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The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does you... - 7/17/2008 11:21:35 AM   
AAkasha


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Another thread got me thinking about an odd dynamic, but a fairly feasible one (maybe). And who knows, maybe it exists on a few levels. I guess my question to submissive men is this:  Does the following relationship dynamic appeal to you, or does the woman's role in it take away from your ability to see her as powerful?  Femdoms, could you see yourself  in this "reverse dynamic" and happy at the same time?

The dynamic:

He's the breadwinner and makes all the financial decisions.  He works a lot as a result. He has control of his own social time, an average amount of friends, goes out but does not ignore his wife - but he definitely chooses how he spends his time.
She stays home or works part time, but she takes care of all the domestic duties, including his laundry and ironing, the cooking and cleaning, and taking care of UMs if they have them (he plays a lesser role but is as involved as he can be and acceptable as a father).  She clearly takes care of him, however, and that means she defers to him on her social schedule and tends to cater to him more than the reverse.
Sexually, though, she is totally in control - how much, when, the orgasms. She also is sadistic and cruel (in a good way, a way he enjoys) and part of what she does as a way to 'take care of him' is to always keep him on his toes, really dominating him emotionally and rigorously on a regular basis - a lot of teasing, sexual tension, etc.  In a sense she is "acting" a way for him, but she does really enjoy it, it gives her a boost and she finds it fun and entertaining.  But really, she only does it when he's ok with it, and he does have "down time" on a regular basis where he needs very normal sex.

Is this kind of relationship appealing to dominant women?  To submissive men?

Akasha


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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 11:37:37 AM   
MISTRESSKUMA


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well this is a submissive woman topping her man. if i was a sub to my man i would do his laundry, iron and cook for him and then at night i would work my ass off yet again by topping him as he lay there and got served by my kinky topping skills. at the end of the day, after all this cleaning, cooking and top servicing, i would be tired. sounds like fun.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 11:56:13 AM   
slvemike4u


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Take away the "taking care of him"and the "she really enjoys it "part and you have described my late unlamented marriage...and need I say no it didn't work,but of course with all the taking away I  might  have changed the dynamic you were asking about...you think?

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 12:27:36 PM   
Wheldrake


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This wouldn't be my preferred type of relationship. I would much rather have the woman simply be in charge - she might do a lot of housework, or not, but she would have control over things like finances and social time whenever she chose to exercise it. Perhaps more importantly, I also get the impression that the woman in your scenario is supposed to be a person who enjoys dominance and sadism at some casual level but can basically take them or leave them. I don't think that would work for me, at least in the long run. I need my female tyrant to have a bit more drive.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 12:28:57 PM   
MISTRESSKUMA


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well i think if you try harder next time around you might not fail at your marriage. it takes a lot of work but worth it over all.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 12:30:49 PM   
MISTRESSKUMA


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as a submissive, doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry and ironing AND topping your man is a lot of work, even if she really loves doing all this sort of action.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 12:36:10 PM   
slvemike4u


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Please Mistresskuma,don't misunderstand me,in my feeble attempts to introduce my ex to my kink,I made every error imaginable.From the standard "male porn version" to the if you love me you will wrap your mind around this...it is not what killed my marriage, we both are responsible for that...no if I had it to do over I like to think knowing what I know now...yes it would be beautiful...tho I am choosing to restrict myself to like-minded Woman this time around...just makes more sense...conversion isn't my thing

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 2:52:12 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Another thread got me thinking about an odd dynamic, but a fairly feasible one (maybe). And who knows, maybe it exists on a few levels. I guess my question to submissive men is this:  Does the following relationship dynamic appeal to you, or does the woman's role in it take away from your ability to see her as powerful?  Femdoms, could you see yourself  in this "reverse dynamic" and happy at the same time?

The dynamic:

He's the breadwinner and makes all the financial decisions.  He works a lot as a result. He has control of his own social time, an average amount of friends, goes out but does not ignore his wife - but he definitely chooses how he spends his time.
She stays home or works part time, but she takes care of all the domestic duties, including his laundry and ironing, the cooking and cleaning, and taking care of UMs if they have them (he plays a lesser role but is as involved as he can be and acceptable as a father).  She clearly takes care of him, however, and that means she defers to him on her social schedule and tends to cater to him more than the reverse.
Sexually, though, she is totally in control - how much, when, the orgasms. She also is sadistic and cruel (in a good way, a way he enjoys) and part of what she does as a way to 'take care of him' is to always keep him on his toes, really dominating him emotionally and rigorously on a regular basis - a lot of teasing, sexual tension, etc.  In a sense she is "acting" a way for him, but she does really enjoy it, it gives her a boost and she finds it fun and entertaining.  But really, she only does it when he's ok with it, and he does have "down time" on a regular basis where he needs very normal sex.

