confidence in our ability to dominant them??

A femdom is a powerful woman that is in control - of course she is going to want a man to stay at home and take care of mundane duties like chores and housework.
 
Anyone out there who has run a home will tell you that there is nothing mundane (in the sense of ordinary) about running an efficient home.

I can't relate to either example. I am a career woman. I am very involved with the running of my home as well. My submissive is a career woman & she is also very involved with running the home. We have 3 children & their focus is school as well as seeing to the daily items that they are responsible with toward the household.

In my home, everyone contributes. The adults are expected to work as well as help run the home. Would I consider a purely domestic individual? Probably not. I feel that having a job adds to one's confidence & security. Would I ever consider being a stay at home dominant? NEVER! I'd go freaking nuts. It is also of my opinion that a woman who remains home & has another (or others) pay here way is a kept woman & she truly serves those who support her. I don't care how much she thinks herself to be in control... if those paying the bills decide to jump ship she will learn real quick that those who control the cash flow are the ones in power. She might actually have to get off her silk pillows & put down her bon-bons & get a job (gasp!)

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 6:22:40 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		MstrssPassion I agree with you in one sense but having a single income contributor to the household doesn't always have to mean the so called 'kept' person isn't contributing elsewhere in society, charity work, being a volunteer, putting her efforts into fundraising, or raising children.  Money is valuable but it isn't the only thing in life that holds value. 

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"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 6:56:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree- whatever works best for those involved.  Finances are rarely ever anything but a mainly practical answer.  I'm sure we'd all love to be in places in our lives where it can be a purely emotional or relationship decision, but that's rarely ever possible- most especially if there are other people to be considered.

People in the het scene tend to try and follow stereotypical gender roles, though this tends to become messy in the female dom/male sub situation because you're already twisting apart those stereotypes.

This is also one of those topics where it becomes glaringly clear that simply being "Ds" won't solve all your problems.  It's imperative for all relationships to understand the long term dynamics of their commitment, discuss financial responsibilities and learn how to work together well to meet them. 

So again, it comes down to whatever works for those involved.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_73308/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#73308
Where does money come into it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_85402/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#85402
Money Matters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_86294/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#86294
The control of money

http://www.collarchat.com/m_140655/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#140655
Money and sexism in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_276420/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#276420
financial decisions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_472811/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#472811
In the beginning, money issues



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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 7:21:59 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

MstrssPassion I agree with you in one sense but having a single income contributor to the household doesn't always have to mean the so called 'kept' person isn't contributing elsewhere in society, charity work, being a volunteer, putting her efforts into fundraising, or raising children.  Money is valuable but it isn't the only thing in life that holds value. 


Money is also one of the largest contributors to the demise of marriages and relationships. What works for one person isn't necessarily what is best for another. The individual that is inclined to devote themselves to family or societal betterment already possessed those traits within. They are merely applying them in a different vain.

I do agree that most are not sitting home gorging themselves on bonbons and the like. Those that can afford that lifestyle are far too busy taking advantage of the benefits their monetary comfort brings as opposed to speaking about it on here.

porcelaine

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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 7:34:45 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I'm too independent to want to be kept. Money means freedom, in this society, as sad as it might be. I'd accept gifts that I could count as something over and beyond me taking care of myself, but I'll never again turn over the power of my basic care. Lesson learned from marriage #2.

That being said, I'd much prefer a combination of the two scenarios...I do want my slaves to work, if only to provide for health insurance and such. Most insurance companies these days accept a domestic partner, but that only covers one slave. Right now in my life, I don't make enough money to provide completely for three people, so someone else besides me needs to be bringing in income.

Now, if anyone, male or female, wants to really impress me with their money, I owe 100K on my mortgage. you can write me a check and sign a quit claim.

Master Fire


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RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living - 8/21/2006 7:36:44 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have been working for the most part since I was 12, I cannot imagine what it is like to not work or at least feel like I should be. I hate money, I hate the need for money. If someone wants to erase the need for me to have to work for money to pay my bills they can have right at it. Unfortunately they better have ALOT of it because freeing me from this GD desk would mean I would have more free time to get involved in things I see as more important and none of which would involve sitting at home eating bonbons (except maybe when its raining and cold on a Monday or something) There are just way too many important issues that I am passionate about and life is too short to waste any of it.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, anyone that has lots of extra cashola to take care of all that crap this boring ass job takes care of and wants to make one dominant broad alot busier with more important stuff than explaining the concept of an air freshener in the mens bathroom to her lead pressman (yes that just really happened) Please, be my guest, write me, I will even tell you how I plan on spending said cashola!


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