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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 10:11:24 AM

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Many people equate a collar to a wedding ring and some think it is even more binding than a wedding ring. If that's the case then I'd equate removing a collar as punishment to threatening divorce - and to me that's emotional abuse. You don't threaten divorce because you're disappointed with your spouse. You work through the issue. Divorce should only be an absolute and final resort. Likewise, if the Dominant is disappointed they should be mature enough to work through the issues rather than remove the collar. I do think it is a serious threat when you do that and emotionally abusive and has no part in a healthy relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

In a group on Yahoo they are discussing the removal of collars as a form of punishment.

i don't know, this just disturbs me... My collar is a symbol of US and of what we are together.

Anyone have any thoughts on this????

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 10:16:35 AM

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removing a collar is a sign of release

(in reply to MsIncognito)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 1:16:05 PM

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pet,

I would be prompted to ask you two thing!
The age or your Sir
How long has he be in the lifestyle.

I am not prone to crtitcize another "D" so I will not, but pose those two questions as thoughts to ponder.

CP

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 2:48:42 PM

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That is of no importance to this thread.

If you would read the first post again it clearly states that this was a thread i read on a Yahoo Group...

This is NOT something MY Captain has done to me.

So, therefore, there is nothing for me to "ponder"

And with all due respect .... my name... Only HE calls me pet. Cp is fine

i'm also confused as to why you have singled me out to ask this question of, when there are several posters on this thread who have stated that this IS done to them or has BEEN done...

< Message edited by MyCaptainsPet -- 3/31/2006 3:26:54 PM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 3:37:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrThorns

3. "The removal of the collar is the end of the relationship." Personally, I refuse to allow an object have that much power over my relationships. A collar, even though it symbolizes many things, is still an inanimate object. The relationship itself should be more important that any symbol, don't you think?
~Thorns

I have two black leather collars that my Lord made personally for me to wear. I am not given many opportunities to wear either the dress collar or the play collar. The play collar sits on a shelf in his dungeon and the dress collar stays with me, though it is rarely around my neck. So for him to take the collar off of me and put it in a drawer for a time has little significance at all. It isn't the piece of leather around my neck that means anything. However, I find the phrase "removal of the collar" to have a very different connotation than just taking off a piece of leather. To remove the collar is to remove his ownership of me, so it is to end the relationship. If I am uncollared for a period of time, I am no longer owned for that period of time.

It seems that the interpretation of the phrase, "removal of a collar", can mean different things. My interpretation was that it meant to uncollar (remove ownership). Others seemed to interpret it as simply to take the collar off the neck. It all depends on what is meant by removal as to whether it can be an effective punishment or not.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 4:34:30 PM

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For me the very worst punishment was my Master removing my collar. The only time I had it removed other than due to medical tests was the day he released me. It still punishes my heart and hurts me.
It's funny, I'm not a materialistic girl, but even when I had to take it off for a medical test I totally freaked out and felt insecure.
I much like you looked at it as the part of us I was permitted to adorne myself with so that Master was physically with me always.
Taking my collar off even for a short time would have been a much more severe punishment for me than whips or his presence being witheld ever could have been.
I also say to the Dom/Master that for me, taking my collar off means I'm no longer required to submit to you, but have been returned to the status of a free woman and your equal. I also would have the right to refuse to wear it again if I so chose. It's not the physical neclace to me that would be removed from me it would be all it stood for.

This is not something in my opinion to take lightly ever.

Sincerely,
Suzanne

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 3/31/2006 4:53:19 PM

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Boy to me that is kinda like asking for the removal of a wedding ring. Collars are serious business and not to be taken lighty.

Madam Jenny

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 12:38:46 AM

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This would be the worst thing that my Master could do to me. I would be lost. I think that it is just cruel.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 1:19:00 AM

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I have to agree with the others on this. a collar is a outward symbol of what is felt within the heart of the relationship. it symbolises the commitment and trust between two becoming O/one. to Me removing a collar as punishment is breaking that commitment. there are better and more affective ways of punishing . than taking away a symbol that she cherishes. I think it would be the end if it was Me. and the other poster that said it would be a constant Mind game wondering when he would take it again. sounds like a nother Wannebe Dom playing at being a Dominant again. My heart goes out to the sub. I gave My princess a silver braclet to symbolise our bond. she has not removed it ever. she even wears her cuffs over it. even though it digs in her skin a bit. she says it reminds her of Me. so taking her collar shatters that bond in My book. >^;^< The Lioness

