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RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 1:52:02 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Maybe she is looking for a punishment.

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proudsub

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(in reply to ErusDespicienta)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 1:54:10 PM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds very ungrateful to me. And inconsiderate to say the least. If they were really messed up I could understand. But it sounds like the problems were minor. It's not like you bought her something and got it and it was broken. I don't know I would be offended and feel like my gift and thoughts were not appericated.

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 2:02:46 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		i agree with the majority here - her actions were rude and inconsiderate~

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(in reply to Casie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 2:12:27 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		You know...if he (my he, not the OP) sent me flowers, I'd be grinning from ear to ear.
I love getting flowers.


(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 5:20:51 PM   
Britania1


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		well from reading everyones  post  i see alot of different views here , what i think she did was fix a problem  that was very simple , did she hate the vase , were those her words ?, or You said  the vase was to boxy for the flowers and  it wouldn't hold the flowers correctly, maybe she just wanted You to get Your moneys worth and she wanted the flowers to last longer , what is the harm in that ,and she also told You the truth and did not keep it from You , i think those are all very good qualities , i dont feel like she had any intent to hurt Your feelings

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 6:13:56 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		Fast Reply
So the issue is that you each have different tastes in décor.  Is that a big enough problem to ‘blow a fuse’???  I don’t think it’s quite fair to be angry when she didn’t know that you had chosen the vase. 
If it’s that important to you, I’d suggest you wait until you’ve cooled down and then explain.  Otherwise, let it go.


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(in reply to Britania1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 6:31:07 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		It seems really ungrateful to me.  Maybe she just got caught up in being the birthday girl?

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(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 6:46:38 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I cannot help but wonder what happened for her to change her mind.
Did she show the flowers to her co-workers and they were critical?

I think you need a face to face conversation and to take a look
at the gift before coming to any conclusions.
 
 

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(in reply to ErusDespicienta)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 7:30:58 PM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		ErusDespicienta, I have read alot of the replies on how ungrateful this girl might have been.  It leaves me a question as to the service sector standards we continually allow ourselves to subjected to.  You chose a flower arrangement and a vase over the telephone.  General marketing knowledge is that things always look atleast 3 times better in a picture than in actual real.  The flower arrangement could in fact not matched the vase, or the flowers top heavy or quite plainly what you felt the vase looked like was in fact not what it turned out to be.  I in ways commend the girl for not settling for what might have been substandard workmanship aka the vase, and if she did not know the vase was hand picked by you then to some degree I can see her logic.  She thanked you for the flowers; I would not think this qualifies her as ungreatful for the act.  I would ponder the expectation, do people give without expectation, and maybe due to the fact that there is a collar in consideration at this point your judgements are a slight dramatic in the act of giving.  And why would you want and or expect her to settle for something and then to top it off come here and place your judgement from a whole lot of people that can give grand advice on the whim yet placed in her shoes perhaps dealt with the issue in a similar manner.

Some reality is that services do suck these days, craftsmanship is second rate, and not everything is as it seems in the catalogue.  Perhaps you might go directly to the flourist and see if in fact what you thought you ordered was in fact what you did order.

Just suggestions, tis is all.  Best of wishes and resolve.

< Message edited by unsung -- 5/4/2007 7:33:14 PM >

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 7:51:47 PM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		My former dominant often sent me a red rose on my birthday and other special days. I cherished the fact that he thought of me and took the time to show me he cared. You describe someone who seems shallow, ungrateful, and selfish. You are actually being very nice to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I agree with some other comments that I saw: take this as a red flag, a warning. She sounds like a narcissist. Everytime I got a flower from my dom, I sent him an email telling him he had made my day.

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 7:58:17 PM   
sintralgasub


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		My reaction was "how ungrateful".  I always wonder why it is so difficult for some people to just say thank you.

sgs

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 8:01:43 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I would talk to her about it keeping calm, and watch out for any other instances of her redoing something she thinks could be better. It truely could have been done all wrong.

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(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 8:09:22 PM   
His1kitten


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, when i recieve flowers i would be grateful for what i recieved.   As someone pointed out, if i didn't like the way they were arranged i would arrange them myself.  i would love them no matter what especially if they came from my One.  That is what would matter most. 

