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RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:27:17 AM

Posts: 637
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From: Illinois
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I'm completely with KatyLied at this point. Anyone who is going to be less than thrilled and utterly delighted and grateful for a FREE trip to London needs to learn some manners. Having never received either flowers or trips to London, my response is only conjecture, but I'm almost certain I'd appreciate it deeply. I really thought the flower issue was fine, and I'm one of those people who keeps awful gifts, and is always gracious when thanking the giver. This, however, does seem to be a bit of an area where she wants to be in control, and you are expected to adhere to her wishes/commands/desires. Are you absolutely sure she is the one for you? If so, you might want to point out that either her behaviour changes, or you will be looking elsewhere for a partner.

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Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:31:46 AM

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i agree with justheather, the florist shops can do an awful job sometimes , and maybe she was just saving you the hassle knowing you better than us on here , maybe she knew you were busy and it was an easy fix on her part so she just did it , and when going to another country for the first time everything is differnent and some people dont know how to not talk about the negative like heather said , they around surronded by neg so much they dont know the difference and if You both are long distance from one another that is a hard thing to handle to .
did you find when you lived together for that short time did you experience these problems and if you did then it is a pattern if you didnt then i wouldnt worry about it she just seems to me like she is a woman that knows how to handle problems on her own and she doesnt need help , she just needs to learn how to handle her Dom better

(in reply to justheather)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:37:57 AM

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Fast reply.

As for the actual arrangement...I wouldn't worry. In an arrangement, flowers are often needing ties and structure. Unless she actually said "ugly" or "tasteless" arrangment, she likely wasn't criticising your choice at all. Sounds like she means a poor arrangment, i.e. falling apart/dead flowers/broken stems.

The vase...you might mention to her that you were hurt by her telling you she disliked the vase, but not approach it with anger. Perhaps she recieved a different vase than you ordered, or it did not suit the new arrangement and she got a new one?

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is more than two, but less than three."

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(in reply to Arastella)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:42:52 AM

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another thing i must add , is this a sub/slave who has alot of experience in the lifestyle , or someone just learning , i think that makes all the difference in the world , also i know from experience it is hard to deal with LDR when in two different countries , a sub needs her Dom to be with her , it is hard to trust everything that your Dom wants you to do when you are so far from him , you have your own life to deal with an sometimes direction cant come from someone who is not sharing what is going on in your life , and they are living a different life so many miles away , does she know that you really love her , does she know that she is that special to you , maybe she doesnt feel it , do you really know her heart and soul and her head , what goes on in her head , maybe the problem lies in both of you , maybe you dont understand her well enough, maybe she is trying but you feel she is not , we on this forum as innocent bystanders cant judge her when we dont know her ................

(in reply to justheather)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 7:52:18 AM

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(fast reply)
Now I am wondering why she even told you what she did since you will never see the arrangement.

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(in reply to Britania1)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 8:08:52 AM

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so this thread wasn't really about the flowers at all? it was more about you spending money, and her not seemingly appreciative enough for your liking and because she chose to not take your advice about things that ended up not turning out so well...

seems like you could have just said that in the first place!

i've been given advice plenty of times by plenty of people, and not once did they ever try to rub my nose in it should i not follow their advice and things turn to shit; that's how people learn...

i've had the ten day trip to another country, that i didn't pay one dime for, and if i had not told him the good and the bad, he would have been more than a little upset with me, so i spilled the beans on everything because it was the honest thing to do, not because i was being inappreciative...

and with all that said, i only have one more thing to offer to this thread, and that's:

if you feel like you're not being appreciated enough, then quit pussy-footing around and just tell the girl and get rid of all this passive/aggressive, dancing around the real problems bullshit.

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 8:24:00 AM

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well maybe she told him because she is an honest person and we really dont know how she told him or what she told him all we know is what he told everyone on the post, everyone is always to quick to judge when no one knows the facts

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 8:40:50 AM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ErusDespicienta

I am astounded at the responses to this, I am thrilled to have found so many varied opinions from people who can actually put a thought coherently on paper.
I accept all of the views portrayed as valid and frankly the whole reason for this post was to try to find out if MY reaction was off base !

Given the reaction to this post and the authenticity of the feeling of the responders I'd like to share with you the results.

This is a real time relationship. we've been together almost a year, she's been asking for a collar but we've had some problems and as yet I haven't felt she's quite ready. Our problems have revolved around her not taking my advice and /or guidence and often making a mess of things. Last Fall
(after a short period of living together) my career called for me to move to the UK and we have been holding down a LDR for a few months now. It is/was our plan to have her move here.
SO THESE FLOWERS WERE ORDERED FROM THE UK. and obviously I could not have done a quick change nor pop in the flower shop.
She was here for a ten day visit in Feb. and we had some issues about her finding fault with her trip to London, which cost her absolutely NOTHING.

