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RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:36:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

that said, i've tried to consider the situation from both angles and not respond directly from the viewpoint that he is cheating, because, as you mentioned, it could be necessary for him to be discreet for a number of other reasons. however, it does not look that way.

The point I have tried to stress is that perhaps it might... just maybe... worth the time for someone to reply to an email and ask in that reply email exactly what the situation was. What he's complaining about is that no one seems to even bother to take the time to ask. They just jump on the assumption bus and ride it out of town.

I'm NOT saying he isn't cheating. I'm not saying that no one hunts the internet to find someone to cheat with. But merely that no one is bothering to reply to the emails or contacts that I infer he's sending or trying to make.

At least, that's what I think is bothering him.

peter

(in reply to hisannabelle)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:37:20 PM

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

that said, i've tried to consider the situation from both angles and not respond directly from the viewpoint that he is cheating, because, as you mentioned, it could be necessary for him to be discreet for a number of other reasons. however, it does not look that way.

The point I have tried to stress is that perhaps it might... just maybe... worth the time for someone to reply to an email and ask in that reply email exactly what the situation was. What he's complaining about is that no one seems to even bother to take the time to ask. They just jump on the assumption bus and ride it out of town.

I'm NOT saying he isn't cheating. I'm not saying that no one hunts the internet to find someone to cheat with. But merely that no one is bothering to reply to the emails or contacts that I infer he's sending or trying to make.

At least, that's what I think is bothering him.

peter

has he replied to attempt to answer some of the concerns raised? if so, i completely missed the post. all in all, i'd recommend he make his profile a little clearer on why he needs to be discreet...to save that kind of confusion. many dommes who might be compelled to respond at all would probably move on after reading it, without asking, just because, well, yeah, it looks awfully fishy. and it's not their responsibility to clarify, honestly...it's his, and it's something that could easily be fixed by adding to his profile.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 3/15/2007 6:38:22 PM >

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:38:12 PM

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It does not, plain and simple-------

He will render unto Caesar, for this flaw in character.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:38:17 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I assume when somone says they have to be discreet because, they are married, that their withholding info from their wife. Now if someone said no I am discreet because she knows but don't want it waved in her face so to speak, then yeah, I'd care less. I still wouldn't play with them because I am not interested in people not knowing who I am with if I am with someone, but he'd not be in the wrong.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:40:49 PM

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locked, you seem to have missed a few posts where people gave multiple reasons (besides just that he might be cheating) as to why he might be having problems finding someone.

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(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:41:14 PM

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Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

, seeking out secondary relationships you know your mate wont' like would be mad about, or worse would divorce you if she or he found out is cheating sex or not.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

I find it interesting that most of the replies here seem to equate play with sex. After all, it's sex that is the cheating part.

Um, my mate knows about it. She took pictures. She's friends with my Mistress, who, unfortunately, moved out of the county. Do you know for sure his wife doesn't know? It's easy to assume so, but there are other potential reasons why discretion is necessary. Position in the community, children, wife's professional standing... Without asking, how do you know? And shouldn't we KNOW before branding someone a cheater and a liar?

peter

peter,

me thinks you doth protest too much - it sounds like this is becoming about you and you seem to be looking for validation for your own situation. He does not need a defender - i am sure he is a big boy...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:46:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Peterlocked,

However, i will repeat a statement i made another thread...if you have to lie, then what you are doing is probably not serving your higher purpose.

When or if he comes back - maybe he will enlighten us~

You're right, as are others who replied to me, if someone's lying to their spouse, something's rotten in Denmark, and it's not that 6 month old herring.

peter

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:50:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Peterlocked,

However, i will repeat a statement i made another thread...if you have to lie, then what you are doing is probably not serving your higher purpose.

When or if he comes back - maybe he will enlighten us~

You're right, as are others who replied to me, if someone's lying to their spouse, something's rotten in Denmark, and it's not that 6 month old herring.

peter

Exactly!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:54:44 PM

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Joined: 2/26/2005
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if you have any emotional attachment to someone other than your spouse you are cheating , if you dont tell your spouse of your needs you are cheating if you hide and only do this when you think you wont get caught you know the people who only sign on at work you are cheating.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:56:01 PM

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Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Do married guys have much luck?

Well, they're married, so even if they had luck, they probably wouldn't know it if it bit them in the ass.....

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to untamedshysub)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 6:58:45 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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I'm not wearing any panties Aquatic, So, none here to "get into a bunch"!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

The evidence doesn't look good and until he returns to confirm there isn't any sense in anyone getting their panties in a twist.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:07:20 PM

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Joined: 2/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

peter,

me thinks you doth protest too much - it sounds like this is becoming about you and you seem to be looking for validation for your own situation. He does not need a defender - i am sure he is a big boy...

Probably so, but the reason I chimed in was to, in part, agree with him. I am in a similar situation in that I am married. I admit I hadn't checked his profile before my first reply. It is still valid, however, that almost everyone assumed he's cheating, which, he may be. However, I get similar ignores from Dommes, no replies to emails, and yes, I can certainly immagine that they're besieged with emails from subbies looking for attention, but they certainly, if for no other reason than simple courtesy, say "No, thanks." particularly if they do not mention "looking for LTR" or "married men need not respond to this profile." or some such disclaimer.

