Why does strict have to equal mean?

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Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 4:36:23 PM

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I very much adore a strict Master, it really brings out the sex kitten in me. But can someone please tell me, why strict is being confused with being just plain mean? What am I missing?

< Message edited by notlooking2 -- 4/20/2007 5:10:22 PM >

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 4:47:10 PM

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Why is there ever confusion? Some people don't, or won't, get it....

... there's no reason it has to be that way, unless you consent and submit on those terms...

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(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 4:50:42 PM

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Too often there are those that abuse the power and trust given them, just makes it more difficult for the nice doms to be believed later once the sub has tired of cruelty and freed herself. A dominant can be kind and strict, caring and concerned about his/her sub's emotional state....cruelty, except for those that enjoy that treatment, has as much place in the relationship as abuse, none.

(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 4:55:46 PM

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Spot on. Both subs and doms sometimes confuse being strict with being cruel.

(in reply to MellowSir)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 5:26:59 PM

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It dos NOT equal mean, Unfortunately there are a lot of unstable "wannabes" who feel that it does.
This is a big red flag in my opinion

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A Sensual Touch
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(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 5:30:41 PM

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Kinda confusing, they don't have anywhere near the same definition in the english dictionary I use.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 5:35:34 PM

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I have run into subs online who say they want mean or cruel oe abusive. Try giving them examples of what they say they want and they come back with that is not what I want. If you know what you want, insist on a written contract that you can read over first and discuss it with the other party before you sign it. Make sure it is clear and in detail as if too bague, it leaves the door open for strict to become mean.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 9:42:31 PM

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I would never be mean to you babe,lol, I would just keep your ass nice and red

(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/20/2007 10:21:31 PM

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Strict does not equal mean. However you need to know exactly what you are seeking before you can find it. It needs to be clear in your mind. Once you know that then you will find the one who will be strict but not mean to you.

Owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 1:50:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: notlooking2

I very much adore a strict Master, it really brings out the sex kitten in me. But can someone please tell me, why strict is being confused with being just plain mean? What am I missing?

Because many people don't understand how to be strict without being "angry" or otherwise emotionally charged. They use the anger or other emotion to "work themselves" up to being strict, controlling... which usually plays out as being domineering. I often see it in the inexperienced, or those who simply lack the ability to be dominant.

Any dom who needs to be angry, mean or cruel in order to be strict has a problem. A "dom" who cannot be firm and in control without becoming in some way emotional, has a problem. Period.

That problem might be inexperience, it might be emotional issues, it might be that the only example of "discipline" they ever knew was an angry father, etc. Whatever the case, if they can't calmly assert themselves, they have a problem.

That's not to say that dominants never get angry, we're human and like anyone we can be provoked to anger, its just not our normal frame of mind. A good quality for any dominant to cultivate is a calm state of mind. Consider it part of "mastering the self".

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 5:02:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: notlooking2

I very much adore a strict Master, it really brings out the sex kitten in me. But can someone please tell me, why strict is being confused with being just plain mean? What am I missing?

Because many people don't understand how to be strict without being "angry" or otherwise emotionally charged. They use the anger or other emotion to "work themselves" up to being strict, controlling... which usually plays out as being domineering. I often see it in the inexperienced, or those who simply lack the ability to be dominant.

Any dom who needs to be angry, mean or cruel in order to be strict has a problem. A "dom" who cannot be firm and in control without becoming in some way emotional, has a problem. Period.

That problem might be inexperience, it might be emotional issues, it might be that the only example of "discipline" they ever knew was an angry father, etc. Whatever the case, if they can't calmly assert themselves, they have a problem.

That's not to say that dominants never get angry, we're human and like anyone we can be provoked to anger, its just not our normal frame of mind. A good quality for any dominant to cultivate is a calm state of mind. Consider it part of "mastering the self".

Thanks for your post. I agree whole-heartedly.

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 5:04:32 AM

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I had this issue somewhat with a girl when I was still "trying to be Dominant".

On introspection, I wondered why I was getting charged up with her as opposed to a situation like work or with my roommates where I have very little problems saying "No" or laying down the law without getting worked up.