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 8:16:51 PM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		I see the title of the thread with the words "cherished submissive" then I read the line " I chose the arrangement, with a vase, from a book with pictures and ordered them to be delivered to her office." and then I think oh my the effort that was placed into this to make it a real personal and thoughtful gift; then I remember while I was growing up and the Sears Christmas Catalogue arriving and the folks saying yeah just chose a few of the things you would like and low and behold they where under the tree at Christmas, now some 30 years later I reflect on all the thought and effort that went into picking up the telephone and placing an order.


(in reply to His1kitten)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 9:02:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unsung
I in ways commend the girl for not settling for what might have been substandard workmanship aka the vase, and if she did not know the vase was hand picked by you then to some degree I can see her logic. 

I think every one of us has said "If it really was a bad set of flowers, then she's certainly justified in sending them back"

We just haven't seen any strong sense of justification- if we take what was given as truth (which at this point we must), she thanked him initially, said nothing about it not being great, and THEN made the decision to have things changed out.

I know plenty of people who can say thank you with honey on their tongues and still be completely ungrateful pains in the asses entitled bitches who feel justified in making a prima donna fuss over the slightest bit of too much paprika on their deviled egg.

I stick with my initial response- this would be a warning flag to me that someone might feel a bit too entitled and fussy.  I'd ask her more details and ask if she's like this elsewhere in her life, and keep a watch on it in the future.

Nothing more, nothing less.

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(in reply to unsung)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 9:38:10 PM   
chrissyslave


Posts: 95
Joined: 1/13/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP:  The key source of the problem is anytime we use a THIRD party to convery our expressions, which in the translation, or carrying out of that directive or provision of product/service might NOT be either a good representation of what was orginally paid for to perform/provide (such as what arrived was like the picture or not).  Your sub honored and respected you giving her what she said she wanted, by her profuse thanking you, acknowledging the kind thought behind you sending her the flowers, as she indicated was THE key desire as a gift, and as such she has some reasonable established standards/experience for this desired gift (she has used this florist in the past as you said).  Maybe as others indicated it was not as pictured, or the match-up to vase was wrong, or as she clearly said the flowers were cut wrong for this vase so she took responsibility and got it corrected. She took responsibility to correct a clear error to her! 

Such foul ups do happens when using third parties and in some key ways they did not well represent you and your quality standards.  Likely she thought you had choosen the flowers as the key part of this gift, and the vase was very secondary, so that was changed out instead of requiring new flowers.  To me the flowers is the most important part of a vase of flowers, and what makes them look good makes the main part of the gift better.

Point is in the end she is happy and so can you if you let it be.  Likely a bit of miscommunication as she had no idea you choose the vase, and even more to fact that relying on third parties to convey a set product is always risky.  Next time may I suggest hand carrying the flower to her, wherever she may like to recieve them if it must be perfectly acceptable.  But since you did choose the vase I would calmly relay that aspect and sugest that she might phone-shoot you a pic and show you how poor it was.  But remember all this gift was in her "ball park" of experience and she naturally felt more control to correct a clear fault.  So in my view ease up, enjoy her further appreciation and just keep a minor look-out if a pattern in other areas....which from here appears not to be a pattern as of yet.

chrissy 

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/4/2007 10:59:15 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

Did you order the flowers online or over the phone?  If so, there is NO guarantee that what you ordered is what was sent.  I've heard a lot of horror stories about people spending large amounts on flower arrangements that turned out, when delivered, to consist of three dead mums in a vase.  Or something along those lines. 

If what was delivered was fine when it arrived, and three hours later had started to die, then I think it was perfectly reasonable of her to insist on a replacement.  And even if it wasn't, I don't see the problem, unless you tailored the arrangement specifically for her.  She didn't expect YOU to fix it, she just told the florist it wasn't right, and the florist corrected things. 

She was properly grateful, she handled the discrepancy personally, and she let you know about it, so she was honest.  These seem like good qualities to me. 




