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RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 5:54:58 PM

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I never realized that I was attractive when I was younger. I think that gave me an innocence.
It wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I clued into the fact that men looked at me sexually.
I'm well aware of it now and still never fully comfortable with it. That discomfort doesn't ever prevent me from doing things I want to do and sometimes it's even motivating.
Sometimes it's even a turn on.
He likes to watch me out in public in heels and skirts. He knows I'm blushing and shy as a result.
He enjoys watching other men turn and watch me walk past. I only do it for him. For myself, I'm a blue jeans and t shirt girl.
And yet, men still will turn and watch even when I'm wearing that. Go figure.

*this is from the someone who has no abuse of any kind in her past or present.*

_____________________________

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 6:24:28 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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I am kind of a jeans and tshirt guy. The girls watch as I walk by. I sometimes lift up my tee to show off my midriff. I sometimes catch myself in the reflection of the store windows as I walk past. I make me hard. Go figure. aileen is a cunt.

*this is from someone who has no abuse of any kind in his past but has some how managed to dole out plenty in the present*

_____________________________

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 6:25:31 PM

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Do your jeans show off your ass? I do hope so.

_____________________________

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 6:32:28 PM

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

I have always gone out of my way since high school to be sexually attractive once I figured out being hot was far more beneficial than not. I have never been sexually abused though so I don't have any of those issues to contend with.

I live in stilettos, I'm 6' in them, I love form fitting clothes and attracting male attention. It only has positive connotations to me, and I work to stay that way. Gym, diet, botox, manicures, whatever. He wants it, he pays for it, and I'm not so naive to think there aren't 50 women behind me that would love a successful generous man like mine, so whatever it takes to stay that way I'll gladly do. If that seems shallow, I'm ok with that. If other women get insecure around me, I certainly don't intend to make them feel that way, but I'd take that over the alternative anytime.

May i ask what those positive connotations are. Please feel free to email me on the side.

Thanks,
heartfelt

Hey heartfelt I don't mind answering here. It's like a currency to me, something to exchange for something else. Yes I hear the naysayers now, but what I mean is much in the same way that men rely or enjoy power, wealth, prestige, the same can be said for women and beauty. Yes it's sexist, and those roles can be reversed I know, but people can only go by their experiences and I figured out a long time ago that in general men held the power and being beautiful was one way to get a piece of that if you were so inclined. I was hired at 19 to sell automobiles, a job I was completely not qualified for, because the owner had the hots for me. I soon learned the business, but that's another story. I have, for 20 years, worked in the custom home building business and I know that I have received meetings with high end architects and developers that men have tried for months to get. Usually with satisfactory results. I now also work for my Man, and I have closed deals with other men that he wasn't able to do nearly as easily and I am talking sales in the hundreds of thousands. Sometimes it seems unfair, I don't know, but when I think about how men have held the upper hand for so long, I stop feeling guilty about it and just look at it as what it is, they aren't stupid, and if they want to play that way, I'm more than willing.

Doors opened more easily, admittance into VIP areas, drinks sent over, gifts, those things on a more personal level than above, but regardless, for me, it has been a way of getting to choose a partner that is maybe more successful than a plainer girl. Even in high school and college, being pretty meant you had your choice of men. Of course, you must be kind as well, and the old adage pretty is as pretty does usually applies. I don't think that most men would have a long term relationship with a beautiful woman if she was a bitch, or a golddigger. I'm pretty sure of it. One night stand maybe...

Anyway to sum it up, I say get to the bottom of the issue with a good counselor and work through it and be whatever type of woman you are comfortable with being. I know my experiences are just that, only mine. I wish you luck in seeking what works for you heartfelt

.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 6:49:45 PM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I never realized that I was attractive when I was younger. I think that gave me an innocence.
It wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I clued into the fact that men looked at me sexually.
I'm well aware of it now and still never fully comfortable with it. That discomfort doesn't ever prevent me from doing things I want to do and sometimes it's even motivating.
Sometimes it's even a turn on.
He likes to watch me out in public in heels and skirts. He knows I'm blushing and shy as a result.
He enjoys watching other men turn and watch me walk past. I only do it for him. For myself, I'm a blue jeans and t shirt girl.
And yet, men still will turn and watch even when I'm wearing that. Go figure.

