A Quandry...

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

A Quandry...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> A Quandry...

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 9:02:48 AM

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/28/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have recently had the honor of aquiring my first (and quite possibly only - but time will tell, just like all things) submissive. And she happens to be a painslut...

So here's the problem (I know some of you are probably thinking I'm lucky as all hell lmao): I am the Daddy-Dom type, and so far things are working out perfectly for us - she enjoys pain, and while I'm not experienced at giving it, I'm a very good learner and am always willing to try something new (though she really enjoys cutting and I'm not sure I can do that - but we'll see...). That said, the normal punishment techniques don't work - she enjoys them too much!

Have any others had similar experiences, and if so, what kinds of punishment techniques did you find to be effective? So far I've been using mental punishment (you've disappointed me, etc.), and it has worked - however sometimes it borders on the manipulative, and I'm not willing to accept it as a permanent solution. She shows a lot of promise though, as while she is often somewhat combative in regards to my instructions, in the end she complies anyway (most of the time).

I also have two other questions:

1) I am looking for a discreet-collar/necklace that will be appropriate for her to wear in public - work, school, weddings (she's an officant LMAO) - but I'm not finding anything that really works - anyone have any favorite websites or vendors with products that fit the bill?

2) I also need a collar and restraints for private play, but I'm looking for specific colors (blue - any shade but baby; or dark purple), and again, I'm having problems finding what I'm looking for - anyone have any suggestions?

Looking forward to the responses... :D

_____________________________

"If I wasn't stubborn, I wouldn't be me!" - Me

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 9:18:53 AM

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

Well, as far as creative reprimands go... my sub has a bit of a balance problem, so I'll order her into a corner, hands behind her back, and make her stand continuously on one foot for a count of whatever number I have in mind at the moment. She really doesn't like it, and can't usually go for very long without putting her foot down, at which point I very calmly tell her to do it again until I'm satisfied.

My other favorite (and her absolute least favorite) is having her work on a file in her computer - the rules of grammar. I graduated with a BA in English, a broader vocabulary than my computer's Spell Checker, and an absolute fanatacism about the use of proper spelling and grammar - I'm a grammar Nazi, if you will. She's not nearly so obsessive, and hates being stuck before her keyboard writing out properly punctuated, spelled, and clause-ed sentences. If she makes a mistake, she deletes the whole thing and starts over again. She's so opposed to even the idea of this form of censure that I've never actually had to use it on her - the mere mention almost automatically ensures good behavior.

I'm not much for emotional manipulation; when I use it, I feel slimy. There are times, though, that I'll give her the cold shoulder until she realizes she's done something to irritate me, at which point we get into the territory of discussion and explanation. There's always the time-out option, too... I've met very few people who actually enjoy staring at a corner with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 9:21:01 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Punishment should be things she's no going to enjoy at all like no orgasms for a while or playing with herself, cleaning for you (say the floor with a toothbrush) works too, how about making her write a 1000 word essay on what she did wrong and why, make her read the book surrendered wife or any other one you can think of before you'll spank her again or scene with her, or putting her nose in the corner while you're lounging around watching a show or something along those lines.
Basically take away from her activities she enjoys, or make her do ones she isn't fond of doing.

On the looking for blue collars and cuffs - My first Sir's House colors were blue and gold.
We too had problems finding blue things.
I'd suggest buying white ones and taking them to a shoe repair shop and having them dye the leather for you if you run out of options.
suzanne

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 9:35:55 AM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

For the collar and restraints try http://www.licksandlashes.com/. I have a set of their products in purple, have had them for nearly 2 years and they are holding up quite well. The restraints are also sold in blue.

As far as a discreet collar goes, have you thought of a small locket? You could have the word "Mine" engraved inside with your picture placed over the word. That way she could open it to show off your picture, but no one would know the significance except you two. I consider any necklace Sir has purchased for me as his collar, although my official collar is a silver and amethyst choker made by silversmith from where we live during the summer.

As for punishments, Sir has only to threaten to take away my books or take away computer time.

