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RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 5:30:04 PM

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And i hope you realise i was being quite facetious in my post to him - i have an issue with this kind of deciet and probably should not have posted in the first place~

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There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 5:33:10 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Ok, on an unrelated note the blurry pic of your ass in tighty whitey's is NOT attractive.

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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 5:35:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

Ok, on an unrelated note the blurry pic of your ass in tighty whitey's is NOT attractive.

Oh, i would say that is VERY related to the success factor !!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 5:49:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Yep, says so in his profile...i had to check it out after seeing such an intriguing photo :-)

"OK, now for the bad news. I am married and have to keep all of this discreet. If that's OK with you then we have something to talk about."

Oooops.

Slimeball.

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:00:16 PM

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Try Philanders.com.

(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:05:02 PM

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Top 10: Reasons Why Men Cheathttp://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten_60/82_dating_list.html

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(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:08:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Try Philanders.com.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you mean Philanderers.com? The other is an embroidery company!!

Ofcourse that might work for the whitey tighties!! ROFL

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:17:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

i have a question...

Why do you feel the need to be honest and upfront with a Domme that you do NOT want a serious relationship with - just play- when you seem to have no problem decieving the woman you are married to?

I find it interesting that most of the replies here seem to equate play with sex. After all, it's sex that is the cheating part. If no part of me goes into any part of Her, how am I cheating? What is cheating? How do you define it? First off, I find it necessary to be completely honest in a D&s relationship because there are more danger levels to it. You need to be honest about health matters, primarily, and secondarily, about any life situations that might bear on the play situation. For example, someone might have some kind of hidden trigger to something in their past...

My Mistress once had her fist inserted, I'll leave where to your immagination. Was that cheating? I don't think so, in my case, as my wife was busy snapping pictures. She's sub. I'm in deep discussion with my sister about where I fit in, used to think I was a switch, but sis came up with some interesting insights, still working on that. However, my wife can't fulfil my scene subbie needs. She's aware of everything. When I bought my cb-3000 for Mistress, my wife was with me. When I gave the keys to Mistress, my wife was there, Mistress gave her a key, as she had a claim to my parts easily as much as Mistress did. My wife for pleasure, Mistress for pain.

But more pertainant to your reply to azjojoba's original post I'm wondering where you came up with the idea that he was in any way deceiving his spouse.

To remind us:

quote:

Just wondering if many married guys like me have any luck meeting dominant women. Perhaps where I live in Arizona there just aren't that many femdoms, or women are too traditional in terms of playing with married men. I haven't any luck at collarme. Most of the women seem to want serious relationships instead of just adult play.

This sub male is merely looking for play, which he takes care to distinguish from a relationship. He does not go into detail about exactly what sort of activities he's looking for, but I infer that he's looking for other than vanilla sex. I have a few Dommes that I have played with, and over supper last night my wife and I discussed why each of them, as well as non-scene friends, would drive me nuts having to live with them. Happens that a girl my wife works with is having relationship issues. However, play is no such commitment, to me, or apparently, to him. Play is getting together for a small period of time and offering ones body to the other person for what the vanilla world would consider abuse. It may happen once, it may happen regularly, but it's just play.

quote:

i would just lie if i were you and say you are single, divorced, widowed, whatever and go get your jollies in...afterall, once you lie to the one you are legally commited to, it should be easier to lie to the ones you are not. Just a thought~

Again, why are you insisting, as many others here are doing, that he's a)lying and b)cheating?

peter

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:18:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Try Philanders.com.

(Philanderers.com)

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:19:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Top 10: Reasons Why Men Cheathttp://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten_60/82_dating_list.html

an excuse is the skin of a reason stuffed with a lie.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:22:14 PM

FelinePersuasion

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, seeking out secondary relationships you know your mate wont' like would be mad about, or worse would divorce you if she or he found out is cheating sex or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

I find it interesting that most of the replies here seem to equate play with sex. After all, it's sex that is the cheating part.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:25:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I do feel the need to point out that he hasn't said that he's hiding this from his wife (unless it says so in his profile - I didn't check) ... just that he doesn't want a committed relationship with a domme because he's married.

i'm not sure on this one either...his profile says he is married so he needs to be discreet, which strikes me as dishonest, but he hasn't actually said whether or not she knows or he would be willing to be open with her if she doesn't know, so i'm not 100% sure.

He might also be a cop, member of a church, his wife might be mayor....

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? If he's gotten replies to his initial emails and says to the Domme "I'm married and don't want my wife to know about what we do.", then yeah, he's being dishonest. But nothing in the post or his profile out and out says it, and yet most of the replies all jump to that conclusion. Yes, many married men ARE cheating. Many Dommes have had bad experiences. But there are some that aren't, and the Domme could maybe type out "Does your wife know?" in reply. Heck, if she only wants to type it once, make it a notepad file and cut and past it if typing 16 letters and hitting the spacebar three times is too much to ask.

peter

(in reply to hisannabelle)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:26:52 PM

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Cheating is not just with the genitals.

When our previous boy professed his undying love for a girl he had never met face to face ... that was cheating, IMO, because he was lying to me - he was hiding the fact that he was cybering with the girl, he was hiding the fact that he had told her he was the love of his life, he was hiding a lot of things ... and it wasn't just with that girl, either - she's just the one that we know the most about what went on. It was cheating because he was lying about it, he was sneaking around behind our backs ... it doesn't matter that his genitals never touched any part of her or that her genitals never touched any part of him.

