RE: OMG You did what?!?!?!

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RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/1/2007 3:54:46 PM

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If he suddenly announced he had subbed before I would lose trust in him, because that would be an admission of lying when he told me he never had. That fact aside, I don't think I would be bothered if he said he had bottomed to understand the sensations, and even because he enjoyed some sensation play but I couldn't deal with him needing to sub.

You see, I'm monogamous and I couldn't switch to give him what he would need. So either I would stay with him knowing eventually he would be unhappy or I would break it off immediately so he and I could both find people we were truly compatible with. I don't think a switch could be happy for 30 years without switching and that's what a long term monogamous relationship is to me. Nor could I be happy myself in a long term relationship knowing my partner was unhappy and I was unable to give them what they needed.

(in reply to liks2plzlf)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/1/2007 4:25:48 PM

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I have sometimes wondered if Master would continue to do certain things to me if He knew the receiving side of the sensation. Had He started out as a sub I would be surprised (ok, mouth droppingly shocked is more like it) but it would not change a thing for me in the here and now. If He admitted to still needing to sub at times, that would be a major concern!

Master's dorei

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/2/2007 5:50:26 PM

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In Old Guard, the requirement to "work your way up in the ranks" ie sub before Dom was a carry over from their WWII military service. It was and is a very artificial way of arranging life, just like the military.

(in reply to Valyraen)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/2/2007 6:09:44 PM

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It wouldn't bother me a bit. I've been around so many different types of people that these days I'm shocked if I don't discover something surprising about someone I'm with. My first real mistress was originally a submissive; she was a brilliant dominant. Obviously, she didn't get any submissive thrills out of submitting to me, but at the same time she never hid that every now and then she explored that other side of herself. She was quite bluntly honest about all of that. In the past, I've been more concerned as to whether a dominant partner was double dating outside the species rather than subbing to someone else.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/2/2007 7:03:06 PM

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OMG what did I do?
Outed azzman.

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With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

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RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/2/2007 8:00:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Okay, based upon another thread in another zone. I am asking a question.

To all the submissives and slaves (why did I just hear a Julio Iglesias song in my head....to all the girls I've loved befoooooorrrrrrre.....)anyway back to the topic at hand.

What would you do/think/say IF you found out that your dominant/master/mistress had neglected to inform you that they had been submissive/slave in the past? Would it matter if it was more of a scene/bottoming thing versus a relationship? Why? Or, would you view it as a learning experience?

AND to add an extra kink in the chain.....what if you found out they still had switch tendencies and had not told you about it?

No all i care about is the here and now, the past is just that the past, i do not jugde others based on their past , heaven knows we all have a one, that past has in some way shaped us to who we are today and what happens today will also play a part with who we are 3,10,15 , 20 years + for now.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/4/2007 10:50:07 AM

subsa

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i doubt i would find myself in this position... i've been with my Master for 25 years so at this point i know just about everything about His past (cause i'm part of most of His past). in a hypothetical sense, i don't think it would bother me with respect to Him having subbed. what is important to me is our dynamic. His past is what makes Him who He is. and since i think He's almost perfect i wouldn't want tochange what made Him the way He is. i would feel hurt that He'd felt unable to trust me with the info though. but i would see that as a lack in myself not Him. something that i've recently discovered is that different people can trigger different responses in the same person. so as long as He didn't want me to Domme him we'd be okay. if he felt the desire to submit to someone else i'd be terribly curious to see what it was about that person that could ellicit that kind of response in Him. and being the voyeur i am i'd want to watch!

(in reply to innatedesire)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/4/2007 11:44:40 AM

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[/quote]

No all i care about is the here and now, the past is just that the past, i do not jugde others based on their past , heaven knows we all have a one, that past has in some way shaped us to who we are today and what happens today will also play a part with who we are 3,10,15 , 20 years + for now.

[/quote]

I totaly agree with you innatedesire.

For me it would be a plus that he experienced what it is to be submissive. I was talking with a Dom friend the other night and he told me that he had server a Misstress once just to see what it was like to be submissive...He leraned there is no way he would ever be one. ~smiles~ " live and let learn"

~ misty ~

(in reply to innatedesire)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/4/2007 12:53:10 PM

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Thank you all for your input, it is very much appreciated.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/12/2007 10:08:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

End of relationship.

It would completely alter my view of Him. I could not submit to Him knowing He had in the past submitted to another. And I would be seriously freaked to know He still had the desire to do it now.

I'm the same way. It may not be fair to many of them, but I would only be attracted to a dominant who always was that way, as a basic part of the personality. I've thought about this many times before.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/12/2007 10:15:36 PM

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

What would you do/think/say IF you found out that your dominant/master/mistress had neglected to inform you that they had been submissive/slave in the past? Would it matter if it was more of a scene/bottoming thing versus a relationship? Why? Or, would you view it as a learning experience?

AND to add an extra kink in the chain.....what if you found out they still had switch tendencies and had not told you about it?

I am answering becasue I have asked this question of others and have a answer. Sort of.
"I would wonder why I was not told that they had started in my place, and understood what I was going through and how difficult it could be to give myself up sometimes. However, I would not lose respect for them. If on the other hand, they lied to me and told me that they never had been sub or slave before, and I found out differently, then that would irreparably damage my trust in them.
I could never be a slave to a switch, I could not give myself to a Woman that gave herself to a man that way. If she subbed to another woman I might be able to do it, but I could never be with someone who submitted to a man while she was Dominating me."

DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 2:52:19 AM

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before you get your driving license you have to learn to drive,once youve learned to drive you can learn to drive again to be a driving instructor.Its all about the knowledge you gain through out your life that makes you a greater person

(in reply to FukinTroll)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 3:55:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just a quick note regarding telling all.

I think you will find very different points of view on this subject. As agirl has already stated, for many people it is not something needed or perhaps even wanted. There are many things that may be in someone's past I do not feel I need to know. However, if they feel they need to tell me everything I am always open to listen.

That is a very sensible way to show your acceptance of a person.

I think the key on this particular subject is communicating your specific needs. If you need to know everything about a person to have a trusting relationship, it is your responsibility to explain that.

Exactly!

Many people, especially many of my male friends, operate on a "need to know basis". They do not tell their female S.O. alot of things. More than you would imagine actually. Why? Not because they wish to be secretive but because they do not want to deal with the backlash from divulging the information.

I employ the same technique to avoid hurting people's feelings
or causing jealousy, insecurity, etc.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 6:47:54 AM

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Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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I believe that there is a continuum between an interest in dominance only, and an interest in submission only. I believe everyone falls somewhere on this continuum, and those who like to switch fall closer to the middle.

Jack Rinella holds a similar perspective and added a point to mine; where one falls on this continuum is also related to the second person involved. What matters most to me is where this person falls on this continuum when engaging with me.

That a dominant might have enjoyed submission in the past does not at all take away from their worth as a dominant for me.

How I would feel for not knowing sooner would depend on the circumstances. It might be a little bump but I expect I would not be too upset.

In fact, knowing that some people, dominants and submissives, completely dismiss a dominant who has submitted in the past would make me more sympathetic. In some cases, this dismissal may be based on an emotional response (I don't use the word emotional with a negative connotation but to suggest that that is simply how one feels inside). In some cases, I think it is based on preconceived and inaccurate notions. I would give such a dominant room to feel that many people simply don't understand switching, or going from one role to another.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Vendaval)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 7:12:22 AM

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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
I believe its misguided to think that bottoming or submitting will give you insight into another person.

I disagree. Bottoming or submitting might not give you complete insight about a submissive, but it will give you, at least, some general insight.

A dominant who bottoms will find insights about sensation and intensity of implements--some dominants adopt this practice. A dominant who submits will not understand the pleasure to the psyche submission brings. However, the dominant may get some understanding for challenges a submissive can face.

A dominant who once was a submissive carries insights about the submissive psyche and experience. These insights pertain to various aspects of submission: physical sensation, psychological responses, and emotional difficulties.

Sure, these insights can also be adequately gained through discussions with submissives, or through intuition. And not every such insight may be essential to being dominant. So while having been submissive or having all insights about submissives is not a prerequisite for dominance, having been a submissive does indeed bring insights.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 7:21:50 AM

Texy

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Joined: 8/25/2006
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Hiya,
For me, I'm ok with not knowing everything about my dominant. I tend to be a live and let live kinda gal. I've never been the jealous type of lover/wife/partner. The questions that I would have being told this information would be 1) Is this just information that is passing and I needed to know it now or some part of it OR 2) are they telling me now because she is needing something more that I might not be able to give.
For me it just brings up more opportunity to find out what's going on with the dominant and more of my role in her life.
(Of course, this is from the eyes of a newbie)

gayle

I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference - Robert Frost.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 7:50:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I disagree. Bottoming or submitting might not give you complete insight about a submissive, but it will give you, at least, some general insight.

A dominant who bottoms will find insights about sensation and intensity of implements--some dominants adopt this practice. A dominant who submits will not understand the pleasure to the psyche submission brings. However, the dominant may get some understanding for challenges a submissive can face.

A dominant who once was a submissive carries insights about the submissive psyche and experience. These insights pertain to various aspects of submission: physical sensation, psychological responses, and emotional difficulties.

Sure, these insights can also be adequately gained through discussions with submissives, or through intuition. And not every such insight may be essential to being dominant. So while having been submissive or having all insights about submissives is not a prerequisite for dominance, having been a submissive does indeed bring insights.

Cheers,

Sea

The problem though is that the submissive psyche, experience, emotional difficulties you face, and the way you process physical sensations varies wildly depending on the person. I don't think there is a generic "submissive experience" that all submissives or slaves experience that we all understand within each other - I think submissives and slaves are wildly different people with different motivations, filters, experiences, and ways to process things. So thats why I don't think that Person A who switches will gain any insight into other submissives. Person A, however, will gain tremendous insight into themself.

C~

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"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 8:08:12 AM

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i am not worried about this happening b/c i know already that He bottomed in a scene once. before we started M/s it came up that He had a girl in the past into kinky sex but that she was the one into being in control. i think they did some suspension bondage but it was clear He did not enjoy being on the bottom of things. This didnt alter my view of His dominance when i became collared because i know He was just feeling Himself out [its not the only thing Hes experimented with in the past]. if He had been topped for a long period of time within the confines of a relationship, yea i might second guess His dominance, but one can only lead by example, no?

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RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 11:14:25 AM

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Since i wouldn't be jumping into a D/s relationship without a lot of vanilla dating and talking and since, by then, we'd hopefully be in love anyway, this shouldn't (not to be confused with couldn't) happen. The real issue with most of us is lying by omission, isn't it.

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! - 3/13/2007 11:34:00 AM

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I've served as a submissive before I became a dominant, then afterwards I realized I was good at both, so I became a switch. Nothing can drive another dom/domme angrier than finding out her flaws and just teasing him/her so that she'll turn agressive on my ass and beat me to submission :) Altogether, it provides a foothold on the learning experience we've all shared and adds something more to pick on..

(in reply to FukinTroll)

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