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Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:42:30 AM

KnightofMists

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Generally speaking, I read of two basic motivations of a submissve

"To be Controlled"

"To Please"

I don't really think one is better than another... just different. I also think that either motivations can be to an a point that it can be harmful to the well-being to the submissive. However, I also think that it can be very much be an extreme point and still the submissive can have a very heallthy Well-being. Lastly, It really isn't an either or thing.. meaning that as humans we can be rather complex and have multiple motivations even motivations that may appear to contradict each other in the moment.

I am wondering from a general prespective and not from detailed view point... do you see other motivations within the s-types?

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 3/18/2007 10:43:07 AM >

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:44:40 AM

Wildfleurs

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To obey, to serve, to be useful...

C~

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:46:16 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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It may be a gender issue, but I've seen many male 's' types whose motivation lie in the "it will lead to kinky sex". While that may or may not be true depending on the owner, I think a lot of newbies believe it to be true.

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:52:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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To be me :)

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:52:53 AM

losttreasure

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Joined: 12/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Generally speaking, I read of two basic motivations of a submissve

"To be Controlled"

"To Please"

I don't really think one is better than another... just different. I also think that either motivations can be to an a point that it can be harmful to the well-being to the submissive. However, I also think that it can be very much be an extreme point and still the submissive can have a very heallthy Well-being. Lastly, It really isn't an either or thing.. meaning that as humans we can be rather complex and have multiple motivations even motivations that may appear to contradict each other in the moment.

I am wondering from a general prespective and not from detailed view point... do you see other motivations within the s-types?

Absolutely.

First, I would direct you to my comments on service. That desire to be in the presence of and serving someone who embodies the essence of all that you hold dear in humanity is a strong drive.

I would also make the distinction between "to be controlled" as you state above, and "to not be in control". To me, those are two vastly different things. I have no desire to be controlled... to be give directions on what, when and how to do things. However, I do desire to not be the one in control of our relationship. I do not wish to be the leader. I have the capability to do so, but it is not a role that I am comfortable in and I feel he is much more qualified.

There's also the personal belief that it is natural for him to be the leader.

< Message edited by losttreasure -- 3/18/2007 10:59:57 AM >

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:57:25 AM

missturbation

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To be true to myself

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 10:59:04 AM

Aileen68

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Generally speaking, I read of two basic motivations of a submissve

"To be Controlled"

"To Please"

I don't really think one is better than another... just different. I also think that either motivations can be to an a point that it can be harmful to the well-being to the submissive. However, I also think that it can be very much be an extreme point and still the submissive can have a very heallthy Well-being. Lastly, It really isn't an either or thing.. meaning that as humans we can be rather complex and have multiple motivations even motivations that may appear to contradict each other in the moment.

I am wondering from a general prespective and not from detailed view point... do you see other motivations within the s-types?

Those two motivations are only surface motivations for me. They lead to my main motivation which is sexual. Being submissive is sexual for me. All aspects of it whether it's a service task or an outwardly sexual one lead to some form of sexual service in the end, eventually. That is my main motivation...the sexual play and excitement that I crave and search for in this. I would get no satisfaction otherwise.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 3/18/2007 11:04:41 AM >

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:05:02 AM

velvetears

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This is what i found from something i read at informedconsent.com

"Motivations for engaging in submissive behavior may include relief from responsibility, being the object of attention and affection, gaining a sense of security, showing off endurance, and working through issues of shame. Others simply enjoy a 'natural' feeling when they are in the presence of their more dominant partner. What are known as service-oriented submissive may also have a deep seated desire to be "of use". Submissives also vary in the extent to which they engage in play, in how often they play, and even in whether they consider their role "play" at all."

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:06:36 AM

bearincuffs

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The "kinky sex" aspect is just one small part of the motivation. From what I have seen with many male subs is the submissiveness is an extension of how we were taught to think of others before our own wants and always being told we can't have everything we want. Like myself, I was rasied to be seen and not heard, it was rare for me to allowed to do something I wanted. My parents were the absolute authority figure so as a child, my wants were put last and was raised to please the parents through good behavior, being respectful and obeying them. This does mold a person's personality to some extent and it carries into adulthood. It's my belief that male submissives incorperates this into their personality and is naturally motivated to "please" a more dominant person(s). At least this is how I view it.

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:15:42 AM

barefootprincess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Generally speaking, I read of two basic motivations of a submissve

"To be Controlled"

"To Please"

I don't really think one is better than another... just different. I also think that either motivations can be to an a point that it can be harmful to the well-being to the submissive. However, I also think that it can be very much be an extreme point and still the submissive can have a very heallthy Well-being. Lastly, It really isn't an either or thing.. meaning that as humans we can be rather complex and have multiple motivations even motivations that may appear to contradict each other in the moment.

I am wondering from a general prespective and not from detailed view point... do you see other motivations within the s-types?

Those two motivations are only surface motivations for me. They lead to my main motivation which is sexual. Being submissive is sexual for me. All aspects of it whether it's a service task or an outwardly sexual one lead to some form of sexual service in the end, eventually. That is my main motivation...the sexual play and excitement that I crave and search for in this. I would get no satisfaction otherwise.

To both of you.
This seems to be painfully honest to me, Thanks for putting it in words.

