TheGaggingWh0re
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Joined: 1/19/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sinergy
quote:
ORIGINAL: toservez
The recent threads on dominants being nice/gentlemanly and the thread that quoted Anais Nin by simplewhispers and part of that quote was “but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated.” Got me thinking again about what I need and enjoy feeling from a dominant and how during my search I was often left cold by many dominants who enjoy intellectualize domination but seem uncomfortable in the physical manifestations of domination mentally and physically in their day to day life. I am not saying people who use more formalized rules and rituals and supplement with scenes as bad or less dominant at all but I do enjoy the feeling of being truly dominated in a physical and mental way that often cannot be done by mere rules and scenes here or there.
That was probably totally confusing, my question is we often, I certainly have, use the phrase domineering in a negative light often as some who acts like a bitch or an asshole, but cannot a person be naturally domineering in a good way in this life? It seems we often boil down M/s into the simple slave does what Master says and that really is it, but is that feeling of what Anais Nin wrote “but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated.” do others feel that it can be as much about atmosphere as actions or is this simply a chicken versus the egg thing?
The man (Korean born) I studied martial arts with for 20 some odd years took me aside one day after I got promoted to instructor at the studio.
He said that in order to teach a student, you have to get them to do what you want them to do, regardless of their questions, comments, complaints, whining, etc.
This is of course assuming that everyone is on the same page. Such as the students at the martial arts are there to learn that particular style and enjoy your particular teaching methods, knowing full well that there are other teaching methods and other types of martial arts. With that in mind, I think choice is missing. One cannot dominate another who chooses not to submit to that style, just as one cannot teach a die-hard jujitsu student to change their style to akido, no matter if they try to make them do what they want, regardless of their questions, comments, complaints, whining, etc.
With that, I also would like to say that if a sub is thoroughly not comfortable with doing something, then I think logical and rational complaints and whining would be considered by a wise Master :P
As for the original topic, I believe that a person can be domineering and not in an annoying fashion. For me, personally, I abhor excessive kindness- I would hate someone who focuses on my pleasure more than theres, such as getting me to orgasm, or waiting until I am full of food to tell me to do something, or tugging that chain just ever so slightly so it tickles. I don't like it! I do, of course, want a Dom to care about me and protect me and also make wise decisions, but that does not mean he must be gentle or easily persuaded.
My own Master is exactly what I want. He gets what he wants from me when he wants it with observation toward logic in reasoning. For example, I was very hungry a couple of days ago and asked if I could go ahead and make a bowl of ramen. He questioned my weight goal and set down a firm 'no', despite me being hungry. Most would look at this and think it's just plain mean, I look at it and think "He's trying to help me focus on my goals and not sway off the path". As a result, I ended up digging out some salmon and buying some fresh veggies to make, which ended up being more satisfying and yummy! Another example I can provide is our frequency of intercourse. The last time I visited was 12 days. Out of those entire twelve days, we had intercourse once, but every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day, he would get a TJ (throat job). It was miserable for me- my hair was clinched, my breath was held, my face was slapped, and I've never, ever, ever appreciated the taste of gential fluids from any sex. However, as I have mentioned before, it is what I want and like- to focus on his pleasure instead of mine, for although my body could be satisfied, I find it more pleasing for myself to satisfy him, even if he does make things a bit rougher than the Nicer doms might approve of. :P
Hope that answered your question!
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tangible feeling of domination - 
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