Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

Coming out


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Coming out Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:06:11 PM   
prettiekitten


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am nervous to post this, because I think I will get a lot of answers that I do not want.. .but here goes. Any tips on "coming out" to a partner who may or may not be so vanilla? Any ideas on how to get the conversation going?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:10:09 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		oh man, this has been posted so many times but still new answers keep coming out.

Its a sink or swim kind of thing...

I still think a surprise roll play works, put on a collar attach a leash and hand him the other end. If he just stands there and looks confused or shocked, pop in a DVD that will give him the idea as you knee at his feet.

good luck.

< Message edited by DelRey -- 9/25/2006 8:14:10 PM >

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:11:15 PM   
prettiekitten


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		oops. sorry, I didn't realize it was such a hot topic. Thanks for the advice... I wish I was brave enough to do that!

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:15:30 PM   
MasterC46910


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		Just ask, or show them a article you found interesting about the lifestyle and ask them what they think.

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:15:45 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		If your unhappy and needing it, then you have nothing to lose. You may even be surprised...

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:16:51 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		When my very vanilla husband and I considered playing, he thought that handcuffing himsef to the bedframe would be a sexy enough starter for a good playdate.
It wasnt a bad idea, though he didnt remember where he put the keys afterwards, which was a barrel of laughs.

However, I have had a few partners come out in vanila relationships wanting to submit. Most of them had no idea I was domme, so they were shocked by my enthusiasm.

Usually, taking about wanting to play at something is a good starting point. You can gauge their reactions from how open they are to the hypothetical idea. Then, take it form there.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:24:02 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Leaving a good bdsm book laying where they can find it was an easy way for me.  It brought up the topic with ease and didn't take long to know he was not into it.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Coming out - 9/25/2006 8:37:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Reposted:
First, this is a lot like the coming out process that homosexuals have to deal with as well.

Secondly, make sure that you are prepared to handle questions and reactions that might come at you. Sometimes they might be ok with it, sometimes they might be confused, or angry or worried or other things- make sure you can handle whatever is going to be thrown at you.

Next, decide whether you think they are ready for you to come out to them. I'm out to my sister but not to my mother. I doubt I ever will come out t my mom. It's not so much about my own privacy, but about her comfort level. I don't need her to know about me being owned property in order for my relationship to be healthy with her.

Next, on a person by person basis, pick good timing. Holidays are not good. If you're telling casual friends, then do it at a party or some place where youa re being casual. If you are telling a best friend or relative, leave privacy and space to talk.

Your OWN attitude will shine through more than anything you actually say. Keep it simple, keep it generic, keep it nilla-friendly at first, and show that you are happy with this choice. Make sure that you project an attitude of confidence and sincerity. They don't have to understand the relationship as long as they understand it makes you happy.

And give it time. Coming out is a PROCESS, it rarely happens all in one bunch. The more practice you get at coming out, the easier it gets.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704
Telling Family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726
real world acceptance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695
So I came out...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641
family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743
Talking to vanilla people

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Coming out - 9/26/2006 11:00:33 PM   
BD123


Posts: 201
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		Many of the form members in their profile specify honesty. My suggestion sit-down with the other half and discuss your desires respectfully and calmly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Coming out - 9/27/2006 1:53:24 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
 
just as him what he thinks of being spanked, it is a easy question not to hards then see what he say i would like to know after you talk with him ok
 
mons good luck

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Coming out - 9/27/2006 4:51:17 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I would go with MasterC reply. Don't try to make it complicated.

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Coming out - 9/27/2006 5:18:00 AM   
DOM33416


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		I think a way to ease into it would be to watch a movie together that you picked out with a relevant theme or just a scene. You can just guage his interest from conversation after leading into it , at least you will have some idea of where you stand.

_____________________________

"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Coming out - 12/8/2006 1:23:57 PM   
MasterSpanker47


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hello put some bd/sm  magazines around the table.

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Coming out - 12/8/2006 1:45:38 PM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		Not trying to Hijack the thread on another topic but earlier today I posed sort of the same question in another thread. I'm torn. I applaude people who put their pic out there for the world to see. I really want to find that bravery. When I go to post mine........all the "What if's" come out.

So I'm torn.....feeling I'm not really "out there" like I should be. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I am scared of the simple minded world around me. I have no idea how I will come out to the people around me. But I know one day I will be looking that choice in the face.

(in reply to MasterSpanker47)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Coming out - 12/8/2006 4:06:24 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I'd suggest just casually bringing the subject up...like ask "so, you got any odd fantasies that haven't been fullfilled"? Worst case..you call a swat team, best case...well you can figure that one out...lol.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to prettiekitten)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Coming out - 12/8/2006 8:08:22 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

Worst case..you call a swat team


*giggles wildly* 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 16
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Coming out Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.448