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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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ORIGINAL: mixielicous

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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It seems as if she is as unhappy with her weight as he is. Sometimes men try to motivate women differently than we'd like

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I get that. I wonder if there is more going on though. He may be using the weight issue as an excuse to get out of the commitment. And she may find herself fighting all sorts of barriers to get to the "marriage" part of the relationship (if this is indeed the case)

I agree. And I would suspect that on a subconsious level she herself is scared that he may be a shallow and superficial person which is why she originally asked "is he being superficial." If she was totally secure in the fact that he ISN'T superficial, then she wouldn't have asked that in the first place. There's a seed of doubt in her mind, I think.

FINE. He is superficial, but to be fair, so am i. so i guess we are even then!

Ah, so that makes sense... His shallowness and superficiality doesn't offend you because you're the same type of person he is. My opinion of those kinds of people is that they deserve each other! Let them sit around and be beautiful while the rest of us find true love based on personality and emotion, securely rooted in our belief that if we were horribly mutilated tomorrow, our loved one would still be there for us!

I am NOT a superficial person and I don't understand or respect other superficial people. I used to be extremely pretty by a lot of peoples standards (even won some beauty contests!) and all I can say is that I really met a lot of shallow, superficial people. I'm glad those people don't try to associate with me anymore.

For me, judging someone by their weight will never make sense. My ex-master was 275lbs (5ft9) the first time I met him and it never hindered my enjoyment of him one bit. The last time I saw him he was 300lbs and just as fun and sexy as ever. if he's 400lbs the next time I see him, I won't blink an eye because I know he's still the same wonderful person as always.

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ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

as another had said, marriage is not a reward but a committment. whether you're skinny as a toothpick or 300lbs bbw, he should love you as you are and in my opinion not dangle the wedding ring as a way to motivate weight loss for that perfect trophy wife. will he still love or divorce you when you're 30lbs overweight during pregnancy and after childbirth? young or not - these are things you have to seriously think about - marriage isn't a game ...it's the real deal ...a committment for life.

to each his/her own ...good luck with the choices you've made. at least the guy i'm dating doesn't expect me to change to gain his wedding ring - see that's the difference between you and me.

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and isnt being on the high end of "normal" health related enough?

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ORIGINAL: mixielicous

thank you songstress for your support!

i must remember although we are members in a "community" it it pretty much agreed upon across the board that no one should ever expect "support" from the CM boards!.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Why is it shallow and superficial to want the one you love to look good and be healthy?

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Why is it shallow and superficial to want the one you love to look good and be healthy?

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no one should ever expect "support" from the CM boards

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Why is it shallow and superficial to want the one you love to look good and be healthy?

Because looks fade and health fades. Only personality LASTS.

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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and isnt being on the high end of "normal" health related enough?

If you were really worried about your health, perhaps. But nothing you have said indicates to me that your health is a primary concern. And regardless of what some skewed studies have "proven" you don't start seeing really serious health effects with just 25lbs.

Heck, I'm 65lbs above the "high normal" for me and I am only seeing minimal effects. My vital statistics are great and I only notice the weight during heavy exercise.

well i am glad you are comfortable with being over weight, but i cannot even stand to look at myself naked. i think thats enough concern for me!

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well i am glad you are comfortable with being over weight, but i cannot even stand to look at myself naked. i think thats enough concern for me!

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ORIGINAL: mixielicous

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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and isnt being on the high end of "normal" health related enough?

If you were really worried about your health, perhaps. But nothing you have said indicates to me that your health is a primary concern. And regardless of what some skewed studies have "proven" you don't start seeing really serious health effects with just 25lbs.

Heck, I'm 65lbs above the "high normal" for me and I am only seeing minimal effects. My vital statistics are great and I only notice the weight during heavy exercise.

well i am glad you are comfortable with being over weight, but i cannot even stand to look at myself naked. i think thats enough concern for me!

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Why is it shallow and superficial to want the one you love to look good and be healthy?

Because looks fade and health fades. Only personality LASTS.

That's a cop out.

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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ORIGINAL: mixielicous

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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and isnt being on the high end of "normal" health related enough?

If you were really worried about your health, perhaps. But nothing you have said indicates to me that your health is a primary concern. And regardless of what some skewed studies have "proven" you don't start seeing really serious health effects with just 25lbs.

Heck, I'm 65lbs above the "high normal" for me and I am only seeing minimal effects. My vital statistics are great and I only notice the weight during heavy exercise.

well i am glad you are comfortable with being over weight, but i cannot even stand to look at myself naked. i think thats enough concern for me!

I never said I was comfortable with it. I am still trying to lose but I am losing for what I consider to be the right reasons.

I am losing because I don't want heart disease when I'm older. I'm losing because I show horses and I don't want my horse to have to carry my extra weight (it adds stress to his joints.) I'm losing because I want to be able to be more active. I am NOT losing because some shallow person is dangling a wedding ring in front of my nose.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

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ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Why is it shallow and superficial to want the one you love to look good and be healthy?

Because looks fade and health fades. Only personality LASTS.

That's a cop out.

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ORIGINAL: slave2MasterD

Greetings mixielicous,
 
I'm not a D, but i know that some of them make what seem to be the strangest requirements of their s on occasion and those requirements are no one else's business.  However, if you don't mind, i'd like to jump in here for just one moment.
 
First off, congratulations on the marriage talk ... first a collar and then a ring -- lucky girl!  Best of luck with your future.
 
As for your weight ... some others have given good tips; here's my take.  Tomorrow, i will be 55.  i've lost 70 pounds very, very gradually over several years using Atkins and then switching to proper nutrition and exercise through the services of a personal trainer.  Over the last 8 months, i've only dropped 10 pounds, BUT i'm leaner and wearing a smaller size because i've dropped extra fat (with a bunch to go, but i'm getting there).  It's way harder at my age although possible so i agree that if you can lose the weight now while younger - go for it.
 
i've retrained my body and brain to better eating habits - 5 smaller meals a day, all full meals consisting of  proper proportions of protein, carbs & fat and an additional exercise routine ...  It doesn't matter HOW much activity one gets during a 'normal' day, you HAVE to incorporate the extra exercise in order to kick your metabolism in the butt.
 
The benefit is that if you behave nutritionally and physically 6 days a week, you can goof off and eat whatever you like on the 7th.  That also has the effect of fooling your body and keeping it on it's toes, so to speak, because our bodies get into a rut and become used to things rather easily -- therefore, you have to vary the exercise and occasional 'cheating' confuses the metabolism (in a good way).
 
Seems like you've got a handle on some of it - i would suggest that if both of you can afford it, make at least 2-3 appointments with a certified nutritionist and maybe 1-2 with a personal trainer to get some professional tips taylored specifically to you and your needs.
 
Sweetie, you've said you want to do this for yourself and have been trying for a while prior to his 'carrot' of marriage.  No matter what others say (and some of them have NO room to talk) it's your relationship.  He's your D and marriage or not, you made a commitment to obey.  That obedience obviously makes both very happy -- go for it, live one day at a time, cherish each other and to hell with those who are bitter and snotty.
 
Great joy and blessings be with both in your future life together.
 
s2MD