(in reply to Aileen68)

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:18:27 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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TO most we have had around here a "You have done a great job girl" is usually all thats required.Punishment isn't required instead several days of the silent" treatment" is a great teaching tool smiles..bounty

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:26:23 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Generally speaking, I read of two basic motivations of a submissve

"To be Controlled"

"To Please"

*snip*

I am wondering from a general prespective and not from detailed view point... do you see other motivations within the s-types?

For me, the only motivation is the be true to the relationship.

I don't seek d/s relationships specifically, and I've been in d/s relationships on the d and the s sides, as well as kinky egalitarian relationships, and combinations of all of the above (I'm poly).

My current relationship is m/s - with me as the s. And the only *overall* reason that I have for submitting within a relationship is - that's what is right for the relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:33:46 AM

IrishMist

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to be myself

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:38:04 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I think a few people have touched on this by one line responses, but I am in agreement with them in my belief is that the whole "motivation" thing seems like it is designed to force a motivation on a situation that may not have one.

I'm a submissive because I don't believe I could live any other way. I don't have a primary motivation that makes me a submissive. I have a submissive lifestyle that feeds motivations. Narrowing it down to two categories of why someone would be submissive is an ill-thought process because all that does is allows you to seek out those who would NOT normally be submissive by playing the "what would it take to make you submissive?" game. In reality, a submissive who is a lifestyle submissive generally does not need "to be controlled" or "to please" but to be submissive. That those results do get achieved in such a relationship adds to the submissive interaction rather than designates it.

For me, quite often the greatest achievement in this realm is to be recognized as being exactly what I am by a woman who is attracted to a submissive entity like me. That, in itself, defines my "motivations" in submissiveness, although it's not a motivation if it is something you would do naturally anyway.

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:43:05 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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Please understand, I am aware of many male 's' types who are genuine in their submissive nature, either due to upbringing or other reasons. I was simply mentioning another motivation that I have had witness to. Some of the male 's' types who enter into submission for the sole purpose of satisfying a kink, end up growing and discovering so much more, and I find that growth very attractive. Those who enter into submission for deeper reasons to begin with, have much more to offer initially, and that too, is very attractive. What bothers me, are those who submit solely for kink, and never want to discover anything more about the D/s, M/s dynamic.

edited for clarity

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 3/18/2007 11:45:14 AM >

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:43:09 AM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
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Another interesting thought, KoM.

quote:

Generally speaking, I read of two basic motivations of a submissve

"To be Controlled"

"To Please"

I don't really think one is better than another... just different.

First allow me to say I think motivations constantly change as we change and grow as people, the inner growth..

I applaud Aileen68 for her honesty and 8 years ago, sexual gratification would have been my sole motivation as well.

Progressing onward, my "soul" motivations have changed.

In my mind's eye, when I visualize an image of my submission and the two motivations that you mention...

I see a justice scale image...the scale represents "to feel"...emotional and physical...

On the left side, "To be controlled"..

On the right side, "To please"

All through my journey, "To be controlled" has held more weight...but over the last basically two years, more motivation added "To please"...

So now there is only a slight tip of the scale towards "To be controlled" and almost a balance...

I do wonder if the change of motivational weight of the two is part of the transition from submissive to slave...

(introspective hat on)

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:50:35 AM

Aileen68

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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

I applaud Aileen68 for her honesty and 8 years ago, sexual gratification would have been my sole motivation as well.

Wow...I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and not interpret that to mean that how you are motivated is better and more enriching and refined than how I am motivated. Everyone has different motivations and goals. They are as unique as those experiencing them. One is not better or more advanced than another...ever. Mine get me quite comfortably to the end result that I seek. If yours works for you, then that's great.

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:55:28 AM

curiouslyseeking

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quote:

Wow...I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and not interpret that to mean that how you are motivated is better and more enriching and refined than how I am motivated. Everyone has different motivations and goals. They are as unique as those experiencing them. One is not better or more advanced than another...ever. Mine get me quite comfortably to the end result that I seek. If yours works for you, then that's great.

Your benefit of the doubt is correct.

I was just stating I totally can relate...and giving you a compliment on your upfront honesty. I was extremely happy 8 years ago with just sexual gratification motivation as you seem to be very content as well.

Never would I say my way is the best way...it's only the best way for me!

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 3/18/2007 11:56:19 AM >

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:58:07 AM

unsung

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My take on " Motivations of a Submissive" are very much tied to his/her needs and wants. I personally do not seek to be controlled or to please, what motivates me is desire to be with the person I am sharing my life with, and the effect the level of intimacy (comfort, trust, attachment) there is between us. I have always made more attempts at making myself a better person in all aspects when involved in a relationship whether that was in basic things, learning new things, being more creative and such. I don't think or believe this was consciously done to be pleasing. The motivators I isolated these changes to be where to feel more secure as a person and hence take unwarranted insecurities away from the relationship. If we are busy and consumed in positive things in life, we don't have a whole lot of time to fret over the little things, or dramatize the petty and hence when we needed to concentrate on bigger more pressing issues they could be dealt with a clearer vision.

So I would have to say that I don't equate motivations for me to include being controlled or pleasing but to be more focused on the relationship and its positive growth.

Disclaimer: Actual birth in the lifestyle of M/s or D/s is irrelevant to my interpretation.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 11:59:24 AM

Aileen68

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Thanks for the compliment and for clarifying.

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