I scan profiles before I write to a Domme. I try to discern if I meet her criteria before writing and making a total ass of myself. Some reply, some don't.

But I am not trying to validate my situation, it's what it is. Different from many perhaps, but it's my situation, and therefore only valid to me. I do not seek your's or other's approval. I like me. You can to. Or not. That part is up to you. I want nothing of anyone that they do not freely wish to share. The only thing which needs validation is this parking ticket. Abybody seen the meter maid???

peter

< Message edited by Peterlocked -- 3/15/2007 7:09:31 PM >

(in reply to dawntreader)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:08:37 PM

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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I think there are probably a good 50 pages of Pro Domme listings right here at CM, under the "Professional Sevices" section (one of the last sections listed, when you click on the main page that lists all of the forums, etc). I am sure it is tedious to go through the list, but think that possibly out of all those listed, you might be able to find someone who can meet your needs. There are literally hundreds of listings in there. As for non-pro Dommes, I have no idea.

I also found this site, in case you are having trouble, and-or feeling conflicted re: Getting your bdsm needs met within your marriage. I would not presume to know if you want, or even need this reference (below). However, should you desire to talk to someone about all this, and whatever your situation is, I found the following link:

http://gloria-brame.com/therapy - Gloria Brame will answer questions long-distance, and counsel someone if they feel the need (for a fee of course, although they are not, IMO, astronomical, and she takes credit cards). I am sure there are other folks who do this sort of thing long-distance, too.

In terms of resources for this sort of thing, the internet is your friend. I noticed you are in Tempe, Az. Maybe there is some sort of bdsm support group there as well - I'd check the interent, or ask someone local, to find out if one exists in your area, if you feel the need.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/15/2007 7:26:29 PM >

_____________________________

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:11:14 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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I would ask that you qualify that, because not all emotional connections to other adults outside your spouse is cheating. in this case yeah, but not in other cases.

quote:

ORIGINAL: untamedshysub

if you have any emotional attachment to someone other than your spouse you are cheating ,

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to untamedshysub)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:13:50 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

[/quote]

The point I have tried to stress is that perhaps it might... just maybe... worth the time for someone to reply to an email and ask in that reply email exactly what the situation was. What he's complaining about is that no one seems to even bother to take the time to ask. They just jump on the assumption bus and ride it out of town.

I'm NOT saying he isn't cheating. I'm not saying that no one hunts the internet to find someone to cheat with. But merely that no one is bothering to reply to the emails or contacts that I infer he's sending or trying to make.

At least, that's what I think is bothering him.

peter

[/quote]

Actually, when married subs write to Me, I still take the time to be polite and respond to the email, just as I would anyone else. There's nothing wrong with telling people outright why you are not interested in the idea. Married men get an automatic no reply from Me, and believe Me, I've heard all of the reasons. My wife says it's ok, she's ill, etc., etc. Outright I'm just not willing to invest My time in married men. I believe it was Beach Mistress who said it very well when saying why invest the time on someone who isn't available when I want them? I'm not bashing those who do. Just saying that for Me, it's a preference that I have and it's not going to change.

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:19:23 PM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked
The point I have tried to stress is that perhaps it might... just maybe... worth the time for someone to reply to an email and ask in that reply email exactly what the situation was. What he's complaining about is that no one seems to even bother to take the time to ask. They just jump on the assumption bus and ride it out of town.

No. If the guy wants advice, then he should come back and read it. If he came back, read the responses, and got scared, he doesn't want advice. It's his job to clarify, not ours. Why should we go running after a guy who obviously does not care about our opinions? Do I need to spoon feed him next?

Fuck.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:26:25 PM

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Joined: 2/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just saying that for Me, it's a preference that I have and it's not going to change.

That you reply shows you are a nice person. That you politely tell them no shows you are a very nice person. I have a deal for you, don't change, stay nice, and I won't email you begging your attention. (Ummmm, you don't mind someone off somewhere fantasizing, do ya? What a lovely stinger you have there!)

peter

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:28:40 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Peterlocked

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just saying that for Me, it's a preference that I have and it's not going to change.

That you reply shows you are a nice person. That you politely tell them no shows you are a very nice person. I have a deal for you, don't change, stay nice, and I won't email you begging your attention. (Ummmm, you don't mind someone off somewhere fantasizing, do ya? What a lovely stinger you have there!)

peter

Thank you, Peter. This little number is one of My favorite toys.

(in reply to Peterlocked)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 7:58:14 PM

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Joined: 12/23/2006
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[Fast Reply to the thread in general}]

So say one day you are walking down the street and a powerful presence is sensed from an unknown, and you can not get this image out of your mind the rest of the day, and your hot and bothered from this presence, so much so that you dream of him or her that night, and the night after and after and so on and so forth. Yet you can not bring yourself to tell your partner about this attraction. Is this cheating? And if it is, who is cheating who?

< Message edited by unsung -- 3/15/2007 7:59:20 PM >

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

RE: do married guys have much luck here? - 3/15/2007 8:06:16 PM

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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you're a fuckin prude girl------on behalf of my friend here, I would like to point out that the tighty whiteys are sans skidmarks, sure, it could be a photograpic juke, but think about if it wasn't.

Your world would be upside down.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

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