*this is from the someone who has no abuse of any kind in her past or present.*

I would have banged the hell out of you....before Shorefuck turned you into the sad thing you are now.

This is from someone who was never abused. I wasn't even an alter boy.

Also... I am sexually attractive... if you like thin guys.....with huge dicks... kinda like Tommy Lee with out Pamela

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 6:56:05 PM

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Men have always wanted to fuck me. Its a hard cross to bare. They talk to my breasts. They dont listen when I tell them my breasts are deaf.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 7:07:42 PM

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/3/2009
Status: offline

Have been a person that is viewed as very sexual. Never been abused until i said no. Then there were untrue statements made, disparaging looks from "friends", and people who thought they could grab me anytime/anywhere. This was in my pre / early teens and it opened my eyes to how silly men really can be at times.

All of ths made me cognizant of my body, very self conscious and often times enbarrassed to be noticed. Now i don't care, i am sexy and better understand my sexuality. what to expect from men and what they want to see.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 7:11:50 PM

Posts: 39
Joined: 12/2/2009
Status: offline

I have lost 10 pounds and it made a huge difference, suddenly, I am getting male colleagues coming up to me to tell me how great I look, blah blah blah, ya know. And yea, you get noticed sexually suddenly by people who never used to notice you sexually. Only 10 pounds and already there is an effect.

It's great they think it's nice, but end of the day, everybody yearns to be loved regardless of their physical appearance. So in a way, it's shallow, sure I enjoy the attention and the compliments, but deep inside, I feel it's all BS. And it's a nice BS to live in temporarily.

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 8:06:38 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

Since losing about 40 pounds, i am getting reactions to how my body has changed that make me very uncomfortable, which is why i know that the fear of being sexually attractive is still in there.

So after all that back story, my actual questions are these. Are you comfortable with being considered sexually attractive?

~FR~

Crazy, isn't it. I went through this as well after losing weight. It does take a mental adjustment if only to process the different ways that people relate to you with different body types.

You are definitely on to something with this question. I have a friend who believes that she doesn't want to lose weight subconsciously because she is afraid of what she considers people liking her for superficial reasons.

I will tell you that after the initial shock wore off, I felt a lot better about my body and knew that I was living a healthier life without the extra pounds. I wasn't so worried about being too attractive and reminded myself of what mattered to me about people and made sure I interacted with them on that level.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 9:07:59 PM

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I went from being a sexually abused child to a sexually abused wife. (10 years with NO sex is sexual abuse in my book!) My ex made sure that I knew I was too fat to be pretty. It didn't help that his mother was fat phobic. With all of the encouragement to view myself as too fat and ugly to be worthwhile, I have never seen myself as sexually attractive. Santa liked his women with cushioning and was the first to help me understand that I am good looking, regardless of my size. Right now I'm getting offers for grief sex, which I don't want, so I'm not worrying too much about looking good. Pretty soon though I'm going to start working on it again. Sure would be nice to find a Dom interested in helping me lose weight though... (Living in Minnesota I've often wondered if there was some way to truly "freeze your butt off". It would be nice to actually do that, in some ways!)

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/27/2010 10:43:27 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline

I was molested when I was very little and I never told any one about it, but this made me put a barrier to others even today, growing up my mother used to tell me "you are smart but not really pretty ... so I'll always felt bad about how I looked, recently I discovered several things one that I was the hottest of my school mates in higschool, that I found withan old picture of my whole class and I was shocked... and then I discovered how I can get any thing I want from men with one look if I primp my self to be alluring but even today that scares me and often I do not primp my self tobe overlooked in purpose, somethimes being unremarkable is easier!

