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RE: belong to One not all - 11/27/2006 1:39:15 AM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGordonslil

just wondering...
i have a Master, but often i find that when others contact me, because im submissive they expect me to be submissive to them also, ive found this in real time meetings also.
i have respect for other Dom/mme's dont get me wrong but why do alot of Dom/mme's (yes i may be generalising and i appologise for doing so, am just making a point) expect you to submit to them when you dont even know them.. it tends to lose my respect for them as i feel its a lack of respect for my own Master as most times they dont even approach my Master first..
what are other Master's/Dom's opinions?

~~lil~~

LIL repeat after me... I am a submissive
IM NOT YOURS
that attitude and those words should take care of that situation PDQ

good luck to you

little red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to SirGordonslil)

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RE: belong to One not all - 11/27/2006 7:50:30 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't think the problem is that you can't get past "a slave is a slave."

I think the problem is "I will interact with slaves differently than I interact with other anyone else."

And that's as bad as treating someone differently just because they are black. You don't have to get past them being black, you have to get past thinking you should treat them differently because they are black.

Wow a deep end comparison, Thing is I am not treating anyone differently slave or not.
They chose an identity and my way is to honor that choice. You and some others certainly are free to prefer another way my honoring that choice of identity. I amcertainly t going to simply continue to se my way should someone be offended by it.
I'm not sure how many or in how large a font I need to use to make it clear that once given another prefered form of address (within reason) I certainly will use it as a matter of respect.

MY POINT is really simple the identity of slave is an identity that is worthy of respect, some folks have trouble processing the word as a respectful identity name. Believe me I come to this possition after struggleing a bit with it as well. Took me years to call leather boys as "boy" couldn't get past the history of derission the term had. But I have gotten past it and se the term with all the honest respect for the identity. I do the same for slave, girl, grrl, boi, boi, Sir, etc.

As to the idea of race??? WTF a realy way off the track idea, the difference should be self evident, I am not treating a slave any different based on their identity I am treatin them EXACTLY the same as I am treating others. By using their chosen identity as a form of framiliar address.

< Message edited by Archer -- 11/27/2006 7:51:22 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 122

RE: belong to One not all - 11/28/2006 5:10:02 AM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

Archer,

i once (and only once) went to a bdsm play party with a friend of mine. i knew no one else there but her but i quickly realized that most of the others there knew each other quite well. There, the slaves were referred to as slaves by just about everyone. It was not a derogatory thing at all. They weren't saying 'slave, go get me this or that' to someone else's slave. Rather, it was just a matter of address amongst those who knew each other and agreed to such terminology. The slaves actually seemed pleased by it and no one took offense. Again, they all knew each other so that might be the difference.

Anyhoo...i don't know you but from what i have seen of you on the boards, you do not seem like the type who would address another as slave in any disrespectful, derogatory, demeaning or insulting way. i actually think you have made your point very well...for whatever my .02 is worth

DG

(in reply to Archer)

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Post #: 123

RE: belong to One not all - 11/28/2006 8:07:09 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I don't think the problem is that you can't get past "a slave is a slave."

I think the problem is "I will interact with slaves differently than I interact with other anyone else."

And that's as bad as treating someone differently just because they are black. You don't have to get past them being black, you have to get past thinking you should treat them differently because they are black.

And you think wrongly! The only time Master Archer interacts differently with slaves than with others is when the Master or the Master's slave requests or infers that such interaction is desired.

Actually I think she has a point. I'm trying to get the right words for it (it's not an insult from her, though)...

Archer treats people as politely whether they're slave or owner or whatever. His lever of communication is the same.

But the idea of "a slave is a slave" - while it applies to *some* people, and those people are slave/striving toward slave no matter what relationship they're in (or not in), others (like myself) do not have slave as an *identity* in that way.

These people (like me) aren't "a slave is a slave" - because their (my) slavery is irrelevant to the rest of life. My slavery is relevant to Sir and my relationship with him, only. It does not drive me, it does not identify me (except in relation to him)...it just is.

Damn, I think I'm not stating this well. Maybe I'll try later.