I hope by now you are beginning to realise that even though as a group you responded in very different ways, you were ALL right !

I have talked to her gently. .the fuse blowing part calmed down after an hour. . I know in my heart , just as in the other instances of this, it is not her lack of appreciation but the way she expresses appreciation and her communication that lacks.
My heart tells me this is really a good person who just doesn't know any better and that is why I have perceivered with her trying to teach her better ways of expression, communication and decision making. The trouble is she isn't learning and believe me this has been going on for a while.
So my problem now is to decide. .Will this ever get better? I don't know. I have my doubts but I have a lot of time and emotion invested in this and I'm going to give it one more shot.

It could be a lot worse.. she could be a liar and a cheater.

This really did help. Thank you. I wish you A/all the very best in your future endevours.

Sounds to me as if you BOTH lack the communication skills, and if she is not learning after a great amount of time, it makes one wonder if maybe your skills on effective communication could also be lacking. You state you are going to give it one more go of it..my first thought..ahh.."he is going to throw the baby out with the bathwater"....why not?.."if the going gets tough, toss it out and start anew".."grass is always greener"..yadda yadda yadda..sounds to me as if you think you can do better..just do not forget that with every relationship you have, you have one constant...YOU...and as daddyslilone said.."Quit the passive aggressive bullshit"...your submissive is being honest, she is communicating..you simply do not like the info you are receiving...what are you going to do about it???Your the Dominant right???..Tempting

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 8:52:05 AM

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From: Pennsylvania
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If both of you are considering a collar you need to lay some groundwork, moving forward, regarding what is acceptable behavior. People do not change much over the course of time, but sometimes with the proper guidance people can and do make positive changes and experience personal growth. I think she needs some guidance regarding etiquette when receiving gifts.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 9:49:11 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

If both of you are considering a collar you need to lay some groundwork, moving forward, regarding what is acceptable behavior. People do not change much over the course of time, but sometimes with the proper guidance people can and do make positive changes and experience personal growth. I think she needs some guidance regarding etiquette when receiving gifts.

Totally agree Katy. IF this is someone you really want to make it work with, you need to focus your training on her skills in this area.

And, just to prove that you can order flowers and have them turn out fabulously, my mom sent me these for my birthday, ordered in Baltimore and delivered in Austin, and they were fabulous:
http://emeraldliz.livejournal.com/183570.html

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 11:46:12 AM

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Joined: 6/27/2006
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If there was something wrong with the arrangement, the flowers were dying or really poorly done i could see returning the flowers for that reason. But to return the vase i think is in poor taste. I am always happy when my Dominant thinks of me enough to send me a present. It would be a vase of dandalions and I would be thrilled. Mostly because he took the time and effort to do something special for me. It really isn't the gift that matters but the thought that went behind it. It sounds like you, Erus put alot of thought and effort into that gift and she, IMHO, sounds a bit ungracious. So i believe you have every right to feel a bit hurt/upset/put off by her behaviour. The best thing to do would be to communicate how her actions made you feel.
good luck,
missi

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 1:26:39 PM

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Sorry, but I need to hear what "finding fault with the trip" to London means. Just because someone complains about something doesn't mean they're not grateful. If her flight was full of turbulence, the food was bad, they lost her luggage, the cabbie was rude, she lost her wallet, etc., then I'd be complaining, too! Now...if by "complaining" she said to you, "You asshole, the flight you booked me on was terrible......" then yeah, that's ungrateful. Now, if she showed up exhausted and jetlagged and said, "Wow, that was a long flight, and the turbulence was bad!", well, it's the truth and she was telling you why she's tired and dishevelled, not necessarily complaining. Like I said, I don't know the real story, just giving examples. Besides....who EVER goes on a trip and doesn't complain about the flight or the food or the jetlag or the rude locals???

In other words, if she blames you for her misfortunes in her "complaints", then she's ungrateful. But if something negative happens, and shit does happen, maybe she just needs to vent frustrations, it doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate the trip. It's sounding to me like you want her (or any sub) to just smile at you never complain or vent frustrations and say you're wonderful all the time. And what I'm starting to hear is you saying, "Look, I do all these wonderful things for her and look how she treats me!" I'm wondering if there are issues that you yourself have with insecurity and a need to be admired and lavished with praise? Which is fine.....but she doesn't sound like the sub who will do that. Neither do I.

Back on the flower issue, sure, she probably received the flowers and ran to the phone and said, in your words, "ty, ty, ty".....etc. The flowers THEN probably started falling out of the vase, she tried to fix it, and then decided to have the florist fix it, and got a vase that the flowers wouldn't fall out of. I still don't hear "ungrateful" anywhere in there. I still think that "ungrateful" would be complaining about the flowers and doing nothing about it.