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 9:41:27 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitalNoise
That said, the normal punishment techniques don't work - she enjoys them too much!

The problem isn't the activity, it's the mindset. You can punish a painslut with pain- as long as they accept it as pain, know that you are disappointed, know that it's in direct result of their wrongful behavior. If they have internalized those things, then ANY reaction you give will be punishment to them.

However, if you need non-painful punishments, there are plenty to be found.

quote:

Have any others had similar experiences, and if so, what kinds of punishment techniques did you find to be effective? So far I've been using mental punishment (you've disappointed me, etc.), and it has worked - however sometimes it borders on the manipulative, and I'm not willing to accept it as a permanent solution. She shows a lot of promise though, as while she is often somewhat combative in regards to my instructions, in the end she complies anyway (most of the time).

I think this is your issue more than finding creative punishments. Seriously, you're just into this relationship and yet there isn't a consistency of obedience and you're already running low on punishment ideas? What time and energy do you have for just having fun and being together?

quote:

1) I am looking for a discreet-collar/necklace that will be appropriate for her to wear in public - work, school, weddings (she's an officant LMAO) - but I'm not finding anything that really works - anyone have any favorite websites or vendors with products that fit the bill?

Tiffany's.

quote:

2) I also need a collar and restraints for private play, but I'm looking for specific colors (blue - any shade but baby; or dark purple), and again, I'm having problems finding what I'm looking for - anyone have any suggestions?

Looking forward to the responses... :D

Leather by Danny

http://www.collarchat.com/m_498653/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#498670
The Coveted and Legendary Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_531609/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#531610
Collaring vs Wearing a collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_547321/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#547475
The meaning of a collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_485613/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#485797
Please share with me (what being collared means to you)

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=427111&mpage=1&key=collaring&#427257
being collared

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=410988&mpage=1&key=collaring&#411019
public collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291301/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#291301
Collar vs Wedding Ring

http://www.collarchat.com/m_287566/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#287566
Another Question Regarding the Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=323687&mpage=1&key=collaring&#323702
collars (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_287140/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#287140
Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264867/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#264867
Sub Thoughts on collars

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248345/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#248345
collar before love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#247668
ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_219135/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#219135
What does a collar mean?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_190240/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#190240
collar or what else?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_187244/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#187244
Accepting a collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_184946/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#184946
Timeframe for a Collar?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_177155/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#177155
collar (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_165733/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#165733
collars

http://www.collarchat.com/m_151638/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#151638
Collar Ceremony

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150934/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#150934
Losing the Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_132702/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#132702
From chat to collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124898/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#124898
Wearing training collar in public

http://www.collarchat.com/m_81449/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#81449
What are the collar types/levels please?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_80281/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#80281
When is the right time to collar?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_70392/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#70392
Collars and collaring

http://www.collarchat.com/m_61337/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#61337
Collar conundrum?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_59686/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#59686
Color of collars?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_55592/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#55592
Collars when?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_27368/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#27368
Kind of a collar question?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_11451/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#11451
Collaring a submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_428/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#428
What is your definition of a training collar?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_402/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#402
Multiple collars or single collar?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 3:45:03 PM

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

http://www.english.axsmar.com/

MOST awesome works of art good for 24/7 in any environment.

Punnishment. I never equate punnishment with any "toy", the worst form of punnishment for a submissive is to be aware that THEY are displeasing in their om/Masters eyes. I use a corner for her when its required.

Private play.. Go to a pet store and have her try a few on

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 4:02:01 PM

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

Ever heard the story about the masochist who said to the sadist, "Please spank me", to which the sadist replied.."No".

As LA said, it's the mindset more than the actual punishment. The worst punishment I ever had was, as a kid, when my parents made me sit "still and quiet" in a chair placed in the middle of the room. I think they were both sadists -- who knew..lol. If you want to do something physical, think of the one thing she hates the most, or something else that might be unpleasant, i.e., cleaning a bathroom with a toothbrush, no computer or phone or whatever she really enjoys, and have at it. :)

Good luck and cheers
jk

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/15/2007 5:15:04 PM

Posts: 98
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

I completely agree with what LA said as far as the mindset. I love spanking and such but cannot imagine a spanking or similar being in any way fun or erotic if done as punishment. At the same time, just the thought of not being able to serve, talk to, be with etc as a form of punishment due to displeasing gives me the shakes.