(in reply to Elegant)

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Post #: 124

RE: belong to One not all - 11/28/2006 8:17:42 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't think the problem is that you can't get past "a slave is a slave."

I think the problem is "I will interact with slaves differently than I interact with other anyone else."

And that's as bad as treating someone differently just because they are black. You don't have to get past them being black, you have to get past thinking you should treat them differently because they are black.

Wow a deep end comparison, Thing is I am not treating anyone differently slave or not.
They chose an identity and my way is to honor that choice.

Yes - thank you for helping me put my finger on it.

It *is* about identity - and for some, "slave" as a part of their identity only goes as far as their partner (or close friends/family, or whatever). For others (and probably the majority as has been my experience, and seems to have been yours), "slave" is a major part of their identity, and extends to everyone (in the know) who encounters them.

quote:

You and some others certainly are free to prefer another way my honoring that choice of identity. I amcertainly t going to simply continue to se my way should someone be offended by it. I'm not sure how many or in how large a font I need to use to make it clear that once given another prefered form of address (within reason) I certainly will use it as a matter of respect.

Oh absolutely! And I know that I have not, nor do I think I've seen anyone else, asked you to stop - but you were confused as to why someone might be offended (or any other minor disgruntlements) when/if you honored them with the title. I've explained why, and LA helped me cement my thoughts.

quote:

MY POINT is really simple the identity of slave is an identity that is worthy of respect,

I agree. Like any other identity.

quote:

some folks have trouble processing the word as a respectful identity name. Believe me I come to this possition after struggleing a bit with it as well. Took me years to call leather boys as "boy" couldn't get past the history of derission the term had. But I have gotten past it and se the term with all the honest respect for the identity. I do the same for slave, girl, grrl, boi, boi, Sir, etc.

Right. Again, I hope you didn't think I was asking you to do otherwise. Just explaining why I don't do/like it :) But I definitely *understand* it - hell, you know where (who?) I come from :)

(in reply to Archer)

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Post #: 125

RE: belong to One not all - 11/28/2006 8:24:39 PM

RazorJAK

Posts: 821
Joined: 8/5/2006
From: Manistee
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGordonslil

just wondering...
i have a Master, but often i find that when others contact me, because im submissive they expect me to be submissive to them also, ive found this in real time meetings also.
i have respect for other Dom/mme's dont get me wrong but why do alot of Dom/mme's (yes i may be generalising and i appologise for doing so, am just making a point) expect you to submit to them when you dont even know them.. it tends to lose my respect for them as i feel its a lack of respect for my own Master as most times they dont even approach my Master first..
what are other Master's/Dom's opinions?

~~lil~~

I'm not going through the rest of the replies to this just yet. Just going to add my two cents into the equation.

Anyone who *cough* DEMANDS someone else's property address them in any manner other than one of civility and politeness does not DESERVE to be addressed in either.

You can read my profile for more on my opinion on the inept instadoms who think that because they've given themselves titles automatically means that those who are of a submissive nature MUST submit to them.

One of the first things regarding social interactions that I have drilled into my subs in the past has been that the ONLY one they are sub to is myself. Anyone who disrespects me by disrespecting them will answer to me.

< Message edited by RazorJAK -- 11/28/2006 8:26:10 PM >

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(in reply to SirGordonslil)

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Post #: 126

RE: belong to One not all - 11/30/2006 4:57:21 PM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGordonslil

just wondering...
i have a Master, but often i find that when others contact me, because im submissive they expect me to be submissive to them also, ive found this in real time meetings also.
i have respect for other Dom/mme's dont get me wrong but why do alot of Dom/mme's (yes i may be generalising and i appologise for doing so, am just making a point) expect you to submit to them when you dont even know them.. it tends to lose my respect for them as i feel its a lack of respect for my own Master as most times they dont even approach my Master first..
what are other Master's/Dom's opinions?

~~lil~~

I expect nothing - If given the honor of a subs submission - it's a beautiful thing...
I respect the person for who they are... not by how they address me - Dom or sub
desoutter

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When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

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Post #: 127