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:22:54 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

this might come across as a bit cheesy and trite. but i was walking back from the wood, moon gazing as i tend to do when its full. my mind was on a million things and this just popped into my head. so forgive the cheesyness

the little girl you were can no longer be hurt. youre the grown up here, you can take her by the hand and show her that nothing and no one can do her harm while youre there to protect her.

Not cheesy, very profound, thank you lally.

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to lally2)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:25:31 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I never realized that I was attractive when I was younger. I think that gave me an innocence.
It wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I clued into the fact that men looked at me sexually.
I'm well aware of it now and still never fully comfortable with it. That discomfort doesn't ever prevent me from doing things I want to do and sometimes it's even motivating.
Sometimes it's even a turn on.
He likes to watch me out in public in heels and skirts. He knows I'm blushing and shy as a result.
He enjoys watching other men turn and watch me walk past. I only do it for him. For myself, I'm a blue jeans and t shirt girl.
And yet, men still will turn and watch even when I'm wearing that. Go figure.

*this is from the someone who has no abuse of any kind in her past or present.*

Aileen,

Thank you for your reply. The statement that i bolded is something that i have seen on a couple of posts and is something that i need to think about. i have been equating all this just because of the abuse, and while it may have exacerbated that reaction, i might have had the same reaction even with out it, maybe just less intense. It is something to think about.

Thank you,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:27:14 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

Thanks Aynne

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Aynne88)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:30:46 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagosub4u

Have been a person that is viewed as very sexual. Never been abused until i said no. Then there were untrue statements made, disparaging looks from "friends", and people who thought they could grab me anytime/anywhere. This was in my pre / early teens and it opened my eyes to how silly men really can be at times.

All of ths made me cognizant of my body, very self conscious and often times enbarrassed to be noticed. Now i don't care, i am sexy and better understand my sexuality. what to expect from men and what they want to see.

Chicagosub,

Thank you for your reply. Oddly enough the bolded statement is resonating in me for some reason. Hmmm, will have to give it some more thought about how comfortable i am with my own sexuality, given not only my background, but also my religious upbringing.

Thank you,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to chicagosub4u)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:34:40 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Since losing about 40 pounds, i am getting reactions to how my body has changed that make me very uncomfortable, which is why i know that the fear of being sexually attractive is still in there.

So after all that back story, my actual questions are these. Are you comfortable with being considered sexually attractive?

~FR~

Crazy, isn't it. I went through this as well after losing weight. It does take a mental adjustment if only to process the different ways that people relate to you with different body types.

You are definitely on to something with this question. I have a friend who believes that she doesn't want to lose weight subconsciously because she is afraid of what she considers people liking her for superficial reasons.

I will tell you that after the initial shock wore off, I felt a lot better about my body and knew that I was living a healthier life without the extra pounds. I wasn't so worried about being too attractive and reminded myself of what mattered to me about people and made sure I interacted with them on that level.

- LA

Thank you LA for your reply. It does take some mental processing to work through how people react. At the heart of it, is the question of will i be able to, given who i am, how submissive i am, stand up for myself if someone comes on too strongly. i think i am getting to realize that i can protect myself, or will be able to after the self-defense classes, which should be good exercise too.

Thank you again,
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:36:45 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

You would think if freezing one's butt off anywhere were possible, it would be in Minnesota (grinning). Thank you for your reply.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to sublizzie)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 1:38:25 AM

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hieros

I was molested when I was very little and I never told any one about it, but this made me put a barrier to others even today, growing up my mother used to tell me "you are smart but not really pretty ... so I'll always felt bad about how I looked, recently I discovered several things one that I was the hottest of my school mates in higschool, that I found withan old picture of my whole class and I was shocked... and then I discovered how I can get any thing I want from men with one look if I primp my self to be alluring but even today that scares me and often I do not primp my self tobe overlooked in purpose, somethimes being unremarkable is easier!

i always focused on being smart, not pretty, but i wasn't ever the hottest in my school. i tried to hide in school. Thank you for your reply am glad that you have become aware of who you really are.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Hieros)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 3:10:11 AM

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

., given who i am, how submissive i am, stand up for myself if someone comes on too strongly. i think i am getting to realize that i can protect myself, or will be able to after the self-defense classes, which should be good exercise too.

