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Abandonment - 11/30/2006 2:44:29 PM   
exotic


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline 		Has anyone here been faced with abandonment? How did you cope?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 2:52:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Same way you do in a vanilla relationship. You cry, eat some ice cream, wallow in self-pity and then you pull yourself out of your hole and get over it. I suggest "They call it a break-up because it's broken". Good book.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 2:54:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Time is your best helper.

Then there's good judgement.  If you don't have good judgement, then any choice you make will be suspect and likely not the best one.  Good judgement comes from past mistakes, educating yourself, and acting on strength, not fear.  Don't repeat your mistakes, be aware of them and change your habits and perceptions to make better choices.

Watch people, see how they act over long periods of time (months).  Trust is a series of small leaps that must be reinforced. 

http://www.collarchat.com/m_548339/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#548757
To trust or not to trust

http://www.collarchat.com/m_534521/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#534848
trust and abandonment issues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_48957/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#48957
trust betrayed by master

http://www.collarchat.com/m_96129/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#96129
will I ever trust a man again

http://www.collarchat.com/m_329482/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#329482
learning to trust again after being hurt

http://www.collarchat.com/m_346651/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#346651
how do you deal with broken trust?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_398537/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#398537
trust...how to mend when it is broken



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 2:55:24 PM   
untamedshysub


Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
Status: offline 		yes I just got out my reba cds and my  journal and listened to reba no one dies of a broken heart is a good one and wrote in my journal about everything I was feeling and talked to my friends who swore to me I was too good for him lol and it will pass. Shopping and exercise are also good the best thing to do is stay busy improving you and allow the pain to come and go. set small goals for yourself everyday personal victories are the key. one day his name will cross your mind and you wont feel a thing.

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 2:56:29 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yup...it's exactly the same.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 3:17:58 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exotic

Has anyone here been faced with abandonment? How did you cope?


My first reaction was you were asking about the practice of being tied up and left alone for an hour or so as punishment, but as everyone else is answering the other type of abandonment, I am now not sure. Could you clarify please?

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Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 3:27:27 PM   
exotic


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline 		Forgive me, i did not clarify.  i meant as far as being abandoned in a D/s relationship.

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 4:41:09 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exotic

Forgive me, i did not clarify.  i meant as far as being abandoned in a D/s relationship.


Np, then I'd be saying the same as when in a Vanilla relationship. You crash and burn, then rebuild and move on, sounds a lot easier than it is - of course.

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 4:50:12 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Were you really abandoned?  (Deserted, discarded, forsaken, dumped, neglected?)

Or was it a parting of the ways that you were not ready for? 

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 5:10:22 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


 Good judgement comes from past mistakes, educating yourself, and acting on strength, not fear.  Don't repeat your mistakes, be aware of them and change your habits and perceptions to make better choices. 


THIS.
 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 6:40:09 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It is a hard thing to come to terms with, and when I first started posting on CM I started a thread about this issue, if you think it may help to look at it I provided the link

http://www.collarchat.com/m_392168/mpage_1/key_abandonment/tm.htm#392168

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 6:59:53 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exotic

Has anyone here been faced with abandonment? How did you cope?


This is a huge issue for me. I know that time is my best friend, here. I cry, I plod through the day, sometimes I think that's too hard and take a sick day...but I try to keep doing the simple routine of living life. Things get better and people come along to ease the pain. Eventually, we can look back and really take a look at the lessons we learned from the person and the experience of having them in our lives...and having them leave. It's much like mourning a death.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 11:20:09 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I rely on my stuffed penguin who is always there for me. Except when he's drunk. Or partying all night with his penguin friends.

Stupid penguin.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 11:26:16 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I rely on my stuffed penguin who is always there for me. Except when he's drunk. Or partying all night with his penguin friends.

Stupid penguin.



LOL, my son often comes to me laughing and gets me to follow him to just outside his sisters bedroom door, she talks to her big pink bunny. I tell him he shouldnt eavesdrop, she believes the bunny talks back to her and gives her advice. For me it was a huge teddy bear. The beauty of telling stuffed things is, they dont blab LOL

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Abandonment - 11/30/2006 11:29:22 PM   
aellea


Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		hmmm maybe i need something stuffed to talk to... errr you know what i meant

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Abandonment - 12/1/2006 6:33:30 AM   
amuzingtoyou


Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Eat right, excercise, do the things that make you happy. Time truly is the best healer. I would advise against getting involved in another relationship too soon. You are bound to have some trust issues. Good luck.

(in reply to aellea)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Abandonment - 12/1/2006 6:15:57 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I rely on my stuffed penguin who is always there for me. Except when he's drunk. Or partying all night with his penguin friends.

Stupid penguin.



You are too cute I just want to take you home with me!!!

((wonders if Master will let her have a pet))

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Abandonment - 12/2/2006 2:19:19 AM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I have.
It sucked and not well.

I sat and thought and thought and thought..what the hell just happened???
No excuse...no reason...just poof! Gone.

I buried myself in my work. Not a good thing, I know. However, it worked.
I did the pity party with tears and all. Wasn't a pretty sight.
Picked myself up..dusted off the tush and moved on.

Even with all that..he still holds a special place in my heart, probably always will.
Would I take him back...ummmm...the excuse had better be a life or death situation with plenty of proof to back it up! What are the chances of that happenin..yanno?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Abandonment - 12/2/2006 4:15:07 PM   
exotic


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline 		i Thank all of you for your encouraging words.

(in reply to exotic)
Profile   Post #: 19
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