I have always heard that you should send a picture of what you actually ordered so they know what they were supposed to get, as opposed to what they may have gotten. Personally, I don't think I would have had the flowers changed - but I would have put them in a different vase unless the flowers were actually wilting or dead (assuming the vase was the wrong kind). Athough, really, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it unless the flowers were dying. Then I would only tell you so that you could fuss at the company for taking your money and not supplying a good product.

Now, if she did change it just because she didn't like it... well that's just plain tacky.

I would suggest that you consider how she has recieved other gifts or treats from you in the past and in the future and not to order from that company again when getting flowers for her.

Edited to Add: Since it seems the vase was the problem, it is possible that you choose a vase that was just unsuitable for those kind of flowers (and it's possible that the florist didn't tell you because, well the costumer is always right). Yes it sucks, but if I were in that position I would be faced with a tough decision: Change the vase and have the flowers he paid for live longer (hence him getting more for his money), or keep the vase and let them die quickly?

If I didn't know that he choose the vase and I knew for a fact that the vase was just unsuitable for the cut of the flowers, I would be ever so happy that he sent flowers, be very happy that he thought of me and estastic that he remembered - but there is a decent chance I would change the vase. If I didn't own a suitable one (and right now I don't own any) then I might see if I could get the florist to do it. I understand how it comes off as tacky, but I can also understand the reasons for behind it.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/4/2007 11:05:13 PM >

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(in reply to Llyren)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 5:05:24 AM   
ErusDespicienta


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		I am astounded at the responses to this, I am thrilled to have found so many varied opinions from people who can actually put a thought coherently on paper.
I accept all of the views portrayed as valid and frankly the whole reason for this post was to try to find out if MY reaction was off base !

Given the reaction to this post and the authenticity of the feeling of the responders I'd like to share with you the results.

This is a real time relationship. we've been together almost a year, she's been asking for a collar but we've had some problems and as yet I haven't  felt she's quite ready. Our problems have revolved around her not taking my advice and /or guidence and often making a mess of things. Last Fall
(after a short period of living together) my career called for me to move to the UK and we have been holding down a LDR for a few months now. It is/was our plan to have her move here.
SO THESE FLOWERS WERE ORDERED FROM THE UK. and obviously I could not have done a quick change nor pop in the flower shop.
She was here for a ten day visit in Feb. and we had some issues about her finding fault with her trip to London, which cost her absolutely NOTHING.

I hope by now you are beginning to realise that even though  as a group you responded in very different ways, you were ALL right ! 

I have talked to her gently. .the fuse blowing part calmed down after an hour. . I know in my heart , just as in the other instances of this, it is not her lack of appreciation but the way she expresses appreciation and her communication that lacks.
My heart tells me this is really a good person who just doesn't know any better and that is why I have perceivered with her trying to teach her better ways of  expression, communication and decision making.  The trouble is she isn't learning and believe me this has been going on for a while.
So my problem now is to decide. .Will this ever get better?  I don't know. I have my doubts but I have a lot of time and emotion invested in this and I'm going to give it one more shot.

It could be a lot worse.. she could be a liar and a cheater.

This really did help. Thank you. I wish you A/all the very best in your  future endevours.


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(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:07:17 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

we had some issues about her finding fault with her trip to London, which cost her absolutely NOTHING.


She obviously has a pattern.


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(in reply to ErusDespicienta)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:20:59 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		I refuse to purchase flowers through a tele-flora service or online because they are notoriously poor in quality and aesthetic "value" when they actually arrive. So, my first instinct is to think that this does not make her a picky, difficult, ungrateful person, but rather someone who has the chutzpah to call a florist on a crap job...especially knowing how much money people pay for flowers. I would appreciate someone telling me that that the arrangement I spent a lot of money on turned up looking shabby. Perhaps she could have contacted you first and asked if you would mind if she called the florist "because they did a poor job" instead of framing it in a way that could possibly reflect poorly on the sender.

So, maybe she lacks tact, but tact can be cultivated.

As far as her "finding fault with" her trip. Id bear in mind that some people are surrounded by so much negativity in their families, etc that they think it is normal to just talk about the negative. I believe that it is possible for people like this to have a little bit of the "sunny side mentality" rub off on them if they spend enough time with people who focus on the positive.

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When you cut me out of my life
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(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 40
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