Thank you again,
heartfelt

in the same way that being young and suddenly attractive to the opposite sex can be incredibly daunting and having to learn to protect youreself comes in large part through trial and error, the same goes 'here' too. i had to re-learn this, almost from first base again. the assumption i made was that we're all adults here, self realised and after the same thing - not so. everyone has their own needs and agenda and as a sub, and im alot like you in this i think, pushing back someone who is coming on too strong was difficult to do and something i took a while to get to grips with (again).

so in a way its all part of learning about youreself 'here' as opposed to anywhere else. how to balance youre submissive nature with youre instincts to self protect and offer the first tangible aspects of trust. the thing is you can offer that trust, but you can also take it back the moment it doesnt feel right. there is no obligation on you to deliver anything until you feel absolutely comfortable.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

RE: Dealing with being Sexually Attractive - 4/28/2010 2:12:22 PM

ishyB

Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline

When I was a kid, I got bullied in school. I've always been quite tall for my age, and a tomboy rather than a girlie girl, so the thing I got bullied with the most was the accusation that I was ugly.
I was called a boy when I was very young, and in my teenage years, I was told that no man/boy would ever find me attractive.

I blossomed late, and for the longest time, I had no hips, no breasts, and no curves whatsoever. I considered myself to be hideous.

Because of a troubled childhood, I started running away from home in my late teens, when I first started to blossom. One of the most surprising things that happened to me when I ran away (and which is probably also partly the reason I kept doing it) is that I now was in social environments with men instead of the boys I've known at school (clubs, bars...)
To my utter amazement, these men didn't think I was ugly at all; in fact, they did everything they could to convince me they felt contrary to that. They told me I was pretty, gorgeous, fabulous... and for the first time in my life, I felt accepted.

However, I quickly learned that these compliments were not giving for free, and something was always expected in return.
Hey, a drunken teen chick who needs a bed for the night, who wouldn't fuck that, right? Or at least, that seemed to be the opinion of the men I met...

Because of all this, I still have a very weird relationship with my self-image. I don't believe anybody when they tell me I'm attractive. In fact, it most often makes me feel hostile and distrustful towards them, because OBVIOUSLY they are only saying it because they want something from me.

At the same time, I've learned to accept that I am generally considered to be attractive by a lot of people, and I rationally know that if somebody says something to that effect, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are trying to take advantage of me.

I also still have a very hard time seeing myself as being attractive. It's sorta like what I once read about anorexia patients: when they stand in front of the mirror, they literally don't see how skinny they are. Well with me, when I stand in front of the mirror, I literally still don't see any curves. I still see a boyish stick figure, too tall, too square, and not feminine at all.
I rationally know that isn't true, but I just have a really hard time seeing it.

So I hide my own insecurities about my looks as well, but in a totally different way than what's previously been described on this thread.
I hide behind being overtly sexual, and slutty, because I've become to expect that that's the only way men will find value in me. At the same time, I feel as if I'm able to be in control by being overtly sexual. If I can MAKE them want me, I can control them. This all has resulted in me often dressing very feminine, and very sexual, and behaving the same way, regardless of the negative consequences that sometimes has on the way people relate to me and perceive me, because I feel that if I purposely choose to make to dress in a certain way and make them feel about me a certain way, I'm really the one in control of the way they perceive me.

In the most recent years, I've found more of a balance on the way I perceive myself, and the way I feel comfortable with others perceiving me, but my self-image is still not very accurate, and I still struggle a lot with the attention, or the lack of attention people give to me based on how I look. I still often feel very ugly, and I still often use my sexuality as a weapon, and I still have a hard time dealing with any kind of comment made about my appearance, by anybody.

_____________________________

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I wanted to move on
So I'm already gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJFn_RIdkg

(in reply to lally2)

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