Good luck to you both.

Cali

(in reply to krikket)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/16/2007 4:22:46 PM

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitalNoise
That said, the normal punishment techniques don't work - she enjoys them too much!

The problem isn't the activity, it's the mindset. You can punish a painslut with pain- as long as they accept it as pain, know that you are disappointed, know that it's in direct result of their wrongful behavior. If they have internalized those things, then ANY reaction you give will be punishment to them.

I'm going to regret speaking, but this is very accurate, at least with me. There are some things I just can't help but enjoy, like needleplay and cuttings. However things like spankings, especially if I know I am in trouble and my Dommytype is upset, will easily bring me to tears. Also inflicting the pain in ways I don't really like, such as with a paddle, is rather effective.

The *worst* punishment for me, ever, is being ignored. It will break me down into tears faster than you can blink. Of course, I also have abandonment issues, so this falls into that catagory, and if misused, borders on emotional abuse.

Another effective one on me is making me kneel in a corner on a hard floor on grains of rice for 10 minutes or so. (I can't kneel longer than that, really.) VERY uncomfortable, and a good time for thinking.

I also HATE essays. Despise. I don't want to think about what I did wrong (which is the whole point of punishment, to make me think about what I did wrong) I just want to get the nasty stuff out of the way.

In summary, there are many ways to punish a painslut, even ones that include painful stimuli.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/16/2007 4:24:35 PM

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitalNoise
1) I am looking for a discreet-collar/necklace that will be appropriate for her to wear in public - work, school, weddings (she's an officant LMAO) - but I'm not finding anything that really works - anyone have any favorite websites or vendors with products that fit the bill?

Tiffany's.

OOOOO Tiffany's. I want Tiffany's. LA you have some great ideas!

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/17/2007 9:18:28 AM

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I also think that many (obviously not all) masochists have some form of pain they dislike. Master has a heavy tawse I cannot stand. I take it occassionally just because he loves weilding it, but mostly it is a punishment tool, which luckily has not been used as such often (only once in fact, but it was incredibly memorable!) Master is also very strong and can hit me hard enough that I can't readily integrate the pain unless we have worked up to it, when the same strength blow may send me spinning off into ecstacy. Warm up and context have a lot to do with it. My brat hates a loop crop I have, despite adoring other toys, so I used it a lot the only time I have punished her. I was tempted to make her write lines, "I will not waste you time by being late, Mistress", but she's an English major and would kinda get off on writing, so I nixed that.

Other than that, I agree with other posters that there are many non-hitting ways to punish. One Master I knew used to give his slave his filing to do as a punishment. Wouldn't work for me, as I love office tasks, but it was a great punishment for him. Also with the cleaning tasks, I adore them, so they wouldn't work. Definitely standing me in a corner and ignoring me would be a punishment. Or standing me somewhere and making me hold a chair or some heavy object with my arms perfectly straight in front of me (a common classroom punishment in some parts of the world) would work. Some people love to exercise and for others, that is punishment. Also, the punishment can often fit the "crime". What unusual way can you impress this rule upon her?

(in reply to fyrekittyn)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/19/2007 7:01:07 AM

CassandraAlexis

Posts: 44
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

writing and cornertime are the worst for me, even though I am not a pain slut.

