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PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 8:44:36 PM   
sapphireC


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/5/2006
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I'm just curious as to the concept of warning others about predators and other such filth that consider themself actual men - actual dominants on this site.  Is that silly?  Should subbies find out on their own? I'd like to think that one should give warning of a predator to somebody perhaps new to the lifestyle, new to the site before exploring some dangerous territory here.  Maybe more emphasis on what to look for and how to avoid them?  You can be fooled by the best of them sometimes.  It happens to all of us at one point or another.  Why can't we attempt to save sub/slaves from the wickedness of these foolish idiot game players and liars?

Or, should the warning be at the time of membership - "99.8 percent of this site is BS   -  Enter at your own risk"   ??

Anybody have any thoughts either way? 

And if your thinking I'm new to the lifestyle and naive, that is wrong.  I'm a seasoned submissive.

Oh, and if you can't respond to the post without sarcasm and some dignity and maturity - don't bother posting.  Your wasting everybody's time. 
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 8:48:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphireC
I'm just curious as to the concept of warning others about predators and other such filth that consider themself actual men - actual dominants on this site.  Is that silly?

Yes.

What would prevent me from putting YOUR name on such a list?

quote:

Should subbies find out on their own? I'd like to think that one should give warning of a predator to somebody perhaps new to the lifestyle, new to the site before exploring some dangerous territory here.  Maybe more emphasis on what to look for and how to avoid them? 

Who decides what is a predator?  What if your definition of a predator is my definition of a handsome prince?

Who will validate claims of predatory behavior?  How will they be valiated?

quote:

Or, should the warning be at the time of membership - "99.8 percent of this site is BS   -  Enter at your own risk"   ??

Anybody have any thoughts either way? 

It's so sad that people might actually have to be TOLD that- how are people so naive?

quote:


Oh, and if you can't respond to the post without sarcasm and some dignity and maturity - don't bother posting.  Your wasting everybody's time. 

Just as a supposed "predator listing" online would.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sapphireC)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 8:55:30 PM   
untamedshysub


Posts: 220
Joined: 2/26/2005
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BS makes the world go round the key is to find the BS that fits best with your BS and then everyone is happy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 8:57:04 PM   
sapphireC


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline
ALBATROSS - YOU OBVIOUSLY MISSED THE ENTIRE CONCEPT.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 8:58:01 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
As usual, LA got it on the first post.  I'll only add that I'm suspicious of anyone ... Dom or Sub... who, like the OP, only wants to "save" the poor innocents.  Methinks there's a hidden agenda, there.

OH, and LA...sometimes your handsome prince could also be a predator *GRIN*  (bats eyelashes)

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:17:42 PM   
IvyP


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline
homework...i agree totally that a preditor list would be handy....given the explosion of  emotions in a new sub/slave, but knowledge is power....base desisions more on Fact than emotions...find the facts first...theres plenty of books and sites to explore what to look for in both good and bad aspects......this is one i have found i use alot
http://leathernroses.com/submission/journeysub.htm
or
http://www.castlerealm.com/
good luck...and btw, yes i have had my share of wannabees from here, i understand
                                                                                          slave ivy


(in reply to Emperor1956)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:20:51 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
The reason you don't go around saying Dom A is a predator is that maybe he is, or maybe his ex sub cheated on him and is angry that she got tossed out on her ass. Plus you might consider a predator anyone that pushes your limits, yet I know subs who are uninterested in doms who don't do just that.

Before you can announce someone else is fake, you have to prove yourself to be real. And if 98% of those here are bs, then the odds are you are part of the 98%.

And honestly, this is not a difficult concept to grasp. LA got it, so did the rest of us. It shows up about once a week I imagine. You can't grasp the concept that you are not someone whom some poor, naive subby should not immediately take the word of, since you're just another online persona.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:21:49 PM   
Hissltviolet


Posts: 44
Joined: 12/19/2006
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...just a brief...personal...comment to LA...Your candid approach to these threads is refreshing...this girl finds herself thinking outside of her own box when she reads Your comments...it is a good thing...thanks...
 
...and thank also...to all the O/others that take the time to leave thoughts and expressions here...this girl finds much 'food for thought' here and she hopes no one minds her trifle offerings from time to time...

_____________________________

ETERNALLY/INFERNALLY
Lord Bear's violet
(SLRN) 876-742-285
~**~
please, visit Yahoo 360
and
http://www.freewebs.com/fabricconcepts/

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:24:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphireC
ALBATROSS - YOU OBVIOUSLY MISSED THE ENTIRE CONCEPT.