Is this kind of relationship appealing to dominant women?  To submissive men?

Akasha



Aakasha, this sounds like my mother! She and my dad came to the US from Europe, and they are MUCH older (my dad's in his late 80s and my mom would have been if she'd survived). At the time they married, women got married, had kids, and dads worked and took care of the money.

Despite the cultural roles they adopted, there was never any question that my -mother- was the "boss of the house". She waited on my father, served him first at meals, cooked his favorite foods, hung his laundry, and ironed his boxers (yes, she sure did iron his underwear... wierd, huh?), but she ruled the roost. No decision was made without my mother's input, and if she said jump, -everyone- (including my father) jumped -- we didn't wait around to ask "how high", because that would have annoyed her... "jump first, ask questions" later could have been her motto. She also controlled the "kitty"... pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been -- mom controlled the bedroom completely, and dad always deferred to her. When I was old enough to understand what their 'secret language' was all about, I just took it for granted, I guess, that all women handled their relationship that way. It wasn't until I married myself, and got out into the world (and found that most Army husbands weren't too keen on having me around their wives, because I gave them 'bad ideas') that I realized that the relationship my parents had (and that I inadvertently carried on with my own husband) was actually pretty unusual.

Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/17/2008 2:53:35 PM >


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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 3:09:07 PM   
DominantJenny


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Not appealing to me. Now, I AM a stay at home mother, and he IS the breadwinner...but I handle the money, the household management (we split chores), our social life (there is no "his"), and vanilla sex is long a thing of the past around here. What you describe would be impossible for me to do (which is probably why my vanilla relationships failed. :P)

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 3:20:47 PM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


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I do not find that scenario appealing at all.  I've always been 'the decider' in my relationships with men.  That scenario would feel foreign to me.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 5:05:32 PM   
SilverPawn


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If it's all I can get I will take it. I have a fantasy Dominatrix but I know my chances of finding her are slim. So I am hoping for a vanilla girl who doesn't mind some bdsm role play. What you described is basically it.

Ideally, in the story you described, I would like my wife to not ever give up that control and not just do it when I am only ok with it. I do like my down time but I am hoping my dominatrix wife will recognize when I want or need it and allow it. If I am in control of when we play then it's no fun.

I want too much I know. Oh well.

*goes back to scan profiles for perfect unattainable dominatrix costing under $300 an hour.*

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 7:00:57 PM   
sodsta


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How does it appeal to you, AAkasha?

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 7:11:11 PM   
AAkasha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

How does it appeal to you, AAkasha?


I don't think it appeals to me at all to be honest. For one, I'm not domestic - at all.  If I could earn the salary I do now but instead just do domestic things all day, plus learn to cook, I would be miserable.  I was trying to figure out if the dynamic resonates with people on any level.  

On one level I think it's kind of "fun" to think of a day or life when I just focus on planning, teasing and denying and doing S&M to my partner.  But that would not include me doing anything domestic.  If we had a paid maid, maybe. But then I think I would miss my career too much.

I'll admit though, when I go through a particularly rough patch in the working world or with my career, or am in the middle of a painful learning proces, I start thinking about what life would be like if I didn't have to "have a job" and it is VERY appealing. But that only lasts a short time.  The times I have had extended days off from work, also, I get ancy and want to be working on something large again.

I don't think any femdom has not ONCE thought about, "gee...what a hot life it would be if my main focus was just domination and my kink....maybe a harem of slaves to support me and I would beat them at whim..."

But that idea is fleeting..for reasons of practicality.

Akasha


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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 7:52:31 PM   
petdave


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To me, being topped by someone who is basically submissive is depressing... instead of being a submissive filling a need/desire, it makes you a fetishist being indulged. There are certainly worse situations to be in, but i wouldn't consider it ideal.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 9:12:38 PM   
hardbodysub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

well this is a submissive woman topping her man. if i was a sub to my man i would do his laundry, iron and cook for him and then at night i would work my ass off yet again by topping him as he lay there and got served by my kinky topping skills. at the end of the day, after all this cleaning, cooking and top servicing, i would be tired. sounds like fun.