Public collars, check jewelry stores for chokers. For some lower priced stuff I have seen some unique pieces come out of PureTNT http://www.puretnt.com/

As for blue restraints, I HIGHLY recommend Leather by Danny. I have met Danny several times and worn, and later purchased his products. They are great quality, and he stands by his word. Even better, everything can match and a lot of the items are convertable, for example his cuffs can become suspension cuffs by adding a few attachments so you dont have to buy 2 separate sets.Everything is airdyed, so if you order the same color at different times it will be close, but might not be the same, so if completely identical is your thing it is best to save up and order them from the same batch. http://www.gripcuffs.com/homeall.htm

< Message edited by CassandraAlexis -- 2/19/2007 7:06:58 AM >

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/19/2007 4:41:31 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/28/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

LMAO I make a post then have to go out of town for a few days - damn ya'll! :D

But seriously - you all have given me GREAT ideas - and thanks for the links! - and I'll be making some more detailed comments as soon as I have a chance to digest everything - I think I'm going to need a couple of drinks :D

_____________________________

"If I wasn't stubborn, I wouldn't be me!" - Me

(in reply to CassandraAlexis)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/19/2007 5:11:52 PM

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

IMO, punishment should fit the offense and correct the problem. It is a simpe concept even if actually fashioning the punishment can take considerable effort. I wear a simple leather cord that has a little glass vial on it containing a minature rose and a grain of rice with my Dominant's name written on it. Some people think it is weird to wear a necklace with your boyfriend's name on it while others think it's sweet. Go figure. It wouldn't really matter to me if it was just a piece of string. It reminds me of him and our commitment which was the purpose (for us at least) in the first place.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/19/2007 5:53:05 PM

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Punishment IS manipulation, and emotional manipulation, like hitting, isn't itself bad or wrong. But you already understand how that works, and you don't want those suggestions, so: punishment options. If it's a task done badly, redoing the task is good, too, because it doesn't require much additional attention from me. If you really need proper "punishment" tasks, try handwritten lines, cutting off communication, depriving her of things she enjoys (the latest episode of her favorite tv show? the book she's currently reading?). Embarrassment may work, too. Productive punishment is nice--chores, perhaps. Maybe physical exercise, although I worry about developing a punishment-association with going to the gym. For the same reason, I don't like the idea of an essay as punishment. Writing a good essay is an art and a skill, and by all means, foster it in your submissive if you have the ability! Assign essays, and punish errors in essay writing if you like, but treating writing as a punishment would discourage good written expression. Cutting is great, degradation is super, but encouraging poor written expression--or worse, encouraging loathing of writing--is a kink that is not, in my estimation, okay.

No favorite websites, but check out your local jewelers for collar options. Secondhand and vintage stores that sell jewelry are great! I have some beautiful vintage chokers that BDSM people mistake for collars so often that I don't wear them at scene events.

I agree with LA: Leather by Danny is the place to find your restraints, especially as you want interesting colors. His purple is lovely.

Monica

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/19/2007 9:59:59 PM

Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

a painslut is gonna react real well to pain so u might get n2 it alot more than in ur past and that can be a real freein experience. i m simple in the punishment dept. they dont get thor up their ass, they don't get to look at him or suck him.they don't want that to happen so pretty soon they good again

(in reply to mp072004)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/21/2007 5:55:09 PM

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DigitalNoise

LMAO I make a post then have to go out of town for a few days - damn ya'll! :D

But seriously - you all have given me GREAT ideas - and thanks for the links! - and I'll be making some more detailed comments as soon as I have a chance to digest everything - I think I'm going to need a couple of drinks :D

There are some really great places to get drinks down on Beale! *smiles innocently*

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to DigitalNoise)

RE: A Quandry... - 2/22/2007 6:56:08 AM

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline

this is just one girl's humble opinion.
why not try ignoring bad behavior and rewarding good behavior. in other words, if she does something You do not like or something You have forbidden her to do, then she is no longer there. You cannot speak to her, You cannot feed her, comfort her or interact with her in any way, because she is not there. it will drive her crazy trying to get Your attention and when she realizes that bad behavior gets her ignored, she will avoid the bad behavior.
on the other hand, when she does what You desire, praise her, give her little rewards, like a favorite food she usually is denied or an activity she enjoys but rarely gets to indulge in.
trust this girl, it will deminish the bad behavior and reinforce the good behavior.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to fyrekittyn)

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> A Quandry...

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.195