You obviously didn't attempt to answer any of my questions. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sapphireC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:25:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hissltviolet
...just a brief...personal...comment to LA...Your candid approach to these threads is refreshing...this girl finds herself thinking outside of her own box when she reads Your comments...it is a good thing...thanks...

Violet I am very thankful for your thoughts and compliments.  I assure you that I'm just as often scolded for the exact same things.

I hope you find that your box is not a box- but an endlessly reworking sculpture of yourself.  There are many here who are worth a listen to, but you must always choose what resonates within.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Hissltviolet)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:29:03 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphireC

I'm just curious as to the concept of warning others about predators and other such filth that consider themself actual men - actual dominants on this site.  Is that silly?  Should subbies find out on their own? I'd like to think that one should give warning of a predator to somebody perhaps new to the lifestyle, new to the site before exploring some dangerous territory here.  Maybe more emphasis on what to look for and how to avoid them?  You can be fooled by the best of them sometimes.  It happens to all of us at one point or another.  Why can't we attempt to save sub/slaves from the wickedness of these foolish idiot game players and liars?

Or, should the warning be at the time of membership - "99.8 percent of this site is BS   -  Enter at your own risk"   ??

Anybody have any thoughts either way? 

And if your thinking I'm new to the lifestyle and naive, that is wrong.  I'm a seasoned submissive.

Oh, and if you can't respond to the post without sarcasm and some dignity and maturity - don't bother posting.  Your wasting everybody's time. 


Why is it that the people that always start these threads have less than 10 posts ever and have been on the site less than two months?

Maybe we should have something in the TOS when agreeing to join the site that people won't post this tripe until they have at least broken the 100 post mark and/or 6 month test.

Did someone leave the screen door open again?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to sapphireC)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:30:53 PM   
chrissyslave


Posts: 95
Joined: 1/13/2007
Status: offline
Well, as a newbie sub/slave I WOULD like to know the general signs of a predator person in general (say #1-#7 or so) as to their initial contact with me, and what questions I might ask to ferret out whether that is the case with an Dom/Master or so claimed person.  But ONLY after first reading a good definition of what one is (or are we in fact just dancing on a line that other's do a line-dance on?).  I assume that either they greatly decieve a sub/slave intentionally to cause them to put themselves in a vunerable position, especially woman, and violative key agreements and even do significant harm and even rape. 

Short of the most extreme cases rather than a list of so called "predators"as some imply "take my word this is one for all" label, I'd rather read someone saying he/she (someone in my area) intentional violated my known limits once I was in a position I could not protect myself and safe words/signs were ignored.  Then that to me is worth noting and mentioning even if not giving the exact name of the person.  We can then take that for what it sounds like if enough specifics is offered.

Of course if too far over a hard line and does strong physical or physiological damage with total disregard then by all means name names and let them defend themselves if they dare to openly.  If so, I would however prefer to see this in a special topics section than spread out all over the forum.  And better yet possibly see if the forum would remove the "predator" from the site, or suspend them if legal action was in fact pending as well based on some gross abuse. Fact is since some people do make contact (many) with others from far distances, and even move to their location (a few) then to know something critical upfront if true would be useful.  And no doubt by now some predators do disguise themselves well, and lie like hell.  This kind of activity was just mentioned on another part of this forum and was a rape,or more, by a repeat abuser and has largely impacted the well being of the women in a local BDSM group in that area. 

I do try to be reasonably smart with my own questioning and not jump into anything, even play, without some good evidence they are who they say they are, their experience and intent, and their methods and goals in the longer run. However I know at times that alone is not enough. But I'd like to think that the owners of this significant forum would have a way to take complaints, log them, and if someone over time got enough or the wrong type then they would remove them from the group forever.  Is this avenue available? 

< Message edited by chrissyslave -- 1/22/2007 9:43:06 PM >

(in reply to Emperor1956)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:31:18 PM   
ModeratorEleven


Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphireC

ALBATROSS - YOU OBVIOUSLY MISSED THE ENTIRE CONCEPT.

No, she didn't.  You did.

The reason that such "warnings" or lists are not, and will not ever, be allowed here is the chance for abuse is far too great.  There's nothing preventing a bitter ex putting their former partners on such a list out of spite and we have no way of knowing who is telling the truth in such a situation.  It all boils down to one person's word against another and we're just not going to play that game.

Discussions about how to avoid and identify predators, in the abstract, are just fine and dandy.  But if someone tries to brew up a witch hunt here, their stay among us will be remarkably short.

XI

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

(in reply to sapphireC)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:34:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
Chrissy- it's exactly the same in bdsm as it is in the vanilla world.