Cheating is as much with the mind and heart as with the genitals, thank you very much.

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Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

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(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:30:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

, seeking out secondary relationships you know your mate wont' like would be mad about, or worse would divorce you if she or he found out is cheating sex or not.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

I find it interesting that most of the replies here seem to equate play with sex. After all, it's sex that is the cheating part.

Um, my mate knows about it. She took pictures. She's friends with my Mistress, who, unfortunately, moved out of the county. Do you know for sure his wife doesn't know? It's easy to assume so, but there are other potential reasons why discretion is necessary. Position in the community, children, wife's professional standing... Without asking, how do you know? And shouldn't we KNOW before branding someone a cheater and a liar?

peter

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:30:21 PM

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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most of the people i know, many of the posters i've seen, my dominant, and myself consider cheating to be going outside of the relationship for fulfillment without the spouse's knowledge or consent. the fact that he needs to be discreet because he's married, if indeed that's because his wife does not know and not because he's a pastor, cop, whatever (although le tend to be pretty openminded about this stuff), tells me he's cheating, whether or not sex ever happens. if it is necessary to deceive your mate (lying outright or by omission/hiding), it's cheating, imho. sex has very little to do with it.

that said, i've tried to consider the situation from both angles and not respond directly from the viewpoint that he is cheating, because, as you mentioned, it could be necessary for him to be discreet for a number of other reasons. however, it does not look that way.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 3/15/2007 6:31:10 PM >

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:31:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

He might also be a cop, member of a church, his wife might be mayor....

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? If he's gotten replies to his initial emails and says to the Domme "I'm married and don't want my wife to know about what we do.", then yeah, he's being dishonest. But nothing in the post or his profile out and out says it, and yet most of the replies all jump to that conclusion. Yes, many married men ARE cheating. Many Dommes have had bad experiences. But there are some that aren't, and the Domme could maybe type out "Does your wife know?" in reply. Heck, if she only wants to type it once, make it a notepad file and cut and past it if typing 16 letters and hitting the spacebar three times is too much to ask.

peter

"Does your wife know?"
We've been asking that and so far... no replies.

Innocent until proven guilty works for a court of law. However, this isn't a court of law. It's a community where people's hearts on the line if they choose to involve themselves with another person. And frankly, that doesn't have to be fair. I wouldn't expect it to be. There are people I wouldn't be with for no real good reason. I just don't want to be. That's not fair.

I probably wouldn't give a dominant on this site any consideration if his profile included the phrase "I'm married so you will have to discreet." If it said "I'm married and my wife is looking forward to meeting you!" then maybe.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:32:32 PM

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Most Domme aren't interested in playing second fiddle to your wife. If we put the time into someone, we want them available at our whim, not when you happen to be able to sneak away.

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http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
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(in reply to azjojoba)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:33:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

, seeking out secondary relationships you know your mate wont' like would be mad about, or worse would divorce you if she or he found out is cheating sex or not.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

I find it interesting that most of the replies here seem to equate play with sex. After all, it's sex that is the cheating part.

Um, my mate knows about it. She took pictures. She's friends with my Mistress, who, unfortunately, moved out of the county. Do you know for sure his wife doesn't know? It's easy to assume so, but there are other potential reasons why discretion is necessary. Position in the community, children, wife's professional standing... Without asking, how do you know? And shouldn't we KNOW before branding someone a cheater and a liar?

peter

The evidence doesn't look good and until he returns to confirm there isn't any sense in anyone getting their panties in a twist.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:35:13 PM

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Peterlocked,

i am not insisting anything..i merely read his profile and while he could have been insisting on descretion for a wife that is aware of his desire to do this - he did not state that - Your situation sound entirely different than his and until he comes back to this thread to answer any misunderstandings, none of us really know.
And i certainly will NOT debate what i constitute as "cheating" because then it becomes "my way is the right way" debate and become a "free for all ". However, i will repeat a statement i made another thread...if you have to lie, then what you are doing is probably not serving your higher purpose.

When or if he comes back - maybe he will enlighten us~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:36:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

most of the people i know, many of the posters i've seen, my dominant, and myself consider cheating to be going outside of the relationship for fulfillment without the spouse's knowledge or consent. the fact that he needs to be discreet because he's married, if indeed that's because his wife does not know and not because he's a pastor, cop, whatever (although le tend to be pretty openminded about this stuff), tells me he's cheating, whether or not sex ever happens. if it is necessary to deceive your mate (lying outright or by omission/hiding), it's cheating, imho. sex has very little to do with it.

that said, i've tried to consider the situation from both angles and not respond directly from the viewpoint that he is cheating, because, as you mentioned, it could be necessary for him to be discreet for a number of other reasons. however, it does not look that way.

I totally agree with this!

As for cheating=sex, I couldn't disagree more.

If any of the following occur without the wife's consent, I would consider it cheating:

Kissing
Sex
Oral Sex
Anal Sex
Handjobs/fingering
Cyber Sex
Phone Sex
BDSM activities (flogging, spanking, etc.)
Romantic emotional attachment.

I'm probably forgetting a few things, but that comes immediately to mind and many of those activities are not "sex" technically.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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