The answer I found was I was trying to be something rather than simply just being myself.

I think its one of the traps we fall into in the beginnings. We are looking for a right way or are insecure in our own dominance. We try to mold ourselves to some persona.

The worst part was I didnt feal like I was being nysekf at all in the relationship, but something else. This was equally a good source of my frustration.

I also took every little thing that didnt go perfectly as me being a bad dominant as opposed to the reality which is submissives are imperfect and it takes time to get them to do things the way you want every single time. This also added to me getting charged somewhat.

Its easy to talk about self control on forums, but in reality...it takes quite a lot of self awareness and work to develop the simple skill of remembering to stop and breathe for a minute when emotion or frustration begins to cloud your composure.

It didnt help either that she had a history of passive aggressively and neuroticly resisting every dominant she had dated because of her own issues with her submission.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 4/21/2007 5:09:55 AM >

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(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 7:35:18 AM

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For the record, I am the nicest, kindest, sweetest, superest dom around and all my subbies go around all happy with little warm fuzzies flying around them

quote:

also took every little thing that didnt go perfectly as me being a bad dominant as opposed to the reality which is submissives are imperfect and it takes time to get them to do things the way you want every single time. This also added to me getting charged somewhat.

Its easy to talk about self control on forums, but in reality...it takes quite a lot of self awareness and work to develop the simple skill of remembering to stop and breathe for a minute when emotion or frustration begins to cloud your composure.

What he said

(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 7:38:09 AM

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Greetings

Perhaps I am missing the question in this post, but it seems that most replies have centered around cruelty in a person and how 'that is bad".

I don't enjoy pain, I don't enjoy being put down, I don't enjoy being ridiculed. Yet, Master is a very hard man to please. He is cruel at times, he's harsh, he's sadistic; yet at the same time, he always knows exactly what he is doing and is aware of my reaction to it.

I think that Master Padriag hit it on the head when he said that the difference was in 'anger'. If any is done while in anger, it changes the tone.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 7:41:11 AM

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For all any of us knows you are just labelling them as mean because they aren't being strict the way you want them to be. If that's the case, I can see your attitude bringing out the nastiness in just about anyone.

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(in reply to notlooking2)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 8:12:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

For the record, I am the nicest, kindest, sweetest, superest dom around and all my subbies go around all happy with little warm fuzzies flying around them

Michael, It is so nice to see you in such a lighthearted mood!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 1:35:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: luvblkass

I would never be mean to you babe,lol, I would just keep your ass nice and red

Hehe, now that is not mean in my book

(in reply to luvblkass)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 1:38:55 PM

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I don't think that is the case at all. But I understand why you would jump to that conclusion, considering I did not give any details.

What I see as being mean is telling someone something, just because you're honestly looking and don't want to lie about the facts, just to have the "dom" turn around and belittle you on the facts you told him.

(in reply to happypervert)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/21/2007 1:41:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: notlooking2

I very much adore a strict Master, it really brings out the sex kitten in me. But can someone please tell me, why strict is being confused with being just plain mean? What am I missing?

Because many people don't understand how to be strict without being "angry" or otherwise emotionally charged. They use the anger or other emotion to "work themselves" up to being strict, controlling... which usually plays out as being domineering. I often see it in the inexperienced, or those who simply lack the ability to be dominant.

Any dom who needs to be angry, mean or cruel in order to be strict has a problem. A "dom" who cannot be firm and in control without becoming in some way emotional, has a problem. Period.

That problem might be inexperience, it might be emotional issues, it might be that the only example of "discipline" they ever knew was an angry father, etc. Whatever the case, if they can't calmly assert themselves, they have a problem.

That's not to say that dominants never get angry, we're human and like anyone we can be provoked to anger, its just not our normal frame of mind. A good quality for any dominant to cultivate is a calm state of mind. Consider it part of "mastering the self".

Very well said, thanks for your post.

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Why does strict have to equal mean? - 4/22/2007 5:24:16 AM

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Strict doesn't equal mean. Just like aggressive doesn't equal assertive. Some people have not learned that. Not everyone that is strict is also mean. Maybe you need to look at your perception of mean and strict.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to notlooking2)

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