If you can avoid them there, you can avoid them here.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chrissyslave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:36:57 PM   
Lynae78


Posts: 66
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline
Well I agree with the basic concept of predator warnings, however ppl may have different ideas of what makes a predator.  To me no-nos are someone who wants to play at the 1st meeting, doesn't use safewords and gets weirded out when you mention safecalls. Now would I call that person a predator? Maybe maybe not, but you can bet I wouldn't call him/her for a session.

Oh and BTW there are female Predators out there, maybe not as many, But just be as careful as you can with ANYBODY you play with!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:39:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynae78

Well I agree with the basic concept of predator warnings, however ppl may have different ideas of what makes a predator.  To me no-nos are someone who wants to play at the 1st meeting, doesn't use safewords and gets weirded out when you mention safecalls. Now would I call that person a predator? Maybe maybe not, but you can bet I wouldn't call him/her for a session.

Oh and BTW there are female Predators out there, maybe not as many, But just be as careful as you can with ANYBODY you play with!

Exactly Lynae.

I will play on a first meeting.

I don't use safewords.

I don't use safecalls. 

Granted, I hardly ever meet someone online BEFORE I meet them offline, so that concept that they would somehow have a safecall BEFORE they knew they were even going to meet me that day is somewhat silly.

Am I a predator?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lynae78)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:41:33 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
Chrissy, a serial rapist is far better dealt with by the police than by mods on some site.  Besides if he got blocked here, that doesn't stop him from finding people on all kinds of other sites, vanilla and kinky.

A predator does something illegal. Saying he's interested in a relationship and then saying he didn't feel enough of a spark to continue seeing you may make him a player, or it may make him someone who is honest with you. No way for us to know unless we were there watching and even then we can't judge emotions and intent.

Breaking limits? Well some people get off on that. And some doms are straight forward about it but the sub who fantasizes about it, and then discovers she didn't like it wasn't with a predator but with someone honest. Hell, the doms in those situations think such subs are the predators because they lied about their desire for a no limit encounter. Plus I've heard of subs who say nasty things about a man they played with, yet upon questioning admit they never used their safeword, they never said the play was getting too rough for them, they never bothered telling the doms about hard limits. Instead they expected the dom to be a mind reader.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:42:30 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline
Sadly there are predators and pretenders on every online site out there.  It is just a fact.  People just have to be smart about things, and learn from mistakes made.  There is no way to moderate who they are and toss them out after multiple complaints.  It is not the website's fault some of us have met these people.  It is our own fault for being gullible.  I know because I have been there.  But if I hadn't have gotten myself into the situation I did when I was new, I would not be where I am now.  

Actually, if you want to find out the questions to ask and the answers you are looking for, when weeding out undesirables... there is a way to google something called the BDSM Acid Test.  It was helpful to me.  Gives you some ideas and pointers.

Oh...it is not the be all and end all as in what to look out for either.  That is where personal preference plays in.  We are all different in our needs and desires. 


< Message edited by texancutie -- 1/22/2007 9:47:00 PM >

(in reply to chrissyslave)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:43:03 PM   
KeirasSecret


Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline
Actually, I don’t think she has; she just looks at it from a different angle.

Although the idea “save the new subs/slaves” may be a gallant one, truth be told, you can’t. Learning how to detect the good; the bad; and the ugly is a necessary survival skill in all of life. If you do it for them, what will they do when you’re not there?

Also consider this, it is impossible to protect someone from all evil, for many reasons; (like LA said) what you consider evil is not what someone else considers evil; you can try to get rid of them but, as soon as you find a way to keep them out, they are looking for another to get in; making exclusion lists is very dangerous; and I’m sure there are other reasons as well. Why do you think that is?

Personally, I believe there is a potential lesson in every encounter. Whether it is one of what to do, or what not to do, is up to the people involved. If you take those people away; you’ve taken away the lessons as well, and those lessons may save a life.

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to sapphireC)
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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/22/2007 9:47:17 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
If everyone is so scared of predators then you should not meet anyone from online. In fact, do not meet anyone in real life either. Do not socialize with anyone and seal yourself up in a room somewhere and isolate yourself from the big cruel world out there. For God's sake folks... life is full of risks and there are not many sure ways to insulate yourself from getting hurt.

Sure you can attempt to limit SOME risk... but there is absolutely NO WAY IN THE WORLD to be 100% sure.

Most "predator lists" would be witch hunts. Someone might not like what I say here and call me a predator on that list. I always promise my first dates that I will not bring my chainsaw along. The second date, however, anything goes.



_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Lynae78)
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