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using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 2:37:51 PM

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this is a spin off from a recent thread, but i saw a common factor arise, and i was just curious how common ..

if you recieve or issue pain to ease the physical or emotional pain of you or your other - this question is directed towards you.

>>>>>were you a cutter? were they?<<<<<

i was one as an early teen [12-15] and i stopped cutting when i started smoking weed. but i still get VERY strong urges to this day [after 7+ years of no cutting at all]

the urge usually stems from despair and can be quelled with a good spanking [altho i dont always get one]

and even when i hadnt *urged* sometimes after a spanking/scene - i can feel the same feeling of being alive, satisfied of my existance & closure.

could the connection between being an ex-cutter and being in a bdsm lifestyle run deeper than i had imagined before?

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 1/27/2007 2:38:43 PM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 3:25:34 PM

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quote:

could the connection between being an ex-cutter and being in a bdsm lifestyle run deeper than i had imagined before?

If you haven't seen the movie "The Secretary" I strongly suggest you watch it.

An interesting side note---On Oprah yesterday they were talking about school bullies and one of the girls they had on the show started cutting because of the emotional pain she was feeling being bullied daily at school.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 3:54:10 PM

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Hello I am 36 and a cutter, I struggle with the urges on a day to day basis, and for the last 3 years I have resisted the urges. I must admit I have not thought about any conection between BDSM and Self Injury, but I do believe that a connection is VERY possible.

Studies have been done ( I can find the sources if any are interested) that show that most men who are self injurers are not diagnosed with the disorder, but end up getting into legal trouble through assaults and the like. I am sure that more than a few people who suffer from this end up as masochists, while a few more end up as sadists.

It would be a very good idea to do a formal study on the presence of Self Injurers in the BDSM comunity. I should point out that when in BDSM I am a sadist. I stay away from having pain inflicted on me because I am a Self Injurer.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:05:34 PM

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I have known cutters. They are major attention seekers point blank and no more. I have no idea what the cure is. I hate to say they are not hurting themselves or they would cut a major artery very deep which is something I hope they never do. It is a deep mental illness that is for sure.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:13:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

I have known cutters. They are major attention seekers point blank and no more. I have no idea what the cure is. I hate to say they are not hurting themselves or they would cut a major artery very deep which is something I hope they never do. It is a deep mental illness that is for sure.

Oh yes I was a cutter. From the age of 11-29ish and I also believe it was a large part of my researching BDSM then living it. I don't cut, I haven't in years but that doesn't make the feelings gone. Having a strong loving Dom makes the feelings go away.
I wasn't an attention seeker though, I hid my cutting from everyone...it isn't about cutting a main artery. Cutting is about control not suicide, much like anorexia is about control.
I never sought help for it, I stopped on my own.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:22:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

They are major attention seekers point blank and no more.

i always hated it when people claimed things like this, esp when they do not suffer from It. I too hid mine... and while there are some, most even, i would venture to say who DO preform these actions for attention, cjenny is right on the money.

for a lot of ppl who pratice SI it is all about control. and maybe reminding yourself your alive.

i would have been mortified if someone discovered my illness, and attention was the LAST thing on my mind.

lets hope this thread does not continue down this path towards flaming because it is a touchy subject for SI's - the ones i have met at least, to claim that its all just for attention.

edited coz i cant spell

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 1/27/2007 4:24:25 PM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:23:18 PM

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cjenny that is great that you do not do it anymore.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:23:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsirisIna

I should point out that when in BDSM I am a sadist. I stay away from having pain inflicted on me because I am a Self Injurer.

why the swich?

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:23:54 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

I have known cutters. They are major attention seekers point blank and no more.

This would fly in the face of the fact that many cutters cut themselves in places that aren't visible in public so they can hide that behavior from people.

~stef

< Message edited by stef -- 1/27/2007 4:25:05 PM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:26:47 PM

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I am sorry to those that are not attention seekers. The ones that I knew that did it had to make sure every one knew, even if they had to chase the mail man down to show their marks. I guess the closet cutters could do it for years and no one would know.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:33:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

I have known cutters. They are major attention seekers point blank and no more. I have no idea what the cure is. I hate to say they are not hurting themselves or they would cut a major artery very deep which is something I hope they never do. It is a deep mental illness that is for sure.