I think the statement above jumps to a conclusion a bit too quickly. The woman in the OP MIGHT be a sub topping her man. However, there might be something completely different going on. The couple might simply employ a rational division of labor in their lives outside the bedroom, one in which a task is done by the person who is more efficient or simply more comfortable with that task. The OP outlines a situation that follows traditional gender roles, but it could go the other way and be just as rational, depending on the individuals.

Frankly, I think the standard assumption that the submissive person should always do things like cooking and cleaning is all wet. The sub might have other skills that are much more helpful than cooking and cleaning. What if a dominant person enjoys cooking and is much better at it than the sub? Hell, some people even enjoy cleaning. That doesn't automatically make them subs. If the dominant person wants the sub to cook and clean, that's what the sub should do, and that's fine for them. And most lifestyle relationships probably work that way, but it certainly doesn't have to be that way.

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 9:17:47 PM   
AAkasha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

To me, being topped by someone who is basically submissive is depressing... instead of being a submissive filling a need/desire, it makes you a fetishist being indulged. There are certainly worse situations to be in, but i wouldn't consider it ideal.



Is a submissive defined by the acts they do?
What if a woman just enjoys the processes of cooking, cleaning, and labor around the house (vs. what I enjoy - working, doing business, earning money), but in bed, sexually, etc. she is ALL domina...then what is she?  What if a woman really is neither dom nor sub, but she is a real sadist - she totally gets off on seenig her man squirm, she loves it.  She loves the idea of "taking care" of him by handling the house stuff, but gets a huge charge out of tying him up and fucking him in the ass with a strap on...

Even taking it a step further, if you look at the concept that people like to toss out - that men in high powered jobs like the change that comes from being submissive for a change -- what if a woman enjoys "feeling" like she is really serving, taking care of her man, but mostly because it makes it 10x more hot to totally turn him into her slave? What if she enjoys that idea that friends, neighbors, his co-workers view her as the perfect, attentive, doting wife, but they both know when he gets home from work, she really turns him into a slave in the bedroom? 

Akasha


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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 9:41:16 PM   
petdave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

To me, being topped by someone who is basically submissive is depressing... instead of being a submissive filling a need/desire, it makes you a fetishist being indulged. There are certainly worse situations to be in, but i wouldn't consider it ideal.



Is a submissive defined by the acts they do?
What if a woman just enjoys the processes of cooking, cleaning, and labor around the house (vs. what I enjoy - working, doing business, earning money), but in bed, sexually, etc. she is ALL domina...then what is she?  What if a woman really is neither dom nor sub, but she is a real sadist - she totally gets off on seenig her man squirm, she loves it.  She loves the idea of "taking care" of him by handling the house stuff, but gets a huge charge out of tying him up and fucking him in the ass with a strap on...


i actually ignored the career work vs. household work aspect of the original scenario, because if they each enjoy their occupations, there's no inherent power exchange in who performs which role. What stood out to me was that she defers to his social schedule, he decides how he wants to spend his time, whether or not they engage in BDSM activities, and most of all "In a sense she is "acting" a way for him"...

i mean, sure it's possible that the bedroom "games" are his chosen form of stress release (as the stereotype indeed says!), and that's super... but if she's just doing what he wants, when he wants it, i just wouldn't see it as an F/m relationship, but an M/f one with nontraditional play.

But then, you also said that he "needs very normal sex" on a frequent basis, so who knows WHAT the hell is wrong with him?

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 10:01:10 PM   
Wheldrake


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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

i actually ignored the career work vs. household work aspect of the original scenario, because if they each enjoy their occupations, there's no inherent power exchange in who performs which role. What stood out to me was that she defers to his social schedule, he decides how he wants to spend his time, whether or not they engage in BDSM activities, and most of all "In a sense she is "acting" a way for him"...

Yeah, the word "acting" was a bit of a red flag for me too. I agree with your perspective on this - it's not the division of labour that matters, it's the question of who has the authority to make decisions (including establishing that division of labour in the first place).



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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 10:35:42 PM   
StaceyTheBitch


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no

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RE: The lustfully sadistic woman who beats you and does... - 7/17/2008 10:45:48 PM   
Vendaval


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No, this scenario does not appeal to me.  Being a stay at home parent is way too much work and drudgery for my sensibilities.
 
 
                              

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