(in reply to DragonNphoenix)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 10:40:28 AM

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Know of only 2 reasons to remove a collar. First is if it is a training or consideration collar and is being replaced with one that has more meaning to the two of you. Secondly is if the two of you have decided to call it quits and walk away from the relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 11:21:56 AM

mons

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hello

Many master will do this for reason such as a threat to make this slave or submissive listen.
Some use it as to say I am your master i can take away all of my love, pleasure!
It is what ever they want and they will not all use this for punishment. They the master may
even stop writing a potential slave to show this person i have all of the power. As a Domme i never
use this as a point to punish any of my slaves. It is emoitional abuse and well if you read more
of the boards not all of the Domme or Master do this,many will punish using other ways. emotional
control is part of the whole system of keeping a submissve of slave under control. But abusing it is
wrong! i work through my problem if there are any. I hope this answer some of you questions? A collar'
is indeed much more then a wedding ring it shows the submissive and or the slave that they are
wanted and are important to the Domme Or Master. When given it is not gave in jest this is serious
to both of them as a important step toward the relationship. It is meant to show how serious the Domme or
Master in making the reslationship final. When this collar is given the submissive or slave is shown
how important they are. I hope whomever is taking and giving it back and forth is not really serious or
this slave or submissive is doing so bad they are being giving the choice behave or it (the collar will be taken
away) and the relationship may be over

mons

(in reply to MsIncognito)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 11:24:55 AM

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As many have already stated... to even 'threaten' to take the collar is, imo cold, cruel, and frankly childish. If that is the only way you can control me, well then you weren't what i was looking for to begin with. (just my opinion).

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to mons)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 11:29:04 AM

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to me removing a collar is a sign of release and nothing else

(in reply to angelic)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/1/2006 3:40:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

However, I find the phrase "removal of the collar" to have a very different connotation than just taking off a piece of leather. To remove the collar is to remove his ownership of me, so it is to end the relationship. If I am uncollared for a period of time, I am no longer owned for that period of time.

It seems that the interpretation of the phrase, "removal of a collar", can mean different things. My interpretation was that it meant to uncollar (remove ownership). Others seemed to interpret it as simply to take the collar off the neck. It all depends on what is meant by removal as to whether it can be an effective punishment or not.

Knight's kyra

I can totally agree with you on this. To be uncollared, to me also means to remove ownership, but that is not what I think this thread was about. My interpretation has been more towards the temporary removal of the symbol....the steel or leather in your particular case and not the actual bond of ownership.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to kyraofMists)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/2/2006 9:59:20 AM

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quote:

First off W/we are NOT being told what was done to deserve this kind of punishment. Being a slave myself i know first hand that the punishment usually fits the mistake.

LOL! That may be true in your relationship, but it's certainly not universally so. All too often, I've seen dominants issue punishments that were way out in left field and had nothing at all to do with the actual infraction.

You replied to my post, but I'm going to assume you weren't really responding to me, specifically, because I made no mention of having personally made any sort of "mistake" that would warrant punishment. However, it is my opinion, and I'm repeating it here, that banishment is never an appropriate form of punishment. It fails to address the issue at hand, and is merely a means by which the dominant avoids actually having to DO anything about the problem.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Hizwhitediamond)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/2/2006 10:13:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
it is my opinion, and I'm repeating it here, that banishment is never an appropriate form of punishment. It fails to address the issue at hand, and is merely a means by which the dominant avoids actually having to DO anything about the problem.

I agree about banishment - but I don't think that this was the question in the OP. There was no mention of ignoring or banishing - simply of taking the collar away.

I'll admit that for some, this is tantamount to banishment. However, for others, for whom the collar is a privilege to wear and simply an outward symbol - it's not banishment at all. It's the removal of a cherished privilege - sort of like using the Internet or watching TV or being allowed to use the car or...only more personal.

At least - that was how it was discussed here and elsewhere.

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/2/2006 10:43:16 AM

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I haven't yet had the privilege of owning my very own sub -- only temporary play partners. (Now accepting applications!!!) But I already have this element planned out, and I think my take on collars is somewhat different from the majority view here.