No single act is one of seeking attention. Cutting doesn't equal attention seeking anymore than over eating or drug addiction. However if you take someone who IS an attention addict they are going to find any method to act out. For them cutting is what does it, or maybe asking if they look fat, or maybe being melodramatic druggies. It really depends on how that person is using whatever vice to get attention. And chances are they change the vice pretty often.

Most cutters I know don't do it get any attention at all. They don't talk about it, they hide it and its very private for them. I have cut for about ten years on and off. It wasn't something I discussed or left much evidence of. I go through periods where I stop, or where I do it. For me it wasn't directly about a need for control, it was more about control over not doing something worse for myself, a way to break apart tension even. I'll say cutting many times saved me from more drastic actions.

I don't know how it relates to BDSM as I'm a Domme and a sadist (but also very masochistic). One close friend who cuts or used to is a submissive masochistic and another close friend who cuts isn't into BDSM at all.

I know that I crave pain and go out of my way to get it sometimes. It has a similar feeling as the desire to cut, so maybe its from the same root. Or maybe its from battered women's syndrome. Or maybe its all from the same area.

In my own opinion cutting works as a coping skill. Its a really bad one, but it IS one. Sometimes people get out of control while cutting and then it gets dangerous, but most long time cutters I have known have a very rigid method and a very symbolic ritual going into it. They don't lose control, they don't get infections or cut too deep, and they slowly begin to work out of it and into more healthy coping skills. I feel like a lot of the badness around cutting is the result of making too much of a big deal about it. Like if someone simply says: "It is what it is." It can lose influence and power and the person can start to heal on a deeper level and work in more solutions to issues than simply coping.

But those are just my thoughts sort of randomly digressed.

< Message edited by Nikolette -- 1/27/2007 4:59:00 PM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:34:25 PM

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Mixielicous I apoligize to you and everybody else I may have offended. You opened my eyes on closet cutters about control.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:39:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

I am sorry to those that are not attention seekers. The ones that I knew that did it had to make sure every one knew, even if they had to chase the mail man down to show their marks. I guess the closet cutters could do it for years and no one would know.

I agree with you 100% This phenomenon totally reminds me of those girls in my high school that would pull the "fake" half-assed suicide attempts, and tell everyone within earshot how they suffered from various psychological issues (depression, bipolar, etc). Some folks are just scared by their own mediocrity to the point of needing SOME indicator of "unique-ness."

Alot of it seems to be the by-product of a new age of self-absorbed women (and men) who can't get enough of "ME, ME, ME" Just like those Cosmopolitan quizzes and "What's your flirting style?" questionaires - people just can't get enough of themselves these days, and cutting, coupled with fake suicide attempts, are another indicator of our culture's bland downward spiral.

Most of this seems to be limited to young white girls. Honestly - show me the ghetto black gal who has been through REAL hard times and now cuts herself out of some adolescent-sounding existential crisis. Let me tell you -THERE WON'T BE MANY. How many pioneers daughters used to cut themselves in the days before running water and the wonders of modern toiletry. What a spoiled, self-deluded, weak state-of-the-nation we live in, nowadays.

If I had a daughter who complained that she was "cutting herself to block out the internal pain", I'd send her "tortured" ass over to live with LaShanda or Sheniqua's welfare-grubbing families in Camden, New Jersey, so she can find out what REAL pain is like - not this whiny, white-girl shit. Oh my God..........excuse me for a minute; I think I might have to puke.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 1/27/2007 5:10:31 PM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:44:14 PM

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Ohgosh I wasn't at all offended. Most people don't know a lot about the subject, and I would rather you ask/learn than not know.
To boil it down to the very essence, I used to cut out of lack of control. I need a Dom for control. For me there is a strong link. I won't ever go back to cutting but I will never lose my need for a Dom

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:56:46 PM

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This is a forum issue and the closet cutters can open my eyes. I will not debate a closet cutter. Now my next door neighbor that I saw at Wal-Mart at christmas time shouting for all 37 people in line to hear about her cutting herself and even showing the scars, was getting all the shock value she wanted. People were saying aint that sick and every thing else. Pro wrestlers get paid extra to razor slit them selves in wrestling matches, because of course it is more shock value.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 4:59:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank
How many pioneers daughters used to cut themselves in the days before running water and the wonders of modern toiletry. What a spoiled, self-deluded, weak state-of-the-nation we live in, nowadays.