It's like the old saying, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

Are you subconsciously having cold feet or second thoughts and creating situations to justify them???

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RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 4:04:36 PM

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Totally agree with you His1kitten. I am grateful for everything Master gives me be they big or small. Because it came from Him.

(in reply to His1kitten)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 5:05:34 PM

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Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
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I would have been offended. Flowers die. Really, how much of an issue would it have been to put up with the "horrid" arrangement for a few days. It's not like it was a huge purchase that maybe should have been discussed and thought out. This was something from the heart you picked out as an extension of you. I think a thank you would have been appropriate. End of story. If she didn't like it, I say tough and keep your mouth shut.

Now to play a bit of devil's advocate, if the flowers arrived in really poor condition such as it looked as if it was neglected or if it was obviously the incorrect item, I might say something tactfully so you know that the quality may not have been what you expected. Or I may have called the shop and complained without telling you. But to say she just didn't like the vase...nope.

and ya know...it doesn't matter one whit what we think. YOU were offended. You took the time to think about it. You still are offended. Even if your being offended is completely irrational (it's not IMO) it still would be better to discuss it, air it out and resolve it then to keep it bottled in to build on itself.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Arastella)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 6:05:53 PM

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Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

It's sounding to me like you want her (or any sub) to just smile at you never complain or vent frustrations and say you're wonderful all the time. And what I'm starting to hear is you saying, "Look, I do all these wonderful things for her and look how she treats me!" I'm wondering if there are issues that you yourself have with insecurity and a need to be admired and lavished with praise? Which is fine.....but she doesn't sound like the sub who will do that. Neither do I.

Neither will any sub on earth, and if this is why he's seeking a D/s relationship, then he should give up now. Good relationships involve open communication and the op isn't ready for that unfortunately.

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/5/2007 6:31:55 PM

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The bottom line here is, none of us really know exactly what her motivation was except the sub herself. We only heard his side of the story.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/6/2007 4:19:02 AM

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Couldn't imagine doing something like that. I just can not tolerate bad manners....whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts?..."

(in reply to Arastella)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/6/2007 7:50:01 AM

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quote:

This is a real time relationship. we've been together almost a year, she's been asking for a collar but we've had some problems and as yet I haven't felt she's quite ready.

quote:

It is/was our plan to have her move here

this is how i feel ......if she is not ready and You feel that way why the move to another country ? in all your postings you have done nothing but say bad things about her, it sounds as if you two have many things to settle before you think about collaring or moving her there, and if you have a cherished sub in consideration why are you here on Collar Me , i agree with another here that said it looks like you just want her to bow to you and never have anything negative to say , well let me tell you Sir that all subs and slaves have feelings that are valid and if you cant accept her honesty when she tells you things then maybe she isnt for you and you should quit leading her on while you play on a dating site and let her find someone who will be happy with the way she is , you said she is between 45 and 55 well she isnt gonna change she is who she is and if she lacks the communication that you want and she is not learning which i can not believe a 40 something woman cant learn , then maybe you should find someone who you can love and let her get on with her life ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, you cant change people Erus, it dont work neither one of you will be happy if you try to change her , i tell you that from experience , this is really a sad situation i feel , good luck to you and she
i will pray for you both on angels wings
britania

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One day at a time.. This is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone;
And do not be troubled about the future,
For it has not yet come. Live in the present,
And make it so beautiful
It will be worth remembering

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/6/2007 8:37:38 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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If this happened to me I would call my Daddy, tell him how much I loved the flowers, how wonderful the arrangement should have been, but for the incompetence of the florist. I would then explain to him what the difficulty with the arrangement was, and let him decide what to do about it.

Personally, I have no difficulty with someone returning the gift I buy them. I do put a great deal of thought into special occasion gifts, but I constantly buy little things for those I love because I see the object and I think of them, I would never be offended because they did not want whatever it was. I have received too many "wrong" gifts to be offended at that.

I am guessing that my Daddy would want the arrangement to be right, and would call the flourist himself to ensure that it was so, he would want to rectify the shortcomings that I informed him of, and get his money's worth...

Personally, if I had a sub that did this, I would tell her that in the future if something like this happens what you expect her to do. I can draw another analogy, if you bought her a music box, and she opened it, and did not notice a mirror inside that was broken until you left, would you fault her for taking it back to where she knew you purchased it and exchanging it for another and then tell you what she had done later? I kinda see it that way

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

RE: Sending flowers to a cherished submissive - 5/7/2007 4:37:00 AM

Areflectionofyou

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i would have never replaced a gift from my Master.....

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

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