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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/11/2006 11:46:11 PM

LdyS

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Indeed, echoing what others have said: It seems counter intuitive to collar someone (with all that implies) then to 'take back' or remove the collar for punishment. Punishment, mental or physical, often works best when it fits the 'infraction'. Taking away a collar does not seem as much like punishment, as it seems to signal the end of an relationship.

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/12/2006 12:06:26 AM

CERCKL

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quote:

Taking away a collar does not seem as much like punishment, as it seems to signal the end of an relationship.

Just as having one returned doesn't seem like 'slow down' but rather 'good-bye'... once returned, there is no symbolism, no power, no longer an icon, if you will. Just a collar, buckle and lock. Meaningless material.

C

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/13/2006 1:30:56 PM

ImpGrrl

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Using "fast reply", so this is a general comment to the thread.

My opinion on this:

Using this form of punishment is saying "Your behavior/actions have not been worthy of this collar lately. You need to shape up. I'm giving you a chance to prove that you still want this - but you need to work hard and earn it.

Service to me is a privilege. I am removing the privilege until you have earned it again. This is your chance to show me that you are truly interested in staying in this relationship and holding up your part of the dynamic."

It's not an "I want out of the relationship." It's a "You need to earn this part of our relationship, and uphold your part to our dynamic."

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/13/2006 5:18:22 PM

Sinergy

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Hello A/all,

Interesting thread. I like the juxtaposition between D/s collaring and marraige structures in our society.

I would never remove my submissive's collar to punish her. I would consider that to be a serious sundering of the bond between us, and a twisted form of emotional blackmail a la "do what I say and I will put it back on." I dont believe I have to rely on emotional cruelty to keep my submissive in line.

On a more general note, a close friend of mine (marraige counselor) once told me that the only way to make a marraige work was to "accept having the fly shit in the pepper." Works for me. People contain multitudes. People are variable in their moods. And I dont really want a Stepford Sub who has a completely bland personality with no warts. We can work it out without my resorting to what I consider emotional abuse to do so.

The only reason I have ever removed a collar from a submissive was to indicate to her that we were through. It took her several months to overcome my general passivity and rose colored glasses and tendency to ignore behaviors I dont want repeated, but sadly (for her) she was successful in her endeavors. She learned that I say goodbye like a cat. I make a big show of being with you when we are together, but when I say goodbye I simply walk off without looking back.

Just me, could be wrong, but there ya go.

Sinergy

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/13/2006 7:14:30 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

Under a regime of this sort, forbidding the sub to wear collars for a period - on the premise that "if you're not going to act like a slave, you don't get to wear the acoutrements of a slave," - would be a harsh punishment, but wouldn't signify an end to the relationship.

I would disagree. Even giving a choice of tangible collar and saying that you're removing the collar can mentally be damaging. In my mind removing a collar as punishment is mental cruelty and more than grounds for a sub dismissing her dom. Animal logic remove the bonds and they'll run like hell, the bonehead dom that tries this game will deserve it.

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/20/2006 6:59:02 AM

MadamShy

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[done in quick response not directed to only one person]

Here again the way some have posted that proves again and again a My kink is the only kink

the collar is not always the same thing to all ... its not like a vanilla marriage...why when vanilla's get married and divorced ..they each keep there rings ... a collar if removed goes back to the Dominate never owned by the sub

some collars are not a marriage like collar ....removal of a collar should Not be done lightly But I do see a point of a collar in some instances are earned...

its what the Dominate [Top] and the submissive[bottom] make that collar a symbol of

to some removal the relationship is over

to some removal is a serious warning that the submissive should smarten up or move on

and again to some

maybe we should stay together without the BDSM aspect for awile and see where it goes

sure some remove it as a game ... but to be honest most of them don't read nor write in this forum

in all serious lifestylers .....there is No wrong nor Right answer
just the way they view the relationship and the way they handle the collar in there agreement

But in response to Rose 4 U

if I removed My dogs collar he doesn't run away .....you see the relationship if bonded tight enough does not break over a inanimate object ...

< Message edited by MadamShy -- 5/20/2006 7:03:05 AM >

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/20/2006 7:08:27 AM

mastersayed

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a collar should never be removed it is both a symbol of authority and love, its like a wedding ring in our bdsm world. there are better forms of punishment

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/20/2006 7:20:01 AM

xxmstrchasxx

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To me when you collar a sub that is something special. If I remove that collar then I have relased my sub, that is the only time I will remove it.

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/20/2006 8:13:43 AM

tbear25

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to me the removing of a collar wouild be the same as removing your spouse's wedding ring! I would hope the sub/slave would leave the relationship as a form of punishment.

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/20/2006 8:38:20 AM

Arpig

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I guess to those who would consider the removal of a collar to be a form of punishment, the collar does not in and of itself represent the entire relationship. Otherwise one would basically be saying "to punish you I will break up with you" very high school if you ask me.

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RE: Removing a collar as punishment.... - 5/20/2006 8:43:37 AM

iliv2servher

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

In a group on Yahoo they are discussing the removal of collars as a form of punishment.

i don't know, this just disturbs me... My collar is a symbol of US and of what we are together.

Anyone have any thoughts on this????

That really depends upon whether it is a training collar or a permanent collar. Each are symolic in their own right. But it does seem very extreme to me for someone to remove a collar as a form of punishment. IMO, a slave would have had to have done something pretty bad to have caused that to happen, but not knowing the circumstances under which it was done leaves much to wonder about.

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