If I had a daughter who complained that she was "cutting herself to block out the internal pain", I'd send her "tortured" ass over to live with LaShanda or Sheniqua's welfare-grubbing families in Camden, New Jersey, so she can find out what REAL pain is like - not this whiny, white-girl shit. Oh my God..........excuse me for a minute; I think I might have to puke.

wow your ignorance astounds me.

i did not open this thread for people to be judgemental towards something they know nothing of.

it is people like you who judge and ruin lives.

what if i was your daughter? how would you know why i am doing the things i am? you think because we would live in the same house, you would know why i was, or WASNT depressed?

you know how much time i spent in the house of my family during these times?? uhm, not much, and 98% of the time i was asleep.

this thread was opened to find connections not to bash attention seekers and the closet cases who must suffer from their coconspirators lack of shame.

judge not lest you be judged.

should i spew out the list of traumas i suffered for you now to shut you the hell up?

ps- i grew up without running water.

no i am not kidding.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:01:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

This is a forum issue and the closet cutters can open my eyes. I will not debate a closet cutter. Now my next door neighbor that I saw at Wal-Mart at christmas time shouting for all 37 people in line to hear about her cutting herself and even showing the scars, was getting all the shock value she wanted. People were saying aint that sick and every thing else. Pro wrestlers get paid extra to razor slit them selves in wrestling matches, because of course it is more shock value.

i believe it.

its because of people like that, the rest of us suffer the wrath of stereotype.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:07:09 PM

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It's not ignorance sweetheart..............it's showing histrionic adolescent girls that whatever situation they might be in, there's somebody else who has it much worse - like the Korean "comfort women" who were kidnapped from their homes and made to serve 40-50 Jap soldiers sexually per diem .........or the girl born who Treacher-Collins Syndrome, and will probably die a virgin.........probably won't even get kissed by a boy, either. Everyone who isn't born into Paris Hilton affluence has seen a little bit of the dark side, but some folks just don't get it.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 1/27/2007 5:13:27 PM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:07:47 PM

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TreSwank

Chances are if your daughter is telling you that she cuts.... that is exactly what you should do.

I have always been really skeptical of anyone who talked about their cutting, or other "issues" a lot. Perhaps especially since I did cut and it had nothing to do with any teenaged issues that are stereotypical. But more about dealing with being fucked up from a whole heap of sexual abuse, and neglect from my poverty sticken drug addict parents. It was never to discuss it, or deal with it. It was usually 1: to destract myself from the more unpleasant crap or 2: to slice (literally) through the internal tension building up at having to deal with it. I'd get over whelmed, I learned self inflicted pain eased it up.

But I never spoke nary a word of it.

Maybe you should be concerned about the future daughter who doesn't say shit about it and you accidentally catch a peek at a scar and she totally denies anything about it and refuses to talk about it.

Just a suggestion.

And fake suicidal stuff truly drives me insane as a side note. When people tell me that kind of shit I say: Only talk to me about this if you want me to call the police and have them put you in the psych ward for a 96 to keep you from harming yourself. My older brother killed himself when I was younger and he never peeped a word of warning that it would happen and I take it very seriously when someone wants to blither blather about it. Especially when they have no fucking clue what that REALLY means to the people left behind.

They tend to shut up about it after that. And no one's ever died, fyi.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:11:49 PM

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mixielicous:

I wonder if there is any connection between hiding cutting and using it to cope and poverty. That is a new thought. And yes I am assuming the lack of running water meant you grew up in poverty. Pardon the assumption if its incorrect.

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