AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
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My experience is with male submissives only, so I am not sure if this applies at all to anyone else into BDSM.
You often hear subs complaining about their inability to find a compatible femdom for a longterm relationship, no matter how much they try. I've met a lot of these subs online and in person over the years, and one of the biggest challenges they have is that they are often socially way behind their "vanilla" competitors. Remember that a femdom does have the option of dating a vanilla guy and "converting" him -- especially if she's not hardcore and just likes a regular dose of aggressive, kinky sex. Most men will gladly give it a try.
What is "socially way behind?" A lot of sub men spend way too much time waiting for their dream femdom and simply do not date. Now, thanks to the Internet, they can also indulge in their fantasies from their own living room on a Friday night with a cyberpartner. They keep imagining and hoping that a femdom will appear in their life and seduce them -- that the fact that she is dominant means she will be the aggressor.
When it doesn't happen, he finds himself single, older, and not practiced at the art of dating, courting, flirting or even relating to a real life woman. They are socially immature and shy to the point of being completely a wreck on a date. Often, it's very sad.
In addition, they have limited their social circles. Some do not have many friends, and few hobbies unless they are related to the Internet. What this means is they are not very interesting people. They don't have hobbies or passions outside of "finding a femdom." Painful conversations over a first date go dry because the man has nothing to say of interest about himself other than how long he has been looking for a femdom.
The next part is desperation. Because they've been waiting for "ms. femdom right" forever, the fact that they get face to face with a real one means they turn into an overzealous teenager who forgets anything about how to court, date, and not come on too strong. All the things most people learn in trial and error through their teens and 20s, these men never learned at all, because they were waiting for a femdom to appear in their life.
Are these men you can take to a work function? Introduce to your family? No, not at all. Because they are uncomfortable around people, too shy to be engaging in conversation and have nothing to talk about.
Submissives, I strongly encourage you to alter your goals of "meeting a femdom" so that they include working on yourselves. This means widening your social circles of friends (not just on the net), engaging in hobbies that keep you active and passionate about something, and don't stand in a corner -- learn to flirt. Even if it means dating a few vanilla woman. You have to learn what women like, how to communicate with them and how to exercise social manners. You also need to learn how to be interesting but at the same time know how to ask the right questions and show genuine interest.
Subs, if you had 5 days to ask a woman out, set up a date, take her out, show her a nice time and end the date properly with the intent to follow up, could you do it without the use of the Internet at all, and without 1 mention of kink? This is something you need to think about.
Because femdoms aren't just femdoms -- we're women, too.
Akasha
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