I would want my sub to suitable for public display at any form of venue, from a fetish party to a night at the opera. Appropriate and fashionable dress is an essential part of that. No one collar really serves all purposes. A 'stealth' collar that won't attract attention wouldn't be sturdy enough for play. I intend to resolve this dilemma by requiring my (eventual) sub to wear a collar, but not any one particular collar. She will be provided with a suitable variety. Since no one collar carries as much symbolic weight that way, she will also be provided with a very unobtrusive token (I'm inclined towards a thin ankle bracelet) that is permanently soldered together and can only be removed by cutting it.

Under a regime of this sort, forbidding the sub to wear collars for a period - on the premise that "if you're not going to act like a slave, you don't get to wear the acoutrements of a slave," - would be a harsh punishment, but wouldn't signify an end to the relationship. At least, not to me.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/2/2006 11:01:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

Just me, but I think that's reckless and careless as a form of punishment. In fact, it's not a punishment as far as I'm concerned, but coercion. I know of one dominant who did that in real life and is still whining that his slave left and never came back...not even after 5 years of him trying to get her back.

That's exactly what happened to me once. A Mistress removed my collar as a punishment for something minor and then sent me away. She called me a few days later and decided to "give me another chance"; a mutual friend of ours told me she had been miserable since she let me go. I realized that this kind of behavior was going to be the type of relationship we would have from that point forward, so I indicated that I would meet her for coffee and we could discuss this. She went into Domme mode and ordered me back, saying she didn't want to talk about it, that it was going to be on her terms and that was it.

I often wonder how she's doing these days.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/2/2006 11:15:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
That's exactly what happened to me once. A Mistress removed my collar as a punishment for something minor and then sent me away. She called me a few days later and decided to "give me another chance"; a mutual friend of ours told me she had been miserable since she let me go. I realized that this kind of behavior was going to be the type of relationship we would have from that point forward, so I indicated that I would meet her for coffee and we could discuss this. She went into Domme mode and ordered me back, saying she didn't want to talk about it, that it was going to be on her terms and that was it.

I often wonder how she's doing these days.

I won't go as far as saying that in all situation that would be a wise choise, but from the way I see things then it was. The only time I would 'formaly' remove a girls collar is if something had made the relaationship untenable.... Having done so, it is over, finished, ended and from there second chances don't happen. To do so for something minor seems odd and likely to be repeated.

Probably fine in cases where the Dom/me and sub both consider the 'symbology' of the collar to be less important, but when one or the other regards it as more important and the other doesn't, then there is a major incompatability.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 4/2/2006 1:03:19 PM

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Joined: 1/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

I haven't yet had the privilege of owning my very own sub -- only temporary play partners. (Now accepting applications!!!) But I already have this element planned out, and I think my take on collars is somewhat different from the majority view here.

I would want my sub to suitable for public display at any form of venue, from a fetish party to a night at the opera. Appropriate and fashionable dress is an essential part of that. No one collar really serves all purposes. A 'stealth' collar that won't attract attention wouldn't be sturdy enough for play. I intend to resolve this dilemma by requiring my (eventual) sub to wear a collar, but not any one particular collar. She will be provided with a suitable variety. Since no one collar carries as much symbolic weight that way, she will also be provided with a very unobtrusive token (I'm inclined towards a thin ankle bracelet) that is permanently soldered together and can only be removed by cutting it.

Under a regime of this sort, forbidding the sub to wear collars for a period - on the premise that "if you're not going to act like a slave, you don't get to wear the acoutrements of a slave," - would be a harsh punishment, but wouldn't signify an end to the relationship. At least, not to me.

Personally, i wear a thin silver chain with a small charm. The charm is a symbol that means something to us. i wear it 24/7 and it has never been taken off for any reason.. i also have a "play" collar.. a chrome dog choker that is worn when he deems it proper and necessary.

The play collar was my first 'collar' with him. The day he put it on me was a day i'll remember for a very long time. The collar is always with me and i will put it on when ever he tells me to.

The thin chain came about a month later. To US, it's a symbol that i'm his to the outside world. i've worn it to every occasion and won't take it off.

Both collars mean something to US, but the thin chain is the most precious to me.. Its a constant reminder that i'm part of him and him of me. To remove it, to me, is to break the link, or unlock the lock.

i really like the idea of the anklet that you have.

Good luck in your search for "the one"

(in reply to QuietDom)

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