kinkiminx
Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline
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Threads like this are interesting, as aside from discussing the subject itself they can also illustrate interesting cultural differences, so it would be interesting to see how this thread develops. A lot of the members on Collarme seem to be US-based, and it would be interesting to see how opinions on this one pan out across, say US and UK -
quote:
ORIGINAL: SirKinkster
This I have to agree with A lot of ppl on here are immature and age has nothing to with it. yet I would find it impossible to belive a child of 18 had several years or experience at 18-24
It's interesting that people are seen as children at 18 in some places, and in others for example here, usually as "inexperienced adults". I can't really comment on the US side of things, though I understand the legal school leaving age is usually 18..? The problem I can see with treating younger people as children, is that until you place responsibility on them, it's extremely difficult for them to learn how to take it.
You might discont my opinion immediately as I am only 22 myself  but here's my "two cent's worth" anyway.
Generally I would expect you would find the average 35 year old should have more maturity than the average 18 year old, if this isn't the case, it could mean people are ceasing to learn at some point, which is rather worrying in my opinion. I fully believe there are exceptions to the rule, as there are in most areas where something is usually true, though if every 18 year old claims they are exceptionally mature, many of them are likely to be mistaken unless people suddenly stop learning having left study.
I don't think it's really one of those things people should, or should need to claim, though age is sometimes an indicator, people should be able to judge others on their individual merits, and because of that there shouldn't really be a need for people to state their maturity or immaturity, simply leaving others to decide for themselves.
I thought I was extremely mature when I was 13, I hated being treated like a child, and found it difficult to listen to people's advice when they were talking to me like an idiot, -often the advice was good, but the way it was put across was downright insulting - let's admit it, we've all said something hideously patronising to a child or teenager at some point, and sometimes forget they're inexperienced, not single-celled organisms. So my reaction was simple- made a hell of a lot of mistakes, left school at 14, and learned a great deal in the process of it all. I'm glad I made those mistakes in my teens, as if I made them now, they would have cost me a lot more. What I learned from that, is whatever age we are and however much we think we know, we are still extremely naive until we realise there is so much we don't know and can't assume.
I don't agree with everything which has been posted here; experiences are different for everyone. Holding down a job doesn't necessarily teach responsibility, here in the UK people (are legally permitted) to begin working at 16, and by 18 I was capable and used to holding down a job. So far, this hasn't taught me half as much maturity as life itself has. Responsibility towards others requires a conscious realisation you are capable of taking that responsibility, and that someone needs to. Often if you don't take it, no one else will. Raising a family may well teach things, (I cannot comment as I don't have children myself, nor do I intend to) but every part of life teaches something different.
Traumatic experiences don't teach maturity either, but the way you learn to react to them, deal with them, take action to rectify them and assist others in doing the same, can. They can force people to learn to be responsible by waking them up to harsh realities, but equally can force people to bury their heads in the sand. The everyday mundane things in life do not necessarily teach maturity either; they may teach parts of this, (not leading the same life as the next person I don't know for certain) though I worry that perhaps acceptance can be mistaken for maturity.
I would have thought the idea you can't just quit a job because something "bad" happens, should just be downright common sense? Job = food and roof, No Job= cardboard box and starvation; it's not exactly rocket science.
This is going into murky waters of definition between child and teenager, right and wrong, so I may get my head bitten off by saying this, but I'm going to say it all the same. I started experimenting with BDSM at ??. I lost my virginity at ??. Believe it or not, this was all though self-initiated normal dating, with teenage boys, not some strange "child abuse" situation. I don't regret that at all, and though I wouldn't say I have nine years of solid serious experience, my first experiments with BDSM did occurr that long ago.
*edited after a friend pointed out the shift in US laws could potentially cause problems for collarme if left unedited*
Before you try to put me down for screwed up, I also have a loving mother and stepfather who I get on fantastically with. The only thing I would have asked for more as a teenager would have been less of "you're too young for that" and more of "be careful, here's something you need to understand." Guidance is useful, but to get through to a young person who is probably as headstrong as I was at that age, you need to do it helpfully without being patronising if you really want to be listened to.
Part of maturity is surely to learn to be open-minded, to be able to listen to what others have to say for themselves before judging them, to not be insecure in the fact that there will always be times when someone else is going to have it worked out better than you, and to be able to watch and learn when that happens. Some people may enjoy prolonging their childhood, others don't, and if someone has decided it's time to learn and grow, in most cases rather than put them down, surely if you're going to be a decent person about it, why not simply put in your bit of advice where they need it to assist them?
Anyway, there's my opinion for what it's worth, any comments are welcome.
< Message edited by kinkiminx -- 3/27/2007 7:22:00 AM >
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